1%% $FreeBSD: releng/11.0/usr.bin/fortune/datfiles/zippy 205995 2010-03-31 18:21:25Z uqs $ 2% 3 Talking Pinhead Blues: 4Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel 5 TWENTY-SIX!! 6 7Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been 8 DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff) 9 10My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG 11 won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf) 12 13So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!! 14 (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh) 15% 16... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... 17% 18... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. 19% 20... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. 21LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! 22% 23... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. 24% 25... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... 26% 27-- I have seen the FUN -- 28% 29-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away 30now. I fed the cat. 31% 32... I see TOILET SEATS ... 33% 34... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common 35MISAPPREHENSIONS ... 36% 37... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! 38% 39... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within 40SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! 41% 42... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im 43antiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche 44PIZZA ... 45% 46... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate 47man!! 48% 49... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM 50of a KOSHER DELI -- 51% 52... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling 53Alley!! 54% 55... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 56% 57... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last 58Tuesday? 59% 60... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued 61OYSTER! Yum! 62% 63... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! 64% 65... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! 66% 67A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! 68% 69A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! 70% 71A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume.. 72% 73A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled 74with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? 75% 76Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! 77% 78All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled 79by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ... 80% 81All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow 82a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know 83WHY!! 84% 85All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! 86% 87All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! 88% 89All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! 90% 91Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!! 92% 93Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? 94% 95Am I elected yet? 96% 97Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? 98% 99Am I SHOPLIFTING? 100% 101America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into 102your void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind ... 103% 104An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! 105% 106An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? 107% 108An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! 109% 110And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! 111% 112ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO 113MONTALBAN'S HAIR! 114% 115Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? 116% 117Are we live or on tape? 118% 119Are we on STRIKE yet? 120% 121Are we THERE yet? 122% 123Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! 124% 125Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? 126% 127Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! 128% 129Are you still an ALCOHOLIC? 130% 131As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! 132% 133Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? 134% 135BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! 136% 137Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! 138But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!! 139% 140BARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY 141WAY" I've ever heard!! 142% 143Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. 144% 145BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ... 146% 147BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- 148% 149Bo Derek ruined my life! 150% 151Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... 152% 153Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! 154% 155But they went to MARS around 1953!! 156% 157But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? 158% 159Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missile sighted, target 160Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept. 161% 162Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? 163% 164Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? 165% 166Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! 167% 168CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! 169% 170Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! 171% 172Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! 173% 174Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL 175NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn 176LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! 177% 178CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about 179DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? 180% 181Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds 182TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ... 183% 184Could I have a drug overdose? 185% 186Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in 187a MALIBU HOT TUB? 188% 189Did I do an INCORRECT THING?? 190% 191Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? 192% 193Did I SELL OUT yet?? 194% 195Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? 196% 197Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? 198% 199DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? 200% 201Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? 202% 203Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahyde pipeline running 204straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the 205dollar! 206% 207Do I have a lifestyle yet? 208% 209Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? 210% 211Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? 212% 213Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"? 214% 215Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days? 216% 217Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? 218% 219does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? 220% 221DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!! 222Don't go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! 223% 224Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! 225% 226Don't SANFORIZE me!! 227% 228Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ... 229FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK 230STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ... Are there any QUESTIONS?? 231% 232Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! 233% 234Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! 235% 236Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!! 237% 238Everybody gets free BORSCHT! 239% 240Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a 241disaster Movie!! 242% 243Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ... 244% 245Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of 246OFFSET PRINTING? 247% 248FEELINGS are cascading over me!!! 249% 250Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty 251dining room. 252% 253First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ... So 254just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! 255% 256FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! 257% 258for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! 259% 260Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my 261gothic solarium!! 262% 263FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... 264% 265FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! 266% 267Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my 268satellite dish PAYMENTS! 