zippy revision 165843
1%% $FreeBSD: head/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy 165843 2007-01-06 22:04:46Z dougb $ 2A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! 3% 4A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! 5% 6A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume.. 7% 8A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled 9with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? 10% 11Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! 12% 13All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled 14by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ... 15% 16All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow 17a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know 18WHY!! 19% 20All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! 21% 22All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! 23% 24All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! 25% 26Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!! 27% 28Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? 29% 30Am I elected yet? 31% 32Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? 33% 34Am I SHOPLIFTING? 35% 36America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into 37your void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind ... 38% 39An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! 40% 41An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? 42% 43An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! 44% 45And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! 46% 47ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO 48MONTALBAN'S HAIR! 49% 50Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? 51% 52Are we live or on tape? 53% 54Are we on STRIKE yet? 55% 56Are we THERE yet? 57% 58Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! 59% 60Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? 61% 62Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! 63% 64Are you still an ALCOHOLIC? 65% 66As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! 67% 68Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? 69% 70BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! 71% 72Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! 73But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!! 74% 75BARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY 76WAY" I've ever heard!! 77% 78Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. 79% 80BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ... 81% 82BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- 83% 84... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... 85% 86Bo Derek ruined my life! 87% 88Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... 89% 90Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! 91% 92But they went to MARS around 1953!! 93% 94But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? 95% 96Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? 97% 98Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? 99% 100Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! 101% 102CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! 103% 104Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! 105% 106Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! 107% 108Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL 109NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn 110LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! 111% 112CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about 113DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? 114% 115Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds 116TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ... 117% 118Could I have a drug overdose? 119% 120Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in 121a MALIBU HOT TUB? 122% 123Did I do an INCORRECT THING?? 124% 125Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? 126% 127Did I SELL OUT yet?? 128% 129Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? 130% 131Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? 132% 133DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? 134% 135Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? 136% 137Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running 138straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the 139dollar! 140% 141Do I have a lifestyle yet? 142% 143Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? 144% 145Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? 146% 147Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"? 148% 149Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days? 150% 151Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? 152% 153does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? 154% 155DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!! 156Don't go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! 157% 158Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! 159% 160Don't SANFORIZE me!! 161% 162Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ... 163FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK 164STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ... Are there any QUESTIONS?? 165% 166Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! 167% 168Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! 169% 170Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!! 171% 172Everybody gets free BORSCHT! 173% 174Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a 175disaster Movie!! 176% 177Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ... 178% 179Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of 180OFFSET PRINTING? 181% 182FEELINGS are cascading over me!!! 183% 184Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty 185dining room. 186% 187First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ... So 188just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! 189% 190FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! 191% 192for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! 193% 194Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my 195gothic solarium!! 196% 197FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... 198% 199FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! 200% 201Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my 202satellite dish PAYMENTS! 203% 204Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ... 205% 206Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! 207% 208Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! 209% 210GOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my 211pet LEISURE SUIT!! 212% 213HAIR TONICS, please!! 214% 215Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! 216% 217Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for 218today! 219% 220Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's 221time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 222% 223... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. 224% 225He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- 226% 227He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me 228like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to 229PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING 230MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO! 231% 232HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! 233% 234HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! 235% 236Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! 237% 238Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan 239females!! 240% 241Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES 242being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! 243% 244Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No 245thanks! 246% 247Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I 248guess ... 249% 250Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample 251bottles ... 252% 253Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! 254% 255Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN 256anywhere!! 257% 258Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment? 259% 260Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!! 261% 262Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce! 263% 264Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some 265drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! 266% 267Hmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a 268TROLLEY-CAR ... 269% 270Hmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted 271island, when ... 272% 273Hmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET 274FIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ... 275% 276Hmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL 277CHLORIDE ... 278% 279Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ... 280% 281HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! 282% 283How do I get HOME? 284% 285How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? It's th' 286MOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, 287HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce 288to NANCY SINATRA! 289% 290How many returned bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL 291SHARPENERS right NOW?? 292% 293How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? 294% 295How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? 296% 297hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub. 298% 299HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! 300% 301HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ... 302% 303I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! 304% 305I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. 306% 307I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! 308% 309I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! 310% 311I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! 312% 313I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? 314% 315I am NOT a nut.... 316% 317I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! 318% 319I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! 320% 321I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! 322% 323I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! I wonder if BOB 324GUCCIONE has these problems! 325% 326I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of 327LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ... 328% 329I demand IMPUNITY! 