zippy revision 2490
12490SjkhA can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! 22490Sjkh% 32490SjkhA dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! 42490Sjkh% 52490SjkhA shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume.. 62490Sjkh% 72490SjkhA wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled 82490Sjkhwith LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? 92490Sjkh% 102490SjkhActually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! 112490Sjkh% 122490SjkhAll I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled 132490Sjkhby an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ... 142490Sjkh% 152490SjkhAll of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow 162490Sjkha LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know 172490SjkhWHY!! 182490Sjkh% 192490SjkhAll of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! 202490Sjkh% 212490SjkhAll right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! 222490Sjkh% 232490SjkhAll this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! 242490Sjkh% 252490SjkhAlright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!! 262490Sjkh% 272490SjkhAm I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? 282490Sjkh% 292490SjkhAm I elected yet? 302490Sjkh% 312490SjkhAm I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? 322490Sjkh% 332490SjkhAm I SHOPLIFTING? 342490Sjkh% 352490SjkhAmerica!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into 362490Sjkhyour void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind ... 372490Sjkh% 382490SjkhAn air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! 392490Sjkh% 402490SjkhAn INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? 412490Sjkh% 422490SjkhAn Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! 432490Sjkh% 442490SjkhAnd furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! 452490Sjkh% 462490SjkhANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO 472490SjkhMONTALBAN'S HAIR! 482490Sjkh% 492490SjkhAre the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? 502490Sjkh% 512490SjkhAre we live or on tape? 522490Sjkh% 532490SjkhAre we on STRIKE yet? 542490Sjkh% 552490SjkhAre we THERE yet? 562490Sjkh% 572490SjkhAre we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! 582490Sjkh% 592490SjkhAre you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? 602490Sjkh% 612490SjkhAre you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! 622490Sjkh% 632490SjkhAre you still an ALCOHOLIC? 642490Sjkh% 652490SjkhAs President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! 662490Sjkh% 672490SjkhAwright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? 682490Sjkh% 692490SjkhBARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! 702490Sjkh% 712490SjkhBarbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! 722490SjkhBut Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!! 732490Sjkh% 742490SjkhBARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY 752490SjkhWAY" I've ever heard!! 762490Sjkh% 772490SjkhBeing a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. 782490Sjkh% 792490SjkhBELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ... 802490Sjkh% 812490SjkhBI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- 822490Sjkh% 832490Sjkh... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... 842490Sjkh% 852490SjkhBo Derek ruined my life! 862490Sjkh% 872490SjkhBoy, am I glad it's only 1971... 882490Sjkh% 892490SjkhBoys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! 902490Sjkh% 912490SjkhBut they went to MARS around 1953!! 922490Sjkh% 932490SjkhBut was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? 942490Sjkh% 952490SjkhCan I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? 962490Sjkh% 972490SjkhCan you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? 982490Sjkh% 992490SjkhCatsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! 1002490Sjkh% 1012490SjkhCHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! 1022490Sjkh% 1032490SjkhCivilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! 1042490Sjkh% 1052490SjkhClear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! 1062490Sjkh% 1072490SjkhConcentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL 1082490SjkhNUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn 1092490SjkhLEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! 1102490Sjkh% 1112490SjkhCONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about 1122490SjkhDIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? 1132490Sjkh% 1142490SjkhContent: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds 1152490SjkhTARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ... 1162490Sjkh% 1172490SjkhCould I have a drug overdose? 1182490Sjkh% 1192490SjkhDid an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in 1202490Sjkha MALIBU HOT TUB? 1212490Sjkh% 1222490SjkhDid I do an INCORRECT THING?? 1232490Sjkh% 1242490SjkhDid I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? 1252490Sjkh% 1262490SjkhDid I SELL OUT yet?? 1272490Sjkh% 1282490SjkhDid YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? 1292490Sjkh% 1302490SjkhDid you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? 1312490Sjkh% 1322490SjkhDIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? 1332490Sjkh% 1342490SjkhDidn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? 1352490Sjkh% 1362490SjkhDisco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running 1372490Sjkhstraight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the 1382490Sjkhdollar! 1392490Sjkh% 1402490SjkhDo I have a lifestyle yet? 1412490Sjkh% 1422490SjkhDo you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? 1432490Sjkh% 1442490SjkhDo you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? 1452490Sjkh% 1462490SjkhDo you like "TENDER VITTLES"? 1472490Sjkh% 1482490SjkhDo you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days? 1492490Sjkh% 1502490SjkhDoes someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? 1512490Sjkh% 1522490Sjkhdoes your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? 1532490Sjkh% 1542490SjkhDON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!! 1552490SjkhDon't go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! 1562490Sjkh% 1572490SjkhDon't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! 1582490Sjkh% 1592490SjkhDon't SANFORIZE me!! 1602490Sjkh% 1612490SjkhDon't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ... 1622490SjkhFRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK 1632490SjkhSTUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ... Are there any QUESTIONS?? 1642490Sjkh% 1652490SjkhEdwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! 1662490Sjkh% 1672490SjkhEisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! 