195677Sdougb%% $FreeBSD$ 2174422Sdougb% 32490SjkhA bad little girl in Madrid, 42490SjkhA most reprehensible kid, 52490Sjkh Told her Tante Louise 62490Sjkh That her cunt smelled like cheese, 72490SjkhAnd the worst of it was that it did! 82490Sjkh% 92490SjkhA bather whose clothing was strewed 102490SjkhBy breezes that left her quite nude, 112490Sjkh Saw a man come along 122490Sjkh And, unless I'm quite wrong, 132490SjkhYou expected this line to be lewd. 142490Sjkh% 152490SjkhA beat schizophrenic said, "Me? 162490SjkhI am not I, I'm a tree." 172490Sjkh But another, more sane, 182490Sjkh Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!" 192490SjkhAnd covered his pants leg with pee. 202490Sjkh% 212490SjkhA beautiful belle of Del Norte 2249464SmppIs reckoned disdainful and haughty 232490Sjkh Because during the day 242490Sjkh She says: "Boys, keep away!" 252490SjkhBut she fucks in the gloaming like forty. 262490Sjkh% 272490SjkhA beautiful lady named Psyche 282490SjkhIs loved by a fellow named Ikey. 292490Sjkh One thing about Ike 302490Sjkh The lady can't like 312490SjkhIs his prick, which is dreadfully spikey. 322490Sjkh% 332490SjkhA beetling young woman named Pridgets 342490SjkhHad a violent abhorrence of midgets; 352490Sjkh Off the end of a wharf 362490Sjkh She once pushed a dwarf 372490SjkhWhose truncation reduced her to fidgets. 382490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 392490Sjkh% 402490SjkhA big-bosomed Bunny named Gression 412490SjkhSold cigars at a key-club concession. 422490Sjkh When she swiveled about 432490Sjkh Even strong men cried out, 442490SjkhFor her costume did not keep her flesh in. 452490Sjkh% 462490SjkhA bobby of Nottingham Junction 472490SjkhWhose organ had long ceased to function 482490Sjkh Deceived his good wife 492490Sjkh For the rest of her life 502490SjkhWith the aid of his constable's truncheon. 512490Sjkh% 522490SjkhA broken-down harlot named Tupps 532490SjkhWas heard to confess in her cups: 542490Sjkh "The height of my folly 552490Sjkh Was diddling a collie- 562490SjkhBut I got a nice price for the pups." 572490Sjkh% 5849464SmppA burlesque dancer, a pip 592490SjkhNamed Virginia, could peel in a zip; 602490Sjkh But she read science fiction 612490Sjkh And died of constriction 622490SjkhAttempting a Moebius strip. 632490Sjkh -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology" 642490Sjkh% 652490SjkhA busy young lady named Gloria 662490SjkhWas had by Sir Gerald du Maurier 672490Sjkh And then by six men, 682490Sjkh Sir Gerald again, 692490SjkhAnd the band at the Waldorf-Astoria. 702490Sjkh% 712490SjkhA cabin boy on an old clipper 722490SjkhGrew steadily flipper and flipper. 732490Sjkh He plugged up his ass 742490Sjkh With fragments of glass 752490SjkhAnd thus circumcised his old skipper. 762490Sjkh% 772490SjkhA cautious young fellow named Lodge, 782490SjkhHad seatbelts installed in his Dodge. 792490Sjkh With his date all strapped in 802490Sjkh He committed a sin 812490SjkhWithout even leaving the garage. 822490Sjkh -- "A Boy and His Dog" 832490Sjkh% 842490SjkhA cautious young fellow named Tunney 852490SjkhHad a whang that was worth any money. 862490Sjkh When eased in half-way, 872490Sjkh The girl's sigh made him say, 882490Sjkh"Why the sigh?" "For the rest of it, honey." 892490Sjkh% 902490SjkhA certain young man, it was noted, 912490SjkhWent about in the heat thickly-coated; 922490Sjkh He said, "You may scoff, 932490Sjkh But I shan't take it off; 942490SjkhUnderneath I am horribly bloated." 952490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 962490Sjkh% 972490SjkhA certain young person of Ghent, 982490SjkhUncertain if lady or gent, 992490Sjkh Shows his organs at large 1002490Sjkh For a small handling charge 1012490SjkhTo assist him in paying the rent. 1022490Sjkh% 1032490SjkhA certain young sheik of Algiers 1042490SjkhSaid to his harem, "My dears, 1052490Sjkh Though you may think it odd of me, 1062490Sjkh I'm tired of just sodomy 1072490SjkhLet's try straight fucking." (loud cheers!) 1082490Sjkh% 1092490SjkhA chap down in Oklahoma 1102490SjkhHad a cock that could sing La Paloma, 1112490Sjkh But the sweetness of pitch 1122490Sjkh Couldn't put off the hitch 1132490SjkhOf impotence, size and aroma. 1142490Sjkh% 1152490SjkhA charmer from old Amarillo, 1162490SjkhSick of finding strange heads on her pillow, 1172490Sjkh Decided one day 1182490Sjkh That to keep men away 1192490SjkhShe would stuff up her crevice with Brillo. 1202490Sjkh% 1212490SjkhA chippy who worked in Black Bluff 1222490SjkhHad a pussy as large as a muff. 1232490Sjkh It had room for both hands 1242490Sjkh And some intimate glands, 1252490SjkhAnd was soft as a little duck's fluff. 1262490Sjkh% 1272490SjkhA clerical student named Pryne 1282490SjkhThrough pain sought to reach the divine: 1292490Sjkh He wore a hair shirt, 1302490Sjkh Quite often ate dirt, 1312490SjkhAnd bathed every Friday in brine. 1322490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 1332490Sjkh% 1342490SjkhA clever young man named Eugene 1352490SjkhInvented a jack-off machine. 1362490Sjkh On the twenty-third stroke 1372490Sjkh The fuckin' thing broke 1382490SjkhAnd beat both his balls to a creame. 