161151Sdcs%% $FreeBSD: releng/11.0/usr.bin/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick 221909 2011-05-14 19:03:54Z uqs $ 261151Sdcs%% From The War Against The Chtorr, 361151Sdcs%% Copyright David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all rights reserved, 461151Sdcs%% used with permission of the author. 561151Sdcs%% 6221909Suqs%%�� This is the copyright line. 795677Sdougb%%Eighty-nine is the year we assign. 895677Sdougb%% These verses are caroled 995677Sdougb%% by one David Gerrold. 1061151Sdcs%%All rights are reserved. This is mine. * 1161151Sdcs%% 1261151SdcsA limerick of classic proportion 1361151Sdcsshould have meter and rhyme and a portion 1461151Sdcs of humor quite lewd, 1561151Sdcs and a frightfully crude, 1661151Sdcsimpossible sexual contortion. 1761151Sdcs 1861151SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 1961151Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 2061151Sdcs% 2161151SdcsA limerick is best when it's lewd, 2261151Sdcsgross, titillating and crude -- 2395677Sdougb but this one is clean, 2461151Sdcs unless you are seen 2561151Sdcsreading it aloud in the nude. 2661151Sdcs 2761151SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 2861151Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 2961151Sdcs% 3061151SdcsI wanted to print here a medley 3195677Sdougbof limericks so gross they were deadly, 3261151Sdcs but when the typesetter tried 3361151Sdcs to set them, he died; 3495677Sdougb(not to mention my editor, Smedly.) 3561151Sdcs 3661151SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 3761151Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 3861151Sdcs% 3995677SdougbI have written some limericks quite fateful, 4061151Sdcsmalicious and vicious and hateful; 4195677Sdougb but I've torn up the jokes 42175017Sdougb that would sicken most folks, 4361151Sdcsand humanity ought to be grateful. 4461151Sdcs 4561151SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 4661151Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 47106711Sdcs% 48106711SdcsThere was a young lady named Susie, 49106711SdcsWho everyone thought was a floozy. 50106711Sdcs She liked boy scout troops 51106711Sdcs and Shriners, in groups; 52106711Sdcs"What the hell?" She replied. "I'm not choosy." 53106711Sdcs 54106711SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 55106711Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 56106711Sdcs% 57106711SdcsA fellow who lived in West Perkin 58106711Sdcswas always a-jerkin' his gherkin. 59106711Sdcs Said he, "It's not fickle 60106711Sdcs to play with my pickle. 61106711SdcsAt least my gherkin's a workin'." 62106711Sdcs 63106711SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 64106711Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 65106711Sdcs% 66106711SdcsA proctologist name of McGee 67106711Sdcsonce bent over double to see 68106711Sdcs an eyeball of glass 69106711Sdcs he had shoved up his ass, 70106746Sdcs"-- so I can see one that looks back at me." 71106711Sdcs 72106711SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 73106711Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 74106711Sdcs% 75106711SdcsBart has a singular penis 76106711Sdcsfor his wife who is built like a Venus. 77106711Sdcs He awoke with a fright 78106711Sdcs last Saturday night: 79106711Sdcs"Hey! Something is coming between us!" 80106711Sdcs 81106711SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 82106711Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 83106711Sdcs% 84106711SdcsA lady who lives in New Delhi 85106711Sdcshas habits disgusting and smelhi. 86106711Sdcs She likes to eat feces 87106711Sdcs of various species. 88106711Sdcs(The recipe is tattooed or her belhi.) 89106711Sdcs 90106711SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 91106711Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 92106711Sdcs% 93106711SdcsA daisy chain isn't a riddle. 94106711Sdcsjust some folks who are happy to fiddle, 95106711Sdcs by twos and by threes, 96106711Sdcs on their backs or their knees, 97106711Sdcsand it's fun getting caught in the middle! 98106711Sdcs 99106711SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 100106711Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 101106711Sdcs% 102106711SdcsA lad with a marvelous bend 103106711Sdcshas no need of a lover or friend. 104106711Sdcs What he does to himself 105106711Sdcs would fill up a shelf, 106106711Sdcsbut alas, he has come to his end. 107106711Sdcs 108106711SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 109106711Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 110106711Sdcs% 111106711SdcsThere was an old witch, name of Jessie 112106711Sdcswhose crotch was all smelly and messie. 113106711Sdcs She enjoyed a good squirm 114106711Sdcs with an alien worm 115106711Sdcs-- and got stains all over her dressie! 