murphy revision 174419
160992Shoek%%$FreeBSD: head/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy 174419 2007-12-07 22:21:37Z dougb $ 260992ShoekWhen things are going well, someone will inevitably 360992Shoekexperiment detrimentally. 460992Shoek% 560992ShoekIf not controlled, work will flow to the competent 660992Shoekman until he submerges. 760992Shoek% 860992ShoekThe deficiency will never show itself during the test runs. 960992Shoek% 1060992ShoekThe lagging activity in a project will invariably be found 1160993Shoekin the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting. 1260992Shoek% 1360992ShoekIt is impossible to build a fool proof system; 1460992Shoekbecause fools are so ingenious. 1560992Shoek% 1660992ShoekTalent in staff work or sales will continually be 1760992Shoekinterpreted as managerial ability. 1860992Shoek% 1960992ShoekInformation travels more surely to those with a 2060992Shoeklesser need to know. 2160992Shoek% 2260992ShoekThe "think positive" leader tends to listen to his 2360992Shoeksubordinate's premonitions only during the postmortems. 2460992Shoek% 2560992ShoekAn original idea can never emerge from committee 2660992Shoekin its original form. 2760992Shoek% 2860992ShoekNo good deed goes unpunished. 2960992Shoek% 3060992ShoekWhen the product is destined to fail, the delivery system 3160992Shoekwill perform perfectly. 3260992Shoek% 3360992ShoekClearly stated instructions will consistently produce 3460992Shoekmultiple interpretations. 3560992Shoek% 3660992ShoekThe crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by 3760992Shoekthe paper clip of the overlying memo and go to file. 3860992Shoek% 3960993ShoekOn successive charts of the same organization, the number of 4060992Shoekboxes will never decrease. 4160992Shoek% 4260992ShoekIt is ok to be ignorant in some areas, 4360992Shoekbut some people abuse the privilege. 4460992Shoek% 4560992ShoekEveryone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment 4660992Shoekto cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime. 4760992Shoek% 4860992ShoekSuccess can be insured only by devising a defense against 4960992Shoekfailure of the contingency plan. 5060992Shoek% 5160992ShoekAdding manpower to a late software product makes it later. 5260992Shoek% 5360992ShoekPerformance is directly affected by the perversity of 5460992Shoekinanimate objects. 5560992Shoek% 5660992ShoekLeakproof seals --- will. 5760992Shoek% 5860992ShoekNever offend people with style 5960992Shoekwhen you can offend them with substance. 6060992Shoek% 6160993ShoekOur customers' paperwork is profit. 6260993ShoekOur own paperwork is loss. 6360992Shoek% 6460992ShoekAt any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable. 6560992Shoek% 6660992ShoekAs the economy gets better, everything else gets worse. 6760992Shoek% 6860992ShoekThis space for rent. 6960992Shoek% 7060992ShoekThe more directives you issue to solve a problem, 7160992Shoekthe worse it gets. 7260992Shoek% 7360992ShoekCop-out number 1. 7460992ShoekYou should have seen it when I got it. 7560992Shoek% 7660992ShoekWhen you're up to your ass in alligators, it is 7760992Shoekdifficult to keep your mind on the fact that your primary 7860992Shoekobjective was to drain the swamp. 7960992Shoek% 8060992ShoekThe road to hell is paved with good intentions 8160992Shoekand littered with sloppy analyses! 8260992Shoek% 8360992ShoekSelf starters --- won't. 8460992Shoek% 8560992ShoekIf the assumptions are wrong, 8660992Shoekthe conclusions aren't likely to be very good. 8760992Shoek% 8860992ShoekThe organization of any program reflects the organization 8960992Shoekof the people who developed it. 9060992Shoek% 91112411SeivindThere is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", 9260992Shoekonly a capitalist. 9360992Shoek% 9460992ShoekAnything is possible, but nothing is easy. 9560992Shoek% 9660992ShoekThe meek will inherit the earth 9760992Shoekafter the rest of us go to the stars. 9860992Shoek% 9960992ShoekCapitalism can exist in one of only two states: 10060992Shoekwelfare or warfare. 10160992Shoek% 10260992ShoekHistory proves nothing. 10360992Shoek% 10460992ShoekA lot of what appears to be progress is just so much 10560992Shoektechnological roccoco. 10660992Shoek% 10760992ShoekA little humility is arrogance. 10860992Shoek% 10960992ShoekInterchangeable parts --- won't. 11060992Shoek% 11160992ShoekAny time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of 11260992Shoekfaults is proportional to the number of viewers. 11360992Shoek% 11460993ShoekAll American cars are basically Chevrolets. 11560992Shoek% 11660992ShoekA coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not 11760992Shoektake place. 11860992Shoek% 11960992ShoekNo experiment is ever a complete failure. 12060992ShoekIt can always be used as a bad example. 12160992Shoek% 12260992ShoekDespite the sign that says "wet paint", 12360992Shoekplease don't. 12460992Shoek% 12560992ShoekEverything tastes more or less like chicken. 12660992Shoek% 12760992ShoekPeople don't change; they only become more so. 12860992Shoek% 12960992ShoekI finally got it all together... 13060992Shoekbut I forgot where I put it. 13160992Shoek% 13260992ShoekIf your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is 13360992Shoekbecause of something left out, rather than added. 13460992Shoek% 13560992ShoekThere is always one more bug. 13660992Shoek% 13760992ShoekThe big guys always win. 13860992Shoek% 13960992ShoekNothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. 14060992Shoek% 14160992ShoekAny sufficiently advanced technology is 14260992Shoekindistinguishable from magic. 14360992Shoek% 14460992ShoekIt's always darkest just before the lights go out. 14560992Shoek% 14660992ShoekIt is better to be part of the idle rich class 14760992Shoekthan be part of the idle poor class. 14860992Shoek% 14960992ShoekEach problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem. 15060992Shoek% 15160992ShoekFor every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill. 15260992Shoek% 15360992ShoekIf you have something to do, and you put it off long enough 15460992Shoekchances are someone else will do it for you. 15560992Shoek% 15660992ShoekEverybody's gotta be someplace. 15760992Shoek% 15860992ShoekNature is a mother. 15960992Shoek% 16060992ShoekIf you've got them by the balls, 16160992Shoektheir hearts and minds will follow. 16260992Shoek% 16360992ShoekPeople will accept your idea much more readily if you tell 16460992Shoekthem Benjamin Franklin said it first. 16560992Shoek% 16660992ShoekIf at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset. 16760992Shoek% 16860992ShoekAny given program, when running, is obsolete. 16960992Shoek% 17060992ShoekAny given program cost more and take longer. 17160992Shoek% 17260992ShoekIf a program is useful, it will be changed. 17360992Shoek% 17460992ShoekIf a program is useless, it will be documented. 17560992Shoek% 17660992ShoekAny given program will expand to fill all available memory. 17760992Shoek% 17860992ShoekThe value of a program is proportional 17960992Shoekto the weight of its output. 18060992Shoek% 18160992ShoekDon't mess with Mrs. Murphy! 18260992Shoek% 18360992ShoekProgram complexity grows until it exceeds the capability 18460992Shoekof the programmer who must maintain it. 18560992Shoek% 18660992ShoekMake it possible for programmers to write programs 18760992Shoekin english and you will find that programmers cannot 18860992Shoekwrite in english. 18960992Shoek% 19060993ShoekWhen more and more people are thrown out of work, 19160992Shoekunemployment results. 19260992Shoek% 19360993ShoekIf you can't measure it, I'm not interested. 19460992Shoek% 19560992ShoekThe best way to lie is to tell the truth..... 19660992Shoekcarefully edited truth. 19760992Shoek% 19860992ShoekThere are three ways to get things done: 19960993Shoek (1) Do it yourself, 20060993Shoek (2) Hire someone to do it, or 20160993Shoek (3) Forbid your kids to do it. 20260992Shoek% 20360992ShoekI think ... therefore I am confused. 20460992Shoek% 20560992ShoekA fail-safe circuit will destroy others. 20660992Shoek% 20760992ShoekHistory repeats itself. 20860992Shoekthat's one of the things wrong with history. 20960992Shoek% 21060992Shoek90% of everything is crud. 21160992Shoek% 21260992ShoekNature will tell you a direct lie if she can. 21360992Shoek% 21460992ShoekThose with the best advice offer no advice. 21560992Shoek% 21660992ShoekSpeak softly and own a big, mean doberman. 21760992Shoek% 21860992ShoekDemocracy is that form of government where 21960992Shoekeverybody gets what the majority deserves. 22060992Shoek% 22160992ShoekIf you're worried about being crazy, 22260992Shoekdon't be overly concerned: 22360992ShoekIf you were, you would think you were sane. 22460992Shoek% 22560992ShoekPills to be taken in twos always come 22660992Shoekout of the bottle in threes. 22760992Shoek% 22860992ShoekFlynn is dead 22960992ShoekTron is dead 23060992Shoeklong live the MCP. 23160992Shoek% 23260993ShoekWhy worry about tomorrow? We may not make it through today! 23360992Shoek% 23460992ShoekReal programmers don't number paragraph names 23560992Shoekconsecutively. 23660992Shoek% 23760992ShoekIf you're feeling good, don't worry, 23860992Shoekyou'll get over it. 23960992Shoek% 24060992ShoekReal programmers don't grumble about the disadvantages 24160992Shoekof Cobol when they don't know any other language. 24260992Shoek% 24360992ShoekDefinition of an elephant: 24460992ShoekA mouse built to goverment specifications. 24560992Shoek% 24660992ShoekReal programmers are kind to rookies. 24760992Shoek% 24860992ShoekReal programmers don't notch their desks for each 24960992Shoekcompleted service request. 25060992Shoek% 25160992ShoekYou don't have to be crazy to work here 25260992Shoekbut it sure helps!!!!!!! 25360992Shoek% 25460992ShoekReal programmers don't announce how many times the 25560992Shoekoperations department called them last night. 25660992Shoek% 25760992ShoekA day without sunshine .... 25860992Shoekis like ... night! 25960992Shoek% 26060992ShoekReal programmers are secure enough to write readable code, 26160992Shoekwhich they then self-righteously refuse to explain. 26260992Shoek% 26360992ShoekReal programmers don't play video games, they write them. 26460992Shoek% 26560992ShoekAnything that can go wrong, will go wrong. 26660992Shoek% 26760992ShoekReal programmers understand Pascal. 26860992Shoek% 26960993ShoekReal programmers know it's not operations' 27060993Shoekfault if their jobs go into "hogs". 27160992Shoek% 27260992ShoekReal programmers do not eat breakfast from the 27360992Shoekvending machines. 27460992Shoek% 27560992ShoekReal programmers punch up their own programs. 27660992Shoek% 27760992ShoekWhen life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. 27860992Shoek% 27960992ShoekReal programmers have read the standards manual 28060992Shoekbut won't admit it. 28160992Shoek% 28260992ShoekReal programmers don't advertise their hangovers. 28360992Shoek% 28460992ShoekReal programmers don't dress for success unless 28560992Shoekthey are trying to convince others that they are 28660992Shoekgoing on interviews. 28760992Shoek% 28860992ShoekReal programmers do not practice four-syllable words before 28960992Shoekwalkthroughs. 29060992Shoek% 29160992ShoekAll warranties expire upon payment of invoice. 29260992Shoek% 29360992ShoekReal programmers argue with the systems analyst as a 29460992Shoekmatter of principle. 29560992Shoek% 29660992ShoekThe final test is when it goes production ... 29760992Shoekw h e n i t g o e s p r o d u c t i o n ... 29860992Shoekw h e n i t g o e s p r o d u c t 29960992Shoekw h e n i t g o e s p r o 30060992Shoek% 30160992ShoekReal programmers drink too much coffee so that they will 30260992Shoekalways seem tense and overworked. 30360992Shoek% 30460992ShoekReal programmers always have a better idea. 30560992Shoek% 30660992ShoekAnyone who follows a crowd will 30760992Shoeknever be followed by a crowd. 