zippy revision 95677
1%% $FreeBSD: head/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy 95677 2002-04-28 21:59:07Z dougb $ 2A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! 3% 4A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! 5% 6A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume.. 7% 8A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled 9with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? 10% 11Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! 12% 13All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled 14by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ... 15% 16All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow 17a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know 18WHY!! 19% 20All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! 21% 22All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! 23% 24All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! 25% 26Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!! 27% 28Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? 29% 30Am I elected yet? 31% 32Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? 33% 34Am I SHOPLIFTING? 35% 36America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into 37your void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind ... 38% 39An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! 40% 41An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? 42% 43An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! 44% 45And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! 46% 47ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO 48MONTALBAN'S HAIR! 49% 50Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? 51% 52Are we live or on tape? 53% 54Are we on STRIKE yet? 55% 56Are we THERE yet? 57% 58Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! 59% 60Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? 61% 62Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! 63% 64Are you still an ALCOHOLIC? 65% 66As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! 67% 68Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? 69% 70BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! 71% 72Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! 73But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!! 74% 75BARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY 76WAY" I've ever heard!! 77% 78Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. 79% 80BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ... 81% 82BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- 83% 84... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... 85% 86Bo Derek ruined my life! 87% 88Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... 89% 90Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! 91% 92But they went to MARS around 1953!! 93% 94But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? 95% 96Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? 97% 98Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? 99% 100Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! 101% 102CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! 103% 104Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! 105% 106Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! 107% 108Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL 109NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn 110LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! 111% 112CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about 113DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? 114% 115Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds 116TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ... 117% 118Could I have a drug overdose? 119% 120Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in 121a MALIBU HOT TUB? 122% 123Did I do an INCORRECT THING?? 124% 125Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? 126% 127Did I SELL OUT yet?? 128% 129Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? 130% 131Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? 132% 133DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? 134% 135Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? 136% 137Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running 138straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the 139dollar! 140% 141Do I have a lifestyle yet? 142% 143Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? 144% 145Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? 146% 147Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"? 148% 149Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days? 150% 151Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? 152% 153does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? 154% 155DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!! 156Don't go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! 157% 158Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! 159% 160Don't SANFORIZE me!! 161% 162Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ... 163FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK 164STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ... Are there any QUESTIONS?? 165% 166Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! 167% 168Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! 169% 170Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!! 171% 172Everybody gets free BORSCHT! 173% 174Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a 175disaster Movie!! 176% 177Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ... 178% 179Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of 180OFFSET PRINTING? 181% 182FEELINGS are cascading over me!!! 183% 184Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty 185dining room. 186% 187First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ... So 188just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! 189% 190FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! 191% 192for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! 193% 194Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my 195gothic solarium!! 196% 197FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... 198% 199FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! 200% 201Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my 202satellite dish PAYMENTS! 203% 204Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ... 205% 206Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! 207% 208Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! 209% 210GOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my 211pet LEISURE SUIT!! 212% 213HAIR TONICS, please!! 214% 215Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! 216% 217Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for 218today! 219% 220Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? 221% 222Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's 223time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 224% 225... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. 226% 227He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- 228% 229He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me 230like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to 231PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING 232MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO! 233% 234HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! 235% 236HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! 237% 238Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! 239% 240Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan 241females!! 242% 243Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES 244being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! 245% 246Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No 247thanks! 248% 249Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I 250guess ... 251% 252Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample 253bottles ... 254% 255Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! 256% 257Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN 258anywhere!! 259% 260Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment? 261% 262Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!! 263% 264Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce! 265% 266Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some 267drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! 268% 269Hmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a 270TROLLEY-CAR ... 271% 272Hmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted 273island, when ... 274% 275Hmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET 276FIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ... 277% 278Hmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL 279CHLORIDE ... 280% 281Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ... 282% 283HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! 284% 285How do I get HOME? 286% 287How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? It's th' 288MOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, 289HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce 290to NANCY SINATRA! 291% 292How many returned bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL 293SHARPENERS right NOW?? 294% 295How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? 296% 297How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? 298% 299hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub. 300% 301HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! 302% 303HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ... 304% 305I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! 306% 307I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. 308% 309I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! 310% 311I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! 312% 313I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! 314% 315I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? 316% 317I am NOT a nut.... 318% 319I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! 320% 321I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! 322% 323I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! 324% 325I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! I wonder if BOB 326GUCCIONE has these problems! 327% 328I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of 329LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ... 330% 331I demand IMPUNITY! 