1392490Sjkh% 1402490SjkhA cocksucking steno named Beeman 141150699SschweikhRemarked as she swallowed my semen: 1422490Sjkh "On my minuscule salary 1432490Sjkh I must watch every calorie, 1442490SjkhSo I get `ahead' eating you he-men!" 1452490Sjkh% 1462490SjkhA computer called Illiac4 1472490SjkhHad a rather tough bug in its core. 1482490Sjkh It chewed up its cards 1492490Sjkh And spewed yards and yards 1502490SjkhOf illegible tape on the floor. 1512490Sjkh% 1522490SjkhA contortionist hailing from Lynch 1532490SjkhUsed to rent out his tool by the inch. 1542490Sjkh A foot cost a quid -- 1552490Sjkh He could and he did 1562490SjkhStretch it to three in a pinch. 1572490Sjkh% 1582490SjkhA corpulent maiden named Kroll 1592490SjkhHad a notion exceedingly droll: 1602490Sjkh At a masquerade ball, 1612490Sjkh Dressed in nothing at all, 1622490SjkhShe backed in as a Parker House roll. 1632490Sjkh% 1642490SjkhA cowhand way out in Seattle 1652490SjkhHad a dooflicker flat as a paddle. 1662490Sjkh He said, "No, I can't fuck 1672490Sjkh A lamb or a duck, 1682490SjkhBut golly! it just fits the cattle." 1692490Sjkh% 1702490SjkhA crusader's wife slipped from the garrison 1712490SjkhAnd had an affair with a Saracen. 1722490Sjkh She was not oversexed, 1732490Sjkh Or jealous or vexed, 1742490SjkhShe just wanted to make a comparison. 1752490Sjkh% 1762490SjkhA CS student named Lin 1772490SjkhHad a prick the size of a pin 1782490Sjkh It was no good for girls 1792490Sjkh But just great for squirrels 1802490SjkhWho squealed with delight with it in. 1812490Sjkh% 1822490SjkhA cute little twerp from Samoa 1832490SjkhHad a cock of one inch and no moa. 1842490Sjkh It was good for keyholes 1852490Sjkh And debutantes' peeholes 1862490SjkhBut not worth a damn on a whoa. 1872490Sjkh% 1882490SjkhA daredevil skater named Lowe, 1892490SjkhLeaps barrels arranged in the snow, 1902490Sjkh But is proudest of doing, 1912490Sjkh Some incredible screwing, 1922490SjkhSince he's jumped thirteen girls in a row! 1932490Sjkh% 1942490SjkhA deep-throated virgin named Netty 1952490SjkhWas sucking a cock on the jetty. 1962490Sjkh She said, "It tastes nice, 1972490Sjkh Much better than rice, 1982490SjkhThough not quite as good as spaghetti." 1992490Sjkh% 2002490SjkhA delighted, incredulous bride 201150699SschweikhRemarked to her groom at her side: 2022490Sjkh "I never could quite 2032490Sjkh Believe till tonight 2042490SjkhOur anatomies would coincide." 2052490Sjkh% 2062490SjkhA dentist, young doctor Malone, 2072490SjkhGot a charming girl patient alone, 2082490Sjkh And, in his depravity, 2092490Sjkh Filled the wrong cavity. 2102490SjkhGod, how his practice has grown. 2112490Sjkh% 2122490SjkhA despairing old landlord named Fyfe, 2132490SjkhWith a frigid and quarrelsome wife, 2142490Sjkh Let his third-story front, 2152490Sjkh To a willing young cunt, 2162490SjkhWho supplied him a new lease on life! 2172490Sjkh% 2182490SjkhA desperate spinster from Clare 2192490SjkhOnce knelt in the moonlight all bare, 2202490Sjkh And prayed to her God 2212490Sjkh For a romp on the sod-- 2222490Sjkh'Twas a passerby answered her prayer. 2232490Sjkh% 2242490SjkhA distinguished professor from Swarthmore 2252490SjkhGot along with a sexy young sophomore. 2262490Sjkh As quick as a glance 2272490Sjkh He stripped off his pants, 2282490SjkhBut he found that the sophomore'd got off more. 2292490Sjkh% 2302490SjkhA doctoral student from Buckingham 2312490SjkhWrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em. 2322490Sjkh But a dropout from paree 2332490Sjkh Taught him Gamahuchee 2342490Sjkh- so he added a footnote on sucking 'em. 2352490Sjkh% 2362490SjkhA do-it-yourselfer named Alice, 2372490SjkhUsed a dynamite stick for a phallus. 2382490Sjkh She blew her vagina 2392490Sjkh To South Carolina, 2402490SjkhAnd her tits landed somewhere in Dallas. 2412490Sjkh 2422490SjkhA cute friend of hers, Fanny Hill, 2432490SjkhUsed two dynamite sticks for a dil. 2442490Sjkh They found her vagina, 2452490Sjkh In South Carolina, 2462490SjkhAnd part of her ass in Brazil. 2472490Sjkh% 2482490SjkhA dolly in Dallas named Alice, 2492490SjkhWhose overworked sex is all callous, 2502490Sjkh Wore the foreskin away 2512490Sjkh On uncircumcised Ray, 2522490SjkhThrough exuberance, tightness, and malice. 2532490Sjkh% 2542490SjkhA dreary young bank clerk named Fennis 2552490SjkhWished to foster an aura of menace. 2562490Sjkh To make people afraid 2572490Sjkh He wore gloves of grey suede 2582490SjkhAnd white footgear intended for tennis. 2592490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey, "Amphigorey" 2602490Sjkh% 2612490SjkhA dulcet-voiced callgirl named Shedd, 2622490SjkhWho's cultured, well-spoken, well-bred, 263221908Suqs Had achieved some renown 2642490Sjkh For her tone going down-- 2652490SjkhThere's a nice civil tongue in her head. 2662490Sjkh% 2672490SjkhA fair-haired young damsel named Grace 2682490SjkhThought it very, very foolish to place 2692490Sjkh Her hand on your cock 2702490Sjkh When it turned hard as rock, 2712490SjkhFor fear it would explode in your face. 2722490Sjkh% 2732490SjkhA farmer I know named O'Doole 2742490SjkhHad a long and incredible tool. 2752490Sjkh He can use it to plow, 2762490Sjkh Or to diddle a cow, 2772490SjkhOr just as a cue-stick at pool. 2782490Sjkh% 2792490SjkhA fellatrix's healthful condition 2802490SjkhProved the value of spunk as nutrition. 2812490Sjkh Her remarkable diet 2822490Sjkh (I suggest that you try it) 2832490SjkhWas only her clients' emission. 