zippy revision 95677
195677Sdougb%% $FreeBSD: head/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy 95677 2002-04-28 21:59:07Z dougb $ 22490SjkhA can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! 32490Sjkh% 42490SjkhA dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! 52490Sjkh% 62490SjkhA shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume.. 72490Sjkh% 82490SjkhA wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled 92490Sjkhwith LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? 102490Sjkh% 112490SjkhActually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! 122490Sjkh% 132490SjkhAll I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled 142490Sjkhby an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ... 152490Sjkh% 162490SjkhAll of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow 172490Sjkha LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know 182490SjkhWHY!! 192490Sjkh% 202490SjkhAll of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! 212490Sjkh% 222490SjkhAll right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! 232490Sjkh% 242490SjkhAll this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! 252490Sjkh% 262490SjkhAlright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!! 272490Sjkh% 282490SjkhAm I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? 292490Sjkh% 302490SjkhAm I elected yet? 312490Sjkh% 322490SjkhAm I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? 332490Sjkh% 342490SjkhAm I SHOPLIFTING? 352490Sjkh% 362490SjkhAmerica!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into 372490Sjkhyour void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind ... 382490Sjkh% 392490SjkhAn air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! 402490Sjkh% 412490SjkhAn INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? 422490Sjkh% 432490SjkhAn Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! 442490Sjkh% 452490SjkhAnd furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! 462490Sjkh% 472490SjkhANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO 482490SjkhMONTALBAN'S HAIR! 492490Sjkh% 502490SjkhAre the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? 512490Sjkh% 522490SjkhAre we live or on tape? 532490Sjkh% 542490SjkhAre we on STRIKE yet? 552490Sjkh% 562490SjkhAre we THERE yet? 572490Sjkh% 582490SjkhAre we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! 592490Sjkh% 602490SjkhAre you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? 612490Sjkh% 622490SjkhAre you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! 632490Sjkh% 642490SjkhAre you still an ALCOHOLIC? 652490Sjkh% 662490SjkhAs President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! 672490Sjkh% 682490SjkhAwright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? 692490Sjkh% 702490SjkhBARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! 712490Sjkh% 722490SjkhBarbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! 732490SjkhBut Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!! 742490Sjkh% 752490SjkhBARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY 762490SjkhWAY" I've ever heard!! 772490Sjkh% 782490SjkhBeing a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. 792490Sjkh% 802490SjkhBELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ... 812490Sjkh% 822490SjkhBI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- 832490Sjkh% 842490Sjkh... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... 852490Sjkh% 862490SjkhBo Derek ruined my life! 872490Sjkh% 882490SjkhBoy, am I glad it's only 1971... 892490Sjkh% 902490SjkhBoys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! 912490Sjkh% 922490SjkhBut they went to MARS around 1953!! 932490Sjkh% 942490SjkhBut was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? 952490Sjkh% 962490SjkhCan I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? 972490Sjkh% 982490SjkhCan you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? 992490Sjkh% 1002490SjkhCatsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! 1012490Sjkh% 1022490SjkhCHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! 1032490Sjkh% 1042490SjkhCivilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! 1052490Sjkh% 1062490SjkhClear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! 1072490Sjkh% 1082490SjkhConcentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL 1092490SjkhNUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn 1102490SjkhLEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! 1112490Sjkh% 1122490SjkhCONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about 1132490SjkhDIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? 1142490Sjkh% 1152490SjkhContent: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds 1162490SjkhTARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ... 1172490Sjkh% 1182490SjkhCould I have a drug overdose? 1192490Sjkh% 1202490SjkhDid an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in 1212490Sjkha MALIBU HOT TUB? 1222490Sjkh% 1232490SjkhDid I do an INCORRECT THING?? 1242490Sjkh% 1252490SjkhDid I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? 1262490Sjkh% 1272490SjkhDid I SELL OUT yet?? 1282490Sjkh% 1292490SjkhDid YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? 1302490Sjkh% 1312490SjkhDid you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? 1322490Sjkh% 1332490SjkhDIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? 1342490Sjkh% 1352490SjkhDidn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? 1362490Sjkh% 1372490SjkhDisco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running 1382490Sjkhstraight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the 1392490Sjkhdollar! 1402490Sjkh% 1412490SjkhDo I have a lifestyle yet? 1422490Sjkh% 1432490SjkhDo you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? 1442490Sjkh% 1452490SjkhDo you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? 1462490Sjkh% 1472490SjkhDo you like "TENDER VITTLES"? 1482490Sjkh% 1492490SjkhDo you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days? 1502490Sjkh% 1512490SjkhDoes someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? 1522490Sjkh% 1532490Sjkhdoes your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? 1542490Sjkh% 1552490SjkhDON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!! 1562490SjkhDon't go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! 1572490Sjkh% 1582490SjkhDon't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! 1592490Sjkh% 1602490SjkhDon't SANFORIZE me!! 1612490Sjkh% 1622490SjkhDon't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ... 1632490SjkhFRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK 1642490SjkhSTUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ... Are there any QUESTIONS?? 1652490Sjkh% 1662490SjkhEdwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! 