330% 331I didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO! 332% 333I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all 334just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell 335more numbers!! 336% 337... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. 338LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! 339% 340I don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in 341my read molars ... 342% 343... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. 344% 345I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! 346% 347I feel ... JUGULAR ... 348% 349I feel better about world problems now! 350% 351I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! 352% 353I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ... 354% 355I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! 356% 357I feel partially hydrogenated! 358% 359I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the 360"WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE 361in the yard ... 362% 363I guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ... 364% 365I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING! 366% 367I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ... 368% 369I had pancake makeup for brunch! 370% 371I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD 372% 373I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. 374% 375I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! 376% 377I have accepted Provolone into my life! 378% 379I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. 380% 381... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... 382% 383-- I have seen the FUN -- 384% 385I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... 386% 387I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the 388INSTRUCTIONS ... 389% 390I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! 391% 392I HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because 393my viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!! 394% 395I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling 396every day from Oral Roberts!! 397% 398I hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ... 399% 400I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to 401live!! 402% 403I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ... 404% 405I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life 406savings in yeast!! 407% 408I invented skydiving in 1989! 409% 410I joined scientology at a garage sale!! 411% 412I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! 413% 414I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he 415is ... 416% 417I just had a NOSE JOB!! 418% 419I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! 420% 421I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch 422with my LEISURE SUIT!! 423% 424I just remembered something about a TOAD! 425% 426I KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW 427on the SIDE? 428% 429I Know A Joke 430% 431I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! 432% 433I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! 434% 435I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! 436% 437I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! 438% 439I like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS 440% 441I like your SNOOPY POSTER!! 442% 443-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away 444now. I fed the cat. 445% 446I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in 4471965!! 448% 449I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio 450SLEAZEBALLS!! 451% 452I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! 453% 454I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! 455% 456I put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL 457legislation.. 458% 459I represent a sardine!! 460% 461I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! 462% 463... I see TOILET SEATS ... 464% 465I selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"! 466% 467I smell a RANCID CORN DOG! 468% 469I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! 470% 471I think I am an overnight sensation right now!! 472% 473... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common 474MISAPPREHENSIONS ... 475% 476I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while 477reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! 478% 479I think my career is ruined! 480% 481I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH 482RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! 483% 484... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! 485% 486I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! 487% 488I want a WESSON OIL lease!! 489% 490I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!! 491% 492I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n 493secure!! 494% 495... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within 496SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! 497% 498I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. 499% 500I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE 501and WHEAT THINS ... 502% 503I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! 504% 505I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 506% 507I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ... 508% 509I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! 510% 511I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY 512... BACKWARDS!! 513% 514I want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in 515formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with 516me -- 517% 518I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! 519% 520I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! 521% 522I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! 523% 524I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! 525% 526I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! 527% 528I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? 529% 530I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE 531STRANGER? 532% 533I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! 534% 535I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? 536% 537I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- 538% 539I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! 540% 541I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE -- 542% 543I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! 544% 545I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ... 546% 547I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany 548% 549I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN 550SONTAG!! 551% 552I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! 553% 554I'm also against BODY-SURFING!! 555% 556I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! 557% 558I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! 559% 560I'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO 561MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"! 562% 563I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! 564% 565I'm definitely not in Omaha! 566% 567I'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this 568miniature DOMED STADIUM ... 569% 570I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... 571% 572I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! 573% 574I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! 575% 576I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! 577% 578I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!! 579% 580I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! 581% 582I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! 583% 584I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS 585% 586I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! 587% 588I'm having an emotional outburst!! 589% 590I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in 591my PAJAMA POCKET?? 592% 593I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and 594wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ... 595% 596I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! 597% 598... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM 599of a KOSHER DELI -- 600% 601I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. 602% 603I'm into SOFTWARE! 604% 605I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my 606PERSONAL SPACE!! 607% 608I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD 609STERLING when you really need him? 610% 611I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! 612% 613I'm not available for comment.. 614% 615I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? 616% 617I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO 618MONTALBAN! 619% 620I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife 621and two children stand QUIETLY BY ... 622% 623I'm rated PG-34!! 624% 625I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! 626% 627I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with 628MISSILES!! 629% 630I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin 631Hustle now! 632% 633I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! 634% 635I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM 636... I'm VIBRATORY ... 637% 638I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated 639IMAGE FORMATIONS ... 640% 641I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of 642CHICKEN ... 643% 644I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER 645WORKINGS of this POTATO!! 646% 647I'm wearing PAMPERS!! 648% 649I'm wet! I'm wild! 650% 651I'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR 652REGIONS! 653% 654I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. 655% 656I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ... 657% 658I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your 659SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!! 660% 661I've read SEVEN MILLION books!! 662% 663... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im 664antiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche 665PIZZA ... 666% 667If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for 668MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a 669GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!! 670% 671If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old 672houseboy ... 673% 674If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! 675% 676If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be 677replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! 678% 679If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! 680% 681If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! 