269% 270Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ... 271% 272Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! 273% 274Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! 275% 276GOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my 277pet LEISURE SUIT!! 278% 279HAIR TONICS, please!! 280% 281Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! 282% 283Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for 284today! 285% 286Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's 287time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 288% 289He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- 290% 291He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me 292like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to 293PSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING 294MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO! 295% 296Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I 297guess ... 298% 299Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan 300females!! 301% 302Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No 303thanks! 304% 305Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES 306being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! 307% 308HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! 309% 310Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! 311% 312HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! 313% 314Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample 315bottles ... 316% 317Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! 318% 319Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN 320anywhere!! 321% 322Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment? 323% 324Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!! 325% 326Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce! 327% 328Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some 329drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! 330% 331Hmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a 332TROLLEY-CAR ... 333% 334Hmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted 335island, when ... 336% 337Hmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET 338FIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ... 339% 340Hmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL 341CHLORIDE ... 342% 343Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ... 344% 345HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! 346% 347How do I get HOME? 348% 349How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? It's th' 350MOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, 351HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce 352to NANCY SINATRA! 353% 354How many retired bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL 355SHARPENERS right NOW?? 356% 357How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? 358% 359How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? 360% 361hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub. 362% 363HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! 364% 365HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ... 366% 367I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! 368% 369I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. 370% 371I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! 372% 373I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! 374% 375I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! 376% 377I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? 378% 379I am NOT a nut.... 380% 381I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! 382% 383I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! 384% 385I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! 386% 387I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! I wonder if BOB 388GUCCIONE has these problems! 389% 390I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of 391LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ... 392% 393I demand IMPUNITY! 394% 395I didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO! 396% 397I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all 398just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell 399more numbers!! 400% 401I don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in 402my read molars ... 403% 404I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! 405% 406I feel ... JUGULAR ... 407% 408I feel better about world problems now! 409% 410I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! 411% 412I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ... 413% 414I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! 415% 416I feel partially hydrogenated! 417% 418I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the 419"WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE 420in the yard ... 421% 422I guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ... 423% 424I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING! 425% 426I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ... 427% 428I had pancake makeup for brunch! 429% 430I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD 431% 432I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. 433% 434I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! 435% 436I have accepted Provolone into my life! 437% 438I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. 439% 440I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... 441% 442I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the 443INSTRUCTIONS ... 444% 445I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! 446% 447I HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because 448my viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!! 449% 450I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling 451every day from Oral Roberts!! 452% 453I hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ... 454% 455I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to 456live!! 457% 458I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ... 459% 460I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life 461savings in yeast!! 462% 463I invented skydiving in 1989! 464% 465I joined scientology at a garage sale!! 466% 467I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! 468% 469I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he 470is ... 471% 472I just had a NOSE JOB!! 473% 474I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! 475% 476I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch 477with my LEISURE SUIT!! 478% 479I just remembered something about a TOAD! 480% 481I KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW 482on the SIDE? 483% 484I Know A Joke 485% 486I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! 487% 488I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! 489% 490I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! 491% 492I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! 493% 494I like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS 495% 496I like your SNOOPY POSTER!! 497% 498I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in 4991965!! 500% 501I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio 502SLEAZEBALLS!! 503% 504I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! 505% 506I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! 507% 508I put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL 509legislation.. 510% 511I represent a sardine!! 512% 513I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! 514% 515I selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"! 516% 517I smell a RANCID CORN DOG! 518% 519I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! 520% 521I think I am an overnight sensation right now!! 522% 523I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while 524reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! 525% 526I think my career is ruined! 527% 528I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH 529RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! 530% 531I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! 532% 533I want a WESSON OIL lease!! 534% 535I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!! 536% 537I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n 538secure!! 539% 540I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. 541% 542I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE 543and WHEAT THINS ... 