30860992Shoek% 30960992ShoekReal programmers can do octal, hexadecimal and 31060992Shoekbinary math in their heads. 31160992Shoek% 31260992ShoekReal programmers don't write memos. 31360992Shoek% 31460992ShoekReal programmers know what saad means. 31560992Shoek% 31660992ShoekReal programmers do not utter profanities at an elevated 31760992Shoekdecible level. 31860992Shoek% 31960992ShoekWhere you stand on an issue depends on where you sit. 32060992Shoek% 32160992ShoekReal programmers do not apply DP terminology to non-DP 32260992Shoeksituations. 32360992Shoek% 32460992ShoekI no longer get lost in the shuffle.... 32560992ShoekI shuffle along with the lost. 32660992Shoek% 32760992ShoekReal programmers do not read books like 32860992Shoek"effective listening" and "communication skills". 32960992Shoek% 33060992ShoekReal programmers print only clean compiles, 33160992Shoekfixing all errors through the terminal. 33260992Shoek% 33360992ShoekThe early worm deserves the bird. 33460992Shoek% 33560992ShoekLead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!! 33660992Shoek% 33760992ShoekAll good things must come to an end. 33860992ShoekI want to know when they start! 33960992Shoek% 34060992ShoekA diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell 34160992Shoekin such a way that you look forward to the trip. 34260992Shoek% 34360992ShoekBlessed are those who go around in circles, 34460992Shoekfor they shall be known as wheels. 34560992Shoek% 34660992ShoekNever eat prunes when you are famished. 34760992Shoek% 34860992ShoekKeep emotionally active, 34960992Shoekcater to your favorite neurosis. 35060992Shoek% 35160992ShoekA RACF protected dataset is inaccessible. 35260992Shoek% 35360992ShoekRACF is a four letter word. 35460992Shoek% 35560992ShoekYou may be recognized soon. 35660992ShoekHide! 35760992ShoekIf they find you, lie. 35860992Shoek% 35960992ShoekYou can pray hard enough to make water run uphill 36060992Shoekhow hard? 36160992ShoekHard enough to make water run uphill. 36260992Shoek% 36360992ShoekAvoid reality at all costs. 36460992Shoek% 36560992ShoekProgram design philosophy: 36660993Shoek 36760993Shoek Start at the beginning and continue until the end, 36860993Shoek then stop. 36960993Shoek -- Lewis Carroll 37060992Shoek% 37160992ShoekA closed mouth gathers no foot. 37260992Shoek% 37360992ShoekOnly a mediocre person is always at their best. 37460992Shoek% 37560992ShoekFriends come and go, but enemies accumulate. 37660992Shoek% 37760992ShoekIn a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, 37860992Shoekthe greater the confusion. 37960992Shoek% 38060993ShoekThe first time is for love. 38160993ShoekThe next time is $200. 38260992Shoek% 38360992ShoekOf two possible events, 38460992Shoekonly the undesired one will occur. 38560992Shoek% 38660992ShoekThe faster the plane, 38760992Shoekthe narrower the seats. 38860992Shoek% 38960992ShoekIf you have to ask, you are not entitled to know. 39060992Shoek% 39160992ShoekIf on an actuarial basis there is a 50 50 chance that 39260992Shoeksomething will go wrong, 39360992ShoekIt will actually go wrong nine times out of ten. 39460992Shoek% 39560992ShoekA man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality. 39660992Shoek% 39760992ShoekThe first rule of intelligent tinkering is to 39860992Shoeksave all of the parts. 39960992Shoek% 40060992Shoek1) Things will get worse before they get better. 40160992Shoek2) Who said things would get better? 40260992Shoek% 40360992ShoekIf you try to please everybody, nobody will like it. 40460992Shoek% 40560992ShoekThere is a solution to every problem; 40660992Shoekthe only difficulty is finding it. 40760992Shoek% 40860992ShoekDon't make your doctor your heir. 40960992Shoek% 41060992ShoekDon't ask the barber if you need a haircut. 41160992Shoek% 41260992ShoekIf there isn't a law, there will be. 41360992Shoek% 41460992ShoekIf you don't like the answer, 41560992Shoekyou shouldn't have asked the question. 41660992Shoek% 41760992ShoekDo not believe in miracles -- rely on them. 41860992Shoek% 41960992ShoekYou can't expect to hit the jackpot 42060992Shoekif you don't put a few nickles in the machine. 42160992Shoek% 42260992ShoekUnless you intend to kill him immediately; never kick a man 42360992Shoekin the balls, not even symbolically or perhaps especially 42460992Shoeknot symbolically. 42560992Shoek% 42660992ShoekFreud's 23rd law: ideas endure and prosper in inverse 42760992Shoekproportion to their soundness and validity. 42860992Shoek% 42960992ShoekA short cut is the longest distance between two points. 43060992Shoek% 43160992ShoekIf you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor. 43260992Shoek% 43360992ShoekIf you know, you can't say. 43460992Shoek% 43560992ShoekThe meek shall inherit the earth, 43660992Shoekbut not its mineral rights. 43760992Shoek% 43860992Shoek1) You can't win 43960992Shoek2) You can't break even 44060992Shoek3) You can't even quit the game 44160992Shoek% 44260992ShoekWhen eating an elephant take one bite at a time. 44360992Shoek% 44460992ShoekCommon sense is not so common. 44560992Shoek% 44660992ShoekIf we learn by our mistakes, 44760992ShoekI'm getting one hell of an education!! 44860992Shoek% 44960992ShoekFuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the 45060992Shoekembarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs. 45160992Shoek% 45260992ShoekUsefulness is inversely proportional to its reputation 45360992Shoekfor being useful. 45460992Shoek% 45560992ShoekYou will always find something in the last place you look. 45660992Shoek% 45760992ShoekThe probability of anything happening is in 45860992Shoekinverse ratio to its desirability. 45960992Shoek% 46060992ShoekThe first myth of management is that it exists 46160992Shoekthe second myth of management is that success equals skill. 46260992Shoek% 46360992ShoekIf it's good they will stop making it. 46460992Shoek% 46560992ShoekInside every large program 46660992Shoekis a small program struggling to get out. 46760992Shoek% 46860992ShoekA memorandum is written not to inform the reader 46960992Shoekbut to protect the writer. 47060992Shoek% 47160992ShoekNever insult an alligator 47260992Shoekuntil after you have crossed the river. 47360992Shoek% 47460992ShoekAnything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart. 47560992Shoek% 47660992ShoekWhen your opponent is down, kick him. 47760992Shoek% 47860992ShoekThe man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of 47960992Shoeksomeone he can blame it on. 48060992Shoek% 48160992ShoekThe chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered 48260992Shoekside down is directly proportional to the cost of the 48360992Shoekcarpet. 48460992Shoek% 48560992ShoekIn the fight between you and the world, back the world. 48660992Shoek% 48760992ShoekLast guys don't finish nice. 48860992Shoek% 48960992ShoekNever admit anything. 49060992ShoekNever regret anything 49174924Sphkwhatever it is, you're not responsible. 49260992Shoek% 49360992ShoekIf you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong. 49460992Shoek% 49560992ShoekWhen working toward the solution of a problem, 49660992Shoekit always helps if you know the answer. 49760992ShoekProvided of course you know there is a problem. 49860992Shoek% 49960992ShoekThe usefulness of any meeting 50060992Shoekis in inverse proportion to the attendance. 50160992Shoek% 50260992ShoekThe sun goes down just when you need it the most. 50360992Shoek% 50460992ShoekPure drivel tends to drive ordinary 50560992Shoekdrivel off the tv screen. 50660992Shoek% 50760992ShoekWhatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest 50860992Shoeknumber must happen. 50960992Shoek% 51060992ShoekNo matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after 51160992Shoekyou have bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper. 51260992Shoek% 51360992ShoekSanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line. 51460992Shoek% 51560992ShoekA disagreeable task is its own reward. 51660992Shoek% 51760992ShoekIf things were left to chance, they'd be better. 51860992Shoek% 51960992ShoekThe phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk 52060992Shoekto the other end of the building. 52160992Shoek% 52260992ShoekAnybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry. 52360992Shoek% 52460992ShoekA president of a democracy is a man who is always ready, 52560992Shoekwilling, and able to lay down your life for his country. 52660992Shoek% 52760992ShoekIf a thing is done wrong ofter enough 52860992Shoekit becomes right. 52960992Shoek% 53060992ShoekPeople will buy anything that is one to a customer. 53160992Shoek% 53260992ShoekIf you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always 53360992Shoekmanage to boot yourself in the posterior. 53460992Shoek% 53560992ShoekNo one's life, liberty, or property are safe 53660992Shoekwhile the legislature is in session. 53760992Shoek% 53860992ShoekNever say "oops" after you have submitted a job. 53960992Shoek% 54060992ShoekBad news drives good news out of the media. 54160992Shoek% 54260992ShoekJust when you get really good at something, 54360992Shoekyou don't need to do it anymore. 54460992Shoek% 54560992ShoekIf facts do not conform to the theory, 54660992Shoekthey must be disposed of. 54760992Shoek% 54860992ShoekAlmost anything is easier to get into than out of. 54960992Shoek% 55060992ShoekWhen properly administered, vacations do not diminish 55160992Shoekproductivity. For every week you are away and get nothing 55260992Shoekdone, there is another week when your boss is away and you 55360992Shoekget twice as much done. 55460992Shoek% 55560992ShoekNo matter what happens, there is always somebody 55660992Shoekwho knew that it would. 55760992Shoek% 55860992ShoekThe other line always moves faster. 55960992Shoek% 56060992ShoekNever eat at a place called moms, never play cards with a 56160992Shoekman named doc, and never lie down with a woman who has 56260992Shoekgot more troubles than you. 56360992Shoek% 56460992ShoekTo get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. 56560992Shoek% 56660992ShoekWhen all else fails, read the instructions. 56760992Shoek% 56860992ShoekAnything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than 56960992Shoekyou thought. 57060992Shoek% 57160993Shoek"Close" only counts in horseshoes, handgrenades and 57260992Shoekthermonuclear devices. 57360992Shoek% 57460992ShoekThe lion and the calf shall lie down together, 57560992Shoekbut the calf won't get much sleep. 57660992Shoek% 57760992ShoekIf you fool around with a thing for very long you will 57860992Shoekscrew it up. 57960992Shoek% 58060992ShoekIt is better for civilization to be going down the drain, 58160992Shoekthan to be coming up it. 58260992Shoek% 583112411SeivindA $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10c fuse by blowing 58460992Shoekfirst. 58560992Shoek% 58660992ShoekJustice always prevails... 58760992Shoekthree times out of seven. 58860992Shoek% 58960992ShoekIf it jams --- force it. If it breaks, 59060992Shoekit needed replacing anyway. 59160992Shoek% 59260992ShoekI have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, 59360992Shoekwhen you looked at it in the right way, did not become 59460993Shoekstill more complicated. 59560993Shoek -- Poul Anderson 59660992Shoek% 59760992ShoekAny tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath 59860992Shoekto the exact center. 59960992Shoek% 60060992ShoekNo matter which direction you start, 60160992Shoekit's always against the wind coming back. 60260992Shoek% 60360992ShoekThe repairman will never have seen a model quite like 60460992Shoekyours before. 60560992Shoek% 60660992ShoekDon't force it, 60760992Shoekget a bigger hammer. 60860992Shoek% 60960992ShoekWhen a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, 61060992Shoekit will work perfectly. 61160992Shoek% 61260992ShoekAn optimist is a person who looks forward to marriage. 61360992ShoekA pessimist is a married optimist! 