116106711Sdcs 117106711SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 118106711Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 119106746Sdcs% 120106746SdcsA lady who favors coition, 121106746Sdcshas invented the spaceship position. 122106746Sdcs She lies down with ease 123106746Sdcs and pulls up her knees, 124106746Sdcsand hollers, "Lift off!" and "Ignitions!" 125106746Sdcs 126106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 127106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 128106746Sdcs% 129106746SdcsIsaac the famous seducer, 130106746Sdcswill meet a young lass and conducer 131106746Sdcs to let him get fresh 132106746Sdcs with her quivering flesh, 133106746Sdcsbut if there isn't the time, he'll just gucer. 134106746Sdcs 135106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 136106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 137106746Sdcs% 138106746SdcsAnd old man of Texas named Tanners 139106746Sdcswas notorious for his bad manners. 140106746Sdcs When he noticed the start 141106746Sdcs of an imminent fart, 142106746Sdcshe'd announce it with bullhorns and banners. 143106746Sdcs 144106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 145106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 146106746Sdcs% 147106746SdcsA woman who wanted to see, 148106746Sdcsif she stood up, how far she could pee, 149106746Sdcs had pardon to beg, 150106746Sdcs when it ran down her leg, 151106746Sdcsand formed icicles off her left knee. 152106746Sdcs 153106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 154106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 155106746Sdcs% 156106746SdcsA promiscuous sort was dear Laurie 157106746Sdcs(Yes, this is that kind of story.) 158106746Sdcs She did it with Joe 159106746Sdcs and Larry and Moe 160106746Sdcsand Curly and Howard and Morrie. 161106746Sdcs 162106746SdcsAnd Johnny and Richard and Pritchard and Kerry 163106746SdcsAnd Lonnie and Horace and Boris and Barry 164106746Sdcs and Donald and Harold 165106746Sdcs and Ronald and Gerald 166106746Sdcsand Tommy and Dicky and Harry. 167106746Sdcs 168106746SdcsAnd . . . Peter and Paul and Teddy and Todd 169106746Sdcsand Matthew and Mark and Simon and Rod 170106746Sdcs and Brucie and Mark 171106746Sdcs and Bobby and Clarck 172106746Sdcsand she still isn't finished! My God! 173106746Sdcs 174106746SdcsAnd David and Dennis and Huey and Ken 175106746Sdcsand Dewey and Louie, then David again, 176106746Sdcs and Willy and Ben 177106746Sdcs and David again 178106746Sdcsand again and again and again. 179106746Sdcs 180106746SdcsAnd Danny and Manny and Gary and Fred 181106746Sdcsand Mackie and Jackie and Dougie and Ned 182106746Sdcs and Harvey and Len 183106746Sdcs (then David again) 184106746Sdcsand -- hold on just a second, she's dead! 185106746Sdcs 186106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 187106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 188106746Sdcs% 189106746SdcsThere was a young man from St. Loo, 190106746Sdcswho gave his dear sister a screw. 191106746Sdcs Said he, with aplomb, 192106746Sdcs "You're better than Mom." 193106746SdcsSaid she, "That's what Dad told me too!" 194106746Sdcs 195106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 196106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 197106746Sdcs% 198106746SdcsA lady who didn't like flies 199106746Sdcsmanaged to hide her surprise, 200106746Sdcs when she opened up one 201106746Sdcs and found it was fun. 202106746SdcsNow she willingly widens her thighs. 203106746Sdcs 204106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 205106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 206106746Sdcs% 207106746SdcsThere was a young lady named Nancy, 208106746Sdcswho liked having sex, plain of fancy. 209106746Sdcs With lightning and thunder, 210106746Sdcs and a profound sense of wonder, 211106746SdcsBut not with a partner -- much too chancy. 212106746Sdcs 213106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 214106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 215106746Sdcs% 216106746SdcsThere was a young lady quite tearful. 217106746SdcsOf sucking a cock, she was fearful. 218175017Sdougb In a moment of dread, 219106746Sdcs she just turned her head. 220106746SdcsAnd, boy! Did she get an earful! 221106746Sdcs 222106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 223106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 224106746Sdcs% 225106746SdcsA mathematician named Boris 226106746Sdcshad a wife with a wondrous clitoris. 227106746Sdcs He charged a small fee 228106746Sdcs for his colleagues to see 229106746Sdcsthat it was made in the shape of a torus. 