2842490Sjkh% 2852490SjkhA fellow whose surname was Hunt 2862490SjkhTrained his cock to perform a slick stunt: 2872490Sjkh This versatile spout 2882490Sjkh Could be turned inside out, 2892490SjkhLike a glove, and be used as a cunt. 2902490Sjkh% 2912490SjkhA fisherman off of Cape Cod 2922490SjkhSaid, "I'll bugger that tuna, by God!" 2932490Sjkh But the high-minded fish 2942490Sjkh Resented his wish, 2952490SjkhAnd nimbly swam off with his rod. 2962490Sjkh% 2972490SjkhA foolish geologist from Kissen 2982490SjkhJust didn't know what he was missin', 2992490Sjkh By studying rock 3002490Sjkh And neglecting his cock, 3012490SjkhAnd using it merely for pissin'. 3022490Sjkh% 3032490SjkhA Frenchman who lived in Alsace 3042490SjkhHad sex with a virgin named Grace. 3052490Sjkh When he popped her cherry, 3062490Sjkh She made things hairy 3072490SjkhBy bleeding all over his face. 3082490Sjkh% 3092490SjkhA gay young prince from Morocco 310221908SuqsMade love in a manner rococo. 3112490Sjkh He painted his penis 312174422Sdougb To resemble a Venus 3132490SjkhAnd flavored his semen with cocoa. 3142490Sjkh% 3152490SjkhA geneticist living in Delft 3162490SjkhScientifically played with himself, 3172490Sjkh And when he was done 318174422Sdougb He labeled it: son, 3192490SjkhAnd filed him away on a shelf. 3202490Sjkh% 3212490SjkhA gentleman, otherwise meek, 3222490SjkhDetested with passion the leek; 3232490Sjkh When offered one out 3242490Sjkh He dealt such a clout 3252490SjkhTo the maid, she was down for a week. 3262490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 3272490Sjkh% 3282490SjkhA german composer named Bruckner 329150699SschweikhRemarked to a lady while fuckener: 3302490Sjkh "Less lento, my dear, 3312490Sjkh With your cute little rear; 3322490SjkhI like a hot presto when muckener!" 3332490Sjkh% 3342490SjkhA gift was delivered to Laura 3352490SjkhFrom a cousin who lived in Gomorrah; 3362490Sjkh Wrapped in tissue and crepe, 3372490Sjkh It was peeled, like a grape, 3382490SjkhAnd emitted a pale, greenish aura. 3392490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 3402490Sjkh% 3412490SjkhA gifted young fellow from Sparta 3422490SjkhWas widely renowned as a farta'. 3432490Sjkh He could fart anything 3442490Sjkh From "Of Thee I Sing," 3452490SjkhTo Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata." 3462490Sjkh% 3472490SjkhA girl camper once had an affair 3482490SjkhWith a fellow all covered with hair. 3492490Sjkh When she gave him his hat 3502490Sjkh She realized that 3512490SjkhShe'd been had by Smokey the Bear. 3522490Sjkh% 3532490SjkhA girl of the Enterprise crew 3542490SjkhRefused every offer to screw. 3552490Sjkh But a Vulcan named Spock 3562490Sjkh Crawled under her smock, 3572490SjkhAnd now she is eating for two. 3582490Sjkh% 3592490SjkhA girl of uncertain nativity 3602490SjkhHad an ass of extreme sensitivity 3612490Sjkh While she sat on the lap 3622490Sjkh Of a German or Jap, 3632490SjkhShe could sense Fifth Column activity. 3642490Sjkh% 3652490SjkhA graduate student named Zac 3662490SjkhWas said to be great in the sack. 3672490Sjkh An inch of his boner 3682490Sjkh Put girls in a coma 3692490SjkhAnd two gave them epileptic attacks. 3702490Sjkh% 3712490SjkhA greedy young lady from Sidney 3722490SjkhLiked it in up to her kidney, 3732490Sjkh Till a man from Quebec 3742490Sjkh Shoved it up to her neck-- 3752490SjkhHe really diddled her, didn' he? 3762490Sjkh% 3772490SjkhA green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds 3782490SjkhOnce swallowed a package of seeds. 3792490Sjkh In a month, his ass 3802490Sjkh Was covered with grass 3812490SjkhAnd his balls were grown over with weeds. 3822490Sjkh% 3832490SjkhA guest in a household quite charmless 3842490SjkhWas informed its eccentric was harmless: 3852490Sjkh "If you're caught unawares 3862490Sjkh At the head of the stairs, 3872490SjkhJust remember, he's eyeless and armless." 3882490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 3892490Sjkh% 3902490SjkhA habit depraved and unsavory 3912490SjkhHeld the bishop of Bingham in slavery 3922490Sjkh Midst screeches and howls 3932490Sjkh He deflowered young owls 3942490SjkhWhich he kept in an underground aviary 3952490Sjkh% 3962490SjkhA habit obscene and bizarre, 3972490SjkhHas taken a-hold of papa. 3982490Sjkh He brings home young camels 3992490Sjkh And other odd mammals, 4002490SjkhAnd gives them a go at mama. 4012490Sjkh% 4022490SjkhA habit obscene and unsavory, 4032490SjkhHolds a CS professor in slavery. 4042490Sjkh With maniacal howls, 4052490Sjkh He deflowers young owls, 4062490SjkhThat he keeps in an underground aviary. 4072490Sjkh% 4082490SjkhA hacker who screwed a mag tape 4092490SjkhWas caught and convicted of rape. 4102490Sjkh To jail he did go, 4112490Sjkh From which, to his woe 4122490SjkhHe couldn't get out with ESC. 4132490Sjkh% 4142490SjkhA hacker-turned-pervert named Fisk 4152490SjkhMade love to the drive of his disk. 4162490Sjkh The thing circumsized him, 417174422Sdougb Which rather surprised him. 4182490SjkhHe wasn't aware of *that* risk. 4192490Sjkh% 4202490SjkhA handsome young rodent named Gratian 4212490SjkhAs a lifeguard became a sensation. 4222490Sjkh All the lady mice waved 4232490Sjkh And screamed to be saved 4242490SjkhBy his mouse-to-mouse resuscitation. 4252490Sjkh% 4262490SjkhA happy old hooker named Grace 4272490SjkhOnce sponsored a cunt-lapping race. 4282490Sjkh It was hard for beginners 429150699Sschweikh To tell who were winners: 4302490SjkhThere were cunt hairs all over the place. 