544% 545I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! 546% 547I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 548% 549I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ... 550% 551I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! 552% 553I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY 554... BACKWARDS!! 555% 556I want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in 557formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with 558me -- 559% 560I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! 561% 562I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! 563% 564I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! 565% 566I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! 567% 568I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! 569% 570I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? 571% 572I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE 573STRANGER? 574% 575I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! 576% 577I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? 578% 579I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- 580% 581I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! 582% 583I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE -- 584% 585If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for 586MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a 587GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!! 588% 589If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old 590houseboy ... 591% 592If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! 593% 594If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be 595replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! 596% 597If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! 598% 599If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! 600% 601If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! 602% 603if it GLISTENS, gobble it!! 604% 605If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! 606% 607If Robert De Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry 608Bonzo?? 609% 610I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! 611% 612I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ... 613% 614I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany 615% 616I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN 617SONTAG!! 618% 619I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! 620% 621I'm also against BODY-SURFING!! 622% 623I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! 624% 625I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! 626% 627I'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO 628MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"! 629% 630I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! 631% 632I'm definitely not in Omaha! 633% 634I'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this 635miniature DOMED STADIUM ... 636% 637I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... 638% 639I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! 640% 641I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! 642% 643I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! 644% 645I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!! 646% 647I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! 648% 649I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! 650% 651I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS 652% 653I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! 654% 655I'm having an emotional outburst!! 656% 657I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in 658my PAJAMA POCKET?? 659% 660I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and 661wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ... 662% 663I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! 664% 665I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. 666% 667I'm into SOFTWARE! 668% 669I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my 670PERSONAL SPACE!! 671% 672I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD 673STERLING when you really need him? 674% 675I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! 676% 677I'm not available for comment.. 678% 679I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? 680% 681I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO 682MONTALBAN! 683% 684I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife 685and two children stand QUIETLY BY ... 686% 687I'm rated PG-34!! 688% 689I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! 690% 691I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with 692MISSILES!! 693% 694I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin 695Hustle now! 696% 697I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! 698% 699I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM 700... I'm VIBRATORY ... 701% 702I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated 703IMAGE FORMATIONS ... 704% 705I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of 706CHICKEN ... 707% 708I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER 709WORKINGS of this POTATO!! 710% 711I'm wearing PAMPERS!! 712% 713I'm wet! I'm wild! 714% 715I'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR 716REGIONS! 717% 718I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. 719% 720In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental 721Belt," for $10.99!! 722% 723In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! 724% 725INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! 726% 727Inside, I'm already SOBBING! 728% 729Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in 730Safeway? 731% 732Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG 733his GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the 734ESCALATOR ... 735% 736Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one 737wild afternoon?? 738% 739Is it clean in other dimensions? 740% 741Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a 742plate of SAUCE MORNAY? 743% 744Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? 745% 746Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"? 747% 748Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? 749% 750Is this TERMINAL fun? 751% 752Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also 753makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? 754% 755Isn't this my STOP?! 756% 757It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! 758% 759It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID 760LETTERMAN!! YOW!! 761% 762It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!? 763% 764It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!! 765% 766It's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA 767in the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making 768FRENCH TOAST! 769% 770It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. 771% 772It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! 773% 774I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ... 775% 776I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your 777SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!! 778% 779I've read SEVEN MILLION books!! 780% 781JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level 782of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ... 783% 784Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 785% 786Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ... 787% 788Kids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be 789carried too FAR! 790% 791Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, 792PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! 793% 794Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ... um ... um ... th' washing machine 795is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! 796% 797LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! 798% 799Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a 800SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your 801ASHTRAYS ... 802% 803Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... 804% 805Let's all show human CONCERN for REVEREND MOON's legal difficulties!! 806% 807Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! 808% 809Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! 810% 811Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!! 812% 813Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! 814% 815Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! 