230106746Sdcs 231106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 232106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 233106746Sdcs% 234106746SdcsThe ladies all had to agree 235106746Sdcsthat Mort's penis was too small to see. 236106746Sdcs A whore named Louise 237106746Sdcs sniffed, "Who will _that_ please?" 238106746SdcsMort proudly submitted, "Just me!" 239106746Sdcs 240106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 241106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 242106746Sdcs% 243106746SdcsThere was a young fellow named Fisk 244106746Sdcswhose comings and goings were brisk, 245106746Sdcs He hid things that were stolen 246106746Sdcs inside his colon, 247106746Sdcsand said, "Hey! It's my own *." 248106746Sdcs 249106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 250106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 251106746Sdcs% 252106746SdcsA stunning young lady named Joan 253106746Sdcsthought a penis was made with a bone. 254106746Sdcs She just didn't know 255106746Sdcs 'twas her sexual glow 256106746Sdcsthat turned parts of men into stone. 257106746Sdcs 258106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 259106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 260106746Sdcs% 261106746SdcsA midwife named Flo from Arabia 262106746Sdcsoften enjoys giving baby a 263106746Sdcs forty-volt shock 264106746Sdcs to the base of the cock. 265106746Sdcs(On a girl, she goes for the labia.) 266106746Sdcs 267106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 268106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 269106746Sdcs% 270106746SdcsI know of a lass who's for sale. 271106746SdcsShe's really a nice piece of tail. 272106746Sdcs From June to September, 273106746Sdcs she'll devour your member, 274106746Sdcsbut the rest of the year, she's in jail. 275106746Sdcs 276106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 277106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 278106746Sdcs% 279106746SdcsMiss Wilkerson thought it her duty 280106746Sdcsto maintain her conjugal beauty. 281106746Sdcs She mixed up a paste 282106746Sdcs of industrial waste, 283106746Sdcsand applied it to her sweet patootie.* 284106746Sdcs 285106746Sdcs* The facts about beauty are known, 286106746Sdcsand well-learned by those who are grown: 287106746Sdcs beauty is thin, 288106746Sdcs it lies on the skin; 289106746Sdcsbut ugly goes down to the bone. 290106746Sdcs 291106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 292106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 293106746Sdcs% 294106746SdcsThe punctual Cynthia Rolen 295106746Sdcsmissed a period, (or it was stolen) 296106746Sdcs She looked up her ass 297106746Sdcs with a tube made of glass, 298106746Sdcsbut found only her own semi-colon; 299106746Sdcs 300106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 301106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 302106746Sdcs% 303106746SdcsA short-organ fellow named Kevin 304106746Sdcsused a vacuum to stretch it to seven, 305106746Sdcs then to eight and to nine, 306106746Sdcs and though ten was divine, 307106746Sdcsthere will be film at eleven.* 308106746Sdcs 309106746Sdcs* If you think that our boy's now a stud, 310106746Sdcsyou've been fooled by the size of his pud. 311106746Sdcs Although twelve inches soft, 312106746Sdcs when it rises aloft, 313106746Sdcshe just faints from the sheer lack of blood. 314106746Sdcs 315106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 316106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 317106746Sdcs% 318106746SdcsThere once was a lady named Lizard, 319106746Sdcswho got lost in a pink candy blizzard, 320106746Sdcs with a fellow named Jim 321106746Sdcs who wanted to swim 322106746Sdcsup her legs to visit her gizzard. 323106746Sdcs 324106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 325106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 326106746Sdcs% 327106746SdcsThere was a young fellow named Ted, 328106746Sdcswho had a radio put in his head. 329106746Sdcs Long wave or short 330106746Sdcs he did it for sport 331106746Sdcs-- and to improve his reception in bed. 332106746Sdcs 333106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 334106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 335106746Sdcs% 336106746SdcsThere was a young lady from Venus, 337106746Sdcswhose body was shaped like a penis. 338106746Sdcs A fellow named Hunt 339106746Sdcs was shaped like a cunt, 340106746Sdcsso it all worked out fine, just between us. 341106746Sdcs 342106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 343106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 344106746Sdcs% 345106746SdcsThere was an old bastard named Gene, 346106746Sdcsimpotent, selfish, and mean. 347106746Sdcs His dick was so shamed 348106746Sdcs by what the man claimed, 349106746Sdcsit pretended that is was a spleen. 