1672490Sjkh% 1682490SjkhEisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! 1692490Sjkh% 1702490SjkhEither CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!! 1712490Sjkh% 1722490SjkhEverybody gets free BORSCHT! 1732490Sjkh% 1742490SjkhEverybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a 1752490Sjkhdisaster Movie!! 1762490Sjkh% 1772490SjkhEverywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ... 1782490Sjkh% 1792490SjkhExcuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of 1802490SjkhOFFSET PRINTING? 1812490Sjkh% 1822490SjkhFEELINGS are cascading over me!!! 1832490Sjkh% 1842490SjkhFinally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty 1852490Sjkhdining room. 1862490Sjkh% 1872490SjkhFirst, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ... So 1882490Sjkhjust plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! 1892490Sjkh% 1902490SjkhFOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! 1912490Sjkh% 1922490Sjkhfor ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! 1932490Sjkh% 1942490SjkhFour thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my 1952490Sjkhgothic solarium!! 1962490Sjkh% 1972490SjkhFROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... 1982490Sjkh% 1992490SjkhFUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! 2002490Sjkh% 2012490SjkhGee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my 2022490Sjkhsatellite dish PAYMENTS! 2032490Sjkh% 2042490SjkhGibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ... 2052490Sjkh% 2062490SjkhGive them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! 2072490Sjkh% 2082490SjkhGo on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! 2092490Sjkh% 2102490SjkhGOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my 2112490Sjkhpet LEISURE SUIT!! 2122490Sjkh% 2132490SjkhHAIR TONICS, please!! 2142490Sjkh% 2152490SjkhHalf a mind is a terrible thing to waste! 2162490Sjkh% 2172490SjkhHand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for 2182490Sjkhtoday! 2192490Sjkh% 2202490SjkhHas everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? 2212490Sjkh% 2222490SjkhHas everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's 2232490Sjkhtime to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 2242490Sjkh% 2252490Sjkh... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. 2262490Sjkh% 2272490SjkhHe is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- 2282490Sjkh% 2292490SjkhHe probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me 2302490Sjkhlike a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to 2312490SjkhPSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING 2322490SjkhMILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO! 2332490Sjkh% 2342490SjkhHELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! 2352490Sjkh% 2362490SjkhHELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! 2372490Sjkh% 2382490SjkhHello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! 2392490Sjkh% 2402490SjkhHello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan 2412490Sjkhfemales!! 2422490Sjkh% 2432490SjkhHello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES 2442490Sjkhbeing almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! 2452490Sjkh% 2462490SjkhHello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No 2472490Sjkhthanks! 2482490Sjkh% 2492490SjkhHello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I 2502490Sjkhguess ... 2512490Sjkh% 2522490SjkhHere I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample 2532490Sjkhbottles ... 2542490Sjkh% 2552490SjkhHere I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! 2562490Sjkh% 2572490SjkhHere I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN 2582490Sjkhanywhere!! 2592490Sjkh% 2602490SjkhHere we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment? 2612490Sjkh% 2622490SjkhHey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!! 2632490Sjkh% 2642490SjkhHey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce! 2652490Sjkh% 2662490SjkhHiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some 2672490Sjkhdrunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! 2682490Sjkh% 2692490SjkhHmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a 2702490SjkhTROLLEY-CAR ... 2712490Sjkh% 2722490SjkhHmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted 2732490Sjkhisland, when ... 2742490Sjkh% 2752490SjkhHmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET 2762490SjkhFIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ... 2772490Sjkh% 2782490SjkhHmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL 2792490SjkhCHLORIDE ... 2802490Sjkh% 2812490SjkhHold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ... 2822490Sjkh% 2832490SjkhHOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! 2842490Sjkh% 2852490SjkhHow do I get HOME? 2862490Sjkh% 2872490SjkhHow do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? It's th' 2882490SjkhMOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, 2892490SjkhHONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce 2902490Sjkhto NANCY SINATRA! 2912490Sjkh% 29249464SmppHow many returned bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL 2932490SjkhSHARPENERS right NOW?? 2942490Sjkh% 2952490SjkhHow's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? 2962490Sjkh% 2972490SjkhHow's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? 2982490Sjkh% 2992490Sjkhhubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub. 3002490Sjkh% 3012490SjkhHUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! 3022490Sjkh% 3032490SjkhHUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ... 3042490Sjkh% 3052490SjkhI always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! 3062490Sjkh% 3072490SjkhI am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. 3082490Sjkh% 3092490SjkhI am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! 3102490Sjkh% 3112490SjkhI am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! 3122490Sjkh% 3132490SjkhI am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! 3142490Sjkh% 3152490SjkhI am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? 3162490Sjkh% 3172490SjkhI am NOT a nut.... 3182490Sjkh% 3192490SjkhI appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! 3202490Sjkh% 3212490SjkhI brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! 3222490Sjkh% 3232490SjkhI can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! 3242490Sjkh% 3252490SjkhI can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! I wonder if BOB 3262490SjkhGUCCIONE has these problems! 3272490Sjkh% 3282490SjkhI can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of 3292490SjkhLITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ... 3302490Sjkh% 3312490SjkhI demand IMPUNITY! 