1682490Sjkh% 1692490SjkhEither CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!! 1702490Sjkh% 1712490SjkhEverybody gets free BORSCHT! 1722490Sjkh% 1732490SjkhEverybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a 1742490Sjkhdisaster Movie!! 1752490Sjkh% 1762490SjkhEverywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ... 1772490Sjkh% 1782490SjkhExcuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of 1792490SjkhOFFSET PRINTING? 1802490Sjkh% 1812490SjkhFEELINGS are cascading over me!!! 1822490Sjkh% 1832490SjkhFinally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty 1842490Sjkhdining room. 1852490Sjkh% 1862490SjkhFirst, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ... So 1872490Sjkhjust plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! 1882490Sjkh% 1892490SjkhFOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! 1902490Sjkh% 1912490Sjkhfor ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! 1922490Sjkh% 1932490SjkhFour thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my 1942490Sjkhgothic solarium!! 1952490Sjkh% 1962490SjkhFROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... 1972490Sjkh% 1982490SjkhFUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! 1992490Sjkh% 2002490SjkhGee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my 2012490Sjkhsatellite dish PAYMENTS! 2022490Sjkh% 2032490SjkhGibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ... 2042490Sjkh% 2052490SjkhGive them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! 2062490Sjkh% 2072490SjkhGo on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! 2082490Sjkh% 2092490SjkhGOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my 2102490Sjkhpet LEISURE SUIT!! 2112490Sjkh% 2122490SjkhHAIR TONICS, please!! 2132490Sjkh% 2142490SjkhHalf a mind is a terrible thing to waste! 2152490Sjkh% 2162490SjkhHand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for 2172490Sjkhtoday! 2182490Sjkh% 2192490SjkhHas everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? 2202490Sjkh% 2212490SjkhHas everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's 2222490Sjkhtime to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 2232490Sjkh% 2242490Sjkh... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. 2252490Sjkh% 2262490SjkhHe is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- 2272490Sjkh% 2282490SjkhHe probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me 2292490Sjkhlike a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to 2302490SjkhPSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING 2312490SjkhMILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO! 2322490Sjkh% 2332490SjkhHELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! 2342490Sjkh% 2352490SjkhHELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! 2362490Sjkh% 2372490SjkhHello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! 2382490Sjkh% 2392490SjkhHello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan 2402490Sjkhfemales!! 2412490Sjkh% 2422490SjkhHello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES 2432490Sjkhbeing almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! 2442490Sjkh% 2452490SjkhHello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No 2462490Sjkhthanks! 2472490Sjkh% 2482490SjkhHello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I 2492490Sjkhguess ... 2502490Sjkh% 2512490SjkhHere I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample 2522490Sjkhbottles ... 2532490Sjkh% 2542490SjkhHere I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! 2552490Sjkh% 2562490SjkhHere I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN 2572490Sjkhanywhere!! 2582490Sjkh% 2592490SjkhHere we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment? 2602490Sjkh% 2612490SjkhHey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!! 2622490Sjkh% 2632490SjkhHey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce! 2642490Sjkh% 2652490SjkhHiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some 2662490Sjkhdrunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! 2672490Sjkh% 2682490SjkhHmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a 2692490SjkhTROLLEY-CAR ... 2702490Sjkh% 2712490SjkhHmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted 2722490Sjkhisland, when ... 2732490Sjkh% 2742490SjkhHmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET 2752490SjkhFIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ... 2762490Sjkh% 2772490SjkhHmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL 2782490SjkhCHLORIDE ... 2792490Sjkh% 2802490SjkhHold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ... 2812490Sjkh% 2822490SjkhHOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! 2832490Sjkh% 2842490SjkhHow do I get HOME? 2852490Sjkh% 2862490SjkhHow do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? It's th' 2872490SjkhMOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, 2882490SjkhHONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce 2892490Sjkhto NANCY SINATRA! 2902490Sjkh% 2912490SjkhHow many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL 2922490SjkhSHARPENERS right NOW?? 2932490Sjkh% 2942490SjkhHow's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? 2952490Sjkh% 2962490SjkhHow's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? 2972490Sjkh% 2982490Sjkhhubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub. 2992490Sjkh% 3002490SjkhHUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! 3012490Sjkh% 3022490SjkhHUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ... 3032490Sjkh% 3042490SjkhI always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! 3052490Sjkh% 3062490SjkhI am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. 3072490Sjkh% 3082490SjkhI am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! 3092490Sjkh% 3102490SjkhI am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! 3112490Sjkh% 3122490SjkhI am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! 3132490Sjkh% 3142490SjkhI am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? 3152490Sjkh% 3162490SjkhI am NOT a nut.... 3172490Sjkh% 3182490SjkhI appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! 3192490Sjkh% 3202490SjkhI brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! 3212490Sjkh% 3222490SjkhI can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! 3232490Sjkh% 3242490SjkhI can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! I wonder if BOB 3252490SjkhGUCCIONE has these problems! 3262490Sjkh% 3272490SjkhI can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of 3282490SjkhLITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ... 3292490Sjkh% 3302490SjkhI demand IMPUNITY! 