350106746Sdcs 351106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 352106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 353106746Sdcs% 354106746SdcsThere once was a fellow named Jason, 355106746Sdcswhose horrible death I would hasten. 356106746Sdcs I'd feed him to worms, 357106746Sdcs just to see how he squirms 358106746Sdcs-- but they'd vomit his crap in a basin. 359106746Sdcs 360106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 361106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 362106746Sdcs% 363106746SdcsWith a French lass, it's unwise to trifle. 364106746SdcsThey have urges they simply can't stifle. 365106746Sdcs A woman of France 366106746Sdcs will pull down her pants 367106746Sdcsat the sight of a towering eye-full. 368106746Sdcs 369106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 370106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 371106746Sdcs% 372106746Sdcs"My God!" screamed devout Mrs. Pike, 373106746Sdcsas she fondled her stableman's spike. 374106746Sdcs "This is quite out of place, 375106746Sdcs and a great loss of face 376106746Sdcs-- but I think I have fallen in like!" 377106746Sdcs 378106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 379106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 380106746Sdcs% 381106746SdcsA well-endower fellow from Ortening 382106746Sdcsprepared for an evening of sportening, 383106746Sdcs with a boy from a disco, 384106746Sdcs till he lubed up his Crisco, 385106746Sdcsand discovered, alas, it was _shortening_! 386106746Sdcs 387106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 388106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 389106746Sdcs% 390106746SdcsA lady who read Sigmund Freud, 391106746Sdcsthought her genitals underemployed; 392106746Sdcs so she put in a stand 393106746Sdcs for a seven-piece band, 394106746Sdcsand held dances that we all enjoyed. 395106746Sdcs 396106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 397106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 398106746Sdcs% 399106746SdcsA lady named Shirley was mellow 400106746Sdcsand she said to her eager young fellow, 401106746Sdcs "I prefer bagels and lox 402106746Sdcs to sucking off cocks, 403106746SdcsOr even a nice dish of Jell-O!" 404106746Sdcs 405106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 406106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 407106746Sdcs% 408106746SdcsThere was a young man from St. Helens 409106746Sdcsafflicted with shrinkin's and swellin's. 410106746Sdcs His dick was so small 411106746Sdcs it was not there at all, 412106746Sdcsbut his balls looked like honeydew melons. 413106746Sdcs 414106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 415106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 416106746Sdcs% 417106746SdcsA woman who once faked a lettera 418106746Sdcsreference by which she could gettera 419106746Sdcs job much improved, 420106746Sdcs regretted her move 421106746Sdcswhen they asked her to show her et cetera. 422106746Sdcs 423106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 424106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 425106746Sdcs% 426106746SdcsA lady of South Madagascar 427106746Sdcswears a bag on her head; it's to mask her. 428106746Sdcs A bottle of scotch 429106746Sdcs might loosen her crotch. 430106746SdcsWait here, I'll go and I'll ask her. 431106746Sdcs 432106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 433106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 434106746Sdcs% 435106746SdcsChuck is weird, let the whole world know it. 436106746SdcsHe brought in his bucket to show it. 437106746Sdcs We all had a fit 438106746Sdcs when we saw it was shit. 439106746SdcsWe didn't know he was planning to throw it. 440106746Sdcs 441106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 442106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 443106746Sdcs% 444106746Sdcs"Which partners are best? Sixty-niners. 445106746SdcsAnd better than that? Try the Shriners." 446106746Sdcs These are the results 447106746Sdcs of consenting adults, 448106746Sdcs(and occasional like-minded minors.) 449106746Sdcs 450106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 451106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 452106746Sdcs% 453106746SdcsA lady's iambic pentameter 454106746Sdcsis thirty-two inches diameter. 455106746Sdcs The breadth of her scansion 456106746Sdcs is due to expansion 457106746Sdcsin the pants of a critical amateur. 458106746Sdcs 459106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 460106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 461106746Sdcs% 462106746SdcsThere was a young fellow from Norwich 463106746SdcsWho liked having sex with his porridge. 464106746Sdcs With sugar and cream 465106746Sdcs and a buttery scream -- 466106746Sdcs(The leftovers went into storage.) 