3322490Sjkh% 3332490SjkhI didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO! 3342490Sjkh% 3352490SjkhI don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all 3362490Sjkhjust a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell 3372490Sjkhmore numbers!! 3382490Sjkh% 3392490Sjkh... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. 3402490SjkhLEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! 3412490Sjkh% 3422490SjkhI don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in 3432490Sjkhmy read molars ... 3442490Sjkh% 3452490Sjkh... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. 3462490Sjkh% 3472490SjkhI don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! 3482490Sjkh% 3492490SjkhI feel ... JUGULAR ... 3502490Sjkh% 3512490SjkhI feel better about world problems now! 3522490Sjkh% 3532490SjkhI feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! 3542490Sjkh% 35549464SmppI feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ... 3562490Sjkh% 3572490SjkhI feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! 3582490Sjkh% 3592490SjkhI feel partially hydrogenated! 3602490Sjkh% 3612490SjkhI fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the 3622490Sjkh"WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE 3632490Sjkhin the yard ... 3642490Sjkh% 3652490SjkhI guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ... 3662490Sjkh% 3672490SjkhI guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING! 3682490Sjkh% 3692490SjkhI had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ... 3702490Sjkh% 3712490SjkhI had pancake makeup for brunch! 3722490Sjkh% 3732490SjkhI have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD 3742490Sjkh% 3752490SjkhI have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. 3762490Sjkh% 3772490SjkhI have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! 3782490Sjkh% 3792490SjkhI have accepted Provolone into my life! 3802490Sjkh% 3812490SjkhI have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. 3822490Sjkh% 3832490Sjkh... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... 3842490Sjkh% 3852490Sjkh-- I have seen the FUN -- 3862490Sjkh% 3872490SjkhI have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... 3882490Sjkh% 3892490SjkhI have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the 3902490SjkhINSTRUCTIONS ... 3912490Sjkh% 3922490SjkhI have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! 3932490Sjkh% 3942490SjkhI HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because 3952490Sjkhmy viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!! 3962490Sjkh% 3972490SjkhI haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling 3982490Sjkhevery day from Oral Roberts!! 3992490Sjkh% 4002490SjkhI hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ... 4012490Sjkh% 4022490SjkhI hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to 4032490Sjkhlive!! 4042490Sjkh% 4052490SjkhI hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ... 4062490Sjkh% 4072490SjkhI hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life 4082490Sjkhsavings in yeast!! 4092490Sjkh% 4102490SjkhI invented skydiving in 1989! 4112490Sjkh% 4122490SjkhI joined scientology at a garage sale!! 4132490Sjkh% 4142490SjkhI just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! 4152490Sjkh% 4162490SjkhI just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he 4172490Sjkhis ... 4182490Sjkh% 4192490SjkhI just had a NOSE JOB!! 4202490Sjkh% 4212490SjkhI just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! 4222490Sjkh% 4232490SjkhI just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch 4242490Sjkhwith my LEISURE SUIT!! 4252490Sjkh% 4262490SjkhI just remembered something about a TOAD! 4272490Sjkh% 4282490SjkhI KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW 4292490Sjkhon the SIDE? 4302490Sjkh% 4312490SjkhI Know A Joke 4322490Sjkh% 4332490SjkhI know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! 4342490Sjkh% 4352490SjkhI know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! 4362490Sjkh% 4372490SjkhI know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! 4382490Sjkh% 4392490SjkhI left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! 4402490Sjkh% 4412490SjkhI like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS 4422490Sjkh% 4432490SjkhI like your SNOOPY POSTER!! 4442490Sjkh% 4452490Sjkh-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away 4462490Sjkhnow. I fed the cat. 4472490Sjkh% 4482490SjkhI love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in 4492490Sjkh1965!! 4502490Sjkh% 4512490SjkhI need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio 4522490SjkhSLEAZEBALLS!! 4532490Sjkh% 4542490SjkhI once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! 4552490Sjkh% 4562490SjkhI own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! 4572490Sjkh% 4582490SjkhI put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL 4592490Sjkhlegislation.. 4602490Sjkh% 4612490SjkhI represent a sardine!! 4622490Sjkh% 4632490SjkhI request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! 4642490Sjkh% 4652490Sjkh... I see TOILET SEATS ... 4662490Sjkh% 4672490SjkhI selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"! 4682490Sjkh% 4692490SjkhI smell a RANCID CORN DOG! 4702490Sjkh% 4712490SjkhI smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! 4722490Sjkh% 4732490SjkhI think I am an overnight sensation right now!! 4742490Sjkh% 4752490Sjkh... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common 4762490SjkhMISAPPREHENSIONS ... 4772490Sjkh% 4782490SjkhI think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while 4792490Sjkhreading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! 4802490Sjkh% 4812490SjkhI think my career is ruined! 4822490Sjkh% 4832490SjkhI used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH 4842490SjkhRADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! 4852490Sjkh% 4862490Sjkh... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! 4872490Sjkh% 4882490SjkhI want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! 4892490Sjkh% 4902490SjkhI want a WESSON OIL lease!! 4912490Sjkh% 49249464SmppI want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!! 4932490Sjkh% 4942490SjkhI want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n 4952490Sjkhsecure!! 4962490Sjkh% 4972490Sjkh... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within 4982490SjkhSIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! 4992490Sjkh% 5002490SjkhI want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. 5012490Sjkh% 5022490SjkhI want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE 5032490Sjkhand WHEAT THINS ... 5042490Sjkh% 5052490SjkhI want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! 