195677Sdougb%% $FreeBSD: releng/11.0/usr.bin/fortune/datfiles/zippy 205995 2010-03-31 18:21:25Z uqs $ 2174422Sdougb% 3174425Sdougb Talking Pinhead Blues: 4174425SdougbOh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel 5174425Sdougb TWENTY-SIX!! 6174425Sdougb 7174425SdougbTh'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been 8174425Sdougb DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff) 9174425Sdougb 10174425SdougbMy PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG 11174425Sdougb won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf) 12174425Sdougb 13174425SdougbSo I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!! 14174425Sdougb (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh) 15174425Sdougb% 16174425Sdougb... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... 17174425Sdougb% 18174425Sdougb... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. 19174425Sdougb% 20174425Sdougb... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. 21174425SdougbLEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! 22174425Sdougb% 23174425Sdougb... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. 24174425Sdougb% 25174425Sdougb... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... 26174425Sdougb% 27174425Sdougb-- I have seen the FUN -- 28174425Sdougb% 29174425Sdougb-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away 30174425Sdougbnow. I fed the cat. 31174425Sdougb% 32174425Sdougb... I see TOILET SEATS ... 33174425Sdougb% 34174425Sdougb... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common 35174425SdougbMISAPPREHENSIONS ... 36174425Sdougb% 37174425Sdougb... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! 38174425Sdougb% 39174425Sdougb... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within 40174425SdougbSIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! 41174425Sdougb% 42174425Sdougb... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im 43174425Sdougbantiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche 44174425SdougbPIZZA ... 45174425Sdougb% 46174425Sdougb... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate 47174425Sdougbman!! 48174425Sdougb% 49174425Sdougb... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM 50174425Sdougbof a KOSHER DELI -- 51174425Sdougb% 52174425Sdougb... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling 53174425SdougbAlley!! 54174425Sdougb% 55174425Sdougb... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 56174425Sdougb% 57174425Sdougb... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last 58174425SdougbTuesday? 59174425Sdougb% 60174425Sdougb... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued 61174425SdougbOYSTER! Yum! 62174425Sdougb% 63174425Sdougb... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! 64174425Sdougb% 65174425Sdougb... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! 66174425Sdougb% 672490SjkhA can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! 682490Sjkh% 692490SjkhA dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! 702490Sjkh% 712490SjkhA shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume.. 722490Sjkh% 732490SjkhA wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled 742490Sjkhwith LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? 752490Sjkh% 762490SjkhActually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! 772490Sjkh% 782490SjkhAll I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled 792490Sjkhby an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ... 802490Sjkh% 812490SjkhAll of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow 822490Sjkha LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know 832490SjkhWHY!! 842490Sjkh% 852490SjkhAll of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! 862490Sjkh% 872490SjkhAll right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! 882490Sjkh% 892490SjkhAll this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! 902490Sjkh% 912490SjkhAlright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!! 922490Sjkh% 932490SjkhAm I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? 942490Sjkh% 952490SjkhAm I elected yet? 962490Sjkh% 972490SjkhAm I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? 982490Sjkh% 992490SjkhAm I SHOPLIFTING? 1002490Sjkh% 1012490SjkhAmerica!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into 1022490Sjkhyour void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind ... 1032490Sjkh% 1042490SjkhAn air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! 1052490Sjkh% 1062490SjkhAn INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? 1072490Sjkh% 1082490SjkhAn Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! 1092490Sjkh% 1102490SjkhAnd furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! 1112490Sjkh% 1122490SjkhANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO 1132490SjkhMONTALBAN'S HAIR! 1142490Sjkh% 1152490SjkhAre the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? 1162490Sjkh% 1172490SjkhAre we live or on tape? 1182490Sjkh% 1192490SjkhAre we on STRIKE yet? 1202490Sjkh% 1212490SjkhAre we THERE yet? 1222490Sjkh% 1232490SjkhAre we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! 1242490Sjkh% 1252490SjkhAre you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? 1262490Sjkh% 1272490SjkhAre you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! 1282490Sjkh% 1292490SjkhAre you still an ALCOHOLIC? 1302490Sjkh% 1312490SjkhAs President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! 1322490Sjkh% 1332490SjkhAwright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? 1342490Sjkh% 1352490SjkhBARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! 1362490Sjkh% 1372490SjkhBarbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! 1382490SjkhBut Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!! 1392490Sjkh% 1402490SjkhBARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY 1412490SjkhWAY" I've ever heard!! 1422490Sjkh% 1432490SjkhBeing a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. 1442490Sjkh% 1452490SjkhBELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ... 1462490Sjkh% 1472490SjkhBI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- 1482490Sjkh% 1492490SjkhBo Derek ruined my life! 1502490Sjkh% 1512490SjkhBoy, am I glad it's only 1971... 1522490Sjkh% 1532490SjkhBoys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! 1542490Sjkh% 1552490SjkhBut they went to MARS around 1953!! 1562490Sjkh% 1572490SjkhBut was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? 1582490Sjkh% 159174422SdougbCalling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missile sighted, target 160174422SdougbLos Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept. 161174422Sdougb% 1622490SjkhCan I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? 1632490Sjkh% 1642490SjkhCan you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? 