3312490Sjkh% 3322490SjkhI didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO! 3332490Sjkh% 3342490SjkhI don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all 3352490Sjkhjust a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell 3362490Sjkhmore numbers!! 3372490Sjkh% 3382490Sjkh... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. 3392490SjkhLEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! 3402490Sjkh% 3412490SjkhI don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in 3422490Sjkhmy read molars ... 3432490Sjkh% 3442490Sjkh... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. 3452490Sjkh% 3462490SjkhI don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! 3472490Sjkh% 3482490SjkhI feel ... JUGULAR ... 3492490Sjkh% 3502490SjkhI feel better about world problems now! 3512490Sjkh% 3522490SjkhI feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! 3532490Sjkh% 3542490SjkhI feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV ... 3552490Sjkh% 3562490SjkhI feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! 3572490Sjkh% 3582490SjkhI feel partially hydrogenated! 3592490Sjkh% 3602490SjkhI fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the 3612490Sjkh"WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE 3622490Sjkhin the yard ... 3632490Sjkh% 3642490SjkhI guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ... 3652490Sjkh% 3662490SjkhI guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING! 3672490Sjkh% 3682490SjkhI had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ... 3692490Sjkh% 3702490SjkhI had pancake makeup for brunch! 3712490Sjkh% 3722490SjkhI have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD 3732490Sjkh% 3742490SjkhI have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. 3752490Sjkh% 3762490SjkhI have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! 3772490Sjkh% 3782490SjkhI have accepted Provolone into my life! 3792490Sjkh% 3802490SjkhI have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. 3812490Sjkh% 3822490Sjkh... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... 3832490Sjkh% 3842490Sjkh-- I have seen the FUN -- 3852490Sjkh% 3862490SjkhI have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... 3872490Sjkh% 3882490SjkhI have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the 3892490SjkhINSTRUCTIONS ... 3902490Sjkh% 3912490SjkhI have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! 3922490Sjkh% 3932490SjkhI HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because 3942490Sjkhmy viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!! 3952490Sjkh% 3962490SjkhI haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling 3972490Sjkhevery day from Oral Roberts!! 3982490Sjkh% 3992490SjkhI hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ... 4002490Sjkh% 4012490SjkhI hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to 4022490Sjkhlive!! 4032490Sjkh% 4042490SjkhI hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ... 4052490Sjkh% 4062490SjkhI hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life 4072490Sjkhsavings in yeast!! 4082490Sjkh% 4092490SjkhI invented skydiving in 1989! 4102490Sjkh% 4112490SjkhI joined scientology at a garage sale!! 4122490Sjkh% 4132490SjkhI just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! 4142490Sjkh% 4152490SjkhI just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he 4162490Sjkhis ... 4172490Sjkh% 4182490SjkhI just had a NOSE JOB!! 4192490Sjkh% 4202490SjkhI just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! 4212490Sjkh% 4222490SjkhI just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch 4232490Sjkhwith my LEISURE SUIT!! 4242490Sjkh% 4252490SjkhI just remembered something about a TOAD! 4262490Sjkh% 4272490SjkhI KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW 4282490Sjkhon the SIDE? 4292490Sjkh% 4302490SjkhI Know A Joke 4312490Sjkh% 4322490SjkhI know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! 4332490Sjkh% 4342490SjkhI know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! 4352490Sjkh% 4362490SjkhI know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! 4372490Sjkh% 4382490SjkhI left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! 4392490Sjkh% 4402490SjkhI like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS 4412490Sjkh% 4422490SjkhI like your SNOOPY POSTER!! 4432490Sjkh% 4442490Sjkh-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away 4452490Sjkhnow. I fed the cat. 4462490Sjkh% 4472490SjkhI love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in 4482490Sjkh1965!! 4492490Sjkh% 4502490SjkhI need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio 4512490SjkhSLEAZEBALLS!! 4522490Sjkh% 4532490SjkhI once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! 4542490Sjkh% 4552490SjkhI own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! 4562490Sjkh% 4572490SjkhI put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL 4582490Sjkhlegislation.. 4592490Sjkh% 4602490SjkhI represent a sardine!! 4612490Sjkh% 4622490SjkhI request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! 4632490Sjkh% 4642490Sjkh... I see TOILET SEATS ... 4652490Sjkh% 4662490SjkhI selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"! 4672490Sjkh% 4682490SjkhI smell a RANCID CORN DOG! 4692490Sjkh% 4702490SjkhI smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! 4712490Sjkh% 4722490SjkhI think I am an overnight sensation right now!! 4732490Sjkh% 4742490Sjkh... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common 4752490SjkhMISAPPREHENSIONS ... 4762490Sjkh% 4772490SjkhI think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while 4782490Sjkhreading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! 4792490Sjkh% 4802490SjkhI think my career is ruined! 4812490Sjkh% 4822490SjkhI used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH 4832490SjkhRADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! 4842490Sjkh% 4852490Sjkh... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! 4862490Sjkh% 4872490SjkhI want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! 4882490Sjkh% 4892490SjkhI want a WESSON OIL lease!! 4902490Sjkh% 4912490SjkhI want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!! 4922490Sjkh% 4932490SjkhI want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n 4942490Sjkhsecure!! 4952490Sjkh% 4962490Sjkh... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within 4972490SjkhSIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! 4982490Sjkh% 4992490SjkhI want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. 5002490Sjkh% 5012490SjkhI want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE 5022490Sjkhand WHEAT THINS ... 5032490Sjkh% 5042490SjkhI want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! 5052490Sjkh% 5062490SjkhI want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 5072490Sjkh% 5082490Sjkh... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 5092490Sjkh% 5102490SjkhI want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ... 5112490Sjkh% 5122490SjkhI want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! 5132490Sjkh% 5142490SjkhI want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY 5152490Sjkh... BACKWARDS!! 5162490Sjkh% 5172490SjkhI want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in 5182490Sjkhformation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with 5192490Sjkhme -- 5202490Sjkh% 5212490SjkhI was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! 5222490Sjkh% 5232490SjkhI was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! 5242490Sjkh% 5252490SjkhI wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! 5262490Sjkh% 5272490SjkhI wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! 5282490Sjkh% 5292490SjkhI wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! 5302490Sjkh% 5312490SjkhI wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? 5322490Sjkh% 5332490SjkhI wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE 5342490SjkhSTRANGER? 5352490Sjkh% 5362490SjkhI wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! 5372490Sjkh% 5382490SjkhI wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? 5392490Sjkh% 5402490SjkhI would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- 5412490Sjkh% 5422490SjkhI'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! 5432490Sjkh% 5442490SjkhI'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE -- 5452490Sjkh% 5462490SjkhI'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! 5472490Sjkh% 5482490SjkhI'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ... 5492490Sjkh% 5502490SjkhI'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany 5512490Sjkh% 5522490SjkhI'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN 5532490SjkhSONTAG!! 5542490Sjkh% 5552490SjkhI'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! 5562490Sjkh% 5572490SjkhI'm also against BODY-SURFING!! 5582490Sjkh% 5592490SjkhI'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! 5602490Sjkh% 5612490SjkhI'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! 5622490Sjkh% 5632490SjkhI'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO 5642490SjkhMIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"! 5652490Sjkh% 5662490SjkhI'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! 5672490Sjkh% 5682490SjkhI'm definitely not in Omaha! 5692490Sjkh% 5702490SjkhI'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this 5712490Sjkhminiature DOMED STADIUM ... 5722490Sjkh% 5732490SjkhI'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... 5742490Sjkh% 5752490SjkhI'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! 5762490Sjkh% 5772490SjkhI'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! 5782490Sjkh% 5792490SjkhI'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! 5802490Sjkh% 5812490SjkhI'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!! 5822490Sjkh% 5832490SjkhI'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! 5842490Sjkh% 5852490SjkhI'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! 5862490Sjkh% 5872490SjkhI'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS 5882490Sjkh% 5892490SjkhI'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! 5902490Sjkh% 5912490SjkhI'm having an emotional outburst!! 5922490Sjkh% 5932490SjkhI'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in 5942490Sjkhmy PAJAMA POCKET?? 5952490Sjkh% 5962490SjkhI'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and 5972490Sjkhwealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ... 5982490Sjkh% 5992490SjkhI'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! 6002490Sjkh% 6012490Sjkh... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM 6022490Sjkhof a KOSHER DELI -- 6032490Sjkh% 6042490SjkhI'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. 6052490Sjkh% 6062490SjkhI'm into SOFTWARE! 6072490Sjkh% 6082490SjkhI'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my 6092490SjkhPERSONAL SPACE!! 6102490Sjkh% 6112490SjkhI'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD 6122490SjkhSTERLING when you really need him? 6132490Sjkh% 6142490SjkhI'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! 6152490Sjkh% 6162490SjkhI'm not available for comment.. 6172490Sjkh% 6182490SjkhI'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? 6192490Sjkh% 6202490SjkhI'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO 6212490SjkhMONTALBAN! 6222490Sjkh% 6232490SjkhI'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife 6242490Sjkhand two children stand QUIETLY BY ... 6252490Sjkh% 6262490SjkhI'm rated PG-34!! 6272490Sjkh% 6282490SjkhI'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! 6292490Sjkh% 6302490SjkhI'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with 6312490SjkhMISSILES!! 6322490Sjkh% 6332490SjkhI'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin 6342490SjkhHustle now! 6352490Sjkh% 6362490SjkhI'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! 6372490Sjkh% 6382490SjkhI'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM 6392490Sjkh... I'm VIBRATORY ... 6402490Sjkh% 6412490SjkhI'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated 6422490SjkhIMAGE FORMATIONS ... 6432490Sjkh% 6442490SjkhI'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of 6452490SjkhCHICKEN ... 6462490Sjkh% 6472490SjkhI'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER 6482490SjkhWORKINGS of this POTATO!! 6492490Sjkh% 6502490SjkhI'm wearing PAMPERS!! 6512490Sjkh% 6522490SjkhI'm wet! I'm wild! 6532490Sjkh% 6542490SjkhI'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR 6552490SjkhREGIONS! 6562490Sjkh% 6572490SjkhI'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. 6582490Sjkh% 6592490SjkhI've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ... 6602490Sjkh% 6612490SjkhI've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your 6622490SjkhSOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!! 6632490Sjkh% 6642490SjkhI've read SEVEN MILLION books!! 6652490Sjkh% 6662490Sjkh... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im 6672490Sjkhantiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche 6682490SjkhPIZZA ... 6692490Sjkh% 6702490SjkhIf a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for 6712490SjkhMONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a 6722490SjkhGREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!! 6732490Sjkh% 6742490SjkhIf elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old 6752490Sjkhhouseboy ... 6762490Sjkh% 6772490SjkhIf I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! 6782490Sjkh% 6792490SjkhIf I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be 6802490Sjkhreplaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! 