5062490Sjkh% 5072490SjkhI want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 5082490Sjkh% 5092490Sjkh... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 5102490Sjkh% 5112490SjkhI want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ... 5122490Sjkh% 5132490SjkhI want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! 5142490Sjkh% 5152490SjkhI want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY 5162490Sjkh... BACKWARDS!! 5172490Sjkh% 5182490SjkhI want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in 5192490Sjkhformation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with 5202490Sjkhme -- 5212490Sjkh% 5222490SjkhI was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! 5232490Sjkh% 5242490SjkhI was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! 5252490Sjkh% 5262490SjkhI wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! 5272490Sjkh% 5282490SjkhI wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! 5292490Sjkh% 5302490SjkhI wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! 5312490Sjkh% 5322490SjkhI wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? 5332490Sjkh% 5342490SjkhI wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE 5352490SjkhSTRANGER? 5362490Sjkh% 5372490SjkhI wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! 5382490Sjkh% 5392490SjkhI wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? 5402490Sjkh% 5412490SjkhI would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- 5422490Sjkh% 5432490SjkhI'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! 5442490Sjkh% 5452490SjkhI'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE -- 5462490Sjkh% 5472490SjkhI'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! 5482490Sjkh% 5492490SjkhI'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ... 5502490Sjkh% 5512490SjkhI'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany 5522490Sjkh% 5532490SjkhI'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN 5542490SjkhSONTAG!! 5552490Sjkh% 5562490SjkhI'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! 5572490Sjkh% 5582490SjkhI'm also against BODY-SURFING!! 5592490Sjkh% 5602490SjkhI'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! 5612490Sjkh% 5622490SjkhI'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! 5632490Sjkh% 5642490SjkhI'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO 5652490SjkhMIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"! 5662490Sjkh% 5672490SjkhI'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! 5682490Sjkh% 5692490SjkhI'm definitely not in Omaha! 5702490Sjkh% 5712490SjkhI'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this 5722490Sjkhminiature DOMED STADIUM ... 5732490Sjkh% 5742490SjkhI'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... 5752490Sjkh% 5762490SjkhI'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! 5772490Sjkh% 5782490SjkhI'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! 5792490Sjkh% 5802490SjkhI'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! 5812490Sjkh% 5822490SjkhI'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!! 5832490Sjkh% 5842490SjkhI'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! 5852490Sjkh% 5862490SjkhI'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! 5872490Sjkh% 5882490SjkhI'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS 5892490Sjkh% 5902490SjkhI'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! 5912490Sjkh% 5922490SjkhI'm having an emotional outburst!! 5932490Sjkh% 5942490SjkhI'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in 5952490Sjkhmy PAJAMA POCKET?? 5962490Sjkh% 5972490SjkhI'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and 5982490Sjkhwealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ... 5992490Sjkh% 6002490SjkhI'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! 6012490Sjkh% 6022490Sjkh... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM 6032490Sjkhof a KOSHER DELI -- 6042490Sjkh% 6052490SjkhI'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. 6062490Sjkh% 6072490SjkhI'm into SOFTWARE! 6082490Sjkh% 6092490SjkhI'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my 6102490SjkhPERSONAL SPACE!! 6112490Sjkh% 6122490SjkhI'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD 6132490SjkhSTERLING when you really need him? 6142490Sjkh% 6152490SjkhI'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! 6162490Sjkh% 6172490SjkhI'm not available for comment.. 6182490Sjkh% 6192490SjkhI'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? 6202490Sjkh% 6212490SjkhI'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO 6222490SjkhMONTALBAN! 6232490Sjkh% 6242490SjkhI'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife 6252490Sjkhand two children stand QUIETLY BY ... 6262490Sjkh% 6272490SjkhI'm rated PG-34!! 6282490Sjkh% 6292490SjkhI'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! 6302490Sjkh% 6312490SjkhI'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with 6322490SjkhMISSILES!! 6332490Sjkh% 6342490SjkhI'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin 6352490SjkhHustle now! 6362490Sjkh% 6372490SjkhI'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! 6382490Sjkh% 6392490SjkhI'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM 6402490Sjkh... I'm VIBRATORY ... 6412490Sjkh% 6422490SjkhI'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated 6432490SjkhIMAGE FORMATIONS ... 6442490Sjkh% 6452490SjkhI'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of 6462490SjkhCHICKEN ... 6472490Sjkh% 6482490SjkhI'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER 6492490SjkhWORKINGS of this POTATO!! 6502490Sjkh% 6512490SjkhI'm wearing PAMPERS!! 6522490Sjkh% 6532490SjkhI'm wet! I'm wild! 6542490Sjkh% 6552490SjkhI'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR 6562490SjkhREGIONS! 6572490Sjkh% 6582490SjkhI'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. 6592490Sjkh% 6602490SjkhI've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ... 6612490Sjkh% 6622490SjkhI've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your 6632490SjkhSOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!! 6642490Sjkh% 6652490SjkhI've read SEVEN MILLION books!! 6662490Sjkh% 6672490Sjkh... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im 6682490Sjkhantiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche 6692490SjkhPIZZA ... 6702490Sjkh% 6712490SjkhIf a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for 6722490SjkhMONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a 6732490SjkhGREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!! 6742490Sjkh% 6752490SjkhIf elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old 6762490Sjkhhouseboy ... 6772490Sjkh% 6782490SjkhIf I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! 6792490Sjkh% 6802490SjkhIf I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be 6812490Sjkhreplaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! 