61460992Shoek% 61560992ShoekA pessimist is an optimist with experience. 61660992Shoek% 61760992ShoekOld programmers never die - they just abend. 61860992Shoek% 61960992ShoekThe success of any venture will be helped by prayer, 62060992Shoekeven in the wrong denomination. 62160992Shoek% 62260992ShoekJust about the time when you think you can make ends meet 62360992Shoeksomebody moves the ends! 62460992Shoek% 62560992ShoekJust because you are paranoid 62660992Shoekdoesn't mean "they" aren't out to get you. 62760992Shoek% 62860992ShoekAn Irishman is not drunk as long as 62960992Shoekhe can hang onto a single blade of grass 63060992Shoekand not fall off the face of the earth. 63160992Shoek% 63260992ShoekIf an experiment works, you must be using the wrong 63360992Shoekequipment. 63460992Shoek% 63560992ShoekSome come to the fountain of knowledge to drink, 63660992Shoeksome prefer to just gargle. 63760992Shoek% 63860992ShoekEverything is revealed to he who turns over enough stones. 63960992Shoek(Including the snakes that he did not want to find.) 64060992Shoek% 64160992ShoekEverybody should believe in something; 64260993ShoekI believe I'll have another drink. 64360992Shoek% 64460992ShoekThose whose approval you seek the most give you the least. 64560992Shoek% 64660992ShoekBuild a system that even a fool can use, 64760992Shoekand only a fool will use it. 64860992Shoek% 64960992ShoekEveryone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work. 65060992Shoek% 65160992ShoekIn any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level 65260992Shoekof incompetence, and then remains there. 65360992Shoek% 65460992ShoekIt does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick 65560992Shoekup something from the floor while you get up. 65660992Shoek% 65760992ShoekYou will remember that you forgot to take out the trash 65860992Shoekwhen the garbage truck is two doors away. 65960992Shoek% 66060992ShoekMisery no longer loves company 66160992Shoeknowdays it insists on it. 66260992Shoek% 66360993ShoekThe race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the 66460992Shoekstrong, but that's the way to bet. 66560992Shoek% 66660992ShoekSome of it plus the rest of it is all of it. 66760992Shoek% 66860992ShoekThere's never time to do it right, but there's always 66960992Shoektime to do it over. 67060992Shoek% 67160992ShoekOn a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone 67260992Shoekcan be unhappy -- but we will work on it. 67360992Shoek% 67460992ShoekWhen in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. 67560992Shoek% 67660992ShoekThe more ridiculous a belief system, 67760992Shoekthe higher probability of its success. 67860992Shoek% 67960992ShoekAnything good in life is either illegal, immoral or 68060992Shoekfattening. 68160992Shoek% 68260992ShoekOld age is always fifteen years older than I am. 68360992Shoek% 68460992ShoekIt is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. 68560992Shoek% 68660992ShoekA bird in hand is safer than one overhead. 68760992Shoek% 68860992ShoekThe ratio of time involved in work to time available for 68960992Shoekwork is usually about 0.6 69060992Shoek% 69160992ShoekRemember the golden rule: 69260992ShoekThose that have the gold make the rules. 69360992Shoek% 69460992ShoekBlessed is he who has reached the point of no return and 69560992Shoekknows it for he shall enjoy living. 69660992Shoek% 69760992ShoekEverything east of the San Andreas fault will evenutally 69860992Shoekplunge into the Atlantic ocean. 69960992Shoek% 70060992ShoekNature always sides with the hidden flaw. 70160992Shoek% 70260992ShoekBlessed is he who expects no gratitude, 70360992Shoekfor he shall not be disappointed. 70460992Shoek% 70560992ShoekThe light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of 70660992Shoekan oncoming train. 70760992Shoek% 70860992ShoekCelibacy is not hereditary. 70960992Shoek% 71060992ShoekYou can observe a lot just by watching. 71160992Shoek% 71260992ShoekIf it can be borrowed and it can be broken, 71360992Shoekyou will borrow it and 71460992Shoekyou will break it. 71560992Shoek% 71660992ShoekLive within your income, 71760992Shoekeven if you have to borrow to do so. 71860992Shoek% 71960992ShoekBeauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clear to the bone. 72060992Shoek% 72160992ShoekNever go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 72260992Shoek% 72360992ShoekTo know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. 72460992Shoek% 72560992ShoekAn ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. 72660992Shoek% 72760992ShoekNever play leapfrog with a unicorn. 72860992Shoek% 72960992ShoekA bird in the hand is dead. 73060992Shoek% 73160993ShoekA Smith and Wesson beats four aces. 73260992Shoek% 73360992ShoekNever put all your eggs in your pocket. 73460992Shoek% 73560992ShoekIf everything seems to be going well, 73660992Shoekyou obviously don't know what the hell is going on. 73760992Shoek% 73860992ShoekIf at first you don't succeed, 73960992Shoekblame it on your supervisor. 74060992Shoek% 74160992ShoekIf more than one person is responsible for a 74260992Shoekmiscalculation, no one will be at fault. 74360992Shoek% 74460992ShoekDon't bite the hand that has your pay check in it. 74560992Shoek% 74660992ShoekIn case of doubt, make it sound convincing. 74760992Shoek% 74860992ShoekWhen in doubt, mumble. 74960992ShoekWhen in trouble, delegate. 75060992ShoekWhen in charge, ponder. 75160992Shoek% 75260992ShoekPlease don't steal, the IRS hates competition! 75360992Shoek% 75460992ShoekNever argue with a fool, 75560992Shoekpeople might not know the difference. 75660992Shoek% 75760992ShoekYou can't guard against the arbitrary. 75860992Shoek% 75960992ShoekPeople can be divided into three groups: 76060992ShoekThose who make things happen, 76160992ShoekThose who watch things happen and 76260992ShoekThose who wonder what happened. 76360992Shoek% 76460992ShoekThe one thing that money can not buy is poverty. 76560992Shoek% 76660992ShoekYou are not drunk if you can lay on the floor without 76760992Shoekholding on. 76860992Shoek% 769123877SschweikhIn any household, junk accumulates to the space 77060992Shoekavailable for its storage. 77160992Shoek% 77260992ShoekDon't stop to stomp on ants 77360992Shoekwhen the elephants are stampeding. 77460992Shoek% 77560992ShoekThe longer the title the less important the job. 77660992Shoek% 77760992ShoekAny improbable event which would create maximum confusion 77860992Shoekif it did occur, will occur. 77960992Shoek% 78060992ShoekWhen you are right be logical, 78160993Shoekwhen you are wrong be-fuddle. 78260992Shoek% 78360992ShoekFor every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution -- 78460992Shoekand it is always wrong. 78560992Shoek% 78660992ShoekThere are no winners in life: Only survivors. 78760992Shoek% 78860992ShoekWhen they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad. 78960992Shoek% 79060992ShoekThe yoo-hoo you yoo-hoo into the forest is the yoo-hoo you 79160992Shoekget back. 79260992Shoek% 79360992ShoekYou can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it. 79460992Shoek% 79560992ShoekThe idea is to die young as late as possible. 79660992Shoek% 79760992ShoekNo man is lonely while eating spaghetti. 79860992Shoek% 79960992ShoekIt's better to retire too soon than too late. 80060992Shoek% 80160992ShoekA man should be greater than some of his parts. 80260992Shoek% 80360992ShoekIf you don't say it, they can't repeat it. 80460992Shoek% 80560992ShoekNothing is ever as simple as it seems. 80660992Shoek% 80760992ShoekEverything takes longer than you expect. 80860992Shoek% 80960992ShoekLeft to themselves, all things go from bad to worse. 81060992Shoek% 81160992ShoekIf you see that there are four possible ways in which a 81260992Shoekprocedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a 81360993Shoekfifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. 81460992Shoek% 81560992ShoekThings get worse under pressure. 81660992Shoek% 81760992ShoekPersons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional 81860992Shoekand employ faulty reasoning. 81960992Shoek% 82060992ShoekA consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home. 82160992Shoek% 82260992ShoekProgress is made on alternate Fridays. 82360992Shoek% 82460992ShoekThe first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the 82560992Shoektime, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent. 82660992Shoek% 82760992ShoekIf two wrongs don't make a right, try three. 82860992Shoek% 82960992ShoekDon't look back, something may be gaining on you. 83060992Shoek% 83160992ShoekAll things being equal, all things are never equal. 83260992Shoek% 83360992ShoekEven paranoids have enemies. 83460992Shoek% 83560992ShoekIncompetence knows no barriers of time or place. 83660992Shoek% 83760992ShoekWork is accomplished by those employees who have not yet 83860992Shoekreached their level of incompetence. 83960992Shoek% 84060992ShoekIf at first you don't succeed, try something else. 84160992Shoek% 84260992ShoekIf you're coasting, you're going downhill. 84360992Shoek% 84460992ShoekNever tell them what you wouldn't do. 84560992Shoek% 84660992ShoekThe amount of flak received on any subject is inversely 84760992Shoekproportional to the subject's true value. 84860992Shoek% 84960992ShoekIndifference is the only sure defense. 85060992Shoek% 85160992ShoekNever needlessly disturb a thing at rest. 85260992Shoek% 85360992ShoekIf you want to get along, go along. 85460992Shoek% 85560992ShoekEverything happens at the same time with nothing in between. 85660992Shoek% 85760992ShoekThe easiest way to find something lost around the house 85860992Shoekis to buy a replacement. 85960992Shoek% 86060992ShoekBare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always 86160992Shoekpoint upward from the floor -- especially in the dark. 86260992Shoek% 86360992ShoekMake three correct guesses consectively and you will 86460992Shoekestablish yourself as an expert. 86560992Shoek% 86660992ShoekIt works better if you plug it in. 86760992Shoek% 86874924SphkQuit while you're still behind. 86960992Shoek% 87060992ShoekIf you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, 87160992Shoekyou better wear work shoes. 87260992Shoek% 87360992ShoekIt's always easier to go down hill, but the view is 87460992Shoekfrom the top. 87560992Shoek% 87660992ShoekAny line, however short, is still too long. 87760992Shoek% 87860992ShoekLaziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten. 87960992Shoek% 88060992ShoekIf you can't measure output then you measure input. 88160992Shoek% 88260992ShoekAny theory can be made to fit any facts by means of 88360992Shoekapproximate, additional assumptions. 88460992Shoek% 88560992ShoekNever be first to do anything. 88660992Shoek% 88760992ShoekThe chief cause of problems is solutions. 88860992Shoek% 88960992ShoekThe only winner in the war of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. 89060992Shoek% 89160992ShoekA little ignorance can go a long way. 89260992Shoek% 89360992ShoekLearn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it. 89460992Shoek% 89560992ShoekEntropy has us outnumbered. 89660992Shoek% 89760992ShoekEverything put together sooner or later falls apart. 89860992Shoek% 89960992ShoekDo whatever your enemies don't want you to do. 90060992Shoek% 90160992ShoekA little ambiguity never hurt anyone. 90260992Shoek% 90360992ShoekDon't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost. 90460992Shoek% 90560992ShoekGo where the money is. 90660992Shoek% 90760992ShoekWork may be the crabgrass of life, but money is still the 90860992Shoekwater that keeps it green. 90960992Shoek% 91060992ShoekA stagnant science is at a standstill. 91160992Shoek% 91260992ShoekHalf of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. 