1652490Sjkh% 1662490SjkhCatsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! 1672490Sjkh% 1682490SjkhCHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! 1692490Sjkh% 1702490SjkhCivilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! 1712490Sjkh% 1722490SjkhClear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! 1732490Sjkh% 1742490SjkhConcentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL 1752490SjkhNUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn 1762490SjkhLEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! 1772490Sjkh% 1782490SjkhCONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about 1792490SjkhDIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? 1802490Sjkh% 181205995SuqsContent: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds 1822490SjkhTARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ... 1832490Sjkh% 1842490SjkhCould I have a drug overdose? 1852490Sjkh% 1862490SjkhDid an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in 1872490Sjkha MALIBU HOT TUB? 1882490Sjkh% 1892490SjkhDid I do an INCORRECT THING?? 1902490Sjkh% 1912490SjkhDid I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? 1922490Sjkh% 1932490SjkhDid I SELL OUT yet?? 1942490Sjkh% 1952490SjkhDid YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? 1962490Sjkh% 1972490SjkhDid you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? 1982490Sjkh% 1992490SjkhDIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? 2002490Sjkh% 2012490SjkhDidn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? 2022490Sjkh% 203205995SuqsDisco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahyde pipeline running 2042490Sjkhstraight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the 2052490Sjkhdollar! 2062490Sjkh% 2072490SjkhDo I have a lifestyle yet? 2082490Sjkh% 2092490SjkhDo you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? 2102490Sjkh% 2112490SjkhDo you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? 2122490Sjkh% 2132490SjkhDo you like "TENDER VITTLES"? 2142490Sjkh% 2152490SjkhDo you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days? 2162490Sjkh% 2172490SjkhDoes someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? 2182490Sjkh% 2192490Sjkhdoes your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? 2202490Sjkh% 2212490SjkhDON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!! 2222490SjkhDon't go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! 2232490Sjkh% 2242490SjkhDon't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! 2252490Sjkh% 2262490SjkhDon't SANFORIZE me!! 2272490Sjkh% 2282490SjkhDon't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ... 2292490SjkhFRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK 2302490SjkhSTUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ... Are there any QUESTIONS?? 2312490Sjkh% 2322490SjkhEdwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! 2332490Sjkh% 2342490SjkhEisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! 2352490Sjkh% 2362490SjkhEither CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!! 2372490Sjkh% 2382490SjkhEverybody gets free BORSCHT! 2392490Sjkh% 2402490SjkhEverybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a 2412490Sjkhdisaster Movie!! 2422490Sjkh% 2432490SjkhEverywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ... 2442490Sjkh% 2452490SjkhExcuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of 2462490SjkhOFFSET PRINTING? 2472490Sjkh% 2482490SjkhFEELINGS are cascading over me!!! 2492490Sjkh% 2502490SjkhFinally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty 2512490Sjkhdining room. 2522490Sjkh% 2532490SjkhFirst, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ... So 2542490Sjkhjust plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! 2552490Sjkh% 2562490SjkhFOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! 2572490Sjkh% 2582490Sjkhfor ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! 2592490Sjkh% 2602490SjkhFour thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my 2612490Sjkhgothic solarium!! 2622490Sjkh% 2632490SjkhFROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... 2642490Sjkh% 2652490SjkhFUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! 2662490Sjkh% 2672490SjkhGee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my 2682490Sjkhsatellite dish PAYMENTS! 2692490Sjkh% 2702490SjkhGibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ... 2712490Sjkh% 2722490SjkhGive them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! 2732490Sjkh% 2742490SjkhGo on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! 2752490Sjkh% 2762490SjkhGOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my 2772490Sjkhpet LEISURE SUIT!! 2782490Sjkh% 2792490SjkhHAIR TONICS, please!! 2802490Sjkh% 2812490SjkhHalf a mind is a terrible thing to waste! 2822490Sjkh% 2832490SjkhHand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for 2842490Sjkhtoday! 2852490Sjkh% 2862490SjkhHas everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's 2872490Sjkhtime to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! 2882490Sjkh% 2892490SjkhHe is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- 2902490Sjkh% 2912490SjkhHe probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me 2922490Sjkhlike a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to 293205995SuqsPSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING 2942490SjkhMILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO! 2952490Sjkh% 296174425SdougbHello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I 297174425Sdougbguess ... 2982490Sjkh% 2992490SjkhHello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan 3002490Sjkhfemales!! 3012490Sjkh% 302174425SdougbHello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No 303174425Sdougbthanks! 304174425Sdougb% 3052490SjkhHello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES 3062490Sjkhbeing almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! 3072490Sjkh% 308174425SdougbHELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! 3092490Sjkh% 310174425SdougbHello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! 3112490Sjkh% 312174425SdougbHELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! 313174425Sdougb% 3142490SjkhHere I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample 3152490Sjkhbottles ... 3162490Sjkh% 3172490SjkhHere I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! 3182490Sjkh% 3192490SjkhHere I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN 3202490Sjkhanywhere!! 3212490Sjkh% 3222490SjkhHere we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment? 3232490Sjkh% 3242490SjkhHey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!! 3252490Sjkh% 3262490SjkhHey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce! 3272490Sjkh% 3282490SjkhHiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some 3292490Sjkhdrunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! 