816% 817LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of 818Seagulls" HAIRCUTS! 819% 820Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a 821HIGHBALL?? ... 822% 823Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge 824card! 825% 826Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! 827% 828Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a 829cheap hotel in HONOLULU! 830% 831Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- 832% 833MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! 834% 835MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! 836% 837Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the 838shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a 839TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and 840SUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, 841BABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded 842animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT, 843I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE 844WHEAT BUN!! 845% 846Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of 847the INDONESIAN archipelago? 848% 849My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! 850% 851My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE 852FUNCTION and full kitchen!! 853% 854My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New 855York!! 856% 857My EARS are GONE!! 858% 859My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's 860care!!!! 861% 862My haircut is totally traditional! 863% 864MY income is ALL disposable! 865% 866My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ... 867% 868My life is a patio of fun! 869% 870My mind is a potato field ... 871% 872My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ... 873% 874My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ... 875% 876my NOSE is NUMB! 877% 878My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! 879% 880My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! 881% 882My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! 883% 884My vaseline is RUNNING... 885% 886NANCY!! Why is everything RED?! 887% 888NATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED -- They 889COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They 890did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but 891they were OFF-KEY ... 892% 893NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! 894% 895Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 896% 897Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... 898in PAIN!!! 899% 900Now I am depressed ... 901% 902Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST 903BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER! 904% 905Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! 906% 907Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the 908BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! 909% 910Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World 911War II! 912% 913Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of 914HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached 915by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ... 916% 917Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ... 918% 919Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! 920% 921Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING 922and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! 923% 924Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! 925% 926Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- 927% 928Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? 929% 930Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! 931% 932Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR 933DEAD CAT LOVERS" ... 934% 935OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED 936R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! 937% 938OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O 939and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if 940it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S 941the WASHING MACHINES? 942% 943On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS 944PHILBIN ... It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! 945% 946On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL 947QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!! 948% 949On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a 950POINT. 951% 952Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION 953statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was 954completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely 955amusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we 956finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled 957snack cakes! 958% 959Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of 960DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY 961VALUES!! 962% 963ONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to 964 the downtown PLASMA CENTER ... 965TWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ... 966THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!! 967% 968One FISHWICH coming up!! 969% 970Our father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this 971table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also 972leave a GENEROUS TIP .... 973% 974over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ... 975% 976OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND 977REPAIR!! 978% 979PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? 980% 981Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your 982BOOTH! 983% 984PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. 985% 986PIZZA!! 987% 988Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the 989Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! 990% 991Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!! 992% 993Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! 994% 995PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! 996% 997Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! 998% 999RELATIVES!! 1000% 1001Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by 1002prescription!! 1003% 1004RHAPSODY in Glue! 1005% 1006SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS 1007... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes, 1008starring JANE FONDA!! 1009% 1010Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA 101194140, USA 1012% 1013SHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into 1014empty OIL DRUMS ... 1015% 1016Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? 1017% 1018Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a 1019VASECTOMY?? 1020% 1021Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK 1022hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? 1023% 1024Sign my PETITION. 1025% 1026So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL 1027INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 1028SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!! 1029% 1030So this is what it feels like to be potato salad 1031% 1032someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN 1033% 1034Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!! 1035% 1036Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB 1037CHOP!! 1038% 1039Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a 1040batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! 1041% 1042Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it 1043to Beaver"! 1044% 1045Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? 1046% 1047TAILFINS!! ... click ... 1048% 1049TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash 1050Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! 1051% 1052Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to 1053Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!! 1054% 1055Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL 1056% 1057Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! 1058% 1059The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth 1060the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! 1061% 1062The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- 1063and have since BIRTH!! 1064% 1065The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my 1066SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!! 1067% 1068The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ... 