6822490Sjkh% 6832490SjkhIf I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! 6842490Sjkh% 6852490SjkhIf I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! 6862490Sjkh% 6872490Sjkh... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate 6882490Sjkhman!! 6892490Sjkh% 6902490SjkhIf I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! 6912490Sjkh% 6922490Sjkhif it GLISTENS, gobble it!! 6932490Sjkh% 6942490SjkhIf our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! 6952490Sjkh% 6962490SjkhIf Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry 6972490SjkhBonzo?? 6982490Sjkh% 6992490SjkhIn 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental 7002490SjkhBelt," for $10.99!! 7012490Sjkh% 7022490SjkhIn Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! 7032490Sjkh% 7042490SjkhINSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! 7052490Sjkh% 7062490SjkhInside, I'm already SOBBING! 7072490Sjkh% 7082490SjkhIs a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in 7092490SjkhSafeway? 7102490Sjkh% 7112490SjkhIs he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG 7122490Sjkhhis GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the 7132490SjkhESCALATOR ... 7142490Sjkh% 7152490SjkhIs it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one 7162490Sjkhwild afternoon?? 7172490Sjkh% 7182490SjkhIs it clean in other dimensions? 7192490Sjkh% 7202490SjkhIs it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a 7212490Sjkhplate of SAUCE MORNAY? 7222490Sjkh% 7232490SjkhIs something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? 7242490Sjkh% 7252490SjkhIs this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"? 7262490Sjkh% 7272490SjkhIs this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? 7282490Sjkh% 7292490SjkhIs this TERMINAL fun? 7302490Sjkh% 7312490SjkhIs this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also 7322490Sjkhmakes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? 7332490Sjkh% 7342490SjkhIsn't this my STOP?! 7352490Sjkh% 7362490SjkhIt don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! 7372490Sjkh% 7382490SjkhIt was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID 7392490SjkhLETTERMAN!! YOW!! 7402490Sjkh% 7412490SjkhIt's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!? 7422490Sjkh% 7432490SjkhIt's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!! 7442490Sjkh% 7452490SjkhIt's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA 7462490Sjkhin the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making 7472490SjkhFRENCH TOAST! 7482490Sjkh% 7492490SjkhIt's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. 7502490Sjkh% 7512490SjkhIt's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! 7522490Sjkh% 7532490SjkhJAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level 7542490Sjkhof COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ... 7552490Sjkh% 7562490SjkhJesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 7572490Sjkh% 7582490SjkhJesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ... 7592490Sjkh% 7602490SjkhKids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be 7612490Sjkhcarried too FAR! 7622490Sjkh% 7632490SjkhKids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, 7642490SjkhPESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! 7652490Sjkh% 7662490SjkhLaundry is the fifth dimension!! ... um ... um ... th' washing machine 7672490Sjkhis a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! 7682490Sjkh% 7692490SjkhLBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! 7702490Sjkh% 7712490SjkhLeona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a 7722490SjkhSCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your 7732490SjkhASHTRAYS ... 7742490Sjkh% 7752490SjkhLet me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... 7762490Sjkh% 7772490SjkhLet's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!! 7782490Sjkh% 7792490SjkhLet's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! 7802490Sjkh% 7812490SjkhLife is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! 7822490Sjkh% 7832490SjkhLike I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!! 7842490Sjkh% 7852490SjkhLoni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! 7862490Sjkh% 7872490SjkhLook DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a 7882490SjkhHIGHBALL?? ... 7892490Sjkh% 7902490SjkhLook into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge 7912490Sjkhcard! 7922490Sjkh% 7932490SjkhLook! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! 7942490Sjkh% 7952490SjkhLOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of 7962490SjkhSeagulls" HAIRCUTS! 7972490Sjkh% 7982490SjkhMake me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! 7992490Sjkh% 8002490SjkhMary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a 8012490Sjkhcheap hotel in HONOLULU! 8022490Sjkh% 8032490SjkhMaybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- 8042490Sjkh% 8052490SjkhMERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! 8062490Sjkh% 80795677SdougbMMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! 8082490Sjkh% 8092490SjkhMmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the 8102490Sjkhshreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a 8112490SjkhTORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and 8122490SjkhSUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, 8132490SjkhBABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded 8142490Sjkhanimal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT, 8152490SjkhI'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE 8162490SjkhWHEAT BUN!! 8172490Sjkh% 8182490SjkhMr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of 8192490Sjkhthe INDONESIAN archipelago? 8202490Sjkh% 8212490SjkhMy Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! 8222490Sjkh% 8232490SjkhMy BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE 8242490SjkhFUNCTION and full kitchen!! 8252490Sjkh% 8262490SjkhMy CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New 8272490SjkhYork!! 8282490Sjkh% 8292490SjkhMy EARS are GONE!! 8302490Sjkh% 8312490SjkhMy face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's 8322490Sjkhcare!!!! 8332490Sjkh% 8342490SjkhMy haircut is totally traditional! 8352490Sjkh% 8362490SjkhMY income is ALL disposable! 8372490Sjkh% 8382490SjkhMy LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ... 8392490Sjkh% 8402490SjkhMy life is a patio of fun! 8412490Sjkh% 8422490SjkhMy mind is a potato field ... 8432490Sjkh% 8442490SjkhMy mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ... 8452490Sjkh% 8462490SjkhMy nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ... 8472490Sjkh% 8482490Sjkhmy NOSE is NUMB! 8492490Sjkh% 8502490Sjkh... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling 8512490SjkhAlley!! 8522490Sjkh% 8532490SjkhMy pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! 8542490Sjkh% 8552490SjkhMy polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! 8562490Sjkh% 8572490SjkhMy uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! 8582490Sjkh% 8592490SjkhMy vaseline is RUNNING... 8602490Sjkh% 8612490SjkhNANCY!! Why is everything RED?! 8622490Sjkh% 8632490SjkhNATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED -- They 8642490SjkhCOLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They 8652490Sjkhdid PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but 8662490Sjkhthey were OFF-KEY ... 8672490Sjkh% 8682490SjkhNEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! 8692490Sjkh% 8702490SjkhNipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 8712490Sjkh% 8722490SjkhNot SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... 8732490Sjkhin PAIN!!! 8742490Sjkh% 8752490SjkhNow I am depressed ... 8762490Sjkh% 8772490SjkhNow I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST 8782490SjkhBEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER! 8792490Sjkh% 8802490SjkhNow I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! 8812490Sjkh% 8822490SjkhNow I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the 8832490SjkhBROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! 8842490Sjkh% 8852490SjkhNow I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World 8862490SjkhWar II! 8872490Sjkh% 88849464SmppNow I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of 8892490SjkhHOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached 8902490Sjkhby SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ... 8912490Sjkh% 8922490SjkhNow KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ... 8932490Sjkh% 8942490SjkhNow my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING 8952490Sjkhand REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! 8962490Sjkh% 8972490SjkhNow that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! 8982490Sjkh% 8992490Sjkh... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 9002490Sjkh% 9012490SjkhNow, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! 9022490Sjkh% 9032490SjkhOf course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- 9042490Sjkh% 9052490SjkhOh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! 9062490Sjkh% 9072490SjkhOh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? 9082490Sjkh% 9092490SjkhOkay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR 9102490SjkhDEAD CAT LOVERS" ... 9112490Sjkh% 9122490SjkhOKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED 9132490SjkhR.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! 9142490Sjkh% 9152490SjkhOMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O 9162490Sjkhand a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if 9172490Sjkhit was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S 9182490Sjkhthe WASHING MACHINES? 9192490Sjkh% 9202490SjkhOn SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS 9212490SjkhPHILBIN ... It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! 9222490Sjkh% 9232490SjkhOn the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL 9242490SjkhQUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!! 9252490Sjkh% 9262490SjkhOn the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a 9272490SjkhPOINT. 9282490Sjkh% 9292490SjkhOnce upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of 9302490SjkhDEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY 9312490SjkhVALUES!! 9322490Sjkh% 9332490SjkhOnce, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION 9342490Sjkhstatements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was 9352490Sjkhcompletely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely 9362490Sjkhamusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we 9372490Sjkhfinally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled 9382490Sjkhsnack cakes! 9392490Sjkh% 9402490SjkhOne FISHWICH coming up!! 9412490Sjkh% 9422490SjkhONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to 9432490Sjkh the downtown PLASMA CENTER ... 9442490SjkhTWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ... 9452490SjkhTHREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!! 9462490Sjkh% 9472490Sjkh... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last 9482490SjkhTuesday? 9492490Sjkh% 9502490SjkhOur father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this 9512490Sjkhtable will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also 9522490Sjkhleave a GENEROUS TIP .... 9532490Sjkh% 9542490Sjkhover in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ... 9552490Sjkh% 9562490SjkhOVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND 9572490SjkhREPAIR!! 9582490Sjkh% 9592490SjkhPARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? 9602490Sjkh% 9612490SjkhPardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your 9622490SjkhBOOTH! 9632490Sjkh% 9642490SjkhPEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. 9652490Sjkh% 9662490SjkhPIZZA!! 9672490Sjkh% 9682490SjkhPlace me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the 9692490SjkhTrianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! 9702490Sjkh% 9712490SjkhPlease come home with me ... I have Tylenol!! 9722490Sjkh% 9732490SjkhPsychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! 9742490Sjkh% 9752490SjkhPUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! 9762490Sjkh% 9772490SjkhQuick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! 9782490Sjkh% 9792490SjkhRELATIVES!! 9802490Sjkh% 9812490SjkhRemember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by 9822490Sjkhprescription!! 9832490Sjkh% 9842490SjkhRHAPSODY in Glue! 9852490Sjkh% 9862490SjkhSANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS 9872490Sjkh... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes, 9882490Sjkhstarring JANE FONDA!! 9892490Sjkh% 9902490SjkhSend your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA 9912490Sjkh94140, USA 9922490Sjkh% 9932490SjkhSHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into 9942490Sjkhempty OIL DRUMS ... 9952490Sjkh% 9962490SjkhShould I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? 9972490Sjkh% 9982490SjkhShould I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a 9992490SjkhVASECTOMY?? 10002490Sjkh% 10012490SjkhShould I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK 10022490Sjkhhair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? 10032490Sjkh% 10042490SjkhSign my PETITION. 10052490Sjkh% 10062490SjkhSo this is what it feels like to be potato salad 10072490Sjkh% 10082490SjkhSo, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL 10092490SjkhINDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 10102490SjkhSHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!! 