91360992Shoek% 91460992ShoekFor every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap. 91560992Shoek% 91660992ShoekCan't produces countercan't. 91760992Shoek% 91860992ShoekIf you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent 91960992Shoekof doing you good, you should run for your life. 92060992Shoek% 92160992ShoekWhen you are sure you're right, you have a moral duty 92260992Shoekto impose your will upon anyone who disagrees with you. 92360992Shoek% 92460992ShoekIf you can't convince them, confuse them. 92560992Shoek% 92660992ShoekAssumption is the mother of all foul-ups. 92760992Shoek% 92860993ShoekAll general statements are false. (Think about it.) 92960992Shoek% 93060992ShoekIf it happens, it must be possible. 93160992Shoek% 93260992ShoekThem what gets--has. 93360992Shoek% 93460992ShoekIf you are already in a hole, there's no use to continue 93560992Shoekdigging. 93660992Shoek% 93760992ShoekIf builders built buildings the way programmers wrote 93860992Shoekprograms, then the first woddpecker that came along would 93960992Shoekdestroy civilization. 94060992Shoek% 94160992ShoekPeople will believe anything if you whisper it. 94260992Shoek% 94360992ShoekA pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick 94460992Shoekin the pants. 94560992Shoek% 94660992ShoekNever leave hold of what you've got until you've got hold 94760992Shoekof something else. 94860992Shoek% 94960992ShoekA theory is better than its explanation. 95060992Shoek% 95160992ShoekEat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing 95260992Shoekworse will happen to you the rest of the day. 95360992Shoek% 95460992ShoekNobody notices when things go right. 95560992Shoek% 95660992ShoekThere is no safety in numbers, or in anything else. 95760992Shoek% 95860992ShoekRoses are red violets are blue 95960992ShoekI am schizophrenic and so am I 96060992Shoek% 96160992ShoekIf anything can go wrong, it will. 96260992Shoek% 96360992ShoekIf anything can't go wrong it will. 96460992Shoek% 96560992ShoekIf muprhy's law can go wrong, it will. 96660992Shoek% 96760992ShoekIf a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in 968123877Sschweikhthe worst possible sequence. 96960992Shoek% 97060992ShoekAfter things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle 97160992Shoekwill repeat itself. 97260992Shoek% 97360992ShoekAn auditor enters the battlefield after the war is over, 97460992Shoekand attacks the wounded. 97560992Shoek% 97660992ShoekNothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. 97760992Shoek% 97860992ShoekNo matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody 97960992Shoekwho knew it would. 98060992Shoek% 98160992ShoekThe hidden flaw never remains hidden. 98260992Shoek% 98360993Shoek(1) Everything depends. 98460993Shoek(2) Nothing is always. 98560993Shoek(3) Everything is sometimes. 98660992Shoek% 98760992ShoekIf you wait, it will go away 98860993Shoek... having done it's damage. 98960992ShoekIf it was bad, it'll be back. 99060992Shoek% 99160992ShoekComplex problems have simple, easy-to-understand 99260992Shoekwrong answers. 99360992Shoek% 99460992ShoekOpportunity always knocks at the least opportune 99560992Shoekmoment. 99660992Shoek% 99760992ShoekWhen you need to knock on wood is when you realize the 99860992Shoekworld's composed of aluminum and vinyl. 99960992Shoek% 100060992ShoekIn order for something to become clean, something 100160992Shoekelse must become dirty. 100260993Shoek... but you can get everything dirty without getting 100360992Shoekanything clean. 100460992Shoek% 100560992ShoekThings equal to nothing else are equal to each other. 100660992Shoek% 100760992ShoekThe first place to look for anything is the last place 100860992Shoekyou would expect to find it. 100960992Shoek% 101060992ShoekYou can always find what you're not looking for. 101160992Shoek% 101260992ShoekIf you don't care where you are, you ain't lost. 101360992Shoek% 101460992ShoekIt is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly 101560992Shoeksuprised. 101660992Shoek% 101760992ShoekA crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the 101860992Shoekwhole thing". 101960992Shoek% 102060992ShoekWashing your car to make it rain doesn't work. 102160992Shoek% 102260992ShoekWhen the going gets tough, everyone leaves. 102360992Shoek% 1024112411SeivindThe time it takes to rectify a situation is 102560992Shoekinversely proportional to the time it took 102660992Shoekto do the damage. 102760992Shoek% 102860992ShoekAn optimist believes we live in the best of all 102960992Shoekpossible worlds. 103060992ShoekA pessimist fears this is true. 103160992Shoek% 103260992ShoekYou can make it foolproof, but you can't make it 103360992Shoekdamnfoolproof. 103460992Shoek% 103560992ShoekIt takes longer to glue a vase together than to 103660992Shoekbreak one. 103760992Shoek% 103860992ShoekIt takes longer to lose 'x' number of pounds than 103960992Shoekto gain 'x' number of pounds. 104060992Shoek% 104160992ShoekThe item you had your eye on the minute you walked in 104260992Shoekwill be taken by the person in front of you. 104360992Shoek% 104460992ShoekThe other line moves faster. 104560992Shoek% 104660992ShoekIf you change lines, the one you just left will start 104760992Shoekto move faster than the one you are now in. 104860992Shoek% 104960992ShoekThe longer you wait in line, the greater the 105060992Shoeklikelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. 105160992Shoek% 105260992ShoekThe slowest checker is always at the quick-check-out 105360992Shoeklane. 105460992Shoek% 105560992ShoekWhenever you cut your fingernails you will find a 105660992Shoekneed for them an hour later. 105760992Shoek% 105860993Shoek(1) If the weather is extremely bad, church 105960993Shoek attendance will be down. 106060993Shoek(2) If the weather is extremely good, church 106160993Shoek attendance will be down. 106260993Shoek(3) If the bulletin covers are in short supply 106360993Shoek church attendance will exceed all expectations. 106460992Shoek% 106560992ShoekIf a situation requires undivided attention, it will 106660992Shoekoccur simultaneously with a compelling distraction. 106760992Shoek% 106860992ShoekThe further away the disaster or accident occurs, the 106960992Shoekgreater the number of dead and injured required for it 107060992Shoekto become a story. 107160992Shoek% 107260992ShoekThe closer you are to the facts of a situation, the 107360992Shoekmore obvious are the errors in all news coverage of 107460992Shoekthe situation. 107560992Shoek% 107660992ShoekThe further you are from the facts of a situation, 107760992Shoekthe more you tend to believe news coverage of the 107860992Shoeksituation. 107960992Shoek% 108060992ShoekThe best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal 108160992Shoekthe letter. 108260992Shoek% 108360992ShoekThe most interesting specimen will not be labeled. 108460992Shoek% 108560992ShoekSome errors will always go unnoticed until the book 108660992Shoekis in print. 108760992Shoek% 108860992ShoekThe first page the author turns to upon receiving an 108960992Shoekadvance copy will be the page containing the worst 109060992Shoekerror. 109160992Shoek% 109260993Shoek(1) Never draw what you can copy. 109360993Shoek(2) Never copy what you can trace. 109460993Shoek(3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down. 109560992Shoek% 109660992ShoekThe best shots happen immediately after the last 109760992Shoekframe is exposed. 109860992Shoek% 109960992ShoekThe best shots are generally attempted through the 110060992Shoeklens cap. 110160992Shoek% 110260992ShoekAny surviving best shots are ruined when someone 110360992Shoekinadvertently open the darkroom door and all of the 110460992Shoekdark leaks out. 110560992Shoek% 110660992ShoekIf a three-story buiding served by one elevator, nine 110760992Shoektimes out of ten the elevator care will be on a floor 110860992Shoekwhere you are not. 110960992Shoek% 111060992ShoekThe tendency of smoke from a cigarette, barbeque, 111160992Shoekcampfire, etc. to drift into a person's face varies 111260992Shoekdirectly with that person's sensitivity to smoke. 111360992Shoek% 111460992ShoekThe distance to the gate is inversely proportional 111560992Shoekto the time available to catch you flight. 111660992Shoek% 111760993ShoekAs soon as the flight attendant serves the coffee, the 111860992Shoekairliner encounters turbulence. 111960992Shoek% 112060992ShoekServing coffee on aircraft causes turbulence. 112160992Shoek% 112260992ShoekWhatever carrousel you stand by, your baggage will 112360992Shoekcome in on another one. 112460992Shoek% 112560992ShoekWhen travelling overseas, the exchange rate improves 112660992Shoekmarkedly the day after one has purchased foreign 112760992Shoekcurrency. 112860992Shoek% 112960992ShoekUpon returning home, the exchange rate drops again as 113060992Shoeksoon as one has converted all unused foreign currency. 113160992Shoek% 113260992ShoekThe bigger they are, the harder they hit. 113360992Shoek% 113460992ShoekFor every action, there is an equal and opposite 113560992Shoekcriticism. 113660992Shoek% 113760992ShoekAuthorization for a project will be granted only when 113860992Shoeknone of the authorizers can be blamed if the project 113960992Shoekfails but when all of the authorizers can claim credit 114060992Shoekif it succeeds. 114160992Shoek% 114260992ShoekIf an idea can survive a bureacratic review and be 114360992Shoekimplemented, it wasn't worth doing. 114460992Shoek% 114560992ShoekThe greater the cost of putting a plan into operation, 114660992Shoekthe less chance there is of abandoning the plan - even 114760993Shoekif it subsequently becomes irrevelant. 114860992Shoek% 114960992ShoekThe higher the level of prestige accorded the people 115060992Shoekbehind the plan, the least less chance there is of 115160992Shoekabandoning it. 115260992Shoek% 115360992ShoekIn any organization there will always be one person 115460992Shoekwho knows what is going on. 115560992ShoekThis person must be fired. 115660992Shoek% 115760992ShoekIt is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 115860992Shoek% 115960992ShoekFar-way talent always seems better than home-developed 116060992Shoektalent. 116160992Shoek% 116260992ShoekPersonnel recruiting is a triumph of hope over 116360992Shoekexperience. 116460992Shoek% 116560992ShoekSome people manage by the book, even though they 116660992Shoekdon't know who wrote the book or even what book. 116760992Shoek% 116860992ShoekDon't let your superiors know you're better than 116960992Shoekthey are. 117060992Shoek% 117160992ShoekYou never know who's right, but you always know 117260992Shoekwho's in charge. 117360992Shoek% 117460993Shoek(1) Anyone can make a decision given enough facts. 117560993Shoek(2) A good manager can make a decision without enough 117660993Shoek facts. 117760993Shoek(3) A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance. 117860992Shoek% 117960992ShoekThe boss who attempts to impress employees with his 118060992Shoekknowledge of intricate details has lost sight of his 118160992Shoekfinal objective. 118260992Shoek% 118360992ShoekYou will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you 118460992Shoekdon't burn your bridges until you come to them. 118560992Shoek% 118660992ShoekIn a hierarchical system, the rate of pay varies 118760992Shoekinversely with the unpleasantness and difficulty 118860992Shoekof the task. 118960992Shoek% 119060992ShoekThe client who pays the least complains the most 119160992Shoek% 119260992ShoekA lack of planning on your part 119360992Shoekdoes not constitute an emergency on my part. 119460992Shoek% 119560992ShoekI know you believe you understand 119660992Shoek what you think I said, 119760992Shoek however, I am not sure you realize, 119860992Shoek that what I think you heard 119960992Shoek is not what I meant 120060992Shoek% 120160992ShoekReal programmers don't eat muffins. 120260992Shoek% 120360992ShoekIn any bureaucracy, paperwork increases as you spend 120460992Shoekmore and more time reporting on the less and less you 120560992Shoekare doing. Stability is achieved when you spend all of 120660992Shoekyour time reporting on the nothing you are doing. 