gerrold.limerick revision 106746
1%% $FreeBSD: head/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick 106746 2002-11-10 23:37:25Z dcs $ 2%% From The War Against The Chtorr, 3%% Copyright David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all rights reserved, 4%% used with permission of the author. 5%% 6%%� This is the copyright line. 7%%Eighty-nine is the year we assign. 8%% These verses are caroled 9%% by one David Gerrold. 10%%All rights are reserved. This is mine. * 11%% 12A limerick of classic proportion 13should have meter and rhyme and a portion 14 of humor quite lewd, 15 and a frightfully crude, 16impossible sexual contortion. 17 18From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 19rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 20% 21A limerick is best when it's lewd, 22gross, titillating and crude -- 23 but this one is clean, 24 unless you are seen 25reading it aloud in the nude. 26 27From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 28rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 29% 30I wanted to print here a medley 31of limericks so gross they were deadly, 32 but when the typesetter tried 33 to set them, he died; 34(not to mention my editor, Smedly.) 35 36From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 37rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 38% 39I have written some limericks quite fateful, 40malicious and vicious and hateful; 41 but I've torn up the jokes 42 that will sicken most folks, 43and humanity ought to be grateful. 44 45From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 46rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 47% 48There was a young lady named Susie, 49Who everyone thought was a floozy. 50 She liked boy scout troops 51 and Shriners, in groups; 52"What the hell?" She replied. "I'm not choosy." 53 54From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 55rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 56% 57A fellow who lived in West Perkin 58was always a-jerkin' his gherkin. 59 Said he, "It's not fickle 60 to play with my pickle. 61At least my gherkin's a workin'." 62 63From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 64rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 65% 66A proctologist name of McGee 67once bent over double to see 68 an eyeball of glass 69 he had shoved up his ass, 70"-- so I can see one that looks back at me." 71 72From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 73rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 74% 75Bart has a singular penis 76for his wife who is built like a Venus. 77 He awoke with a fright 78 last Saturday night: 79"Hey! Something is coming between us!" 80 81From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 82rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 83% 84A lady who lives in New Delhi 85has habits disgusting and smelhi. 86 She likes to eat feces 87 of various species. 88(The recipe is tattooed or her belhi.) 89 90From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 91rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 92% 93A daisy chain isn't a riddle. 94just some folks who are happy to fiddle, 95 by twos and by threes, 96 on their backs or their knees, 97and it's fun getting caught in the middle! 98 99From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 100rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 101% 102A lad with a marvelous bend 103has no need of a lover or friend. 104 What he does to himself 105 would fill up a shelf, 106but alas, he has come to his end. 107 108From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 109rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 110% 111There was an old witch, name of Jessie 112whose crotch was all smelly and messie. 113 She enjoyed a good squirm 114 with an alien worm 115-- and got stains all over her dressie! 116 117From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 118rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 119% 120A lady who favors coition, 121has invented the spaceship position. 122 She lies down with ease 123 and pulls up her knees, 124and hollers, "Lift off!" and "Ignitions!" 125 126From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 127rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 128% 129Isaac the famous seducer, 130will meet a young lass and conducer 131 to let him get fresh 132 with her quivering flesh, 133but if there isn't the time, he'll just gucer. 134 135From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 136rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 137% 138And old man of Texas named Tanners 139was notorious for his bad manners. 140 When he noticed the start 141 of an imminent fart, 142he'd announce it with bullhorns and banners. 143 144From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 145rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 146% 147A woman who wanted to see, 148if she stood up, how far she could pee, 149 had pardon to beg, 150 when it ran down her leg, 151and formed icicles off her left knee. 152 153From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 154rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 155% 156A promiscuous sort was dear Laurie 157(Yes, this is that kind of story.) 158 She did it with Joe 159 and Larry and Moe 160and Curly and Howard and Morrie. 161 162And Johnny and Richard and Pritchard and Kerry 163And Lonnie and Horace and Boris and Barry 164 and Donald and Harold 165 and Ronald and Gerald 166and Tommy and Dicky and Harry. 