10112490Sjkh% 10122490Sjkhsomeone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN 10132490Sjkh% 10142490SjkhSometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!! 10152490Sjkh% 10162490SjkhSomewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB 10172490SjkhCHOP!! 10182490Sjkh% 10192490SjkhSomewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a 10202490Sjkhbatch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! 10212490Sjkh% 10222490SjkhSomewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it 10232490Sjkhto Beaver"! 10242490Sjkh% 10252490SjkhSpreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? 10262490Sjkh% 10272490SjkhTAILFINS!! ... click ... 10282490Sjkh% 10292490Sjkh Talking Pinhead Blues: 10302490SjkhOh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel 10312490Sjkh TWENTY-SIX!! 10322490Sjkh 10332490SjkhTh'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been 10342490Sjkh DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff) 10352490Sjkh 10362490SjkhMy PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG 10372490Sjkh won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf) 10382490Sjkh 10392490SjkhSo I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!! 10402490Sjkh (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh) 10412490Sjkh% 10422490SjkhTAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash 10432490SjkhCycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! 10442490Sjkh% 10452490SjkhTex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to 10462490SjkhMinnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!! 10472490Sjkh% 10482490SjkhTh' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL 10492490Sjkh% 10502490SjkhThank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! 10512490Sjkh% 10522490SjkhThe appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth 10532490Sjkhthe whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! 10542490Sjkh% 10552490SjkhThe entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- 10562490Sjkhand have since BIRTH!! 10572490Sjkh% 10582490SjkhThe fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my 10592490SjkhSPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!! 10602490Sjkh% 10612490SjkhThe FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ... 10622490Sjkh% 10632490Sjkh... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued 10642490SjkhOYSTER! Yum! 10652490Sjkh% 10662490SjkhThe Korean War must have been fun. 10672490Sjkh% 10682490Sjkh... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! 10692490Sjkh% 10702490SjkhThe Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at 10712490Sjkhdawn!!! 10722490Sjkh% 10732490SjkhThe PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! 10742490Sjkh% 10752490SjkhThe PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS 10762490Sjkharound 1953!! 10772490Sjkh% 10782490SjkhThe SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ... 10792490Sjkh% 10802490SjkhThere's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS 10812490Sjkhin a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! 10822490Sjkh% 10832490SjkhThere's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! 10842490Sjkh% 10852490SjkhThese PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! 10862490Sjkh% 10872490SjkhThey collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen 10882490Sjkhappeal! 10892490Sjkh% 10902490SjkhThis ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!! 10912490Sjkh% 10922490SjkhThis is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! 10932490Sjkh% 10942490SjkhThis MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up 10952490Sjkhagainst someone's MARTINI!! 10962490Sjkh% 10972490Sjkh... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! 10982490Sjkh% 10992490SjkhThis PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! 11002490Sjkh% 11012490SjkhThis PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!! 11022490Sjkh% 11032490SjkhThis TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE is 11042490Sjkhtalking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ... 11052490Sjkh% 11062490SjkhThose aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD 11072490SjkhSWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! 11082490Sjkh% 11092490SjkhThousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the 11102490Sjkhaesthetic modules -- 11112490Sjkh% 11122490SjkhToday, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER 11132490Sjkhbefore his MAKEOVER! 11142490Sjkh% 11152490SjkhToes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... 11162490SjkhNipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 11172490Sjkh% 11182490SjkhTONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? 11192490Sjkh% 11202490SjkhUh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader 11212490Sjkhfrolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? 11222490Sjkh% 11232490SjkhUh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! 11242490Sjkh% 11252490SjkhUH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by 11262490Sjkhmistake!!! 11272490Sjkh% 11282490SjkhUH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a 11292490SjkhNERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha. 11302490Sjkh% 11312490SjkhUh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! 11322490Sjkh% 11332490SjkhUH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! 11342490Sjkh% 11352490SjkhUsed staples are good with SOY SAUCE! 11362490Sjkh% 11372490SjkhVICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 11382490Sjkh% 11392490SjkhVote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and 11402490SjkhTAX-DEFERRED! 11412490Sjkh% 11422490SjkhWait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat 11432490SjkhJunction?? 11442490Sjkh% 11452490SjkhWas my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! 11462490Sjkh% 11472490SjkhWe are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot 11482490Sjkhtub ... 11492490Sjkh% 11502490SjkhWe have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- 11512490Sjkh% 11522490SjkhWe just joined the civil hair patrol! 11532490Sjkh% 11542490SjkhWe place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 11552490Sjkh45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head! 11562490Sjkh% 11572490SjkhWell, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I 11582490SjkhHATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE ... 11592490SjkhEMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! 11602490Sjkh% 11612490SjkhWell, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to 11622490SjkhVICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 11632490Sjkh% 11642490SjkhWell, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES 11652490SjkhROOM ... 