120760992Shoek% 120860992ShoekConsultants are mystical people who ask a company for 120960992Shoeka number and then give it back to them. 121060992Shoek% 121160992ShoekWhen somebody drops something, everybody will kick it 121260992Shoekaround instead of picking it up. 121360992Shoek% 121460992ShoekThe chances of anybody doing anything are inversely 121560992Shoekproportional to the number of other people who are in 121660992Shoeka position to do it instead. 121760992Shoek% 121860992ShoekNever make a decision you can get someone else to make. 121960992Shoek% 122060992ShoekNo one keeps a record of decisions you could have made 122160992Shoekbut didn't. Everyone keeps a records of your bad ones. 122260992Shoek% 122360992ShoekFor every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision. 122460992Shoek% 122560992ShoekThe inside contact that you have developed at great 122660992Shoekexpense is the first person to be let go in any 122760992Shoekreorganization. 122860992Shoek% 122960992ShoekIt's tough to get reallocated when you're the one 123060992Shoekwho's redundant. 123160992Shoek% 123260992ShoekWhatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. 123360992Shoek% 123460993ShoekIf you're early, it'll be cancelled. 123560992ShoekIf you knock yourself out to be on time, you will 123660992Shoek have to wait. 123760992ShoekIf you're late, you will be too late. 123860992Shoek% 123960992ShoekA meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept 124060992Shoekand the hours are lost. 124160992Shoek% 124260992ShoekIf you leave the room, you're elected. 124360992Shoek% 124460992ShoekThe cream rises to the top. 124560992ShoekSo does the scum. 124660992Shoek% 124760992ShoekYou can never do just one thing. 124860992Shoek% 124960992ShoekThere's no time like the present for postponing 125060992Shoekwhat you don't want to do. 125160992Shoek% 125260992ShoekAny task worth doing was worth doing yesterday. 125360992Shoek% 125460992ShoekThe more complicated and grandiose the plan, the 125560993Shoekgreater the chance of failure. 125660992Shoek% 125760992ShoekSimple jobs always get put off because there will be 125860992Shoektime to do them later. 125960992Shoek% 126060992ShoekAssumption is the mother of all screw-ups. 126160992Shoek% 126260992ShoekA work project expands to fill the space available. 126360992Shoek% 126460992ShoekNo matter how large the work space, if two projects 126560992Shoekmust be done at the same time they will require the 126660992Shoeksame part of the work space. 126760992Shoek% 126860992ShoekThe one wrench or drill bit you need will be the one 126960992Shoekmissing from the tool chest. 127060992Shoek% 127160992ShoekMost projects require three hands. 127260992Shoek% 127360992ShoekLeftover nuts never match leftover bolts. 127460992Shoek% 127560992ShoekThe more carefully you plan a project, the more 127660992Shoekconfusion there is when something goes wrong. 127760992Shoek% 127860992ShoekMurphy's rule for precision: 127960993Shoek Measure with a micrometer 128060993Shoek Mark with chalk 128160993Shoek Cut with an axe 128260992Shoek% 128360992ShoekYou can't fix it if it ain't broke. 128460992Shoek% 128560992ShoekFirst rule of intelligent tinkering: 128660993Shoek Save all the parts 128760992Shoek% 128860992ShoekAccess holes will be 1/2" too small. 128960992ShoekHoles that are the right size will be in the wrong place. 129060992Shoek% 129160992ShoekIf it would be cheaper to buy a new unit, the company 129260992Shoekwill insist upon repairing the old one. 129360992Shoek% 129460992ShoekIf it would be cheaper to repair the old one, the 129560992Shoekcompany will insist on the latest model. 129660992Shoek% 129760992ShoekThe primary function of the design engineer is to make 129860992Shoekthings difficult for the fabricator and impossible 129960992Shoekfor the serviceman. 130060992Shoek% 130160992ShoekThat component of any circuit which has the shortest 130260992Shoekservice life will be placed in the least 130360992Shoekaccessible location. 130460992Shoek% 130560992ShoekAny circuit design must contain at least one part which 130660992Shoekis obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three 130760992Shoekparts which at still under development. 130860992Shoek% 130960992ShoekImportant letters which contain no errors will develop 131060992Shoekerrors in the mail. 131160992Shoek% 131260992ShoekOffice machines which function perfectly during normal 131360992Shoekbusiness hours will break down when you return to the 131460992Shoekoffice at night to use them for personal business. 131560992Shoek% 131660992ShoekMachines that have broken down will work perfectly 131760992Shoekwhen the repairman arrives. 131860992Shoek% 131960992ShoekEnvelopes and stamps which don't stick when you lick 132060992Shoekthem will stick to other things when you don't want 132160992Shoekthem to. 132260992Shoek% 132360992ShoekVital papers will demonstrate their vitality by 132460992Shoekspontaneously moving from where you left them to where 132560992Shoekyou can't find them. 132660992Shoek% 132760992ShoekThe last person who quit or was fired will be held 132860992Shoekresponsible for everything that goes wrong -- until 132960992Shoekthe next person quits or is fired. 133060992Shoek% 133160992ShoekIf you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you 133260992Shoekdon't want his the paper. 133360992Shoek% 133460992ShoekThe one time in the day that you lean back and relax 133560992Shoekis the one time the boss walks through the office. 133660992Shoek% 133760992ShoekHot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass. 133860992Shoek% 133960992ShoekWhen you do not know what you are going, do it neatly. 134060992Shoek% 134160992ShoekTeamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else. 134260992Shoek% 134360992ShoekScience is true. Don't be misled by facts. 134460992Shoek% 134560993Shoek(1) If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. 134660993Shoek(2) If it stinks, it's chemistry. 134760993Shoek(3) If it doesn't work, it's physics. 134860992Shoek% 134960992ShoekNothing improves an innovation like lack of controls. 135060992Shoek% 135160992ShoekThe quality of correlation is inversely proportional 135260992Shoekto the density of control. 135360992Shoek% 135460992ShoekIf reproducibility may be a problem conduct the 135560992Shoektest only once. 135660992Shoek% 135760993ShoekIf a straight line fit is required, obtain only two 135860992Shoekdata points. 135960992Shoek% 136060992ShoekAny technical problem can be overcome given enough 136160992Shoektime and money. 136260992Shoek% 136360992ShoekYou are never given enough time or money. 136460992Shoek% 136560992ShoekUnless the results are known in advance, funding 136660992Shoekagencies will reject the proposal. 136760992Shoek% 136860992ShoekIt is better to solve a problem with a crude 136960992Shoekapproximation and know the truth, than to demand an 137060992Shoekexact solution and not know the truth at all. 137160992Shoek% 137260992ShoekAn easily-understood, workable falsehood is more useful 1373112411Seivindthan a complex, incomprehensible truth. 137460992Shoek% 137560992ShoekAnyone who make a significant contribution to any field 137660993Shoekof endeavor and stays in that field long enough, 137760993Shoekbecomes an obstruction to its progress -- in direct 137860992Shoekproportion to the importance of his original contribution. 137960992Shoek% 138060993ShoekIf a scientist uncovers a publishable fact, it will 138160992Shoekbecome central to his theory. 138260992Shoek 138360992ShoekHis theory, in turn, will become central to all 138460993Shoekscientific truth. 138560992Shoek% 138660992ShoekThere is no such thing as a straight line. 138760992Shoek% 138860992ShoekIn any series of calculations, errors tend to occur 138960992Shoekat the opposite end to the end at which you begin 139060992Shoekchecking for errors. 139160992Shoek% 139260992ShoekOnly errors exist. 139360992Shoek% 139460992ShoekOne man's error is another man's data. 139560992Shoek% 139660992ShoekTo err is human, but to really foul things up requires 139760992Shoeka computer. 139860992Shoek% 139960992ShoekWhen putting it into memory, remember where you put it. 140060992Shoek% 140160992ShoekNever test for an error condition you don't know 140260992Shoekhow to handle. 140360992Shoek% 140460992ShoekEverybody lies; but it doesn't matter, since 140560992Shoeknobody listens. 140660992Shoek% 140760992ShoekPeople who love sausage and respect the law should 140860992Shoeknever watch either one being made. 140960992Shoek% 141060992ShoekNo matter what they're telling you, they're not 141160992Shoektelling you the whole truth. 141260992Shoek% 141360992ShoekNo matter what they're talking about, they're 141460992Shoektalking about money. 141560992Shoek% 141660992ShoekIn any dealings with a collective body of people, the 141760992Shoekpeople will always be more tacky than originally expected. 141860992Shoek% 141960992ShoekIf you can keep your head when all about you are losing 142060993Shoektheirs, then you just don't understand the problem. 142160992Shoek% 142260992ShoekInformation deteriorates upward through the bureaucracies. 142360992Shoek% 142460992ShoekWhen an exaggerated emphasis is placed upon delegation, 142560992Shoekresponsibility, like sediment, sinks to the bottom. 142660992Shoek% 142760992ShoekWhen outrageous expenditures are divided finely enough 142860992Shoekthe public will not have enough stake in any one 142960992Shoekexpenditure to squelch it. 143060992Shoek% 143160992ShoekWhen the government bureau's remedies do not match your 143260992Shoekproblem, you modify the problem, not the remedy. 143360992Shoek% 143460992ShoekA fool and your money are soon partners. 143560992Shoek% 143660992ShoekYou may know where the market is going, but you can't 143760992Shoekpossibly know where it's going after that. 143860992Shoek% 143960992ShoekAmong economists, the real world is often a special case. 144060992Shoek% 144160992ShoekTrial balances don't. 144260992Shoek% 144360992ShoekWorking capital doesn't. 144460992Shoek% 144560992ShoekLiquidity tends to run out. 144660992Shoek% 144760992ShoekReturn on investments won't. 144860992Shoek% 144960992ShoekIf everybody doesn't want it, nobody gets it. 145060992Shoek% 145160993ShoekMass man must be serviced by mass means. 145260992Shoek% 145360992ShoekEverything is contagious. 145460992Shoek% 145560992ShoekNothing is ever done for the right reasons. 145660992Shoek% 145760993ShoekThe secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake 145860992Shoekthat you've got it made. 145960992Shoek% 146060992ShoekAn expert is anyone from out of town. 146160992Shoek% 146260992ShoekAn expert is one who knows more and more about less 146360992Shoekand less until he knows absolutely everything 146460992Shoekabout nothing. 146560992Shoek% 1466112411SeivindTo spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job 146760993Shoekwill take the longest and cost the most. 146860992Shoek% 146960992ShoekIf it sits on your desk for 15 minutes, you've just 147060992Shoekbecome the expert. 147160992Shoek% 147260992ShoekIndecision is the basis for flexibility. 147360992Shoek% 147460992ShoekAnything is possible if you don't know what you're 147560992Shoektalking about. 147660992Shoek% 147760992ShoekNever create a problem for which you do not have 147860992Shoekthe answer. 147960992Shoek% 148060992ShoekCreate problems for which only you have the answer. 148160992Shoek% 148260992ShoekA conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 148360992Shoek% 148460992ShoekHindsight is an exact science. 148560992Shoek% 148660992ShoekHistory doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely 148760992Shoekrepeat each other. 148860992Shoek% 148960992ShoekFact is solidified opinion. 149060992Shoek% 149160992ShoekFacts may weaken under extreme heat and pressure. 