467106746Sdcs 468106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 469106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 470106746Sdcs% 471106746SdcsThere was a young fellow named Jim 472106746Sdcswho liked to get naked and swim 473106746Sdcs with plastic sex toys 474106746Sdcs shaped like pubescent boys, 475106746Sdcs'cause he'd rather be gay than be grim. 476106746Sdcs 477106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 478106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 479106746Sdcs% 480106746SdcsA lady who jogged in the breeze 481106746Sdcshad bosoms that flapped to her knees. 482106746Sdcs Said she, "They're quite warm, 483106746Sdcs they keep me dry in a storm, 484106746Sdcsand when it snows, I use them for skis." 485106746Sdcs 486106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 487106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 488106746Sdcs% 489106746SdcsThere was an old voyeur named Zeke, 490106746Sdcswho liked to hide in the closet and peek, 491106746Sdcs then jump out with loud cries 492106746Sdcs of "Aha!" and "Surprise!" 493106746Sdcsand point out your flaws in technique. 494106746Sdcs 495106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 496106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 497106746Sdcs% 498106746SdcsRick promised to gently deflower 499106746Sdcsa maiden who lived on South Gower, 500106746Sdcs (The truth is, he spread 501106746Sdcs her legs wide on the bed, 502175017Sdougband finished her off in an hour.) 503106746Sdcs 504106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 505106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 506106746Sdcs% 507106746SdcsThese poems have come out of my forehead. 508106746SdcsThe subject are all fairly torrid 509106746Sdcs -- except for the few 510106746Sdcs that will make you say, "Pugh!" 511106746SdcsAnd those are the ones that are horrid. 512106746Sdcs 513106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 514106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 515106746Sdcs% 516106746SdcsJuanita, the subject of scandals, 517106746Sdcsused to use unscented candles, 518106746Sdcs but now thinks it nice 519106746Sdcs to use a device 520106746Sdcswith batteries, buzzers, and handles. 521106746Sdcs 522106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 523106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 524106746Sdcs% 525106746SdcsThere was an old prune name of Ginty 526106746Sdcswho only ate muffins and thin tea. 527106746Sdcs Thinking of sex 528106746Sdcs gave her the blecchs, 529106746Sdcsand left her all dried up and squinty. 530106746Sdcs 531106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 532106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 533106746Sdcs% 534106746SdcsHere's the tale of Benjamin Sneed: 535106746SdcsWhere others were two'd he was three'd 536106746Sdcs and when they unmasked it, 537106746Sdcs (three balls in his basket), 538106746Sdcshe was voted "Most Likely to Breed." 539106746Sdcs 540106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 541106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 542106746Sdcs% 543106746SdcsA maiden who had a third breast 544106746Sdcsalways kept her hand close to her chest, 545106746Sdcs and I promised her well 546175017Sdougb that I never would tell. 547106746Sdcs(Write me privately. Name on request.) 548106746Sdcs 549106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 550106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 551106746Sdcs% 552106746SdcsSkydiver Daniel McDopp 553106746Sdcsused to masturbate right from the top. 554106746Sdcs Whenever he fell, 555106746Sdcs he jerked off like hell. 556106746SdcsHe was good to the very last drop. 557106746Sdcs 558106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 559106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 560106746Sdcs% 561106746SdcsA necrophile name of Ned Schultz, 562106746Sdcsoften brags of his deed and exults, 563106746Sdcs "Tis legal, it's said, 564106746Sdcs to make love to the dead, 565106746Sdcsif performed by consenting adults." 566106746Sdcs 567106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 568106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 569106746Sdcs% 570106746SdcsHave you ever met Jamie McBeezis? 571106746SdcsHe does any damn thing that he pleases. 572106746Sdcs Says Jamie, undaunted, 573106746Sdcs "If you've got it,then flaunt it!" 574106746SdcsBut he's referring to social diseases. 575106746Sdcs 576106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 577106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 578106746Sdcs% 579106746SdcsThere once was a nearsighted gynie 580106746Sdcswhose glasses were sparkly and shiny; 581106746Sdcs but they stayed in the drawer 582106746Sdcs while he worked on a whore 583106746Sdcsand tied up the tubes of her hiney. 