3302490Sjkh% 3312490SjkhHmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a 3322490SjkhTROLLEY-CAR ... 3332490Sjkh% 3342490SjkhHmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted 3352490Sjkhisland, when ... 3362490Sjkh% 3372490SjkhHmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET 3382490SjkhFIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ... 3392490Sjkh% 3402490SjkhHmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL 3412490SjkhCHLORIDE ... 3422490Sjkh% 3432490SjkhHold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ... 3442490Sjkh% 3452490SjkhHOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! 3462490Sjkh% 3472490SjkhHow do I get HOME? 3482490Sjkh% 3492490SjkhHow do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? It's th' 3502490SjkhMOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, 3512490SjkhHONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce 3522490Sjkhto NANCY SINATRA! 3532490Sjkh% 354205995SuqsHow many retired bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL 3552490SjkhSHARPENERS right NOW?? 3562490Sjkh% 3572490SjkhHow's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? 3582490Sjkh% 3592490SjkhHow's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? 3602490Sjkh% 3612490Sjkhhubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub. 3622490Sjkh% 3632490SjkhHUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! 3642490Sjkh% 3652490SjkhHUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ... 3662490Sjkh% 3672490SjkhI always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! 3682490Sjkh% 3692490SjkhI am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. 3702490Sjkh% 3712490SjkhI am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! 3722490Sjkh% 3732490SjkhI am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! 3742490Sjkh% 3752490SjkhI am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! 3762490Sjkh% 3772490SjkhI am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? 3782490Sjkh% 3792490SjkhI am NOT a nut.... 3802490Sjkh% 3812490SjkhI appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! 3822490Sjkh% 3832490SjkhI brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! 3842490Sjkh% 3852490SjkhI can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! 3862490Sjkh% 3872490SjkhI can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! I wonder if BOB 3882490SjkhGUCCIONE has these problems! 3892490Sjkh% 3902490SjkhI can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of 3912490SjkhLITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ... 3922490Sjkh% 3932490SjkhI demand IMPUNITY! 3942490Sjkh% 3952490SjkhI didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO! 3962490Sjkh% 3972490SjkhI don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all 3982490Sjkhjust a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell 3992490Sjkhmore numbers!! 4002490Sjkh% 4012490SjkhI don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in 4022490Sjkhmy read molars ... 4032490Sjkh% 4042490SjkhI don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! 4052490Sjkh% 4062490SjkhI feel ... JUGULAR ... 4072490Sjkh% 4082490SjkhI feel better about world problems now! 4092490Sjkh% 4102490SjkhI feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! 4112490Sjkh% 41249464SmppI feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ... 4132490Sjkh% 4142490SjkhI feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! 4152490Sjkh% 4162490SjkhI feel partially hydrogenated! 4172490Sjkh% 4182490SjkhI fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the 4192490Sjkh"WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE 4202490Sjkhin the yard ... 4212490Sjkh% 4222490SjkhI guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ... 4232490Sjkh% 4242490SjkhI guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING! 4252490Sjkh% 4262490SjkhI had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ... 4272490Sjkh% 4282490SjkhI had pancake makeup for brunch! 4292490Sjkh% 4302490SjkhI have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD 4312490Sjkh% 4322490SjkhI have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. 4332490Sjkh% 4342490SjkhI have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! 4352490Sjkh% 4362490SjkhI have accepted Provolone into my life! 4372490Sjkh% 4382490SjkhI have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. 4392490Sjkh% 4402490SjkhI have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... 4412490Sjkh% 4422490SjkhI have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the 4432490SjkhINSTRUCTIONS ... 4442490Sjkh% 4452490SjkhI have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! 4462490Sjkh% 4472490SjkhI HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because 4482490Sjkhmy viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!! 4492490Sjkh% 4502490SjkhI haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling 4512490Sjkhevery day from Oral Roberts!! 4522490Sjkh% 4532490SjkhI hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ... 4542490Sjkh% 4552490SjkhI hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to 4562490Sjkhlive!! 4572490Sjkh% 4582490SjkhI hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ... 4592490Sjkh% 4602490SjkhI hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life 4612490Sjkhsavings in yeast!! 4622490Sjkh% 4632490SjkhI invented skydiving in 1989! 4642490Sjkh% 4652490SjkhI joined scientology at a garage sale!! 4662490Sjkh% 4672490SjkhI just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! 4682490Sjkh% 4692490SjkhI just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he 4702490Sjkhis ... 4712490Sjkh% 4722490SjkhI just had a NOSE JOB!! 4732490Sjkh% 4742490SjkhI just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! 4752490Sjkh% 4762490SjkhI just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch 4772490Sjkhwith my LEISURE SUIT!! 4782490Sjkh% 4792490SjkhI just remembered something about a TOAD! 4802490Sjkh% 4812490SjkhI KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW 4822490Sjkhon the SIDE? 4832490Sjkh% 4842490SjkhI Know A Joke 4852490Sjkh% 4862490SjkhI know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! 4872490Sjkh% 488174425SdougbI know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! 489174425Sdougb% 4902490SjkhI know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! 4912490Sjkh% 4922490SjkhI left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! 4932490Sjkh% 4942490SjkhI like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS 4952490Sjkh% 4962490SjkhI like your SNOOPY POSTER!! 4972490Sjkh% 4982490SjkhI love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in 4992490Sjkh1965!! 5002490Sjkh% 5012490SjkhI need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio 5022490SjkhSLEAZEBALLS!! 