4312490Sjkh% 4322490SjkhA hardware debugger named Court 4332490SjkhShoved his tool in an Ethernet port. 4342490Sjkh But its buffer array 4352490Sjkh Only handled 1K, 4362490SjkhSo the port's driver cut it off short. 4372490Sjkh% 4382490SjkhA haughty young wench of Del Norte 4392490SjkhWould fuck only men over forty. 4402490Sjkh Said she, "It's too quick 4412490Sjkh With a young fellow's prick; 4422490SjkhI like it to last, and be warty." 4432490Sjkh% 4442490SjkhA headstrong young woman in Ealing 4452490SjkhThrew her two weeks' old child at the ceiling; 4462490Sjkh When quizzed why she did, 4472490Sjkh She replied, "To be rid 4482490SjkhOf a strange, overpowering feeling." 4492490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 4502490Sjkh% 4512490SjkhA hearty young fellow named Yost 4522490SjkhOnce had an affair with a ghost. 4532490Sjkh At the height of the spasm 4542490Sjkh The poor ectoplasm 4552490SjkhCried, "Goodie, I feel it... almost." 4562490Sjkh% 4572490SjkhA hidebound young virgin named Carrie 458150699SschweikhWould say, when the fellows got hairy: 4592490Sjkh "Keep your prick in your pants 4602490Sjkh Till the end of this dance--" 4612490SjkhWhich is why Carrie still has her cherry. 4622490Sjkh% 4632490SjkhA highly aesthetic young Jew 4642490SjkhHad eyes of a heavenly blue; 4652490Sjkh The end of his dillie 4662490Sjkh Was shaped like a lilly, 4672490SjkhAnd his balls were too utterly two! 4682490Sjkh% 4692490SjkhA highway patrol buff named Claire, 4702490SjkhOnce screwed half a troop on a dare, 4712490Sjkh And her parts grew so hot, 4722490Sjkh There was steam on her twat, 4732490SjkhSo they nicknamed her Smokey the Bare! 4742490Sjkh% 4752490SjkhA horny young fellow named Reg, 4762490SjkhWas jerking off under a hedge. 4772490Sjkh The gardener drew near 4782490Sjkh With a huge pruning shear, 4792490SjkhAnd trimmed off the edge of his wedge. 4802490Sjkh% 4812490SjkhA huge-organed female in Dallas, 4822490SjkhNamed Alice, who yearned for a phallus, 4832490Sjkh Was virgo intacto, 4842490Sjkh Because, ipso facto, 4852490SjkhNo phallus in Dallas fit Alice. 4862490Sjkh% 4872490SjkhA joker who haunts Monticello 4882490SjkhIs really a terrible fellow. 4892490Sjkh In the midst of caresses 4902490Sjkh He fills ladies dresses 4912490SjkhWith garter snakes, ice cubes, and jello. 4922490Sjkh% 4932490SjkhA lacklustre lady of Brougham 4942490SjkhWeaveth all night at her loom. 4952490Sjkh Anon she doth blench 4962490Sjkh When her lord and his wench 4972490SjkhPull a chain in the neighbouring room. 4982490Sjkh% 4992490SjkhA lad, at his first copulation, 5002490SjkhCried, "What a sensation! Inflation, 5012490Sjkh Gyration, elation 5022490Sjkh Throughout the duration, 5032490SjkhI guess I'll give up masturbation." 5042490Sjkh% 5052490SjkhA lad from far-off Transvaal 5062490SjkhWas lustful, but tactful withal. 5072490Sjkh He'd say, just for luck, 5082490Sjkh "Mam'selle, do you fuck?" 5092490SjkhBut he'd bow till he almost would crawl. 5102490Sjkh% 5112490SjkhA lad of the brainier kind 5122490SjkhHad erogenous zones in his mind. 5132490Sjkh He got his sensations, 5142490Sjkh By solving equations, 5152490Sjkh(Of course, in the end, he went blind.) 5162490Sjkh% 5172490SjkhA lady born under a curse 5182490SjkhUsed to drive forth each day in a hearse; 5192490Sjkh From the back she would wail 5202490Sjkh Through a thickness of veil: 5212490Sjkh"Things do not get better, but worse." 5222490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 5232490Sjkh% 5242490SjkhA lady both callous and brash 5252490SjkhMet a man with a vast black moustache; 5262490Sjkh She cried, "Shave it, O do! 5272490Sjkh And I'll put it with glue 5282490SjkhOn my hat as a sort of panache." 5292490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 5302490Sjkh% 5312490SjkhA lady from Kalamazoo 5322490SjkhOnce found she had nothing to do, 5332490Sjkh So she sat on the stairs 5342490Sjkh And she counted her hairs: 5352490Sjkh4,302. 5362490Sjkh% 5372490SjkhA lady from Old Little Rock 5382490SjkhIn fidelity took little stock, 5392490Sjkh And deserted her man 5402490Sjkh In the streets of Japan 5412490SjkhFor a boy with a prehensile cock. 5422490Sjkh% 5432490SjkhA lady removing her scanties, 5442490SjkhHeard them crackle electrical chanties. 5452490Sjkh Said her beau, "Have no fear, 5462490Sjkh For the reason is clear: 5472490SjkhYou simply have amps in your panties. 5482490Sjkh% 5492490SjkhA lady stockholder quite hetera 5502490SjkhDecided her fortune to bettera: 5512490Sjkh On the floor, quite unclad, 5522490Sjkh She successively had 5532490SjkhMerrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, et cetera... 5542490Sjkh% 5552490SjkhA lady was seized with intent 5562490SjkhTo revise her existence misspent. 5572490Sjkh So she climbed up the dome 5582490Sjkh Of St. Peter's in Rome, 5592490SjkhWhere she stayed through the following Lent. 5602490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 5612490Sjkh% 5622490SjkhA lady, while dining in Crewe, 5632490SjkhFound an elephant's whang in her stew. 5642490Sjkh Said the waiter, "Don't shout 5652490Sjkh Or wave it about 5662490SjkhOr the others will ask for one, too." 5672490Sjkh% 5682490SjkhA lady who signs herself "Vexed" 5692490SjkhWrites to say she believes she's been hexed: 5702490Sjkh "I don't mind my shins 5712490Sjkh Being stuck full of pins, 5722490SjkhBut I fear I am coming unsexed." 