584106746Sdcs 585106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 586106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 587106746Sdcs% 588106746SdcsA shepherd named Jimmie Fitzhugh, 589106746Sdcssaid to his sweetheart, "It's true. 590106746Sdcs Nothing is moister 591106746Sdcs than a fresh oister, 592106746Sdcsunless, of course, it is ewe." 593106746Sdcs 594106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 595106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 596106746Sdcs% 597106746SdcsThere's a reason why Barton is queer. 598106746SdcsWhen you meet him, the reason is clear. 599106746Sdcs A goddess named Venus 600106746Sdcs gave him a penis, 601106746Sdcsbut Mother Nature filled up his brassiere. 602106746Sdcs 603106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 604106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 605106746Sdcs% 606106746SdcsThen there was Benjamin Bright, 607106746Sdcsa contestant on "What's My Delight?" 608106746Sdcs They guesses at his habits 609106746Sdcs with little white rabbits, 610106746Sdcsbut were stumped by his mouse and his kite. 611106746Sdcs 612106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 613106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 614106746Sdcs% 615106746SdcsThere was a young man from St. Lutz, 616106746Sdcswho had a remarkable putz. 617106746Sdcs It would sniff, it would hunt, 618106746Sdcs for it only liked cunt. 619106746SdcsAbsolutely no lips, hands, or butts. 620106746Sdcs 621106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 622106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 623106746Sdcs% 624106746SdcsSally's sex life was carefully planned. 625106746SdcsSaid she, "I prefer to be manned. 626106746Sdcs Things that are anal, 627106746Sdcs are always so banal, 628106746Sdcsbut things that expand are just grand." 629106746Sdcs 630106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 631106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 632106746Sdcs% 633106746SdcsSally-Jo was exceedingly vexed, 634106746Sdcswhen they said she was quite oversexed. 635106746Sdcs She said, "That's not true, 636106746Sdcs I just like to screw, 637106746SdcsNow, please take a number. Who's next?" 638106746Sdcs 639106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 640106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 641106746Sdcs% 642106746SdcsSally sued for support; she was claimin' 643106746SdcsPhil had fathered her baby (named Damon). 644106746Sdcs She said, "I ought to know." 645106746Sdcs as she pointed below. 646106746Sdcs"'Cause this is the box that he came in." 647106746Sdcs 648106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 649106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 650106746Sdcs% 651106746SdcsWe will need a computer to tally 652106746Sdcsall the cowboys who scouted our Sally. 653106746Sdcs There were some on her mountains 654106746Sdcs and some on her fountains, 655106746Sdcsand quite a few down in the valley. 656106746Sdcs 657106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 658106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 659106746Sdcs% 660106746SdcsA lady who overly lusted 661106746Sdcswas frequently opened and thrusted. 662106746Sdcs When the baby came due 663106746Sdcs it was female too, 664106746Sdcsand its hymen was already busted. 665106746Sdcs 666106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 667106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 668106746Sdcs% 669106746SdcsWhen writing these verses of mine, 670106746SdcsI start with a clever last line, 671106746Sdcs then work backward from there, 672106746Sdcs toward the opening pair, 673106746Sdcswith the hope it'll all work out fine.* 674106746Sdcs 675106746Sdcs*only sometimes it doesn't. 676106746Sdcs 677106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 678106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 679106746Sdcs% 680106746SdcsThere once was a whore from St. Paul, 681106746Sdcswho took anyone, wide, short, or tall. 682106746Sdcs She said to her clients, 683106746Sdcs "It's not really science -- 684106746Sdcsit's just that one size will fit all!" 685106746Sdcs 686106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 687106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 688106746Sdcs% 689106746SdcsThere was a young fellow named Forrest 690106746Sdcswhose cornhole was one of the sorest. 691106746Sdcs Said he, "I don't mind 692106746Sdcs a regular grind 693106746Sdcs-- but I do wish my ass were clitorised." 694106746Sdcs 695106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 696106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 697106746Sdcs% 698106746SdcsWhen Shakespeare awakes with a scream 699106746Sdcsand his member a-drippin' with cream, 700106746Sdcs 'tis just the commission 701106746Sdcs of nocturnal emission, 702106746Sdcswhich he dubs, "A Mid-Slumber Night-Stream." 