1069% 1070The Korean War must have been fun. 1071% 1072The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at 1073dawn!!! 1074% 1075The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! 1076% 1077The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS 1078around 1953!! 1079% 1080The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ... 1081% 1082There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS 1083in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! 1084% 1085There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! 1086% 1087These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! 1088% 1089They collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen 1090appeal! 1091% 1092This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!! 1093% 1094This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! 1095% 1096This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up 1097against someone's MARTINI!! 1098% 1099This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! 1100% 1101This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!! 1102% 1103This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE is 1104talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ... 1105% 1106Those aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD 1107SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! 1108% 1109Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the 1110aesthetic modules -- 1111% 1112Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER 1113before his MAKEOVER! 1114% 1115Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... 1116Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 1117% 1118TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? 1119% 1120Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! 1121% 1122UH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by 1123mistake!!! 1124% 1125UH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a 1126NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha. 1127% 1128Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! 1129% 1130UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! 1131% 1132Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader 1133frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? 1134% 1135Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE! 1136% 1137VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 1138% 1139Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and 1140TAX-DEFERRED! 1141% 1142Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat 1143Junction?? 1144% 1145Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! 1146% 1147We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot 1148tub ... 1149% 1150We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- 1151% 1152We just joined the civil hair patrol! 1153% 1154We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 115545 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head! 1156% 1157Well, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I 1158HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE ... 1159EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! 1160% 1161Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to 1162VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 1163% 1164Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES 1165ROOM ... 1166% 1167Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL 1168DESPAIR! 1169% 1170Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? 1171% 1172What a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!! 1173% 1174What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? 1175% 1176What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ... 1177% 1178What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? 1179% 1180What PROGRAM are they watching? 1181% 1182What UNIVERSE is this, please?? 1183% 1184What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? 1185% 1186When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or 1187DETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it ... 1188% 1189When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ... 1190% 1191When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? 1192% 1193When you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING 1194BILL ... Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION 1195and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!! 1196% 1197Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? 1198% 1199Where does it go when you flush? 1200% 1201Where's SANDY DUNCAN? 1202% 1203Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? 1204% 1205Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! 1206% 1207While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit 1208priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 1209% 1210While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ... his 1211will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"! 1212% 1213WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! 1214% 1215WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the 1216NEGATIVE IONS!! 1217% 1218Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? 1219% 1220Why don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your 1221own ZIPCODE? 1222% 1223Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex? 1224% 1225Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT 1226CENTER with you?? 1227% 1228Will it improve my CASH FLOW? 1229% 1230Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? 1231% 1232Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? 1233% 1234With YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ... 1235% 1236World War III? No thanks! 1237% 1238World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced 1239dress code! 1240% 1241Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! 1242% 1243Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"! 1244% 1245Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON 1246MAIDEN concert? 1247% 1248YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN 1249DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!! 1250% 1251You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! 1252% 1253You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th' 1254distinction between FANTASY and REALITY? 1255% 1256You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? 1257% 1258YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! 1259% 1260You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW 1261CAREER!! 1262% 1263You were s'posed to laugh! 1264% 1265Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- 1266% 1267Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental 1268attitudes! 1269% 1270Yow! 1271% 1272Yow! Am I having fun yet? 1273% 1274Yow! Am I in Milwaukee? 1275% 1276Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! 1277% 1278Yow! Are we laid back yet? 1279% 1280Yow! Are we wet yet? 1281% 1282Yow! Are you the self-frying president? 1283% 1284Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? 1285% 1286YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! 1287% 1288YOW!!! I am having fun!!! 1289% 1290Yow! I just went below the poverty line! 1291% 1292Yow! I threw up on my window! 1293% 1294Yow! I want my nose in lights! 1295% 1296Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! 1297% 1298Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel 1299mill! 1300% 1301Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! 1302% 1303YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! 1304% 1305Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? 1306% 1307Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? 1308% 1309Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! 1310% 1311Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! 1312% 1313Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY -- 1314% 1315Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING 1316BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! 1317% 1318YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM 1319laws!! 1320% 1321Yow! Now we can become alcoholics! 1322% 1323YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! 1324% 1325Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! 1326% 1327YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! 1328% 1329Yow! We're going to a new disco! 1330% 1331YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of 1332CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! 1333% 1334Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ... 1335% 1336