6812490Sjkh% 6822490SjkhIf I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! 6832490Sjkh% 6842490SjkhIf I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! 6852490Sjkh% 6862490Sjkh... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate 6872490Sjkhman!! 6882490Sjkh% 6892490SjkhIf I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! 6902490Sjkh% 6912490Sjkhif it GLISTENS, gobble it!! 6922490Sjkh% 6932490SjkhIf our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! 6942490Sjkh% 6952490SjkhIf Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry 6962490SjkhBonzo?? 6972490Sjkh% 6982490SjkhIn 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental 6992490SjkhBelt," for $10.99!! 7002490Sjkh% 7012490SjkhIn Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! 7022490Sjkh% 7032490SjkhINSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! 7042490Sjkh% 7052490SjkhInside, I'm already SOBBING! 7062490Sjkh% 7072490SjkhIs a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in 7082490SjkhSafeway? 7092490Sjkh% 7102490SjkhIs he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG 7112490Sjkhhis GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the 7122490SjkhESCALATOR ... 7132490Sjkh% 7142490SjkhIs it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one 7152490Sjkhwild afternoon?? 7162490Sjkh% 7172490SjkhIs it clean in other dimensions? 7182490Sjkh% 7192490SjkhIs it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a 7202490Sjkhplate of SAUCE MORNAY? 7212490Sjkh% 7222490SjkhIs something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? 7232490Sjkh% 7242490SjkhIs this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"? 7252490Sjkh% 7262490SjkhIs this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? 7272490Sjkh% 7282490SjkhIs this TERMINAL fun? 7292490Sjkh% 7302490SjkhIs this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also 7312490Sjkhmakes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? 7322490Sjkh% 7332490SjkhIsn't this my STOP?! 7342490Sjkh% 7352490SjkhIt don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! 7362490Sjkh% 7372490SjkhIt was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID 7382490SjkhLETTERMAN!! YOW!! 7392490Sjkh% 7402490SjkhIt's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!? 7412490Sjkh% 7422490SjkhIt's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!! 7432490Sjkh% 7442490SjkhIt's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA 7452490Sjkhin the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making 7462490SjkhFRENCH TOAST! 7472490Sjkh% 7482490SjkhIt's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. 7492490Sjkh% 7502490SjkhIt's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! 7512490Sjkh% 7522490SjkhJAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level 7532490Sjkhof COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ... 7542490Sjkh% 7552490SjkhJesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 7562490Sjkh% 7572490SjkhJesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ... 7582490Sjkh% 7592490SjkhKids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be 7602490Sjkhcarried too FAR! 7612490Sjkh% 7622490SjkhKids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, 7632490SjkhPESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! 7642490Sjkh% 7652490SjkhLaundry is the fifth dimension!! ... um ... um ... th' washing machine 7662490Sjkhis a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! 7672490Sjkh% 7682490SjkhLBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! 7692490Sjkh% 7702490SjkhLeona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a 7712490SjkhSCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your 7722490SjkhASHTRAYS ... 7732490Sjkh% 7742490SjkhLet me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... 7752490Sjkh% 7762490SjkhLet's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!! 7772490Sjkh% 7782490SjkhLet's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! 7792490Sjkh% 7802490SjkhLife is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! 7812490Sjkh% 7822490SjkhLike I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!! 7832490Sjkh% 7842490SjkhLoni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! 7852490Sjkh% 7862490SjkhLook DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a 7872490SjkhHIGHBALL?? ... 7882490Sjkh% 7892490SjkhLook into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge 7902490Sjkhcard! 7912490Sjkh% 7922490SjkhLook! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! 7932490Sjkh% 7942490SjkhLOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of 7952490SjkhSeagulls" HAIRCUTS! 7962490Sjkh% 7972490SjkhMake me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! 7982490Sjkh% 7992490SjkhMary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a 8002490Sjkhcheap hotel in HONOLULU! 8012490Sjkh% 8022490SjkhMaybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- 8032490Sjkh% 8042490SjkhMERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! 8052490Sjkh% 8062490SjkhMMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! 8072490Sjkh% 8082490SjkhMmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the 8092490Sjkhshreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a 8102490SjkhTORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and 8112490SjkhSUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, 8122490SjkhBABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded 8132490Sjkhanimal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT, 8142490SjkhI'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE 8152490SjkhWHEAT BUN!! 8162490Sjkh% 8172490SjkhMr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of 8182490Sjkhthe INDONESIAN archipelago? 8192490Sjkh% 8202490SjkhMy Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! 8212490Sjkh% 8222490SjkhMy BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE 8232490SjkhFUNCTION and full kitchen!! 8242490Sjkh% 8252490SjkhMy CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New 8262490SjkhYork!! 8272490Sjkh% 8282490SjkhMy EARS are GONE!! 8292490Sjkh% 8302490SjkhMy face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's 8312490Sjkhcare!!!! 8322490Sjkh% 8332490SjkhMy haircut is totally traditional! 8342490Sjkh% 8352490SjkhMY income is ALL disposable! 8362490Sjkh% 8372490SjkhMy LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ... 8382490Sjkh% 8392490SjkhMy life is a patio of fun! 8402490Sjkh% 8412490SjkhMy mind is a potato field ... 8422490Sjkh% 8432490SjkhMy mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ... 8442490Sjkh% 8452490SjkhMy nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ... 8462490Sjkh% 8472490Sjkhmy NOSE is NUMB! 8482490Sjkh% 8492490Sjkh... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling 8502490SjkhAlley!! 