332% 333I didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO! 334% 335I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all 336just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell 337more numbers!! 338% 339... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. 340LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! 341% 342I don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in 343my read molars ... 344% 345... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. 346% 347I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! 348% 349I feel ... JUGULAR ... 350% 351I feel better about world problems now! 352% 353I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! 354% 355I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ... 356% 357I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! 358% 359I feel partially hydrogenated! 360% 361I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the 362"WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE 363in the yard ... 364% 365I guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ... 366% 367I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING! 368% 369I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ... 370% 371I had pancake makeup for brunch! 372% 373I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD 374% 375I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. 376% 377I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! 378% 379I have accepted Provolone into my life! 380% 381I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. 382% 383... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... 384% 385-- I have seen the FUN -- 386% 387I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... 388% 389I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the 390INSTRUCTIONS ... 391% 392I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! 393% 394I HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because 395my viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!! 396% 397I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling 398every day from Oral Roberts!! 399% 400I hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ... 401% 402I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to 403live!! 404% 405I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ... 406% 407I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life 408savings in yeast!! 409% 410I invented skydiving in 1989! 411% 412I joined scientology at a garage sale!! 413% 414I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! 415% 416I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he 417is ... 418% 419I just had a NOSE JOB!! 420% 421I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! 422% 423I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch 424with my LEISURE SUIT!! 425% 426I just remembered something about a TOAD! 427% 428I KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW 429on the SIDE? 430% 431I Know A Joke 432% 433I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! 434% 435I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! 436% 437I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! 438% 439I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! 440% 441I like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS 442% 443I like your SNOOPY POSTER!! 444% 445-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away 446now. I fed the cat. 447% 448I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in 4491965!! 450% 451I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio 452SLEAZEBALLS!! 453% 454I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! 455% 456I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! 457% 458I put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL 459legislation.. 460% 461I represent a sardine!! 462% 463I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! 464% 465... I see TOILET SEATS ... 466% 467I selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"! 468% 469I smell a RANCID CORN DOG! 470% 471I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! 472% 473I think I am an overnight sensation right now!! 474% 475... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common 476MISAPPREHENSIONS ... 477% 478I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while 479reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! 480% 481I think my career is ruined! 482% 483I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH 484RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! 485% 486... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! 487% 488I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! 489% 490I want a WESSON OIL lease!! 491% 492I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!! 493% 494I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n 495secure!! 496% 497... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within 498SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! 499% 500I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. 501% 502I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE 503and WHEAT THINS ... 504% 505I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! 506% 507I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 508% 509... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 510% 511I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ... 512% 513I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! 514% 515I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY 516... BACKWARDS!! 517% 518I want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in 519formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with 520me -- 521% 522I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! 523% 524I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! 525% 526I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! 527% 528I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! 529% 530I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! 531% 532I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? 533% 534I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE 535STRANGER? 536% 537I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! 538% 539I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? 540% 541I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- 542% 543I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! 544% 545I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE -- 546% 547I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! 548% 549I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ... 550% 551I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany 552% 553I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN 554SONTAG!! 555% 556I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! 557% 558I'm also against BODY-SURFING!! 559% 560I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! 561% 562I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! 563% 564I'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO 565MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"! 566% 567I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! 568% 569I'm definitely not in Omaha! 570% 571I'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this 572miniature DOMED STADIUM ... 573% 574I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... 575% 576I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! 577% 578I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! 579% 580I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! 581% 582I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!! 583% 584I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! 585% 586I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! 587% 588I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS 589% 590I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! 591% 592I'm having an emotional outburst!! 593% 594I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in 595my PAJAMA POCKET?? 596% 597I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and 598wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ... 599% 600I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! 601% 602... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM 603of a KOSHER DELI -- 604% 605I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. 606% 607I'm into SOFTWARE! 608% 609I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my 610PERSONAL SPACE!! 611% 612I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD 613STERLING when you really need him? 614% 615I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! 616% 617I'm not available for comment.. 618% 619I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? 620% 621I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO 622MONTALBAN! 623% 624I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife 625and two children stand QUIETLY BY ... 626% 627I'm rated PG-34!! 628% 629I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! 630% 631I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with 632MISSILES!! 633% 634I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin 635Hustle now! 636% 637I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! 638% 639I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM 640... I'm VIBRATORY ... 641% 642I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated 643IMAGE FORMATIONS ... 644% 645I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of 646CHICKEN ... 647% 648I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER 649WORKINGS of this POTATO!! 650% 651I'm wearing PAMPERS!! 652% 653I'm wet! I'm wild! 654% 655I'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR 656REGIONS! 657% 658I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. 659% 660I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ... 661% 662I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your 663SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!! 664% 665I've read SEVEN MILLION books!! 666% 667... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im 668antiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche 669PIZZA ... 670% 671If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for 672MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a 673GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!! 674% 675If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old 676houseboy ... 677% 678If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! 679% 680If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be 681replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! 682% 683If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! 