167 168And . . . Peter and Paul and Teddy and Todd 169and Matthew and Mark and Simon and Rod 170 and Brucie and Mark 171 and Bobby and Clarck 172and she still isn't finished! My God! 173 174And David and Dennis and Huey and Ken 175and Dewey and Louie, then David again, 176 and Willy and Ben 177 and David again 178and again and again and again. 179 180And Danny and Manny and Gary and Fred 181and Mackie and Jackie and Dougie and Ned 182 and Harvey and Len 183 (then David again) 184and -- hold on just a second, she's dead! 185 186From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 187rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 188% 189There was a young man from St. Loo, 190who gave his dear sister a screw. 191 Said he, with aplomb, 192 "You're better than Mom." 193Said she, "That's what Dad told me too!" 194 195From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 196rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 197% 198A lady who didn't like flies 199managed to hide her surprise, 200 when she opened up one 201 and found it was fun. 202Now she willingly widens her thighs. 203 204From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 205rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 206% 207There was a young lady named Nancy, 208who liked having sex, plain of fancy. 209 With lightning and thunder, 210 and a profound sense of wonder, 211But not with a partner -- much too chancy. 212 213From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 214rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 215% 216There was a young lady quite tearful. 217Of sucking a cock, she was fearful. 218 In a moment of dreard, 219 she just turned her head. 220And, boy! Did she get an earful! 221 222From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 223rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 224% 225A mathematician named Boris 226had a wife with a wondrous clitoris. 227 He charged a small fee 228 for his colleagues to see 229that it was made in the shape of a torus. 230 231From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 232rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 233% 234The ladies all had to agree 235that Mort's penis was too small to see. 236 A whore named Louise 237 sniffed, "Who will _that_ please?" 238Mort proudly submitted, "Just me!" 239 240From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 241rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 242% 243There was a young fellow named Fisk 244whose comings and goings were brisk, 245 He hid things that were stolen 246 inside his colon, 247and said, "Hey! It's my own *." 248 249From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 250rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 251% 252A stunning young lady named Joan 253thought a penis was made with a bone. 254 She just didn't know 255 'twas her sexual glow 256that turned parts of men into stone. 257 258From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 259rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 260% 261A midwife named Flo from Arabia 262often enjoys giving baby a 263 forty-volt shock 264 to the base of the cock. 265(On a girl, she goes for the labia.) 266 267From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 268rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 269% 270I know of a lass who's for sale. 271She's really a nice piece of tail. 272 From June to September, 273 she'll devour your member, 274but the rest of the year, she's in jail. 275 276From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 277rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 278% 279Miss Wilkerson thought it her duty 280to maintain her conjugal beauty. 281 She mixed up a paste 282 of industrial waste, 283and applied it to her sweet patootie.* 284 285* The facts about beauty are known, 286and well-learned by those who are grown: 287 beauty is thin, 288 it lies on the skin; 289but ugly goes down to the bone. 290 291From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 292rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 293% 294The punctual Cynthia Rolen 295missed a period, (or it was stolen) 296 She looked up her ass 297 with a tube made of glass, 298but found only her own semi-colon; 299 300From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 301rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 302% 303A short-organ fellow named Kevin 304used a vacuum to stretch it to seven, 305 then to eight and to nine, 306 and though ten was divine, 307there will be film at eleven.* 308 309* If you think that our boy's now a stud, 310you've been fooled by the size of his pud. 311 Although twelve inches soft, 312 when it rises aloft, 313he just faints from the sheer lack of blood. 314 315From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 316rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 317% 318There once was a lady named Lizard, 319who got lost in a pink candy blizzard, 320 with a fellow named Jim 321 who wanted to swim 322up her legs to visit her gizzard. 323 324From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 325rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 326% 327There was a young fellow named Ted, 328who had a radio put in his head. 329 Long wave or short 330 he did it for sport 331-- and to improve his reception in bed. 332 333From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 334rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 335% 336There was a young lady from Venus, 337whose body was shaped like a penis. 