11662490Sjkh% 11672490SjkhWell, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL 11682490SjkhDESPAIR! 11692490Sjkh% 11702490SjkhWere these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? 11712490Sjkh% 11722490SjkhWhat a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!! 11732490Sjkh% 11742490SjkhWhat GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? 11752490Sjkh% 11762490SjkhWhat I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ... 11772490Sjkh% 11782490SjkhWhat I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? 11792490Sjkh% 11802490SjkhWhat PROGRAM are they watching? 11812490Sjkh% 11822490SjkhWhat UNIVERSE is this, please?? 11832490Sjkh% 11842490SjkhWhat's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? 11852490Sjkh% 11862490SjkhWhen I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or 11872490SjkhDETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it ... 11882490Sjkh% 11892490SjkhWhen this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ... 11902490Sjkh% 11912490SjkhWhen you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? 11922490Sjkh% 11932490SjkhWhen you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING 11942490SjkhBILL ... Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION 11952490Sjkhand HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!! 11962490Sjkh% 11972490SjkhWhere do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? 11982490Sjkh% 11992490SjkhWhere does it go when you flush? 12002490Sjkh% 12012490SjkhWhere's SANDY DUNCAN? 12022490Sjkh% 12032490SjkhWhere's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? 12042490Sjkh% 12052490SjkhWhere's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! 12062490Sjkh% 12072490SjkhWhile my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit 12082490Sjkhpriests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 12092490Sjkh% 12102490SjkhWhile you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ... his 12112490Sjkhwill have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"! 12122490Sjkh% 12132490SjkhWHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! 12142490Sjkh% 12152490SjkhWHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the 12162490SjkhNEGATIVE IONS!! 12172490Sjkh% 12182490SjkhWhy are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? 12192490Sjkh% 12202490SjkhWhy don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your 12212490Sjkhown ZIPCODE? 12222490Sjkh% 12232490SjkhWhy is everything made of Lycra Spandex? 12242490Sjkh% 12252490SjkhWhy is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT 12262490SjkhCENTER with you?? 12272490Sjkh% 12282490SjkhWill it improve my CASH FLOW? 12292490Sjkh% 12302490SjkhWill the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? 12312490Sjkh% 12322490SjkhWill this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? 12332490Sjkh% 12342490SjkhWith YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ... 12352490Sjkh% 12362490SjkhWorld War III? No thanks! 12372490Sjkh% 12382490SjkhWorld War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced 12392490Sjkhdress code! 12402490Sjkh% 12412490SjkhWow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! 12422490Sjkh% 12432490SjkhXerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"! 12442490Sjkh% 12452490SjkhYes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON 12462490SjkhMAIDEN concert? 12472490Sjkh% 12482490SjkhYou can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! 12492490Sjkh% 12502490SjkhYou mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th' 12512490Sjkhdistinction between FANTASY and REALITY? 12522490Sjkh% 12532490SjkhYou mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? 12542490Sjkh% 12552490SjkhYOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! 12562490Sjkh% 12572490SjkhYou should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW 12582490SjkhCAREER!! 12592490Sjkh% 12602490SjkhYou were s'posed to laugh! 12612490Sjkh% 12622490SjkhYOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN 12632490SjkhDOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!! 12642490Sjkh% 12652490SjkhYour CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- 12662490Sjkh% 12672490SjkhYouth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental 12682490Sjkhattitudes! 12692490Sjkh% 12702490SjkhYow! 12712490Sjkh% 12722490SjkhYow! Am I having fun yet? 12732490Sjkh% 12742490SjkhYow! Am I in Milwaukee? 12752490Sjkh% 12762490SjkhYow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! 12772490Sjkh% 12782490SjkhYow! Are we laid back yet? 12792490Sjkh% 12802490SjkhYow! Are we wet yet? 12812490Sjkh% 12822490SjkhYow! Are you the self-frying president? 12832490Sjkh% 12842490SjkhYow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? 12852490Sjkh% 12862490SjkhYow! I just went below the poverty line! 12872490Sjkh% 12882490SjkhYow! I threw up on my window! 12892490Sjkh% 12902490SjkhYow! I want my nose in lights! 12912490Sjkh% 12922490SjkhYow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! 12932490Sjkh% 12942490SjkhYow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel 12952490Sjkhmill! 12962490Sjkh% 12972490SjkhYow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! 12982490Sjkh% 12992490SjkhYow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? 13002490Sjkh% 13012490SjkhYow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? 13022490Sjkh% 13032490SjkhYow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! 13042490Sjkh% 13052490SjkhYow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! 13062490Sjkh% 13072490SjkhYow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY -- 13082490Sjkh% 13092490SjkhYow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING 13102490SjkhBALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! 13112490Sjkh% 13122490SjkhYow! Now we can become alcoholics! 13132490Sjkh% 13142490SjkhYow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! 13152490Sjkh% 13162490SjkhYow! We're going to a new disco! 13172490Sjkh% 13182490SjkhYOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! 13192490Sjkh% 13202490SjkhYOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! 13212490Sjkh% 13222490SjkhYOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM 13232490Sjkhlaws!! 13242490Sjkh% 13252490SjkhYOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! 13262490Sjkh% 13272490SjkhYOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! 13282490Sjkh% 13292490SjkhYOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of 13302490SjkhCHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! 13312490Sjkh% 13322490SjkhYOW!!! I am having fun!!! 13332490Sjkh% 13342490SjkhZippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ... 1335