8512490Sjkh% 8522490SjkhMy pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! 8532490Sjkh% 8542490SjkhMy polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! 8552490Sjkh% 8562490SjkhMy uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! 8572490Sjkh% 8582490SjkhMy vaseline is RUNNING... 8592490Sjkh% 8602490SjkhNANCY!! Why is everything RED?! 8612490Sjkh% 8622490SjkhNATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED -- They 8632490SjkhCOLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They 8642490Sjkhdid PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but 8652490Sjkhthey were OFF-KEY ... 8662490Sjkh% 8672490SjkhNEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! 8682490Sjkh% 8692490SjkhNipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 8702490Sjkh% 8712490SjkhNot SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... 8722490Sjkhin PAIN!!! 8732490Sjkh% 8742490SjkhNow I am depressed ... 8752490Sjkh% 8762490SjkhNow I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST 8772490SjkhBEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER! 8782490Sjkh% 8792490SjkhNow I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! 8802490Sjkh% 8812490SjkhNow I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the 8822490SjkhBROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! 8832490Sjkh% 8842490SjkhNow I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World 8852490SjkhWar II! 8862490Sjkh% 8872490SjkhNow I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round wives of 8882490SjkhHOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached 8892490Sjkhby SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ... 8902490Sjkh% 8912490SjkhNow KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ... 8922490Sjkh% 8932490SjkhNow my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING 8942490Sjkhand REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! 8952490Sjkh% 8962490SjkhNow that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! 8972490Sjkh% 8982490Sjkh... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 8992490Sjkh% 9002490SjkhNow, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! 9012490Sjkh% 9022490SjkhOf course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- 9032490Sjkh% 9042490SjkhOh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! 9052490Sjkh% 9062490SjkhOh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? 9072490Sjkh% 9082490SjkhOkay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR 9092490SjkhDEAD CAT LOVERS" ... 9102490Sjkh% 9112490SjkhOKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED 9122490SjkhR.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! 9132490Sjkh% 9142490SjkhOMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O 9152490Sjkhand a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if 9162490Sjkhit was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S 9172490Sjkhthe WASHING MACHINES? 9182490Sjkh% 9192490SjkhOn SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS 9202490SjkhPHILBIN ... It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! 9212490Sjkh% 9222490SjkhOn the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL 9232490SjkhQUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!! 9242490Sjkh% 9252490SjkhOn the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a 9262490SjkhPOINT. 9272490Sjkh% 9282490SjkhOnce upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of 9292490SjkhDEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY 9302490SjkhVALUES!! 9312490Sjkh% 9322490SjkhOnce, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION 9332490Sjkhstatements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was 9342490Sjkhcompletely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely 9352490Sjkhamusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we 9362490Sjkhfinally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled 9372490Sjkhsnack cakes! 9382490Sjkh% 9392490SjkhOne FISHWICH coming up!! 9402490Sjkh% 9412490SjkhONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to 9422490Sjkh the downtown PLASMA CENTER ... 9432490SjkhTWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ... 9442490SjkhTHREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!! 9452490Sjkh% 9462490Sjkh... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last 9472490SjkhTuesday? 9482490Sjkh% 9492490SjkhOur father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this 9502490Sjkhtable will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also 9512490Sjkhleave a GENEROUS TIP .... 9522490Sjkh% 9532490Sjkhover in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ... 9542490Sjkh% 9552490SjkhOVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND 9562490SjkhREPAIR!! 9572490Sjkh% 9582490SjkhPARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? 9592490Sjkh% 9602490SjkhPardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your 9612490SjkhBOOTH! 9622490Sjkh% 9632490SjkhPEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. 9642490Sjkh% 9652490SjkhPIZZA!! 9662490Sjkh% 9672490SjkhPlace me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the 9682490SjkhTrianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! 9692490Sjkh% 9702490SjkhPlease come home with me ... I have Tylenol!! 9712490Sjkh% 9722490SjkhPsychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! 9732490Sjkh% 9742490SjkhPUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! 9752490Sjkh% 9762490SjkhQuick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! 9772490Sjkh% 9782490SjkhRELATIVES!! 9792490Sjkh% 9802490SjkhRemember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by 9812490Sjkhprescription!! 9822490Sjkh% 9832490SjkhRHAPSODY in Glue! 9842490Sjkh% 9852490SjkhSANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS 9862490Sjkh... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes, 9872490Sjkhstarring JANE FONDA!! 9882490Sjkh% 9892490SjkhSend your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA 9902490Sjkh94140, USA 9912490Sjkh% 9922490SjkhSHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into 9932490Sjkhempty OIL DRUMS ... 9942490Sjkh% 9952490SjkhShould I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? 9962490Sjkh% 9972490SjkhShould I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a 9982490SjkhVASECTOMY?? 9992490Sjkh% 10002490SjkhShould I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK 10012490Sjkhhair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? 10022490Sjkh% 10032490SjkhSign my PETITION. 10042490Sjkh% 10052490SjkhSo this is what it feels like to be potato salad 10062490Sjkh% 10072490SjkhSo, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL 10082490SjkhINDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 10092490SjkhSHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!! 