5732490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 5742490Sjkh% 5752490SjkhA lady with features cherubic 5762490SjkhWas famed for her area pubic. 5772490Sjkh When they asked her its size 5782490Sjkh She replied in surprise, 5792490Sjkh"Are you speaking of square feet, or cubic?" 5802490Sjkh% 5812490SjkhA lass at the foot of her class 5822490SjkhAsked a brainier chick how to pass. 5832490Sjkh She replied, "With no fuss 5842490Sjkh You can get a B-plus, 5852490SjkhBy letting the prof pat your ass." 5862490Sjkh% 5872490SjkhA lecherous barkeep named Dale, 5882490SjkhAfter fucking his favorite female, 5892490Sjkh Mixed Drambuie and scotch 5902490Sjkh With the cream in her crotch 5912490SjkhFor a lustier, Rusty-er Nail. 5922490Sjkh% 5932490SjkhA licentious old justice of Salem 5942490SjkhUsed to catch all the harlots and jail 'em. 5952490Sjkh But instead of a fine 5962490Sjkh He would stand them in line, 5972490SjkhWith his common-law tool to impale 'em. 5982490Sjkh% 5992490SjkhA linguist thought it a farce 6002490SjkhThat memory space was so sparse. 6012490Sjkh One day they increased it. 6022490Sjkh Said he as he seized it: 6032490Sjkh"At last! Enough core for the parse". 6042490Sjkh% 6052490SjkhA lonely young lad of Eton 6062490SjkhUsed always to sleep with the heat on, 6072490Sjkh Till he ran into a lass 6082490Sjkh Who showed him her ass -- 6092490SjkhNow they sleep with only a sheet on. 6102490Sjkh% 6112490SjkhA lovely young diver named Nancy, 6122490SjkhWore a bikini bottom quite chancy, 6132490Sjkh The fish of Bonaire, 6142490Sjkh Watched her Derriere, 6152490SjkhAnd the sea fans all tickled her fancy. 6162490Sjkh% 6172490SjkhA lovely young maid from St. Jude 6182490SjkhOnce rode through the streets in the nude. 6192490Sjkh The police cried, "Whatam-- 6202490Sjkh Agnificent bottom" 6212490SjkhAnd slapped it as hard as they could. 6222490Sjkh% 6232490SjkhA lusty young maid from Seattle 6242490SjkhGot pleasure by sleeping with cattle; 6252490Sjkh Till she found a bull 6262490Sjkh Who filled her so full 6272490SjkhIt made both her ovaries rattle. 6282490Sjkh% 6292490SjkhA lusty young woodsman of Maine 6302490SjkhFor years with no woman had lain, 6312490Sjkh But he found sublimation 6322490Sjkh At a high elevation 6332490SjkhIn the crotch of a pine -- God, the pain! 6342490Sjkh% 6352490SjkhA madam who ran a bordello 6362490SjkhPut come in her pineapple jello, 6372490Sjkh For the rich, sexy taste 6382490Sjkh And not wanting to waste 6392490SjkhThat greasy kid stuff from a fellow. 6402490Sjkh% 6412490SjkhA maestro directing in Rome 6422490SjkhHad a quaint way of driving it home. 6432490Sjkh Whoever he climbed 6442490Sjkh Had to keep her tail timed 6452490SjkhTo the beat of his old metronome. 6462490Sjkh% 6472490SjkhA maiden who lived in Virginny 6482490SjkhHad a cunt that could bark, neigh and whinny. 6492490Sjkh The horsey set rushed her, 6502490Sjkh But success finally crushed her 6512490SjkhFor her tone soon became harsh and tinny. 6522490Sjkh% 6532490SjkhA maiden who travelled in France 6542490SjkhOnce got on a train, just by chance. 6552490Sjkh The engineer fucked her, 6562490Sjkh The conductor sucked her, 6572490SjkhAnd the fireman came in his pants. 6582490Sjkh% 6592490SjkhA maiden who wrote of big cities 6602490SjkhSome songs full of love, fun and pities, 6612490Sjkh Sold her stuff at the shop 6622490Sjkh Of a musical wop 6632490SjkhWho played with her soft little titties. 6642490Sjkh% 6652490SjkhA man was once heard to boast, 6662490SjkhThat he received a parcel by post, 6672490Sjkh It contained, so we heard, 6682490Sjkh A magnificent turd, 6692490SjkhAnd the balls of his grandfather's ghost. 6702490Sjkh% 6712490SjkhA marine being sent to Hong Kong 6722490SjkhGot a doctor to alter his dong. 6732490Sjkh He sailed off with a tool 6742490Sjkh Flat and thin as a rule - 6752490SjkhWhen he got there he found he was wrong. 6762490Sjkh% 6772490SjkhA mathematician named Hall 678174422SdougbHad a hexahedronical ball, 6792490Sjkh And the square of its weight 6802490Sjkh Times his pecker's, plus eight, 6812490SjkhWas four-fifths of five-eighths of fuck-all. 6822490Sjkh% 6832490SjkhA mathematician named Hall 6842490SjkhHas a hexahedronical ball, 6852490Sjkh And the cube of its weight 6862490Sjkh Times his pecker's, plus eight 6872490SjkhIs his phone number -- give him a call... 6882490Sjkh% 6892490SjkhA mathematician named Klein 690174422SdougbThought the Moebius band was divine. 6912490Sjkh Said he, "If you glue 6922490Sjkh The edges of two, 6932490SjkhYou'll get a weird bottle like mine! 6942490Sjkh% 6952490SjkhA middle-aged codger named Bruin 6962490SjkhFound his love life completely in ruin, 6972490Sjkh For he flirted with flirts 6982490Sjkh Wearing pants and no skirts, 6992490SjkhAnd he never got in for no screwin'. 7002490Sjkh% 7012490SjkhA milkmaid there was, with a stutter, 7022490SjkhWho was lonely and wanted a futter. 7032490Sjkh She had nowhere to turn, 7042490Sjkh So she diddled a churn, 7052490SjkhAnd managed to come with the butter. 7062490Sjkh% 7072490SjkhA mortician who practised in Fife 7082490SjkhMade love to the corpse of his wife. 7092490Sjkh "How could I know, Judge? 