338 A fellow named Hunt 339 was shaped like a cunt, 340so it all worked out fine, just between us. 341 342From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 343rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 344% 345There was an old bastard named Gene, 346impotent, selfish, and mean. 347 His dick was so shamed 348 by what the man claimed, 349it pretended that is was a spleen. 350 351From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 352rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 353% 354There once was a fellow named Jason, 355whose horrible death I would hasten. 356 I'd feed him to worms, 357 just to see how he squirms 358-- but they'd vomit his crap in a basin. 359 360From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 361rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 362% 363With a French lass, it's unwise to trifle. 364They have urges they simply can't stifle. 365 A woman of France 366 will pull down her pants 367at the sight of a towering eye-full. 368 369From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 370rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 371% 372"My God!" screamed devout Mrs. Pike, 373as she fondled her stableman's spike. 374 "This is quite out of place, 375 and a great loss of face 376-- but I think I have fallen in like!" 377 378From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 379rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 380% 381A well-endower fellow from Ortening 382prepared for an evening of sportening, 383 with a boy from a disco, 384 till he lubed up his Crisco, 385and discovered, alas, it was _shortening_! 386 387From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 388rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 389% 390A lady who read Sigmund Freud, 391thought her genitals underemployed; 392 so she put in a stand 393 for a seven-piece band, 394and held dances that we all enjoyed. 395 396From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 397rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 398% 399A lady named Shirley was mellow 400and she said to her eager young fellow, 401 "I prefer bagels and lox 402 to sucking off cocks, 403Or even a nice dish of Jell-O!" 404 405From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 406rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 407% 408There was a young man from St. Helens 409afflicted with shrinkin's and swellin's. 410 His dick was so small 411 it was not there at all, 412but his balls looked like honeydew melons. 413 414From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 415rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 416% 417A woman who once faked a lettera 418reference by which she could gettera 419 job much improved, 420 regretted her move 421when they asked her to show her et cetera. 422 423From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 424rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 425% 426A lady of South Madagascar 427wears a bag on her head; it's to mask her. 428 A bottle of scotch 429 might loosen her crotch. 430Wait here, I'll go and I'll ask her. 431 432From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 433rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 434% 435Chuck is weird, let the whole world know it. 436He brought in his bucket to show it. 437 We all had a fit 438 when we saw it was shit. 439We didn't know he was planning to throw it. 440 441From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 442rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 443% 444"Which partners are best? Sixty-niners. 445And better than that? Try the Shriners." 446 These are the results 447 of consenting adults, 448(and occasional like-minded minors.) 449 450From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 451rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 452% 453A lady's iambic pentameter 454is thirty-two inches diameter. 455 The breadth of her scansion 456 is due to expansion 457in the pants of a critical amateur. 458 459From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 460rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 461% 462There was a young fellow from Norwich 463Who liked having sex with his porridge. 464 With sugar and cream 465 and a buttery scream -- 466(The leftovers went into storage.) 467 468From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 469rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 470% 471There was a young fellow named Jim 472who liked to get naked and swim 473 with plastic sex toys 474 shaped like pubescent boys, 475'cause he'd rather be gay than be grim. 476 477From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 478rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 479% 480A lady who jogged in the breeze 481had bosoms that flapped to her knees. 482 Said she, "They're quite warm, 483 they keep me dry in a storm, 484and when it snows, I use them for skis." 485 486From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 487rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 488% 489There was an old voyeur named Zeke, 490who liked to hide in the closet and peek, 491 then jump out with loud cries 492 of "Aha!" and "Surprise!" 493and point out your flaws in technique. 