10102490Sjkh% 10112490Sjkhsomeone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN 10122490Sjkh% 10132490SjkhSometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!! 10142490Sjkh% 10152490SjkhSomewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB 10162490SjkhCHOP!! 10172490Sjkh% 10182490SjkhSomewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a 10192490Sjkhbatch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! 10202490Sjkh% 10212490SjkhSomewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it 10222490Sjkhto Beaver"! 10232490Sjkh% 10242490SjkhSpreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? 10252490Sjkh% 10262490SjkhTAILFINS!! ... click ... 10272490Sjkh% 10282490Sjkh Talking Pinhead Blues: 10292490SjkhOh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel 10302490Sjkh TWENTY-SIX!! 10312490Sjkh 10322490SjkhTh'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been 10332490Sjkh DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff) 10342490Sjkh 10352490SjkhMy PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG 10362490Sjkh won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf) 10372490Sjkh 10382490SjkhSo I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!! 10392490Sjkh (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh) 10402490Sjkh% 10412490SjkhTAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash 10422490SjkhCycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! 10432490Sjkh% 10442490SjkhTex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to 10452490SjkhMinnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!! 10462490Sjkh% 10472490SjkhTh' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL 10482490Sjkh% 10492490SjkhThank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! 10502490Sjkh% 10512490SjkhThe appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth 10522490Sjkhthe whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! 10532490Sjkh% 10542490SjkhThe entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- 10552490Sjkhand have since BIRTH!! 10562490Sjkh% 10572490SjkhThe fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my 10582490SjkhSPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!! 10592490Sjkh% 10602490SjkhThe FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ... 10612490Sjkh% 10622490Sjkh... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued 10632490SjkhOYSTER! Yum! 10642490Sjkh% 10652490SjkhThe Korean War must have been fun. 10662490Sjkh% 10672490Sjkh... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! 10682490Sjkh% 10692490SjkhThe Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at 10702490Sjkhdawn!!! 10712490Sjkh% 10722490SjkhThe PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! 10732490Sjkh% 10742490SjkhThe PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS 10752490Sjkharound 1953!! 10762490Sjkh% 10772490SjkhThe SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ... 10782490Sjkh% 10792490SjkhThere's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS 10802490Sjkhin a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! 10812490Sjkh% 10822490SjkhThere's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! 10832490Sjkh% 10842490SjkhThese PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! 10852490Sjkh% 10862490SjkhThey collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen 10872490Sjkhappeal! 10882490Sjkh% 10892490SjkhThis ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!! 10902490Sjkh% 10912490SjkhThis is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! 10922490Sjkh% 10932490SjkhThis MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up 10942490Sjkhagainst someone's MARTINI!! 10952490Sjkh% 10962490Sjkh... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! 10972490Sjkh% 10982490SjkhThis PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! 10992490Sjkh% 11002490SjkhThis PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!! 11012490Sjkh% 11022490SjkhThis TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE is 11032490Sjkhtalking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ... 11042490Sjkh% 11052490SjkhThose aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD 11062490SjkhSWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! 11072490Sjkh% 11082490SjkhThousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the 11092490Sjkhaesthetic modules -- 11102490Sjkh% 11112490SjkhToday, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER 11122490Sjkhbefore his MAKEOVER! 11132490Sjkh% 11142490SjkhToes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... 11152490SjkhNipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 11162490Sjkh% 11172490SjkhTONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? 11182490Sjkh% 11192490SjkhUh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader 11202490Sjkhfrolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? 11212490Sjkh% 11222490SjkhUh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! 11232490Sjkh% 11242490SjkhUH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by 11252490Sjkhmistake!!! 11262490Sjkh% 11272490SjkhUH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a 11282490SjkhNERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha. 11292490Sjkh% 11302490SjkhUh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! 11312490Sjkh% 11322490SjkhUH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! 11332490Sjkh% 11342490SjkhUsed staples are good with SOY SAUCE! 11352490Sjkh% 11362490SjkhVICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 11372490Sjkh% 11382490SjkhVote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and 11392490SjkhTAX-DEFERRED! 11402490Sjkh% 11412490SjkhWait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat 11422490SjkhJunction?? 11432490Sjkh% 11442490SjkhWas my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! 11452490Sjkh% 11462490SjkhWe are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot 11472490Sjkhtub ... 11482490Sjkh% 11492490SjkhWe have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- 11502490Sjkh% 11512490SjkhWe just joined the civil hair patrol! 11522490Sjkh% 11532490SjkhWe place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 11542490Sjkh45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head! 11552490Sjkh% 11562490SjkhWell, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I 11572490SjkhHATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE ... 11582490SjkhEMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! 11592490Sjkh% 11602490SjkhWell, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to 11612490SjkhVICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 11622490Sjkh% 11632490SjkhWell, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES 11642490SjkhROOM ... 