149260992Shoek% 149360992ShoekTruth is elastic. 149460992Shoek% 149560992ShoekWhen in doubt, predict that the trend will continue. 149660992Shoek% 149760992ShoekWhen in trouble, obfuscate. 149860992Shoek% 149960992ShoekProgress does not consist in replacing a theory that is 150060992Shoekwrong with one that is right. It consists in replacing 1501112411Seivinda theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong. 150260992Shoek% 150360992ShoekIt is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex 150460992Shoektask to make them simple. 150560992Shoek% 150660992ShoekIf you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man, he 150760992Shoekwill find an easier way to do it. 150860992Shoek% 150960993ShoekEvery great idea has a disadvantage equal to or 151060992Shoekexceeding the greatness of the idea. 151160992Shoek% 151260992ShoekNever attribute to malice that which is adequately 151360992Shoekexplained by stupidity. 151460992Shoek% 151560992ShoekNew systems generate new problems. 151660992Shoek% 151760992ShoekSystems should not be unnecessarily multiplied. 151860992Shoek% 151960993ShoekSystems tend to grow and as they grow they encroach. 152060992Shoek% 152160992ShoekComplicated systems produce unexpected outcomes. 152260992Shoek% 152360992ShoekThe total behavior of large systems cannot be predicted. 152460992Shoek% 152560992ShoekA large system, produced by expanding the dimensions of 152660992Shoeka smaller system, does not behave like the smaller system. 152760992Shoek% 152860992ShoekPeople in systems do not do what the systems says 152960992Shoekthey are doing. 153060992Shoek% 153160992ShoekThe system itself does not do what it says it is doing. 153260992Shoek% 153360992ShoekA complex system that works is invariably found to have 153460992Shoekevolved from a simple system that works. 153560992Shoek% 153660992ShoekA complex system designed from scratch never works and 153760992Shoekcannot be patched up to make it work. You have to start 153860992Shoekover, beginning with a working simple system. 153960992Shoek% 154060993Shoek(1) Everything is a system. 154160993Shoek(2) Everything is part of a larger system. 154260993Shoek(3) The universe is infinitely systematized both upward 154360993Shoek (larger systems) and downward (smaller systems). 154460993Shoek(4) All systems are infinitely complex. (The illuison 154560993Shoek of simplicity comes from focussing attention on 154660993Shoek one or a few variables). 154760992Shoek% 154860992ShoekComplex systems tend to oppose their own proper function. 154960992Shoek% 155060992ShoekIf the course you wanted most has room for 'n' students 155160992Shoekyou will be the 'n + 1' to apply. 155260992Shoek% 155360992ShoekClass schedules are designed so that every student will 155460992Shoekwaste the maximum time between classes. 155560992Shoek% 155660993ShoekShow me a person who's never made a mistake and I'll 1557112411Seivindshow you somebody who's never achieved much. 155860992Shoek% 155960992ShoekWhen you consider there are 24 hours in a day, it's 156060992Shoeksad to know that only one is called the happy hour. 156160992Shoek% 156260992ShoekWhen you are able to schedule two classes in a row, 156360992Shoekthey will be held in classrooms at opposite end of 156460992Shoekthe campus. 156560992Shoek% 156660992ShoekA prerequisite for a desired course will be offered 156760992Shoekonly during the semester following the desired course. 156860992Shoek% 156960992ShoekWhen reviewing your notes before an exam, the most 157060992Shoekimportant ones will be illegible. 157160992Shoek% 157260992ShoekThe more studying you did for the exam, the less sure 157360992Shoekyou are as to which answer they want. 157460992Shoek% 157560992Shoek80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture 157660992Shoekyou missed about the one book you didn't read. 157760992Shoek% 157860992ShoekThe night before the english history mid-term, your 157960992Shoekbiology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria. 158060992Shoek% 158160992ShoekEvery instructor assumes that you have nothing else 158260992Shoekto do except study for that instructor's course. 158360992Shoek% 158460992ShoekIf you are given an open-book exam, you will forget 158560992Shoekyour book. 158660992ShoekIf you are given a take-home exam, you will forget 158760992Shoekwhere you live. 158860992Shoek% 158960992ShoekAt the end of the semester you will recall having 159060992Shoekenrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester 159160992Shoek-- and never attending. 159260992Shoek% 159360992ShoekThe one course you must take to graduate will not be 159460992Shoekoffered during your last semester. 159560992Shoek% 159660992ShoekThe more general the title of a course, the less 159760992Shoekyou will learn from it. 159860992Shoek% 159960992ShoekThe more specific the title of a course, the less you 160060992Shoekwill be able to apply it later. 160160992Shoek% 160260992ShoekThe most valuable quotation will be the one for which 160360992Shoekyou cannot determine the source. 160460992Shoek% 160560992ShoekThe source for an unattributed quotation will appear 160660992Shoekin the most hostile review of your work. 160760992Shoek% 160860992ShoekWhen a writer prepares a manuscript on a subject he does 160960992Shoeknot understand, his work will be understood only by 161060992Shoekreaders who know more about that subject than he does. 161160992Shoek% 161260992ShoekWritings prepared without understanding must fail in the 1613112411Seivindfirst objective of communication -- informing 161460992Shoekthe uninformed. 161560992Shoek% 161660992ShoekWhen a student asks for a second time if you have read 161760992Shoekhis book report, he did not read the book. 161860992Shoek% 161960992ShoekIf daily class attendance is mandatory, a schedules 162060992Shoekexam will product increased absenteeism. If attendance 162160992Shoekis optional, a schedules exam will produce persons you 162260992Shoekhave never seen before. 162360992Shoek% 162460992ShoekJust because your doctor has a name for your condition 162560992Shoekdoesn't mean he knows what it is. 162660992Shoek% 162760992ShoekThe more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the 162860992Shoekwaiting room, the longer you will have to wait for 162960992Shoekyour scheduled appointment. 163060992Shoek% 163160992ShoekOnly adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles. 163260992Shoek% 163360992ShoekYou never have the right number of pills left on the 163460992Shoeklast day of a prescription. 163560992Shoek% 163660992ShoekThe pills to be taken with meals will be the least 163760992Shoekappetizing ones. 163860992Shoek% 163960992ShoekEven water tastes bad when taken on doctors orders. 164060992Shoek% 164160992ShoekIf your condition seems to be getting better, it's 164260992Shoekprobably your doctor getting sick. 164360992Shoek% 164460992ShoekBeware of the physician who is great at getting 164560992Shoekout of trouble. 164660992Shoek% 164760992ShoekA drug is that substance which, when injected into a 164860992Shoekrat, will produce a scientific report. 164960992Shoek% 165060993ShoekBefore ordering a test decide what you will do if it is, 165160993Shoek(1) positive, or 165260993Shoek(2) negative. 165360993ShoekIf both answers are the same, don't do the test. 165460992Shoek% 165560992ShoekThe radiologists' national flower is the hedge. 165660992Shoek% 165760992ShoekThe feasibility of an operation is not the best 165860992Shoekindiciation for its performance. 165960992Shoek% 166060992ShoekA physician's ability is inversely proportional 166160992Shoekto his availability. 166260992Shoek% 166360993ShoekThere are two kinds of adhesive tape: That which won't 166460992Shoekstay on and that which won't come off. 166560992Shoek% 166660992ShoekEverbody wants a pain shot at the same time. 166760992Shoek% 166860992ShoekEverybody who didn't want a pain shot when you were 166960992Shoekpassing out pain shots wants one when you are passing 167060992Shoekout sleeping pills. 167160992Shoek% 167260993ShoekAn alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his 167360992Shoekown physician. 167460992Shoek% 167560992ShoekFools rush in -- and get the best seats. 167660992Shoek% 167760992ShoekAt any event, the people whose seats are furthest from 167860992Shoekthe aisle arrive last. 167960992Shoek% 168060993ShoekExciting plays occur only while you are watching the 168160992Shoekscoreboard or out buying a hot dog. 168260992Shoek% 168360992ShoekNothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by 168460992Shoekfiring the coach. 168560992Shoek% 168660992ShoekThe wrong quarterback is the one that's in there. 168760992Shoek% 168860992ShoekA free agent is anything but. 168960992Shoek% 169060992ShoekHockey is a game played by six good players and the 169160992Shoekhome team. 169260992Shoek% 169360992ShoekWhatever can go to New York, will. 169460992Shoek% 169560992ShoekWhenever a superstar is traded to your favorite team, 1696108533Sschweikhhe fades. Whenever your team trades away a useless 169760992Shoekno-name, he immediately rises to stardom. 169860992Shoek% 169960992ShoekA mediocre player will sink to the level of his or 170060992Shoekher opposition. 170160992Shoek% 170260992ShoekThe only way to make up for being lost is to make 170360992Shoekrecord time while you are lost. 170460992Shoek% 170560992ShoekThe amount of wind will vary inversely with the number 170660992Shoekand experience of the people you have on board. 170760992Shoek% 170860992ShoekNo matter how strong the breeze when you leave the dock 170960992Shoekonce you have reached the furthest point from port 171060992Shoekthe wind will die. 171160992Shoek% 171260992ShoekThe time available to go fishing shrinks as the fishing 171360992Shoekseason draws nearer. 171460992Shoek% 171560992ShoekThe least experienced fisherman always catches the 171660992Shoekbiggest fish. 171760992Shoek% 171860992ShoekThe more elaborate and costly the equipment, the greater 171960992Shoekthe chance of having to stop at the fish market 172060992Shoekon the way home. 172160992Shoek% 172260992ShoekThe worse your line is tangled, the better is the 172360992Shoekfishing around you. 172460992Shoek% 172560992ShoekThe mountain gets steeper as you get closer. 172660992Shoek% 172760993ShoekThe mountain looks closer than it is. 172860992Shoek% 172960992ShoekAll trails have more uphill sections that they have 173060992Shoeklevel or downhill sections. 173160992Shoek% 173260993ShoekThe one who least wants to play is the one who will win. 173360992Shoek% 173460992ShoekAll things being equal, you lose. 173560992Shoek 173660992ShoekAll things being in your favor, you still lose. 173760992Shoek% 173860992ShoekWin or lose, you lose. 173960992Shoek% 174060992ShoekIt always takes longer to get there than to get back. 174160992Shoek% 174260992ShoekIf everything is coming your way, you're in the 174360992Shoekwrong lane. 174460992Shoek% 174560992ShoekIf you allow someone to get in front of you either: 174660993Shoek(1) The car in front will be the last one over a 174760993Shoek railroad crossing, and you will be stuck waiting 174860993Shoek for a long, slow-moving train; or 174960993Shoek(2) you both will have the same destination and the 175060993Shoek other car will get the last parking space. 175160992Shoek% 175260992ShoekIf you have to park six blocks away, you will find two 175360992Shoeknew parking spaces right in front of the building 175460992Shoekentrance. 175560992Shoek% 175660992ShoekWhen you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn 175760992Shoekgreen as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop. 175860992Shoek% 175960992ShoekA car and a truck approaching each other on an otherwise 176060992Shoekdeserted road will meet at the narrow bridge. 