5032490Sjkh% 5042490SjkhI once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! 5052490Sjkh% 5062490SjkhI own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! 5072490Sjkh% 5082490SjkhI put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL 5092490Sjkhlegislation.. 5102490Sjkh% 5112490SjkhI represent a sardine!! 5122490Sjkh% 5132490SjkhI request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! 5142490Sjkh% 5152490SjkhI selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"! 5162490Sjkh% 5172490SjkhI smell a RANCID CORN DOG! 5182490Sjkh% 5192490SjkhI smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! 5202490Sjkh% 5212490SjkhI think I am an overnight sensation right now!! 5222490Sjkh% 5232490SjkhI think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while 5242490Sjkhreading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! 5252490Sjkh% 5262490SjkhI think my career is ruined! 5272490Sjkh% 5282490SjkhI used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH 5292490SjkhRADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! 5302490Sjkh% 5312490SjkhI want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! 5322490Sjkh% 5332490SjkhI want a WESSON OIL lease!! 5342490Sjkh% 53549464SmppI want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!! 5362490Sjkh% 5372490SjkhI want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n 5382490Sjkhsecure!! 5392490Sjkh% 5402490SjkhI want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. 5412490Sjkh% 5422490SjkhI want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE 5432490Sjkhand WHEAT THINS ... 5442490Sjkh% 5452490SjkhI want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! 5462490Sjkh% 5472490SjkhI want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! 5482490Sjkh% 5492490SjkhI want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ... 5502490Sjkh% 5512490SjkhI want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! 5522490Sjkh% 5532490SjkhI want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY 5542490Sjkh... BACKWARDS!! 5552490Sjkh% 5562490SjkhI want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in 5572490Sjkhformation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with 5582490Sjkhme -- 5592490Sjkh% 5602490SjkhI was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! 5612490Sjkh% 5622490SjkhI was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! 5632490Sjkh% 5642490SjkhI wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! 5652490Sjkh% 5662490SjkhI wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! 5672490Sjkh% 5682490SjkhI wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! 5692490Sjkh% 5702490SjkhI wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? 5712490Sjkh% 5722490SjkhI wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE 5732490SjkhSTRANGER? 5742490Sjkh% 5752490SjkhI wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! 5762490Sjkh% 5772490SjkhI wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? 5782490Sjkh% 5792490SjkhI would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- 5802490Sjkh% 5812490SjkhI'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! 5822490Sjkh% 5832490SjkhI'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE -- 5842490Sjkh% 585174425SdougbIf a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for 586174425SdougbMONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a 587174425SdougbGREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!! 588174425Sdougb% 589174425SdougbIf elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old 590174425Sdougbhouseboy ... 591174425Sdougb% 592174425SdougbIf I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! 593174425Sdougb% 594174425SdougbIf I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be 595174425Sdougbreplaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! 596174425Sdougb% 597174425SdougbIf I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! 598174425Sdougb% 599174425SdougbIf I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! 600174425Sdougb% 601174425SdougbIf I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! 602174425Sdougb% 603174425Sdougbif it GLISTENS, gobble it!! 604174425Sdougb% 605174425SdougbIf our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! 606174425Sdougb% 607205995SuqsIf Robert De Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry 608174425SdougbBonzo?? 609174425Sdougb% 6102490SjkhI'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! 6112490Sjkh% 6122490SjkhI'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ... 6132490Sjkh% 6142490SjkhI'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany 6152490Sjkh% 6162490SjkhI'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN 6172490SjkhSONTAG!! 6182490Sjkh% 6192490SjkhI'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! 6202490Sjkh% 6212490SjkhI'm also against BODY-SURFING!! 6222490Sjkh% 6232490SjkhI'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! 6242490Sjkh% 6252490SjkhI'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! 6262490Sjkh% 6272490SjkhI'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO 6282490SjkhMIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"! 6292490Sjkh% 6302490SjkhI'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! 6312490Sjkh% 6322490SjkhI'm definitely not in Omaha! 6332490Sjkh% 6342490SjkhI'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this 6352490Sjkhminiature DOMED STADIUM ... 6362490Sjkh% 6372490SjkhI'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... 6382490Sjkh% 6392490SjkhI'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! 6402490Sjkh% 6412490SjkhI'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! 6422490Sjkh% 6432490SjkhI'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! 6442490Sjkh% 6452490SjkhI'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!! 6462490Sjkh% 6472490SjkhI'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! 6482490Sjkh% 6492490SjkhI'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! 6502490Sjkh% 6512490SjkhI'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS 6522490Sjkh% 6532490SjkhI'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! 6542490Sjkh% 6552490SjkhI'm having an emotional outburst!! 6562490Sjkh% 6572490SjkhI'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in 6582490Sjkhmy PAJAMA POCKET?? 6592490Sjkh% 6602490SjkhI'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and 6612490Sjkhwealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ... 6622490Sjkh% 6632490SjkhI'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! 6642490Sjkh% 6652490SjkhI'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. 6662490Sjkh% 6672490SjkhI'm into SOFTWARE! 6682490Sjkh% 6692490SjkhI'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my 6702490SjkhPERSONAL SPACE!! 