11652490Sjkh% 11662490SjkhWell, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL 11672490SjkhDESPAIR! 11682490Sjkh% 11692490SjkhWere these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? 11702490Sjkh% 11712490SjkhWhat a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!! 11722490Sjkh% 11732490SjkhWhat GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? 11742490Sjkh% 11752490SjkhWhat I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ... 11762490Sjkh% 11772490SjkhWhat I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? 11782490Sjkh% 11792490SjkhWhat PROGRAM are they watching? 11802490Sjkh% 11812490SjkhWhat UNIVERSE is this, please?? 11822490Sjkh% 11832490SjkhWhat's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? 11842490Sjkh% 11852490SjkhWhen I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or 11862490SjkhDETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it ... 11872490Sjkh% 11882490SjkhWhen this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ... 11892490Sjkh% 11902490SjkhWhen you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? 11912490Sjkh% 11922490SjkhWhen you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING 11932490SjkhBILL ... Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION 11942490Sjkhand HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!! 11952490Sjkh% 11962490SjkhWhere do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? 11972490Sjkh% 11982490SjkhWhere does it go when you flush? 11992490Sjkh% 12002490SjkhWhere's SANDY DUNCAN? 12012490Sjkh% 12022490SjkhWhere's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? 12032490Sjkh% 12042490SjkhWhere's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! 12052490Sjkh% 12062490SjkhWhile my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit 12072490Sjkhpriests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 12082490Sjkh% 12092490SjkhWhile you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ... his 12102490Sjkhwill have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"! 12112490Sjkh% 12122490SjkhWHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! 12132490Sjkh% 12142490SjkhWHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the 12152490SjkhNEGATIVE IONS!! 12162490Sjkh% 12172490SjkhWhy are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? 12182490Sjkh% 12192490SjkhWhy don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your 12202490Sjkhown ZIPCODE? 12212490Sjkh% 12222490SjkhWhy is everything made of Lycra Spandex? 12232490Sjkh% 12242490SjkhWhy is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT 12252490SjkhCENTER with you?? 12262490Sjkh% 12272490SjkhWill it improve my CASH FLOW? 12282490Sjkh% 12292490SjkhWill the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? 12302490Sjkh% 12312490SjkhWill this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? 12322490Sjkh% 12332490SjkhWith YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ... 12342490Sjkh% 12352490SjkhWorld War III? No thanks! 12362490Sjkh% 12372490SjkhWorld War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced 12382490Sjkhdress code! 12392490Sjkh% 12402490SjkhWow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! 12412490Sjkh% 12422490SjkhXerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"! 12432490Sjkh% 12442490SjkhYes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON 12452490SjkhMAIDEN concert? 12462490Sjkh% 12472490SjkhYou can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! 12482490Sjkh% 12492490SjkhYou mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th' 12502490Sjkhdistinction between FANTASY and REALITY? 12512490Sjkh% 12522490SjkhYou mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? 12532490Sjkh% 12542490SjkhYOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! 12552490Sjkh% 12562490SjkhYou should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW 12572490SjkhCAREER!! 12582490Sjkh% 12592490SjkhYou were s'posed to laugh! 12602490Sjkh% 12612490SjkhYOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN 12622490SjkhDOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!! 12632490Sjkh% 12642490SjkhYour CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- 12652490Sjkh% 12662490SjkhYouth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental 12672490Sjkhattitudes! 12682490Sjkh% 12692490SjkhYow! 12702490Sjkh% 12712490SjkhYow! Am I having fun yet? 12722490Sjkh% 12732490SjkhYow! Am I in Milwaukee? 12742490Sjkh% 12752490SjkhYow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! 12762490Sjkh% 12772490SjkhYow! Are we laid back yet? 12782490Sjkh% 12792490SjkhYow! Are we wet yet? 12802490Sjkh% 12812490SjkhYow! Are you the self-frying president? 12822490Sjkh% 12832490SjkhYow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? 12842490Sjkh% 12852490SjkhYow! I just went below the poverty line! 12862490Sjkh% 12872490SjkhYow! I threw up on my window! 12882490Sjkh% 12892490SjkhYow! I want my nose in lights! 12902490Sjkh% 12912490SjkhYow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! 12922490Sjkh% 12932490SjkhYow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel 12942490Sjkhmill! 12952490Sjkh% 12962490SjkhYow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! 12972490Sjkh% 12982490SjkhYow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? 12992490Sjkh% 13002490SjkhYow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? 13012490Sjkh% 13022490SjkhYow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! 13032490Sjkh% 13042490SjkhYow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! 13052490Sjkh% 13062490SjkhYow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY -- 13072490Sjkh% 13082490SjkhYow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING 13092490SjkhBALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! 13102490Sjkh% 13112490SjkhYow! Now we can become alcoholics! 13122490Sjkh% 13132490SjkhYow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! 13142490Sjkh% 13152490SjkhYow! We're going to a new disco! 13162490Sjkh% 13172490SjkhYOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! 13182490Sjkh% 13192490SjkhYOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! 13202490Sjkh% 13212490SjkhYOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM 13222490Sjkhlaws!! 13232490Sjkh% 13242490SjkhYOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! 13252490Sjkh% 13262490SjkhYOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! 13272490Sjkh% 13282490SjkhYOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of 13292490SjkhCHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! 13302490Sjkh% 13312490SjkhYOW!!! I am having fun!!! 13322490Sjkh% 13332490SjkhZippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ... 1334