494 495From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 496rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 497% 498Rick promised to gently deflower 499a maiden who lived on South Gower, 500 (The truth is, he spread 501 her legs wide on the bed, 502and finsihed her off in an hour.) 503 504From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 505rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 506% 507These poems have come out of my forehead. 508The subject are all fairly torrid 509 -- except for the few 510 that will make you say, "Pugh!" 511And those are the ones that are horrid. 512 513From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 514rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 515% 516Juanita, the subject of scandals, 517used to use unscented candles, 518 but now thinks it nice 519 to use a device 520with batteries, buzzers, and handles. 521 522From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 523rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 524% 525There was an old prune name of Ginty 526who only ate muffins and thin tea. 527 Thinking of sex 528 gave her the blecchs, 529and left her all dried up and squinty. 530 531From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 532rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 533% 534I have written some limericks quite fateful, 535malicious and vicious and hateful; 536 but I've torn up the jokes 537 that would sicken most folks, 538and humanity ought ot be grateful; 539 540From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 541rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 542% 543Here's the tale of Benjamin Sneed: 544Where others were two'd he was three'd 545 and when they unmasked it, 546 (three balls in his basket), 547he was voted "Most Likely to Breed." 548 549From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 550rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 551% 552A maiden who had a third breast 553always kept her hand close to her chest, 554 and I promised her well 555 that I never woudl tell. 556(Write me privately. Name on request.) 557 558From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 559rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 560% 561Skydiver Daniel McDopp 562used to masturbate right from the top. 563 Whenever he fell, 564 he jerked off like hell. 565He was good to the very last drop. 566 567From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 568rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 569% 570A necrophile name of Ned Schultz, 571often brags of his deed and exults, 572 "Tis legal, it's said, 573 to make love to the dead, 574if performed by consenting adults." 575 576From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 577rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 578% 579Have you ever met Jamie McBeezis? 580He does any damn thing that he pleases. 581 Says Jamie, undaunted, 582 "If you've got it,then flaunt it!" 583But he's referring to social diseases. 584 585From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 586rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 587% 588There once was a nearsighted gynie 589whose glasses were sparkly and shiny; 590 but they stayed in the drawer 591 while he worked on a whore 592and tied up the tubes of her hiney. 593 594From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 595rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 596% 597A shepherd named Jimmie Fitzhugh, 598said to his sweetheart, "It's true. 599 Nothing is moister 600 than a fresh oister, 601unless, of course, it is ewe." 602 603From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 604rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 605% 606There's a reason why Barton is queer. 607When you meet him, the reason is clear. 608 A goddess named Venus 609 gave him a penis, 610but Mother Nature filled up his brassiere. 611 612From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 613rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 614% 615Then there was Benjamin Bright, 616a contestant on "What's My Delight?" 617 They guesses at his habits 618 with little white rabbits, 619but were stumped by his mouse and his kite. 620 621From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 622rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 623% 624There was a young man from St. Lutz, 625who had a remarkable putz. 626 It would sniff, it would hunt, 627 for it only liked cunt. 628Absolutely no lips, hands, or butts. 629 630From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 631rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 632% 633Sally's sex life was carefully planned. 634Said she, "I prefer to be manned. 635 Things that are anal, 636 are always so banal, 637but things that expand are just grand." 638 639From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 640rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 641% 642Sally-Jo was exceedingly vexed, 643when they said she was quite oversexed. 644 She said, "That's not true, 645 I just like to screw, 646Now, please take a number. Who's next?" 647 648From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 649rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 650% 651Sally sued for support; she was claimin' 652Phil had fathered her baby (named Damon). 653 She said, "I ought to know." 654 as she pointed below. 655"'Cause this is the box that he came in." 656 657From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 658rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 659% 660We will need a computer to tally 661all the cowboys who scouted our Sally. 