7102490Sjkh She was cold, did not budge-- 7112490SjkhJust the same as she'd acted in life." 7122490Sjkh% 7132490SjkhA nasty old drunk in Carmel 7142490SjkhThinks it funny to piss in the well. 7152490Sjkh He says, "Some don't favor 7162490Sjkh That unusual flavor, 7172490SjkhBut I don't drink the stuff -- what the hell!" 7182490Sjkh% 7192490SjkhA nervous young fellow named Fred 7202490SjkhTook a charming young widow to bed. 7212490Sjkh When he'd diddled a while 7222490Sjkh She remarked with a smile, 7232490Sjkh"You've got it all in but the head." 7242490Sjkh% 7252490SjkhA new dramatist of the absurd 7262490SjkhHas a voice that will shortly be heard. 7272490Sjkh I learn from my spies 7282490Sjkh He's about to devise 7292490SjkhAn unprintable three-letter word. 7302490Sjkh% 7312490SjkhA newlywed couple from Goshen 7322490SjkhSpent their honeymoon sailing the ocean. 7332490Sjkh In twenty-eight days 7342490Sjkh They got laid eighty ways -- 7352490SjkhImagine such fucking devotion! 7362490Sjkh% 7372490SjkhA newly-wed man of Peru 7382490SjkhFound himself in a terrible stew: 7392490Sjkh His wife was in bed 7402490Sjkh Much deader than dead, 7412490SjkhAnd so he had no one to screw. 7422490Sjkh% 7432490SjkhA notorious whore named Ms. Hearst, 7442490SjkhIn the pleasures of men was well-versed. 7452490Sjkh Reads the sign o'er the head 7462490Sjkh Of her well-rumpled bed 7472490Sjkh"The customer always comes first." 7482490Sjkh% 7492490SjkhA novice was told by the Abbot: 7502490Sjkh"Consider the goat and the rabbit. 7512490Sjkh While they roll in the hay 7522490Sjkh You just stay home and pray. 7532490SjkhYou've got to get out of that habit." 7542490Sjkh% 7552490SjkhA nudist resort at Benares 7562490SjkhTook a midget in all unawares. 7572490Sjkh But he made members weep 7582490Sjkh For he just couldn't keep 7592490SjkhHis nose out of private affairs. 7602490Sjkh% 7612490SjkhA nurse motivated by spite 7622490SjkhTied her infantine charge to a kite; 7632490Sjkh She launched it with ease 7642490Sjkh On the afternoon breeze, 7652490SjkhAnd watched till it flew out of sight. 7662490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 7672490Sjkh% 7682490SjkhA passionate red-haired girl 7692490SjkhWhen you kissed her, her senses would whirl, 7702490Sjkh And her twat would get wet, 7712490Sjkh And would wiggle and fret, 7722490SjkhAnd her cunt-lips would curl and unfurl. 7732490Sjkh% 7742490SjkhA pathetic old maid of Bordeaux 7752490SjkhFell in love with a dashing young beau. 7762490Sjkh To arrest his regard 7772490Sjkh She would squat in his yard 7782490SjkhAnd longingly pee in the sneaux. 7792490Sjkh% 7802490SjkhA physical fellow named Fisk 7812490SjkhCould screw at a rate very brisk. 7822490Sjkh So fast was his action 7832490Sjkh The Fitzgerald contraction 7842490SjkhWould shrink up his rod to a disk. 7852490Sjkh% 7862490SjkhA pious old woman named Tweak 7872490SjkhHad taught her vagina to speak. 7882490Sjkh It was frequently liable 7892490Sjkh To quote from the Bible, 7902490SjkhBut when fucking -- not even a squeak! 7912490Sjkh% 7922490SjkhA pious young lady named Finnegan 7932490SjkhWould caution her friend, "Well, you're in again; 7942490Sjkh So time it aright, 7952490Sjkh Make it last through the night, 7962490SjkhFor I certainly don't want to sin again!" 7972490Sjkh% 7982490SjkhA pious young lady of Chichester 7992490SjkhMade all of the saints in their niches stir 8002490Sjkh And each morning at matin 8012490Sjkh Her breast in pink satin 8022490SjkhMade the bishop of Chichester's breeches stir. 8032490Sjkh% 8042490SjkhA playful young chemist named Byrd 8052490SjkhHad an urge that could not be deferred. 8062490Sjkh So to irritate Knox 8072490Sjkh He shit in his sox, 8082490SjkhAnd plastered the walls with his turd. 8092490Sjkh% 8102490SjkhA plumber whose name was John Brink 8112490SjkhPlumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink. 8122490Sjkh Her resistance was stout, 8132490Sjkh And John Brink petered out, 8142490SjkhWith his pipe-wrench all limber and pink. 8152490Sjkh% 8162490SjkhA pretty wife living in Tours 8172490SjkhDemanded her daily amour. 8182490Sjkh But the husband said, "No! 8192490Sjkh It's to much. Let it go! 8202490SjkhMy backsides are dragging the floor." 8212490Sjkh% 8222490SjkhA pretty young boy known as Kevin 8232490SjkhWas raped in a pasture by seven 8242490Sjkh Lascivious beasts 8252490Sjkh (Oh, those Anglican priests) 8262490SjkhAnd such is the Kingdom of Heaven. 8272490Sjkh% 8282490SjkhA pretty young lady named Vogel 8292490SjkhOnce sat herself down on a molehill. 830205995Suqs A curious mole 831205995Suqs Nosed into her hole -- 8322490SjkhMs. Vogel's okay, but the mole's ill. 8332490Sjkh% 8342490SjkhA pretty young maiden from France 8352490SjkhDecided she'd "just take a chance." 8362490Sjkh She let herself go 8372490Sjkh For an hour or so, 8382490SjkhAnd now all her sisters are aunts. 8392490Sjkh% 8402490SjkhA princess who lived near a bog 8412490SjkhMet a prince in the form of a frog. 8422490Sjkh Now she and her prince 8432490Sjkh Are the parents of quints, 8442490SjkhFour boys and one fine polliwog. 8452490Sjkh% 8462490SjkhA princess who reigned in Baroda 8472490SjkhMade her home on a purple pagoda. 8482490Sjkh She festooned the walls 8492490Sjkh Of her halls with the balls 8502490SjkhAnd the tools of the fools who be-stroda'. 8512490Sjkh% 8522490SjkhA programmer down in Moline 8532490SjkhSaid, I'm the match for any machine. 