176160992Shoek% 176260992ShoekThe speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional 176360992Shoekto the length of the passing zone. 176460992Shoek% 176560992ShoekThe first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly 176660992Shoekin front of your eyes. 176760992Shoek% 176860992ShoekIf you can get to the faulty part, you don't have the 176960992Shoektool to get it off. 177060992Shoek% 177160992ShoekIf you can get the faulty part off, the parts house 177260992Shoekwill have it back-ordered. 177360992Shoek% 177460992ShoekIf the faulty part is in stock, it didn't need replacing 177560992Shoekin the first place. 177660992Shoek% 177760992ShoekWhen the need arises, any tool or object closest to you 177860992Shoekbecomes a hammer. 177960992Shoek% 178060992ShoekNo matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end 178160992Shoekup covered with grease and motor oil. 178260992Shoek% 178360992ShoekWhen necessary, metric and inch tools can be used 178460992Shoekinterchangeably. 178560992Shoek% 178660992ShoekAutomotive engine reparing law: 178760992ShoekIf you drop something, it will never reach the ground. 178860992Shoek% 178960992ShoekIf you lived here you'd be home now. 179060992Shoek% 179160992ShoekIf it's good, they discontinue it. 179260992Shoek% 179360992ShoekIt the shoe fits, it's ugly. 179460992Shoek% 179560993Shoek(1) If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 179660993Shoek(2) If you like it and it's in your size, it doesn't 179760993Shoek fit anyway. 179860993Shoek(4) If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 179960993Shoek(5) If you like it, it fits and you can afford it, it 180060993Shoek falls apart the first time you wear it. 180160992Shoek% 180260992ShoekThe one you want is never the one on sale. 180360992Shoek% 180460992ShoekAnything labeled "new" and/or "improved" isn't. 180560992Shoek% 180660992ShoekThe label "new" and/or "improved" means the price went up. 180760992Shoek% 180860992ShoekThe label "all new," "completely new" or "great news" 180960992Shoekmeans the price went way way up. 181060992Shoek% 181160992ShoekIf an item is advertised as "under $50," you can bet 181260992Shoekit's not $19.95. 181360992Shoek% 181460992ShoekACF2 is a four letter word. 181560992Shoek% 181660992ShoekIf only one price can be obtained for any quotation, 181760992Shoekthe price will be unreasonable. 181860992Shoek% 181960992ShoekA 60-day warranty guarantees that the product will 182060992Shoekself-destruct on the 61st day. 182160992Shoek% 182260992ShoekThe "consumer report" on the item will come out a week 182360992Shoekafter you've made your purchase: 182460992Shoek 182560993Shoek(1) The one you bought will be rated "unacceptable". 182660993Shoek(2) The one you almost bought will be rated "best buy". 182760992Shoek% 182860992ShoekIf you don't write to complain, you'll never receive 182960992Shoekyour order. 183060992ShoekIf you do write, you'll receive the merchandise before 183160992Shoekyour angry letter reaches its destination. 183260992Shoek% 183360992ShoekThe most important item in an order will no longer 183460992Shoekbe available. 183560992Shoek% 183660992ShoekDuring the time an item is on back-order, it will be 183760992Shoekavailable cheaper and quicker from many other sources. 183860992Shoek% 183960992ShoekSecurity isn't. 184060992Shoek% 184160992ShoekManagement can't. 184260992Shoek% 184360992ShoekSale promotions don't. 184460992Shoek% 184560992ShoekConsumer assistance doesn't. 184660992Shoek% 184760992ShoekWorkers won't. 184860992Shoek% 184960992ShoekCleanliness is next to impossible. 185060992Shoek% 185160992ShoekMultiple-function gadgets will not perform any 185260992Shoekfunction adequately. 185360992Shoek% 185460992ShoekThe more expensive the gadget, the less often you 185560992Shoekwill use it. 185660992Shoek% 185760993ShoekThe simpler the instruction, e.g. "press here", the 185860992Shoekmore difficult it will be to open the package. 185960992Shoek% 186060992ShoekIn a family recipe you just discovered in an old book, 186160992Shoekthe most vital measurement will be illegible. 186260992Shoek% 186360993ShoekOnce a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it 186460992Shoekonly makes it worse. 186560992Shoek% 186660992ShoekYou are always complimented on the item which took the 186760992Shoekleast effort to prepare. 186860992Shoek 186960993ShoekExample: 187060993Shoek If you make "duck a l'orange" you will be 187160993Shoek complimented on the baked potato. 187260992Shoek% 187360992ShoekThe one ingredient you made a special trip to the store 187460992Shoekto get will be the one thing your guest is allergic to. 187560992Shoek% 187660992ShoekThe more time and energy you put into preparing a meal 187760992Shoekthe greater the chance you guests will spend the entire 187860992Shoekmeal discussing other meals they have had. 187960992Shoek% 188060992ShoekSouffles rise and cream whips only for the family and 188160992Shoekfor guests you didn't really want to invite anyway. 188260992Shoek% 188360992ShoekThe rotten egg will be the one you break into the 188460992Shoekcake batter. 188560992Shoek% 188660992ShoekAny cooking utensil placed in the dishwasher will be 188760992Shoekneeded immediately thereafter for something else. 188860992Shoek% 188960992ShoekAny measuring utensil used for liquid ingredients will 189060992Shoekbe needed immediately thereafter for dry ingredients. 189160992Shoek% 189260992ShoekTime spent consuming a meal is in inverse proportion 189360992Shoekto time spent preparing it. 189460992Shoek% 189560992ShoekWhatever it is, somebody will have had it for lunch. 189660992Shoek% 189760992ShoekIf you're wondering if you took the meat out to 189860992Shoekthaw, you didn't. 189960992Shoek% 190060992ShoekIf you're wondering if you left the coffee pot 190160992Shoekplugged in, you did. 190260992Shoek% 190360992ShoekIf you're wondering if you need to stop and pick up 190460992Shoekbread and eggs on the way home, you do. 190560992Shoek% 190660992ShoekIf you're wondering if you have enough money to take 190760992Shoekthe family out to eat tonight, you don't. 190860992Shoek% 190960992ShoekThe spot you are scrubbing on glassware is always on 191060992Shoekthe other side. 191160992Shoek% 191260992ShoekWashing machines only break down during the wash cycle. 191360992Shoek% 1914112411SeivindAll breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off. 191560992Shoek% 191660992ShoekCost of repair can be determined by multiplying the 191760992Shoekcost of your new coat by 1.75, or by multiplying the 191860992Shoekcost of a new washer by .75. 191960992Shoek% 192060992ShoekThere is always more dirty laundry then clean laundry. 192160992Shoek% 192260992ShoekIf it's clean, it isn't laundry. 192360992Shoek% 192460992ShoekA child will not spill on a dirty floor. 192560992Shoek% 192660992ShoekAn unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. 192760992Shoek% 192860992ShoekAny child who chatters non-stop at home will adamantly 192960992Shoekrefuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate 193060992Shoekfor an audience. 193160992Shoek% 193260992ShoekA shy, introverted child will choose a crowded public 193360992Shoekarea to loudly demonstrate new acquired vocabulary. 193460992Shoek% 193560992ShoekThe probablility of a cat eating its dinner has 193660992Shoekabsolutely nothing to do with the price of the food 193760992Shoekplaced before it. 193860992Shoek% 193960992ShoekThe probability that a household pet will raise a fuss 194060992Shoekto go in or out is directly proportional to the number 194160992Shoekand importance of your dinner guests. 194260992Shoek% 194360992ShoekThe stomach expands to accommodate the amount of 194460992Shoekjunk food available. 194560992Shoek% 194660992ShoekIf you buy bananas or avocados before they are ripe, 194760992Shoekthere won't be any left by the time they are ripe. If 194860992Shoekyou buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten. 194960992Shoek% 195060992ShoekHow long a minute is depends on which side of the 195160992Shoekbathroom door you're on. 195260992Shoek% 195360992ShoekThe life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely 195460992Shoekwith its price and directly with its ugliness. 195560992Shoek% 195660993ShoekIf you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch 195760992Shoekit again, it will be a rerun of the same episode. 195860992Shoek% 195960993ShoekIf there are only two shows worth watching, they will 196060993Shoekbe on together. 196160992Shoek% 196260993ShoekThe only new TV show worth watching will be cancelled. 196360992Shoek% 196460993ShoekThe TV show you've been looking forward to all week 196560992Shoekwill be preempted. 196660992Shoek% 196760992ShoekMost people deserve each other. 196860992Shoek% 196960992ShoekPossessions increase to fill the space available for 197060992Shoektheir storage. 197160992Shoek% 197260992ShoekWhen you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal 197360992Shoek% 197460993Shoek(1) The telephone will ring when you are outside the 197560993Shoek door, fumbling for your keys. 197660992Shoek 197760993Shoek(2) You will reach it just in time to hear the click 197860993Shoek of the caller hanging up. 197960992Shoek% 198060992ShoekPeople to whom you are attracted invariably thing you 198160992Shoekremind them of someone else. 198260992Shoek% 198360992ShoekThe one who snores will fall asleep first. 198460992Shoek% 198560992ShoekNever get excited about a blind date because of how 198660992Shoekit sounds over the phone. 198760992Shoek% 198860992ShoekThe love letter you finally got the courage to send 198960992Shoekwill be delayed in the mail long enough for you to 199060992Shoekmake a fool of yourself in person. 199160992Shoek% 199260992ShoekOther people's romantic gestures seem novel and exciting. 199360992Shoek 199460992ShoekYour own romantic gestures seem fooolish and clumsy. 199560992Shoek% 199660992ShoekThe length of a marriage is inversely proportional 199760992Shoekto the amount spent on the wedding. 199860992Shoek% 199960992ShoekThe probablility of meeting someone you know increases 200060992Shoekwhen you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 200160992Shoek% 200260992ShoekIf you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember 200360992Shoekyou - the next time he's in need. 200460992Shoek% 200560992ShoekVirtue is its own punishment. 200660992Shoek% 200760992ShoekIf you do something right once, someone will ask 200860992Shoekyou to do it again. 200960992Shoek% 201060992ShoekThe one day you'd sell your soul for something, 201160992Shoeksouls are a glut. 201260992Shoek% 201360992ShoekThe scratch on the record is always through the song 201460992Shoekyou like most. 201560992Shoek% 201660992ShoekSuperiority is recessive. 201760992Shoek% 201860992ShoekForgive and remember. 201960992Shoek% 202060992ShoekAnything good in life either causes cancer in 202160992Shoeklaboratory mice or is taxed beyond reality. 202260992Shoek% 202360992ShoekTo err is human -- to blame it on someone else is 202460992Shoekeven more human. 202560992Shoek% 202660992ShoekWhatever happens to you, it will previously have 202760992Shoekhappened to everyone you know only more so. 202860992Shoek% 202960992ShoekHe who laughs last -- probably didn't get the joke. 203060992Shoek% 203160992ShoekDon't worry over what other people are thinking about 203260993Shoekyou. They're too busy worrying over what you are 203360992Shoekthinking about them. 203460992Shoek% 203560992ShoekIn a bureaucratic hierarchy, the higher up the 203660993Shoekorganization the less people appreciate Murphy's law, 203760993Shoekthe Peter Principle, etc. 203860992Shoek% 203960992ShoekLaw expands in proportion to the resources available 204060992Shoekfor its enforcement. 204160992Shoek% 204260992ShoekBad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed. 204360992Shoek% 204460992ShoekThere are some things which are impossible to know - 204560992Shoekbut it is impossible to know these things. 204660992Shoek% 204760992ShoekWhen we try to pick out anything by itself we find 204860992Shoekit hitched to everything else in the universe. 