703106746Sdcs 704106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 705106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 706106746Sdcs% 707106746SdcsSally-Jo taught erotic correction. 708106746SdcsShe told her student to get an erection. 709106746Sdcs "Put your dick in my mouth. 710106746Sdcs Move it north, move it south -- 711106746SdcsNow, you're getting a sense of direction!" 712106746Sdcs 713106746SdcsHer instructions were very explicit, 714106746Sdcsand more than a little illicit: 715106746Sdcs "Please fill up my cunny 716106746Sdcs with fresh clover honey, 717106746Sdcsand butter my buns like a biscuit." 718106746Sdcs 719106746Sdcs"Then wrap me up nice in a blanket, 720106746Sdcsand I'll sit on your staff while you crank it. 721106746Sdcs I'll put on some feathers, 722106746Sdcs and laces and leathers, 723106746Sdcsand wiggle my ass while you spank it." 724106746Sdcs 725106746Sdcs"Now that your fingers are stinky, 726106746Sdcstie me up in some chains that are clinky. 727106746Sdcs Bring in goats and a sheik, 728106746Sdcs give my titties a tweak 729106746Sdcs--and _now_, we can start getting kinky!" 730106746Sdcs 731106746Sdcs"Forget what the chain and the whip meant. 732106746SdcsJust get the straps and the slings and a shipment 733106746Sdcs of high-grade Vaseline, 734106746Sdcs and a strong trampoline, 735175017Sdougband all of the other equipment!" 736106746Sdcs 737106746Sdcs"Now, when we get all the bedsprings a-drummin', 738106746Sdcsthat's when I'll start in a-hummin', 739106746Sdcs then quickly, my dear, 740106746Sdcs put it into my ear, 741106746Sdcsso I'll hear the sound of it comin'!" 742106746Sdcs 743106746Sdcs"I don't know how much this is costing," 744106746Sdcssaid her student, still covered with frosting. 745106746Sdcs "But I can say with affinity 746106746Sdcs that I've lost my virginity. 747106746SdcsQuite frankly, my dear, you're _exhausting_!" 748106746Sdcs 749106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 750106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 751106746Sdcs% 752106746SdcsThere was a mad pilot named Lizzy, 753106746Sdcswhose manners were said to be skizzy. 754106746Sdcs She could loop, she could twirl, 755106746Sdcs she could make your head whirl. 756106746SdcsShe left all her men fucking dizzy. 757106746Sdcs 758106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 759106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 760106746Sdcs% 761106746SdcsThe speed of Ed's seed is unclocked 762106746Sdcswhenever a lady's unfrocked. 763175017Sdougb Tho' his spirit is willin', 764106746Sdcs when a pussy needs fillin', 765106746Sdcshe's a man who goes off half-cocked. 766106746Sdcs 767106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 768106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 769106746Sdcs% 770106746SdcsA lady whose name is Tirelli 771106746Sdcshas tits made of dynamite jelli. 772106746Sdcs If you take on this dare, 773106746Sdcs you must fondle with care. 774106746Sdcs(The detonator's south of her belli.) 775106746Sdcs 776106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 777106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 778106746Sdcs% 779106746SdcsThe fame of our Mame was her tushy, 780106746Sdcsand the front of her cunt. (It was bushy.) 781106746Sdcs But I heard that her Mike 782106746Sdcs preferred for his spike 783106746Sdcsthe place in her face that was skwooshy. 784106746Sdcs 785106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 786106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 787106746Sdcs% 788106746SdcsA whore with a face like a hound 789106746Sdcscomplained that her sales were down, 790106746Sdcs till a lover named Michael 791106746Sdcs bought her a cycle, 792106746Sdcsand she peddled it all over town. 793106746Sdcs 794106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 795106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 796106746Sdcs% 797106746SdcsThere was a young man named Levine 798106746Sdcswho said to his lady, inclined, 799106746Sdcs "Thanks for the spasm, 800106746Sdcs it felt like orgasm; 801106746Sdcsas a matter of fact, 'twas divine." 802106746Sdcs 803106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 804106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 805106746Sdcs% 806106746SdcsA king who was mad at the time, 807106746Sdcsdecreed limerick writing a crime. 808106746Sdcs but late in the night 809175017Sdougb all the poets would write 810106746Sdcsverses without any rhyme or meter. 811106746Sdcs 812106746SdcsFrom The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all 813106746Sdcsrights reserved, used with permission of the author. 814106746Sdcs% 815