684% 685If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! 686% 687... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate 688man!! 689% 690If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! 691% 692if it GLISTENS, gobble it!! 693% 694If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! 695% 696If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry 697Bonzo?? 698% 699In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental 700Belt," for $10.99!! 701% 702In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! 703% 704INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! 705% 706Inside, I'm already SOBBING! 707% 708Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in 709Safeway? 710% 711Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG 712his GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the 713ESCALATOR ... 714% 715Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one 716wild afternoon?? 717% 718Is it clean in other dimensions? 719% 720Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a 721plate of SAUCE MORNAY? 722% 723Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? 724% 725Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"? 726% 727Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? 728% 729Is this TERMINAL fun? 730% 731Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also 732makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? 733% 734Isn't this my STOP?! 735% 736It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! 737% 738It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID 739LETTERMAN!! YOW!! 740% 741It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!? 742% 743It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!! 744% 745It's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA 746in the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making 747FRENCH TOAST! 748% 749It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. 750% 751It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! 752% 753JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level 754of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ... 755% 756Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 757% 758Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ... 759% 760Kids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be 761carried too FAR! 762% 763Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, 764PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! 765% 766Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ... um ... um ... th' washing machine 767is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! 768% 769LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! 770% 771Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a 772SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your 773ASHTRAYS ... 774% 775Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... 776% 777Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!! 778% 779Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! 780% 781Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! 782% 783Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!! 784% 785Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! 786% 787Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a 788HIGHBALL?? ... 789% 790Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge 791card! 792% 793Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! 794% 795LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of 796Seagulls" HAIRCUTS! 797% 798Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! 799% 800Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a 801cheap hotel in HONOLULU! 802% 803Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- 804% 805MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! 806% 807MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! 808% 809Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the 810shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a 811TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and 812SUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, 813BABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded 814animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT, 815I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE 816WHEAT BUN!! 817% 818Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of 819the INDONESIAN archipelago? 820% 821My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! 822% 823My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE 824FUNCTION and full kitchen!! 825% 826My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New 827York!! 828% 829My EARS are GONE!! 830% 831My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's 832care!!!! 833% 834My haircut is totally traditional! 835% 836MY income is ALL disposable! 837% 838My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ... 839% 840My life is a patio of fun! 841% 842My mind is a potato field ... 843% 844My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ... 845% 846My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ... 847% 848my NOSE is NUMB! 849% 850... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling 851Alley!! 852% 853My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! 854% 855My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! 856% 857My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! 858% 859My vaseline is RUNNING... 860% 861NANCY!! Why is everything RED?! 862% 863NATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED -- They 864COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They 865did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but 866they were OFF-KEY ... 867% 868NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! 869% 870Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 871% 872Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... 873in PAIN!!! 874% 875Now I am depressed ... 876% 877Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST 878BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER! 879% 880Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! 881% 882Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the 883BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! 884% 885Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World 886War II! 887% 888Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of 889HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached 890by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ... 891% 892Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ... 893% 894Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING 895and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! 896% 897Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! 898% 899... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 900% 901Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! 902% 903Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- 904% 905Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! 906% 907Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? 908% 909Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR 910DEAD CAT LOVERS" ... 911% 912OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED 913R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! 914% 915OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O 916and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if 917it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S 918the WASHING MACHINES? 919% 920On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS 921PHILBIN ... It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! 922% 923On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL 924QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!! 925% 926On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a 927POINT. 928% 929Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of 930DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY 931VALUES!! 932% 933Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION 934statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was 935completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely 936amusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we 937finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled 938snack cakes! 939% 940One FISHWICH coming up!! 941% 942ONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to 943 the downtown PLASMA CENTER ... 944TWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ... 945THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!! 946% 947... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last 948Tuesday? 949% 950Our father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this 951table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also 952leave a GENEROUS TIP .... 953% 954over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ... 955% 956OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND 957REPAIR!! 958% 959PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? 960% 961Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your 962BOOTH! 963% 964PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. 965% 966PIZZA!! 967% 968Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the 969Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! 970% 971Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!! 972% 973Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! 974% 975PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! 976% 977Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! 978% 979RELATIVES!! 980% 981Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by 982prescription!! 983% 984RHAPSODY in Glue! 985% 986SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS 987... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes, 988starring JANE FONDA!! 989% 990Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA 99194140, USA 992% 993SHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into 994empty OIL DRUMS ... 995% 996Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? 997% 998Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a 999VASECTOMY?? 1000% 1001Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK 1002hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? 1003% 1004Sign my PETITION. 1005% 1006So this is what it feels like to be potato salad 1007% 1008So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL 1009INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 1010SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!! 