6712490Sjkh% 6722490SjkhI'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD 6732490SjkhSTERLING when you really need him? 6742490Sjkh% 6752490SjkhI'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! 6762490Sjkh% 6772490SjkhI'm not available for comment.. 6782490Sjkh% 6792490SjkhI'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? 6802490Sjkh% 6812490SjkhI'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO 6822490SjkhMONTALBAN! 6832490Sjkh% 6842490SjkhI'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife 6852490Sjkhand two children stand QUIETLY BY ... 6862490Sjkh% 6872490SjkhI'm rated PG-34!! 6882490Sjkh% 6892490SjkhI'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! 6902490Sjkh% 6912490SjkhI'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with 6922490SjkhMISSILES!! 6932490Sjkh% 6942490SjkhI'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin 6952490SjkhHustle now! 6962490Sjkh% 6972490SjkhI'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! 6982490Sjkh% 6992490SjkhI'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM 7002490Sjkh... I'm VIBRATORY ... 7012490Sjkh% 7022490SjkhI'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated 7032490SjkhIMAGE FORMATIONS ... 7042490Sjkh% 7052490SjkhI'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of 7062490SjkhCHICKEN ... 7072490Sjkh% 7082490SjkhI'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER 7092490SjkhWORKINGS of this POTATO!! 7102490Sjkh% 7112490SjkhI'm wearing PAMPERS!! 7122490Sjkh% 7132490SjkhI'm wet! I'm wild! 7142490Sjkh% 7152490SjkhI'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR 7162490SjkhREGIONS! 7172490Sjkh% 7182490SjkhI'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. 7192490Sjkh% 7202490SjkhIn 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental 7212490SjkhBelt," for $10.99!! 7222490Sjkh% 7232490SjkhIn Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! 7242490Sjkh% 7252490SjkhINSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! 7262490Sjkh% 7272490SjkhInside, I'm already SOBBING! 7282490Sjkh% 7292490SjkhIs a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in 7302490SjkhSafeway? 7312490Sjkh% 7322490SjkhIs he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG 7332490Sjkhhis GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the 7342490SjkhESCALATOR ... 7352490Sjkh% 7362490SjkhIs it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one 7372490Sjkhwild afternoon?? 7382490Sjkh% 7392490SjkhIs it clean in other dimensions? 7402490Sjkh% 7412490SjkhIs it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a 7422490Sjkhplate of SAUCE MORNAY? 7432490Sjkh% 7442490SjkhIs something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? 7452490Sjkh% 7462490SjkhIs this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"? 7472490Sjkh% 7482490SjkhIs this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? 7492490Sjkh% 7502490SjkhIs this TERMINAL fun? 7512490Sjkh% 7522490SjkhIs this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also 7532490Sjkhmakes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? 7542490Sjkh% 7552490SjkhIsn't this my STOP?! 7562490Sjkh% 7572490SjkhIt don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! 7582490Sjkh% 7592490SjkhIt was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID 7602490SjkhLETTERMAN!! YOW!! 7612490Sjkh% 7622490SjkhIt's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!? 7632490Sjkh% 7642490SjkhIt's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!! 7652490Sjkh% 7662490SjkhIt's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA 7672490Sjkhin the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making 7682490SjkhFRENCH TOAST! 7692490Sjkh% 7702490SjkhIt's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. 7712490Sjkh% 7722490SjkhIt's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! 7732490Sjkh% 774174425SdougbI've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ... 775174425Sdougb% 776174425SdougbI've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your 777174425SdougbSOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!! 778174425Sdougb% 779174425SdougbI've read SEVEN MILLION books!! 780174425Sdougb% 7812490SjkhJAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level 7822490Sjkhof COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ... 7832490Sjkh% 7842490SjkhJesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 7852490Sjkh% 7862490SjkhJesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ... 7872490Sjkh% 7882490SjkhKids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be 7892490Sjkhcarried too FAR! 7902490Sjkh% 7912490SjkhKids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, 7922490SjkhPESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! 7932490Sjkh% 7942490SjkhLaundry is the fifth dimension!! ... um ... um ... th' washing machine 7952490Sjkhis a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! 7962490Sjkh% 7972490SjkhLBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! 7982490Sjkh% 7992490SjkhLeona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a 8002490SjkhSCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your 8012490SjkhASHTRAYS ... 8022490Sjkh% 8032490SjkhLet me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... 8042490Sjkh% 805205995SuqsLet's all show human CONCERN for REVEREND MOON's legal difficulties!! 8062490Sjkh% 8072490SjkhLet's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! 8082490Sjkh% 8092490SjkhLife is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! 8102490Sjkh% 8112490SjkhLike I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!! 8122490Sjkh% 8132490SjkhLoni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! 8142490Sjkh% 815174425SdougbLook! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! 816174425Sdougb% 817174425SdougbLOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of 818174425SdougbSeagulls" HAIRCUTS! 819174425Sdougb% 8202490SjkhLook DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a 8212490SjkhHIGHBALL?? ... 8222490Sjkh% 8232490SjkhLook into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge 8242490Sjkhcard! 8252490Sjkh% 8262490SjkhMake me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! 8272490Sjkh% 8282490SjkhMary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a 8292490Sjkhcheap hotel in HONOLULU! 8302490Sjkh% 8312490SjkhMaybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- 8322490Sjkh% 8332490SjkhMERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! 8342490Sjkh% 83595677SdougbMMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! 8362490Sjkh% 8372490SjkhMmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the 8382490Sjkhshreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a 8392490SjkhTORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and 8402490SjkhSUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, 8412490SjkhBABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded 8422490Sjkhanimal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT, 8432490SjkhI'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE 8442490SjkhWHEAT BUN!! 8452490Sjkh% 8462490SjkhMr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of 8472490Sjkhthe INDONESIAN archipelago? 