8542490Sjkh My secret's aversion, 8552490Sjkh To loops and recursion, 8562490SjkhJust acres of in-line routine. 857205995Suqs -- W. J. Wilson 8582490Sjkh% 8592490SjkhA progressive professor named Winners 8602490SjkhHeld classes each evening for sinners. 8612490Sjkh They were graded and spaced 8622490Sjkh So the vile and debased 8632490SjkhWould not be held back by beginners. 8642490Sjkh% 8652490SjkhA rapist who reeked of cheap booze 8662490SjkhAttempted to ravish Miss Hughes. 8672490Sjkh She cried, "I suppose 8682490Sjkh There's no time for my clothes, 8692490SjkhBut PLEASE let me take off my shoes!" 8702490Sjkh% 8712490SjkhA rapturous young fellatrix 8722490SjkhOne day was at work on five pricks. 8732490Sjkh With an unholy cry 8742490Sjkh She whipped out her glass eye: 8752490Sjkh"Tell the boys I can now take on six." 8762490Sjkh% 8772490SjkhA reckless young lady of France 8782490SjkhHad no qualms about taking a chance, 8792490Sjkh But she thought it was crude 8802490Sjkh To get screwed in the nude, 8812490SjkhSo she always went home with damp pants. 8822490Sjkh% 8832490SjkhA remarkable race are the Persians, 8842490SjkhThey have such peculiar diversions. 8852490Sjkh They screw the whole day 8862490Sjkh In the regular way, 8872490SjkhAnd save up the nights for perversions. 8882490Sjkh% 8892490SjkhA responsive young girl from the East 8902490SjkhIn bed was an able artiste. 8912490Sjkh She had learned two positions 8922490Sjkh From family physicians, 8932490SjkhAnd ten more from the old parish priest. 8942490Sjkh% 8952490SjkhA romantic attraction has clung 8962490SjkhTo a chap of whom damsels have sung: 8972490Sjkh "'Tis the Scourge from the East, 8982490Sjkh That lascivious beast 8992490SjkhWho was known as Attila the Hung!" 9002490Sjkh% 9012490SjkhA sailor who slept in the sun, 9022490SjkhWoke to find his fly buttons undone, 9032490Sjkh He remarked with a smile, 9042490Sjkh "Good grief, a sun-dial! 9052490SjkhAnd now it's a quarter-past one." 9062490Sjkh% 9072490SjkhA savvy young hooker named Gail 9082490SjkhGot busted and lodged in the jail. 9092490Sjkh But the jailer got hot, 9102490Sjkh To be lodged in her twat, 9112490SjkhAnd so Gail made the bail with her tail. 9122490Sjkh% 9132490SjkhA scandal involving an oyster 9142490SjkhSent the Countess of Clews to a cloister 9152490Sjkh She preferred it, in bed, 9162490Sjkh To the count (so she said) 9172490Sjkh'Cause it's longer and stronger and moister. 9182490Sjkh% 9192490SjkhA scream from the crypt of St. Giles 9202490SjkhResounded for miles upon miles. 9212490Sjkh Said the friar, "Good gracious, 9222490Sjkh The brother Ignatious 9232490SjkhForgeteth the abbot hath piles." 9242490Sjkh% 9252490SjkhA seafaring hacker named Slatey 9262490SjkhWent to bed with a VAX/780. 9272490Sjkh The thing's learned to swear 9282490Sjkh With a nautical air, 9292490SjkhAnd refers to its users as "matey". 9302490Sjkh% 9312490SjkhA sex-loving coed named Bree 9322490SjkhCaught the clap from her Apple IIE. 9332490Sjkh The joystick, she found, 9342490Sjkh Had been fooling around 9352490SjkhWith a neighboring student's PC. 9362490Sjkh% 9372490SjkhA silly young man from Hong Kong 9382490SjkhHad hands that were skinny and long. 9392490Sjkh He ate rice with his fingers-- 9402490Sjkh The taste of it lingers, 9412490SjkhBut now all his fingers are gone. 9422490Sjkh% 9432490SjkhA slick talking pirate named Bruce 9442490SjkhTo steal code, had a plan to seduce 9452490Sjkh An Apple II+. 9462490Sjkh Now Bruce wears a truss 9472490SjkhAnd was jailed for computer abuse. 9482490Sjkh% 9492490SjkhA software technician from Digital 9502490SjkhHad hardware extremely prodigical. 9512490Sjkh It's rumoured, I hear, 9522490Sjkh That when he was near 9532490SjkhHe made the ladies all flustered and fidgital. 9542490Sjkh% 9552490SjkhA space shuttle pilot named Ventry, 9562490SjkhMade love to a lovely girl sentry. 9572490Sjkh She started to pout, 9582490Sjkh Because it fell out, 9592490SjkhBut the mission was saved by re-entry. 9602490Sjkh% 9612490SjkhA sperm faced, alack and forsooth, 9622490SjkhHis moment of sexual truth. 9632490Sjkh He'd expected to fall 9642490Sjkh On a womb's spongy wall 9652490SjkhBut was dashed to his death on a tooth. 9662490Sjkh% 9672490SjkhA spinster in Kalamazoo 9682490SjkhOnce strolled after dark by the zoo. 9692490Sjkh She was seized by the nape, 9702490Sjkh And fucked by an ape, 9712490SjkhAnd she murmured, "A wonderful screw." 9722490Sjkh 9732490SjkhAnd she added, "You're rough, yes, and hairy, 9742490SjkhBut I hope -- yes I do -- that I marry 9752490Sjkh A man with a prick 9762490Sjkh Half as stiff and as thick 9772490SjkhAs the kind that you zoo-keepers carry." 9782490Sjkh% 9792490SjkhA spunky young schoolboy named Fred 980174422SdougbUsed to toss off each night while in bed. 9812490Sjkh Said his mother, "Dear lad, 9822490Sjkh That's exceedingly bad-- 983174422SdougbJump in here with your mama instead." 9842490Sjkh% 9852490SjkhA starship commander named Kirk 9862490SjkhEmerged from his cabin berserk. 9872490Sjkh He grabbed a girl yeoman 9882490Sjkh Beneath the abdomen, 9892490SjkhAnd gave her a physical jerk. 9902490Sjkh% 9912490SjkhA stout Gaelic warrior, McPherson, 9922490SjkhWas having a captive, a person 9932490Sjkh Who was not averse 9942490Sjkh Though she had the curse, 9952490SjkhAnd he'd breeches of bristling furs on. 9962490Sjkh% 9972490SjkhA structured programmer named Drew 9982490SjkhWas intensely turned on by "goto". 