1011% 1012someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN 1013% 1014Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!! 1015% 1016Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB 1017CHOP!! 1018% 1019Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a 1020batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! 1021% 1022Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it 1023to Beaver"! 1024% 1025Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? 1026% 1027TAILFINS!! ... click ... 1028% 1029 Talking Pinhead Blues: 1030Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel 1031 TWENTY-SIX!! 1032 1033Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been 1034 DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff) 1035 1036My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG 1037 won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf) 1038 1039So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!! 1040 (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh) 1041% 1042TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash 1043Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! 1044% 1045Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to 1046Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!! 1047% 1048Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL 1049% 1050Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! 1051% 1052The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth 1053the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! 1054% 1055The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- 1056and have since BIRTH!! 1057% 1058The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my 1059SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!! 1060% 1061The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ... 1062% 1063... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued 1064OYSTER! Yum! 1065% 1066The Korean War must have been fun. 1067% 1068... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! 1069% 1070The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at 1071dawn!!! 1072% 1073The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! 1074% 1075The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS 1076around 1953!! 1077% 1078The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ... 1079% 1080There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS 1081in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! 1082% 1083There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! 1084% 1085These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! 1086% 1087They collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen 1088appeal! 1089% 1090This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!! 1091% 1092This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! 1093% 1094This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up 1095against someone's MARTINI!! 1096% 1097... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! 1098% 1099This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! 1100% 1101This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!! 1102% 1103This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE is 1104talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ... 1105% 1106Those aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD 1107SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! 1108% 1109Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the 1110aesthetic modules -- 1111% 1112Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER 1113before his MAKEOVER! 1114% 1115Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... 1116Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 1117% 1118TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? 1119% 1120Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader 1121frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? 1122% 1123Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! 1124% 1125UH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by 1126mistake!!! 1127% 1128UH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a 1129NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha. 1130% 1131Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! 1132% 1133UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! 1134% 1135Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE! 1136% 1137VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 1138% 1139Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and 1140TAX-DEFERRED! 1141% 1142Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat 1143Junction?? 1144% 1145Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! 1146% 1147We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot 1148tub ... 1149% 1150We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- 1151% 1152We just joined the civil hair patrol! 1153% 1154We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 115545 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head! 1156% 1157Well, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I 1158HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE ... 1159EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! 1160% 1161Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to 1162VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 1163% 1164Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES 1165ROOM ... 1166% 1167Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL 1168DESPAIR! 1169% 1170Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? 1171% 1172What a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!! 1173% 1174What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? 1175% 1176What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ... 1177% 1178What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? 1179% 1180What PROGRAM are they watching? 1181% 1182What UNIVERSE is this, please?? 1183% 1184What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? 1185% 1186When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or 1187DETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it ... 1188% 1189When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ... 1190% 1191When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? 1192% 1193When you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING 1194BILL ... Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION 1195and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!! 1196% 1197Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? 1198% 1199Where does it go when you flush? 1200% 1201Where's SANDY DUNCAN? 1202% 1203Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? 1204% 1205Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! 1206% 1207While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit 1208priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 1209% 1210While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ... his 1211will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"! 1212% 1213WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! 1214% 1215WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the 1216NEGATIVE IONS!! 1217% 1218Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? 1219% 1220Why don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your 1221own ZIPCODE? 1222% 1223Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex? 1224% 1225Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT 1226CENTER with you?? 1227% 1228Will it improve my CASH FLOW? 1229% 1230Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? 1231% 1232Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? 1233% 1234With YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ... 1235% 1236World War III? No thanks! 1237% 1238World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced 1239dress code! 1240% 1241Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! 1242% 1243Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"! 1244% 1245Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON 1246MAIDEN concert? 1247% 1248You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! 1249% 1250You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th' 1251distinction between FANTASY and REALITY? 1252% 1253You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? 1254% 1255YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! 1256% 1257You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW 1258CAREER!! 1259% 1260You were s'posed to laugh! 1261% 1262YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN 1263DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!! 1264% 1265Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- 1266% 1267Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental 1268attitudes! 1269% 1270Yow! 1271% 1272Yow! Am I having fun yet? 1273% 1274Yow! Am I in Milwaukee? 1275% 1276Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! 1277% 1278Yow! Are we laid back yet? 1279% 1280Yow! Are we wet yet? 1281% 1282Yow! Are you the self-frying president? 1283% 1284Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? 1285% 1286Yow! I just went below the poverty line! 1287% 1288Yow! I threw up on my window! 1289% 1290Yow! I want my nose in lights! 1291% 1292Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! 1293% 1294Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel 1295mill! 1296% 1297Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! 1298% 1299Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? 1300% 1301Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? 1302% 1303Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! 1304% 1305Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! 1306% 1307Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY -- 1308% 1309Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING 1310BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! 1311% 1312Yow! Now we can become alcoholics! 1313% 1314Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! 1315% 1316Yow! We're going to a new disco! 1317% 1318YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! 1319% 1320YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! 1321% 1322YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM 1323laws!! 1324% 1325YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! 1326% 1327YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! 1328% 1329YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of 1330CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! 1331% 1332YOW!!! I am having fun!!! 1333% 1334Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ... 1335