8482490Sjkh% 8492490SjkhMy Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! 8502490Sjkh% 8512490SjkhMy BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE 8522490SjkhFUNCTION and full kitchen!! 8532490Sjkh% 8542490SjkhMy CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New 8552490SjkhYork!! 8562490Sjkh% 8572490SjkhMy EARS are GONE!! 8582490Sjkh% 8592490SjkhMy face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's 8602490Sjkhcare!!!! 8612490Sjkh% 8622490SjkhMy haircut is totally traditional! 8632490Sjkh% 8642490SjkhMY income is ALL disposable! 8652490Sjkh% 8662490SjkhMy LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ... 8672490Sjkh% 8682490SjkhMy life is a patio of fun! 8692490Sjkh% 8702490SjkhMy mind is a potato field ... 8712490Sjkh% 8722490SjkhMy mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ... 8732490Sjkh% 8742490SjkhMy nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ... 8752490Sjkh% 8762490Sjkhmy NOSE is NUMB! 8772490Sjkh% 8782490SjkhMy pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! 8792490Sjkh% 8802490SjkhMy polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! 8812490Sjkh% 8822490SjkhMy uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! 8832490Sjkh% 8842490SjkhMy vaseline is RUNNING... 8852490Sjkh% 8862490SjkhNANCY!! Why is everything RED?! 8872490Sjkh% 8882490SjkhNATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED -- They 8892490SjkhCOLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They 8902490Sjkhdid PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but 8912490Sjkhthey were OFF-KEY ... 8922490Sjkh% 8932490SjkhNEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! 8942490Sjkh% 8952490SjkhNipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 8962490Sjkh% 8972490SjkhNot SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... 8982490Sjkhin PAIN!!! 8992490Sjkh% 9002490SjkhNow I am depressed ... 9012490Sjkh% 9022490SjkhNow I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST 9032490SjkhBEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER! 9042490Sjkh% 9052490SjkhNow I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! 9062490Sjkh% 9072490SjkhNow I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the 9082490SjkhBROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! 9092490Sjkh% 9102490SjkhNow I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World 9112490SjkhWar II! 9122490Sjkh% 91349464SmppNow I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of 9142490SjkhHOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached 9152490Sjkhby SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ... 9162490Sjkh% 9172490SjkhNow KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ... 9182490Sjkh% 919174425SdougbNow, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! 920174425Sdougb% 9212490SjkhNow my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING 9222490Sjkhand REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! 9232490Sjkh% 9242490SjkhNow that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! 9252490Sjkh% 926174425SdougbOf course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- 9272490Sjkh% 928174425SdougbOh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? 9292490Sjkh% 9302490SjkhOh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! 9312490Sjkh% 9322490SjkhOkay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR 9332490SjkhDEAD CAT LOVERS" ... 9342490Sjkh% 9352490SjkhOKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED 9362490SjkhR.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! 9372490Sjkh% 9382490SjkhOMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O 9392490Sjkhand a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if 9402490Sjkhit was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S 9412490Sjkhthe WASHING MACHINES? 9422490Sjkh% 9432490SjkhOn SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS 9442490SjkhPHILBIN ... It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! 9452490Sjkh% 9462490SjkhOn the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL 9472490SjkhQUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!! 9482490Sjkh% 9492490SjkhOn the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a 9502490SjkhPOINT. 9512490Sjkh% 9522490SjkhOnce, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION 9532490Sjkhstatements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was 9542490Sjkhcompletely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely 9552490Sjkhamusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we 9562490Sjkhfinally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled 9572490Sjkhsnack cakes! 9582490Sjkh% 959174425SdougbOnce upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of 960174425SdougbDEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY 961174425SdougbVALUES!! 9622490Sjkh% 9632490SjkhONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to 9642490Sjkh the downtown PLASMA CENTER ... 9652490SjkhTWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ... 9662490SjkhTHREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!! 9672490Sjkh% 968174425SdougbOne FISHWICH coming up!! 9692490Sjkh% 9702490SjkhOur father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this 9712490Sjkhtable will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also 9722490Sjkhleave a GENEROUS TIP .... 9732490Sjkh% 9742490Sjkhover in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ... 9752490Sjkh% 9762490SjkhOVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND 9772490SjkhREPAIR!! 9782490Sjkh% 9792490SjkhPARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? 9802490Sjkh% 9812490SjkhPardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your 9822490SjkhBOOTH! 9832490Sjkh% 9842490SjkhPEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. 9852490Sjkh% 9862490SjkhPIZZA!! 9872490Sjkh% 9882490SjkhPlace me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the 9892490SjkhTrianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! 9902490Sjkh% 9912490SjkhPlease come home with me ... I have Tylenol!! 9922490Sjkh% 9932490SjkhPsychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! 9942490Sjkh% 9952490SjkhPUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! 9962490Sjkh% 9972490SjkhQuick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! 9982490Sjkh% 9992490SjkhRELATIVES!! 10002490Sjkh% 10012490SjkhRemember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by 10022490Sjkhprescription!! 10032490Sjkh% 10042490SjkhRHAPSODY in Glue! 10052490Sjkh% 10062490SjkhSANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS 10072490Sjkh... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes, 10082490Sjkhstarring JANE FONDA!! 10092490Sjkh% 10102490SjkhSend your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA 10112490Sjkh94140, USA 10122490Sjkh% 10132490SjkhSHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into 10142490Sjkhempty OIL DRUMS ... 10152490Sjkh% 10162490SjkhShould I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? 10172490Sjkh% 10182490SjkhShould I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a 10192490SjkhVASECTOMY?? 10202490Sjkh% 10212490SjkhShould I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK 10222490Sjkhhair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? 10232490Sjkh% 10242490SjkhSign my PETITION. 10252490Sjkh% 10262490SjkhSo, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL 10272490SjkhINDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 10282490SjkhSHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!! 10292490Sjkh% 1030174425SdougbSo this is what it feels like to be potato salad 1031174425Sdougb% 10322490Sjkhsomeone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN 10332490Sjkh% 10342490SjkhSometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!! 10352490Sjkh% 10362490SjkhSomewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB 10372490SjkhCHOP!! 10382490Sjkh% 10392490SjkhSomewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a 10402490Sjkhbatch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! 10412490Sjkh% 10422490SjkhSomewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it 10432490Sjkhto Beaver"! 10442490Sjkh% 10452490SjkhSpreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? 10462490Sjkh% 10472490SjkhTAILFINS!! ... click ... 10482490Sjkh% 10492490SjkhTAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash 10502490SjkhCycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! 10512490Sjkh% 10522490SjkhTex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to 10532490SjkhMinnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!! 10542490Sjkh% 10552490SjkhTh' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL 10562490Sjkh% 10572490SjkhThank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! 10582490Sjkh% 10592490SjkhThe appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth 10602490Sjkhthe whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! 10612490Sjkh% 10622490SjkhThe entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- 10632490Sjkhand have since BIRTH!! 10642490Sjkh% 10652490SjkhThe fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my 10662490SjkhSPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!! 10672490Sjkh% 10682490SjkhThe FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ... 10692490Sjkh% 10702490SjkhThe Korean War must have been fun. 10712490Sjkh% 10722490SjkhThe Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at 10732490Sjkhdawn!!! 10742490Sjkh% 10752490SjkhThe PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! 10762490Sjkh% 10772490SjkhThe PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS 10782490Sjkharound 1953!! 10792490Sjkh% 10802490SjkhThe SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ... 10812490Sjkh% 10822490SjkhThere's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS 10832490Sjkhin a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! 10842490Sjkh% 10852490SjkhThere's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! 10862490Sjkh% 10872490SjkhThese PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! 10882490Sjkh% 10892490SjkhThey collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen 10902490Sjkhappeal! 10912490Sjkh% 10922490SjkhThis ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!! 10932490Sjkh% 10942490SjkhThis is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! 10952490Sjkh% 10962490SjkhThis MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up 10972490Sjkhagainst someone's MARTINI!! 10982490Sjkh% 10992490SjkhThis PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! 11002490Sjkh% 11012490SjkhThis PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!! 11022490Sjkh% 11032490SjkhThis TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE is 11042490Sjkhtalking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ... 11052490Sjkh% 11062490SjkhThose aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD 11072490SjkhSWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! 11082490Sjkh% 11092490SjkhThousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the 11102490Sjkhaesthetic modules -- 11112490Sjkh% 11122490SjkhToday, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER 11132490Sjkhbefore his MAKEOVER! 11142490Sjkh% 11152490SjkhToes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... 11162490SjkhNipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! 11172490Sjkh% 11182490SjkhTONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? 11192490Sjkh% 11202490SjkhUh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! 11212490Sjkh% 11222490SjkhUH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by 11232490Sjkhmistake!!! 11242490Sjkh% 11252490SjkhUH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a 11262490SjkhNERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha. 11272490Sjkh% 11282490SjkhUh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! 11292490Sjkh% 11302490SjkhUH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! 11312490Sjkh% 1132174425SdougbUh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader 1133174425Sdougbfrolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? 1134174425Sdougb% 11352490SjkhUsed staples are good with SOY SAUCE! 11362490Sjkh% 11372490SjkhVICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 11382490Sjkh% 11392490SjkhVote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and 11402490SjkhTAX-DEFERRED! 11412490Sjkh% 11422490SjkhWait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat 11432490SjkhJunction?? 11442490Sjkh% 11452490SjkhWas my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! 11462490Sjkh% 11472490SjkhWe are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot 11482490Sjkhtub ... 11492490Sjkh% 11502490SjkhWe have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- 11512490Sjkh% 11522490SjkhWe just joined the civil hair patrol! 11532490Sjkh% 11542490SjkhWe place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 11552490Sjkh45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head! 11562490Sjkh% 11572490SjkhWell, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I 11582490SjkhHATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE ... 11592490SjkhEMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! 11602490Sjkh% 11612490SjkhWell, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to 11622490SjkhVICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! 