682% 683... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate 684man!! 685% 686If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! 687% 688if it GLISTENS, gobble it!! 689% 690If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! 691% 692If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry 693Bonzo?? 694% 695In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental 696Belt," for $10.99!! 697% 698In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! 699% 700INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! 701% 702Inside, I'm already SOBBING! 703% 704Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in 705Safeway? 706% 707Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG 708his GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the 709ESCALATOR ... 710% 711Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one 712wild afternoon?? 713% 714Is it clean in other dimensions? 715% 716Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a 717plate of SAUCE MORNAY? 718% 719Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? 720% 721Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"? 722% 723Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? 724% 725Is this TERMINAL fun? 726% 727Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also 728makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? 729% 730Isn't this my STOP?! 731% 732It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! 733% 734It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID 735LETTERMAN!! YOW!! 736% 737It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!? 738% 739It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!! 740% 741It's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA 742in the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making 743FRENCH TOAST! 744% 745It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. 746% 747It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! 748% 749JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level 750of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ... 751% 752Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 753% 754Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ... 755% 756Kids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be 757carried too FAR! 758% 759Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, 760PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! 761% 762Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ... um ... um ... th' washing machine 763is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! 764% 765LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! 766% 767Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a 768SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your 769ASHTRAYS ... 770% 771Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... 772% 773Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!! 774% 775Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! 776% 777Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! 778% 779Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!! 780% 781Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! 782% 783Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a 784HIGHBALL?? ... 785% 786Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge 787card! 788% 789Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! 790% 791LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of 792Seagulls" HAIRCUTS! 793% 794Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! 795% 796Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a 797cheap hotel in HONOLULU! 798% 799Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- 800% 801MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! 802% 803MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! 804% 805Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the 806shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a 807TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and 808SUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, 809BABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded 810animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT, 811I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE 812WHEAT BUN!! 813% 814Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of 815the INDONESIAN archipelago? 816% 817My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! 818% 819My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE 820FUNCTION and full kitchen!! 821% 822My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New 823York!! 824% 825My EARS are GONE!! 826% 827My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's 828care!!!! 829% 830My haircut is totally traditional! 831% 832MY income is ALL disposable! 833% 834My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ... 835% 836My life is a patio of fun! 837% 838My mind is a potato field ... 839% 840My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ... 841% 842My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ... 843% 844my NOSE is NUMB! 845% 846... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling 847Alley!! 848% 849My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! 850% 851My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! 852% 853My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! 854% 855My vaseline is RUNNING... 856% 857NANCY!! Why is everything RED?! 858% 859NATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED -- They 860COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They 861did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but 862they were OFF-KEY ... 863% 864NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! 865% 866Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 867% 868Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... 869in PAIN!!! 870% 871Now I am depressed ... 872% 873Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST 874BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER! 875% 876Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! 877% 878Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the 879BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! 880% 881Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World 882War II! 883% 884Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of 885HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached 886by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ... 887% 888Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ... 889% 890Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING 891and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! 892% 893Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! 894% 895... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 896% 897Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! 898% 899Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- 900% 901Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! 902% 903Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? 904% 905Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR 906DEAD CAT LOVERS" ... 907% 908OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED 909R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! 910% 911OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O 912and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if 913it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S 914the WASHING MACHINES? 915% 916On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS 917PHILBIN ... It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! 918% 919On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL 920QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!! 921% 922On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a 923POINT. 924% 925Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of 926DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY 927VALUES!! 928% 929Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION 930statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was 931completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely 932amusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we 933finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled 934snack cakes! 935% 936One FISHWICH coming up!! 937% 938ONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to 939 the downtown PLASMA CENTER ... 940TWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ... 941THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!! 942% 943... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last 944Tuesday? 945% 946Our father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this 947table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also 948leave a GENEROUS TIP .... 949% 950over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ... 951% 952OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND 953REPAIR!! 954% 955PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? 956% 957Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your 958BOOTH! 959% 960PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. 961% 962PIZZA!! 963% 964Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the 965Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! 966% 967Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!! 968% 969Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! 970% 971PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! 972% 973Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! 974% 975RELATIVES!! 976% 977Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by 978prescription!! 979% 980RHAPSODY in Glue! 981% 982SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS 983... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes, 984starring JANE FONDA!! 985% 986Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA 98794140, USA 988% 989SHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into 990empty OIL DRUMS ... 991% 992Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? 993% 994Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a 995VASECTOMY?? 996% 997Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK 998hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? 999% 1000Sign my PETITION. 1001% 1002So this is what it feels like to be potato salad 1003% 1004So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL 1005INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 1006SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!! 