662 There were some on her mountains 663 and some on her fountains, 664and quite a few down in the valley. 665 666From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 667rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 668% 669A lady who overly lusted 670was frequently opened and thrusted. 671 When the baby came due 672 it was female too, 673and its hymen was already busted. 674 675From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 676rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 677% 678When writing these verses of mine, 679I start with a clever last line, 680 then work backward from there, 681 toward the opening pair, 682with the hope it'll all work out fine.* 683 684*only sometimes it doesn't. 685 686From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 687rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 688% 689There once was a whore from St. Paul, 690who took anyone, wide, short, or tall. 691 She said to her clients, 692 "It's not really science -- 693it's just that one size will fit all!" 694 695From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 696rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 697% 698There was a young fellow named Forrest 699whose cornhole was one of the sorest. 700 Said he, "I don't mind 701 a regular grind 702-- but I do wish my ass were clitorised." 703 704From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 705rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 706% 707When Shakespeare awakes with a scream 708and his member a-drippin' with cream, 709 'tis just the commission 710 of nocturnal emission, 711which he dubs, "A Mid-Slumber Night-Stream." 712 713From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 714rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 715% 716Sally-Jo taught erotic correction. 717She told her student to get an erection. 718 "Put your dick in my mouth. 719 Move it north, move it south -- 720Now, you're getting a sense of direction!" 721 722Her instructions were very explicit, 723and more than a little illicit: 724 "Please fill up my cunny 725 with fresh clover honey, 726and butter my buns like a biscuit." 727 728"Then wrap me up nice in a blanket, 729and I'll sit on your staff while you crank it. 730 I'll put on some feathers, 731 and laces and leathers, 732and wiggle my ass while you spank it." 733 734"Now that your fingers are stinky, 735tie me up in some chains that are clinky. 736 Bring in goats and a sheik, 737 give my titties a tweak 738--and _now_, we can start getting kinky!" 739 740"Forget what the chain and the whip meant. 741Just get the straps and the slings and a shipment 742 of high-grade Vaseline, 743 and a strong trampoline, 744and allof the other equipment!" 745 746"Now, when we get all the bedsprings a-drummin', 747that's when I'll start in a-hummin', 748 then quickly, my dear, 749 put it into my ear, 750so I'll hear the sound of it comin'!" 751 752"I don't know how much this is costing," 753said her student, still covered with frosting. 754 "But I can say with affinity 755 that I've lost my virginity. 756Quite frankly, my dear, you're _exhausting_!" 757 758From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 759rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 760% 761There was a mad pilot named Lizzy, 762whose manners were said to be skizzy. 763 She could loop, she could twirl, 764 she could make your head whirl. 765She left all her men fucking dizzy. 766 767From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 768rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 769% 770The speed of Ed's seed is unclocked 771whenever a lady's unfrocked. 772 Tho' his spirit is willin, 773 when a pussy needs fillin', 774he's a man who goes off half-cocked. 775 776From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 777rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 778% 779A lady whose name is Tirelli 780has tits made of dynamite jelli. 781 If you take on this dare, 782 you must fondle with care. 783(The detonator's south of her belli.) 784 785From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 786rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 787% 788The fame of our Mame was her tushy, 789and the front of her cunt. (It was bushy.) 790 But I heard that her Mike 791 preferred for his spike 792the place in her face that was skwooshy. 793 794From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 795rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 796% 797A whore with a face like a hound 798complained that her sales were down, 799 till a lover named Michael 800 bought her a cycle, 801and she peddled it all over town. 802 803From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 804rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 805% 806There was a young man named Levine 807who said to his lady, inclined, 808 "Thanks for the spasm, 809 it felt like orgasm; 810as a matter of fact, 'twas divine." 811 812From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 813rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 814% 815A king who was mad at the time, 816decreed limerick writing a crime. 817 but late in the night 818 all the poets woudl write 819verses without any rhyme or meter. 820 821From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 822rights reserved, used with permission of the author. 823% 824