11632490Sjkh% 11642490SjkhWell, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES 11652490SjkhROOM ... 11662490Sjkh% 11672490SjkhWell, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL 11682490SjkhDESPAIR! 11692490Sjkh% 11702490SjkhWere these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? 11712490Sjkh% 11722490SjkhWhat a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!! 11732490Sjkh% 11742490SjkhWhat GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? 11752490Sjkh% 11762490SjkhWhat I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ... 11772490Sjkh% 11782490SjkhWhat I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? 11792490Sjkh% 11802490SjkhWhat PROGRAM are they watching? 11812490Sjkh% 11822490SjkhWhat UNIVERSE is this, please?? 11832490Sjkh% 11842490SjkhWhat's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? 11852490Sjkh% 11862490SjkhWhen I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or 11872490SjkhDETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it ... 11882490Sjkh% 11892490SjkhWhen this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ... 11902490Sjkh% 11912490SjkhWhen you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? 11922490Sjkh% 11932490SjkhWhen you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING 11942490SjkhBILL ... Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION 11952490Sjkhand HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!! 11962490Sjkh% 11972490SjkhWhere do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? 11982490Sjkh% 11992490SjkhWhere does it go when you flush? 12002490Sjkh% 12012490SjkhWhere's SANDY DUNCAN? 12022490Sjkh% 12032490SjkhWhere's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? 12042490Sjkh% 12052490SjkhWhere's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! 12062490Sjkh% 12072490SjkhWhile my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit 12082490Sjkhpriests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! 12092490Sjkh% 12102490SjkhWhile you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ... his 12112490Sjkhwill have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"! 12122490Sjkh% 12132490SjkhWHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! 12142490Sjkh% 12152490SjkhWHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the 12162490SjkhNEGATIVE IONS!! 12172490Sjkh% 12182490SjkhWhy are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? 12192490Sjkh% 12202490SjkhWhy don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your 12212490Sjkhown ZIPCODE? 12222490Sjkh% 12232490SjkhWhy is everything made of Lycra Spandex? 12242490Sjkh% 12252490SjkhWhy is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT 12262490SjkhCENTER with you?? 12272490Sjkh% 12282490SjkhWill it improve my CASH FLOW? 12292490Sjkh% 12302490SjkhWill the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? 12312490Sjkh% 12322490SjkhWill this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? 12332490Sjkh% 12342490SjkhWith YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ... 12352490Sjkh% 12362490SjkhWorld War III? No thanks! 12372490Sjkh% 12382490SjkhWorld War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced 12392490Sjkhdress code! 12402490Sjkh% 12412490SjkhWow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! 12422490Sjkh% 12432490SjkhXerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"! 12442490Sjkh% 12452490SjkhYes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON 12462490SjkhMAIDEN concert? 12472490Sjkh% 1248174425SdougbYOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN 1249174425SdougbDOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!! 1250174425Sdougb% 12512490SjkhYou can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! 12522490Sjkh% 12532490SjkhYou mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th' 12542490Sjkhdistinction between FANTASY and REALITY? 12552490Sjkh% 12562490SjkhYou mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? 12572490Sjkh% 12582490SjkhYOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! 12592490Sjkh% 12602490SjkhYou should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW 12612490SjkhCAREER!! 12622490Sjkh% 12632490SjkhYou were s'posed to laugh! 12642490Sjkh% 12652490SjkhYour CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- 12662490Sjkh% 12672490SjkhYouth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental 12682490Sjkhattitudes! 12692490Sjkh% 12702490SjkhYow! 12712490Sjkh% 12722490SjkhYow! Am I having fun yet? 12732490Sjkh% 12742490SjkhYow! Am I in Milwaukee? 12752490Sjkh% 12762490SjkhYow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! 12772490Sjkh% 12782490SjkhYow! Are we laid back yet? 12792490Sjkh% 12802490SjkhYow! Are we wet yet? 12812490Sjkh% 12822490SjkhYow! Are you the self-frying president? 12832490Sjkh% 12842490SjkhYow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? 12852490Sjkh% 1286174425SdougbYOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! 1287174425Sdougb% 1288174425SdougbYOW!!! I am having fun!!! 1289174425Sdougb% 12902490SjkhYow! I just went below the poverty line! 12912490Sjkh% 12922490SjkhYow! I threw up on my window! 12932490Sjkh% 12942490SjkhYow! I want my nose in lights! 12952490Sjkh% 12962490SjkhYow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! 12972490Sjkh% 12982490SjkhYow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel 12992490Sjkhmill! 13002490Sjkh% 13012490SjkhYow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! 13022490Sjkh% 1303174425SdougbYOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! 1304174425Sdougb% 13052490SjkhYow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? 13062490Sjkh% 13072490SjkhYow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? 13082490Sjkh% 13092490SjkhYow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! 13102490Sjkh% 13112490SjkhYow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! 13122490Sjkh% 13132490SjkhYow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY -- 13142490Sjkh% 13152490SjkhYow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING 13162490SjkhBALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! 13172490Sjkh% 13182490SjkhYOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM 13192490Sjkhlaws!! 13202490Sjkh% 1321174425SdougbYow! Now we can become alcoholics! 1322174425Sdougb% 13232490SjkhYOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! 13242490Sjkh% 1325174425SdougbYow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! 1326174425Sdougb% 13272490SjkhYOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! 13282490Sjkh% 1329174425SdougbYow! We're going to a new disco! 1330174425Sdougb% 13312490SjkhYOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of 13322490SjkhCHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! 13332490Sjkh% 13342490SjkhZippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ... 1335174422Sdougb% 1336