1007% 1008someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN 1009% 1010Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!! 1011% 1012Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB 1013CHOP!! 1014% 1015Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a 1016batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! 1017% 1018Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it 1019to Beaver"! 1020% 1021Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? 1022% 1023TAILFINS!! ... click ... 1024% 1025 Talking Pinhead Blues: 1026Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel 1027 TWENTY-SIX!! 1028 1029Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been 1030 DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff) 1031 1032My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG 1033 won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf) 1034 1035So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!! 1036 (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh) 1037% 1038TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash 1039Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! 1040% 1041Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to 1042Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!! 1043% 1044Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL 1045% 1046Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! 1047% 1048The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth 1049the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! 1050% 1051The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- 1052and have since BIRTH!! 1053% 1054The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my 1055SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!! 1056% 1057The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ... 1058% 1059... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued 1060OYSTER! Yum! 1061% 1062The Korean War must have been fun. 1063% 1064... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! 1065% 1066The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at 1067dawn!!! 1068% 1069The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! 1070% 1071The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS 1072around 1953!! 1073% 1074The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ... 1075% 1076There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS 1077in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! 1078% 1079There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! 1080% 1081These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! 1082% 1083They collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen 1084appeal! 1085% 1086This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!! 1087% 1088This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! 1089% 1090This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up 1091against someone's MARTINI!! 1092% 1093... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! 1094% 1095This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! 1096% 1097This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!! 1098% 1099This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE is 1100talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ... 1101% 1102Those aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD 1103SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! 1104% 1105Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the 1106aesthetic modules -- 1107% 1108Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER 1109before his MAKEOVER! 1110% 1111Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... 1112Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 1113% 1114TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? 1115% 1116Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader 1117frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? 1118% 1119Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! 1120% 1121UH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by 1122mistake!!! 1123% 1124UH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a 1125NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha. 1126% 1127Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! 1128% 1129UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! 1130% 1131Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE! 1132% 1133VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 1134% 1135Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and 1136TAX-DEFERRED! 1137% 1138Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat 1139Junction?? 1140% 1141Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! 1142% 1143We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot 1144tub ... 1145% 1146We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- 1147% 1148We just joined the civil hair patrol! 1149% 1150We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 115145 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head! 1152% 1153Well, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I 1154HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE ... 1155EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! 1156% 1157Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to 1158VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 1159% 1160Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES 1161ROOM ... 1162% 1163Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL 1164DESPAIR! 1165% 1166Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? 1167% 1168What a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!! 1169% 1170What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? 1171% 1172What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ... 1173% 1174What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? 1175% 1176What PROGRAM are they watching? 1177% 1178What UNIVERSE is this, please?? 1179% 1180What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? 1181% 1182When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or 1183DETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it ... 1184% 1185When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ... 1186% 1187When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? 1188% 1189When you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING 1190BILL ... Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION 1191and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!! 1192% 1193Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? 1194% 1195Where does it go when you flush? 1196% 1197Where's SANDY DUNCAN? 1198% 1199Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? 1200% 1201Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! 1202% 1203While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit 1204priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 1205% 1206While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ... his 1207will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"! 1208% 1209WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! 1210% 1211WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the 1212NEGATIVE IONS!! 1213% 1214Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? 1215% 1216Why don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your 1217own ZIPCODE? 1218% 1219Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex? 1220% 1221Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT 1222CENTER with you?? 1223% 1224Will it improve my CASH FLOW? 1225% 1226Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? 1227% 1228Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? 1229% 1230With YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ... 1231% 1232World War III? No thanks! 1233% 1234World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced 1235dress code! 1236% 1237Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! 1238% 1239Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"! 1240% 1241Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON 1242MAIDEN concert? 1243% 1244You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! 1245% 1246You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th' 1247distinction between FANTASY and REALITY? 1248% 1249You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? 1250% 1251YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! 1252% 1253You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW 1254CAREER!! 1255% 1256You were s'posed to laugh! 1257% 1258YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN 1259DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!! 1260% 1261Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- 1262% 1263Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental 1264attitudes! 1265% 1266Yow! 1267% 1268Yow! Am I having fun yet? 1269% 1270Yow! Am I in Milwaukee? 1271% 1272Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! 1273% 1274Yow! Are we laid back yet? 1275% 1276Yow! Are we wet yet? 1277% 1278Yow! Are you the self-frying president? 1279% 1280Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? 1281% 1282Yow! I just went below the poverty line! 1283% 1284Yow! I threw up on my window! 1285% 1286Yow! I want my nose in lights! 1287% 1288Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! 1289% 1290Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel 1291mill! 1292% 1293Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! 1294% 1295Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? 1296% 1297Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? 1298% 1299Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! 1300% 1301Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! 1302% 1303Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY -- 1304% 1305Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING 1306BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! 1307% 1308Yow! Now we can become alcoholics! 1309% 1310Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! 1311% 1312Yow! We're going to a new disco! 1313% 1314YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! 1315% 1316YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! 1317% 1318YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM 1319laws!! 1320% 1321YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! 1322% 1323YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! 1324% 1325YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of 1326CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! 1327% 1328YOW!!! I am having fun!!! 1329% 1330Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ... 1331