204960992Shoek% 205060992ShoekIf one views his problem closely enough he will 205160992Shoekrecoginize himself as part of the problem. 205260992Shoek% 205360992ShoekEverything may be divided into as many parts as you please. 205460992Shoek% 205560992ShoekIf several things that could have gone wrong have not 205660992Shoekgone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial 205760992Shoekfor them to have gone wrong. 205860992Shoek% 205960992ShoekThe quickest way to experiment with acupuncture is to 206060992Shoektry on a new shirt. 206160992Shoek% 206260992ShoekAbsolutely nothing in the world is friendlier than 206360992Shoeka wet dog. 206460992Shoek% 206560992ShoekThe severity of an itch is inversely proportional 206660992Shoekto the reach. 206760992Shoek% 206860992ShoekA hug is the perfect gift - one size fits all, and 206960992Shoeknobody minds if you exchange it. 207060992Shoek% 207160992ShoekThe only game that can't be fixed is peek-a-boo. 207260992Shoek% 207360992ShoekIgnorance should be painful. 207460992Shoek% 207560993ShoekThe first insurance agent was David - 207660993Shoekhe gave Goliath a piece of the rock. 207760992Shoek% 207860993ShoekKing Arthur ran the first knight club. 207960992Shoek% 208060992ShoekMagellan was the first strait man. 208160992Shoek% 208260992ShoekIf you smile when everything goes wrong, you are 2083112411Seivindeither a nitwit or a repairman. 208460992Shoek% 208560992ShoekIf it weren't for the opinion polls we'd never know 208660992Shoekwhat people are undecided about. 208760992Shoek% 208860993ShoekNo news is ... impossible. 208960992Shoek% 209060992ShoekLaugh and the world laughs with you. cry and ... 209160992Shoekyou have to blow your nose. 209260992Shoek% 209360993ShoekA penny saved is ... not much. 209460992Shoek% 209560993ShoekHe who marries for money ... better be nice to his wife. 209660992Shoek% 209760993ShoekIt's always darkest before ... daylight saving time. 209860992Shoek% 209960993ShoekIf at first you don't succeed ... get new batteries. 210060992Shoek% 210160992ShoekThere is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action. 210260992Shoek% 210360992ShoekLife is like an ice-cream cone: You have to learn to 210460992Shoeklick it. 210560992Shoek% 210660992ShoekOne place where you're sure to find the perfect 210760992Shoekdriver is in the back seat. 210860992Shoek% 210960992ShoekNothing is indestructible, with the possible exception 211060992Shoekof discount-priced fruitcakes. 211160992Shoek% 2112112411SeivindHow do they know no two snowflakes are alike? 211360992Shoek% 2114112411SeivindHow did they measure hail before the golf ball was invented? 211560992Shoek% 211660992ShoekTo err is human, to forgive is divine -- 211760992Shoekbut to forget it altogether is humane. 211860992Shoek% 211960992Shoek"Watching a birdie" in hand is safer that watching 212060992Shoekone overhead. 212160992Shoek% 212260992ShoekThe light at the end of the tunnel can be a helluva 212374924Sphknuisance, especially if your're using the tunnel 212460992Shoekas a darkroom. 212560992Shoek% 212660992ShoekNever play leapfrog with a photo enlarger. 212760992Shoek% 212860992ShoekNever argue with an artist. 212960992Shoek% 213060993ShoekWhen in doubt, don't muble, overexpose ... then mumble. 213160992Shoek% 213260992ShoekThe light at the end of the tunnel really is a train. 213360992Shoek% 213460992ShoekA budget is saving quarters in a mason jar for 213560993ShoekChristmas and spending them by Easter. 213660992Shoek% 213760992ShoekA budget is spending $15.00 on gas to drive to a 213860992Shoekshopping mall to save $4.30 on a 20 pound turkey. 213960992Shoek% 214060992ShoekA budget is wondering why you should balance yours 214160992Shoekif the government can not balance theirs. 214260992Shoek% 214360992ShoekA budget is trying to figure out how the family next 214460992Shoekdoor is doing it. 214560992Shoek% 214660992ShoekA budget is a plan that falls apart when the plumber 214760992Shoekhas to make an emergency visit. 214860992Shoek% 214960992ShoekA budget is trying to make $25.00 go as far today as 215060992Shoekit did when you were first married. 215160992Shoek% 215260992ShoekA budget is buying a dress two sizes too small because 215360992Shoekit was marked down. 215460992Shoek% 215560992ShoekYou sure have to borrow a lot of money these days to 215660992Shoekbe an average consumer. 215760992Shoek% 215860992ShoekHe who dies with the most toys wins. 215960992Shoek% 216060992ShoekA fool and his money soon go partying. 216160992Shoek% 216260992ShoekIf his IQ was any lower he'd be a plant. 216360992Shoek% 216460992ShoekEverybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. 216560992Shoek% 216660992ShoekIt is far better to do nothing that to do 216760992Shoeksomething efficiently. 216860993Shoek -- Siezbo 216960992Shoek% 217060992ShoekThe man who has no more problems is out of the game. 217160992Shoek% 217260992ShoekThe race goes not always to the swift, nor the battle 217360992Shoekto the strong, but that's the way to bet. 217460992Shoek% 217560992ShoekA fool and his money are invited places. 217660992Shoek% 217760992ShoekAll things come to him whose name is on a mailing list. 217860992Shoek% 217960992ShoekThe hand that rocks the craddle usually is attached 218060992Shoekto someone who isn't getting enough sleep. 218160992Shoek% 218260992ShoekAfter winning an argument with his wife, 218360992Shoekthe wisest thing a man can do is apologize. 218460992Shoek% 218560992ShoekIf opportunity came disguised as temptation, 218660992Shoekone knock would be enough. 218760992Shoek% 218860992ShoekIf there was any justice in this world, people would 218960992Shoekoccasionally be permitted to fly over pigeons. 219060992Shoek% 219160992ShoekEasy doesn't do it. 219260992Shoek% 219360992ShoekMost people want to be delivered from temptation but 219460992Shoekwould like it to keep in touch. 219560992Shoek% 219660992ShoekWhen a distinguised scientist states something is possible, 219760992Shoekhe is almost certainly right. When he states that 219860992Shoeksomething is impossible, he is very probably wrong. 219960992Shoek% 220060992ShoekEveryone gets away with something. 220160992ShoekNo one gets away with everything. 220260992Shoek% 220360992ShoekRemain silent about your intentions until you are sure 220460992Shoek% 220560992ShoekCalm down .... it is only ones and zeros. 220660992Shoek% 220760993ShoekReal programmers don't write COBOL. 220860993ShoekCOBOL is for wimpy applications programmers. 220960992Shoek% 221060992ShoekI have not lost my mind, it is backed up on tape somewhere. 221160992Shoek% 221260992ShoekReal programmers do not document. 221360992ShoekDocumentation is for simps who can't read listings or 221460992Shoekobject code. 221560992Shoek% 221660992ShoekReal programmers don't write specs -- users should 221760992Shoekconsider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and 221860992Shoektake what they get. 221960992Shoek% 222060992ShoekReal programmers don't comment their code. if it is hard 222160992Shoekto write, it should be hard to understand. 222260992Shoek% 222360992ShoekReal programmers don't write apllications programs; they 222460992Shoekprogram right down on the bare metal. Application 222560992Shoekprogramming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. 222660992Shoek% 222760992ShoekReal programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, real 222860992Shoekprogrammers don't know how to spell quiche. They eat 2229112411Seivindtwinkies and szechuan food. 223060992Shoek% 223160993ShoekReal programmer's programs never work the first time. But 223260992Shoekif you throw them on the machine, they can be patched into 223360992Shoekworking in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions. 223460992Shoek% 223560993ShoekReal programmers don't write in Fortran. Fortran is for 223660992Shoekpipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. 223760992Shoek% 223860992ShoekReal programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real 223960992Shoekprogrammers are around at 9 a.m., it's because they 224060992Shoekwere up all night. 224160992Shoek% 224260993ShoekReal programmers don't write in Basic. Actually, no 2243112411Seivindprogrammers write in Basic after age 12. 224460992Shoek% 224560992ShoekReal programmers don't write in PL/1. PL/1 is for 224660992Shoekprogrammers who can't decide whether to write in 224760993ShoekCOBOL or Fortran. 224860992Shoek% 224960992ShoekReal programmers don't play tennis or any other sport 225060992Shoekthat requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is 225160993ShoekO.K., and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work 225260992Shoekin case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle 225360992Shoekof the machine room. 225460992Shoek% 225560992ShoekReal programmers don't write in Pascal, Bliss, or Ada, or 225660992Shoekany of those pinko computer science languages. Strong 225760992Shoektyping is for people with weak memories. 225860992Shoek% 225960992ShoekOn a clear disk, you can seek forever. 226060992Shoek% 226160992ShoekHollerith got us into this hole mess! 226260992Shoek% 226360992ShoekNo major project is ever installed on time, within budgets, 226460992Shoekwith the same staff that started it. Yours will not be the 226560992Shoekfirst. 226660992Shoek% 226760992ShoekWhen things are going well, something will go wrong. 226860993ShoekWhen things just can't get any worse, they will. 226960993ShoekWhen things appear to be going better you have overlooked 227060993Shoeksomething. 227160992Shoek% 227260992ShoekIf project content is allowed to change freely, the rate of 227360992Shoekchange will exceed the rate of progress. 227460992Shoek% 227560992ShoekNo system is ever completely debugged: Attempts to debug 227660992Shoeka system will inevitably introduce new bugs that are even 227760992Shoekharder to find. 227860992Shoek% 227960992ShoekA carelessly planned project will take three times 228060992Shoeklonger than expected; a carefully planned project will 228160992Shoektake only twice as long. 228260992Shoek% 228360992ShoekAfter all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said 228460992Shoekthan done 228560992Shoek% 228660992ShoekIf it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist. 228760992Shoek% 228860993ShoekNever wrestle with a pig; you both get dirty, and the pig 228960992Shoeklikes it! 229060992Shoek% 229160992ShoekDon't fight with a bear in his own cage. 229260992Shoek% 229360992ShoekThe six steps of program management are: 229460993Shoek(1) Wild enthusiasm 229560993Shoek(2) Disenchantment 229660993Shoek(3) Total confusion 229760993Shoek(4) Search for guilty 229860993Shoek(5) Punishment for the innocent 229960993Shoek(6) Promotion of the non-participants 230060992Shoek% 230160992ShoekHe who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from 230260992Shoekthe next freeway exit. 230360992Shoek% 230460993ShoekAn expert doesn't know any more than you do. He or she is 230560992Shoekmerely better organized and uses slides. 230660992Shoek% 230760992ShoekNothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have 230860992Shoekto do it himself/herself. 230960992Shoek% 231060992ShoekYou can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to 231160992Shoekfloat on his back, you've really got something. 231260992Shoek% 231360992ShoekYou win some, lose some, and some get rained out; but you 231460992Shoekgotta suit up for them all. 231560992Shoek% 231660992ShoekPeople are promoted not by what they can do, but what 231760992Shoekpeople think they can do. 231860992Shoek% 231960992ShoekDon't smoke in bed - the ashes on the floor might be your 232060992Shoekown. 2321174419Sdougb% 2322174419SdougbI can only please one person per day. 2323174419SdougbToday is not your day. 2324174419Sdougb(Tomorrow isn't looking good either.) 2325174419Sdougb% 2326