9992490Sjkh When he saw it in code 10002490Sjkh He'd shoot off his load. 10012490SjkhIt's a good thing his shop used so few. 10022490Sjkh% 10032490SjkhA studious professor named Nestor 10042490SjkhBet a whore all his books that he could best her. 10052490Sjkh But she drained out his balls 10062490Sjkh And skipped up the walls, 10072490SjkhBeseeching poor Nestor to rest her. 10082490Sjkh% 10092490SjkhA sweetheart named Teresa Arden 10102490SjkhWent down on her beau in the garden. 10112490Sjkh He said, "Good lord, Tess, 10122490Sjkh Don't swallow that mess!" 10132490SjkhAnd she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?" 10142490Sjkh% 10152490SjkhA systems programmer named Sprotic 10162490SjkhFound his software intensely erotic. 10172490Sjkh In jealous distress 10182490Sjkh He wiped his OS. 10192490SjkhIt's possible that he's psychotic. 10202490Sjkh% 10212490SjkhA talented fuckstress, Miss Chisholm, 10222490SjkhWas renowned for her fine paroxysm. 10232490Sjkh While the man detumesced 10242490Sjkh She still spent on with zest, 10252490SjkhHer rapture sheer anachronism. 10262490Sjkh% 10272490SjkhA team playing baseball in Dallas 10282490SjkhCalled the umpire blind out of malice. 10292490Sjkh While this worthy had fits 10302490Sjkh The team made eight hits 10312490SjkhAnd a girl in the bleachers named Alice. 10322490Sjkh% 10332490SjkhA teenage protester named Lil 1034174422SdougbCried, "Those Watergate spies make me ill 10352490Sjkh First they bugged our martinis, 10362490Sjkh Our bras and bikinis, 10372490SjkhAnd now they are bugging the pill." 10382490Sjkh% 10392490SjkhA thrice-married gal from L.A. 10402490SjkhSaid, "My hymen's intact to this day, 10412490Sjkh 'Cause my first (a shrink) talked of it, 10422490Sjkh The voyeur only gawked at it, 10432490SjkhAnd my most recent man's a gourmet." 10442490Sjkh% 10452490SjkhA tidy young lady of Streator 10462490SjkhDearly loved to nibble a peter. 10472490Sjkh She always would say, 10482490Sjkh "I prefer it this way. 10492490SjkhI think it is very much neater." 10502490Sjkh% 10512490SjkhA timid young woman named Jane 10522490SjkhFound parties a terrible strain; 10532490Sjkh With movements uncertain 10542490Sjkh She'd hide in a curtain 10552490SjkhAnd make sounds like a rabbit in pain. 10562490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 10572490Sjkh% 10582490SjkhA tired young trollop of Nome 10592490SjkhWas worn out from her toes to her dome. 10602490Sjkh Eight miners came screwing, 10612490Sjkh But she said, "Nothing doing; 10622490SjkhOne of you has to go home!" 10632490Sjkh% 10642490SjkhA trapper named Francois Lefebrve 10652490SjkhOnce captured and buggered a beabrve. 10662490Sjkh The result of this fuck 10672490Sjkh Was a three titted duck, 10682490SjkhA canoe, and an Irish retriebrve. 10692490Sjkh% 10702490SjkhA tutor who tooted a flute 10712490SjkhTried to tutor two tutors to toot 10722490Sjkh Said the two to the tutor: 10732490Sjkh "Is it harder to toot or 10742490SjkhTo tutor two tutors to toot" 10752490Sjkh% 10762490SjkhA vengeful technician named Schmitz 10772490SjkhCaused a disk drive to go on the fritz. 10782490Sjkh He covered the platter 10792490Sjkh With bats' fecal matter. 10802490SjkhNow it's seek time is really the pits. 10812490Sjkh% 10822490SjkhA very intelligent turtle 10832490SjkhFound programming UNIX a hurdle 10842490Sjkh The system, you see, 10852490Sjkh Ran as slow as did he, 10862490SjkhAnd that's not saying much for the turtle. 10872490Sjkh% 10882490SjkhA very odd pair are the Pitts: 10892490SjkhHis balls are as large as her tits, 10902490Sjkh Her tits are as large 10912490Sjkh As an invasion barge-- 10922490SjkhNeither knows how the other cohabits. 10932490Sjkh% 10942490SjkhA wanton young lady from Wimley 10952490SjkhReproached for not acting quite primly 10962490Sjkh Said, "Heavens above! 10972490Sjkh I know sex isn't love, 10982490SjkhBut it's such an entrancing facsimile." 10992490Sjkh% 1100205995SuqsA water pipe suited Miss Hunt; 11012490SjkhShe used it for many a bunt. 11022490Sjkh But the unlucky wench 11032490Sjkh Got it caught in her trench --- 11042490SjkhIt took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench, 11052490SjkhTo get the thing out of her cunt. 11062490Sjkh% 11072490SjkhA weary old lecher named Blott 11082490SjkhTook a luscious young blond to his yacht. 11092490Sjkh Too lazy to rape her, 11102490Sjkh He made darts out of paper, 11112490SjkhWhich he leisurely tossed at her twat. 11122490Sjkh% 11132490SjkhA whimsical fellow named Bloch 11142490SjkhCould beat the base drum with his cock. 11152490Sjkh With a special erection 11162490Sjkh He could play a selection 11172490SjkhFrom Johann Sebastian Bach. 11182490Sjkh% 11192490SjkhA wicked stone cutter named Cary 11202490SjkhDrilled holes in divine statuary. 11212490Sjkh With eyes full of malice 11222490Sjkh He pulled out his phallus, 11232490SjkhAnd buggered a stone Virgin Mary. 11242490Sjkh% 11252490SjkhA wide-bottomed girl named Trasket 11262490SjkhHad a hole as big as a basket. 11272490Sjkh A spot, as a bride, 11282490Sjkh In it now, you could hide, 11292490SjkhAnd include with your luggage your mascot. 11302490Sjkh% 11312490SjkhA widow whose singular vice 11322490SjkhWas to keep her late husband on ice 11332490Sjkh Said, "It's been hard since I lost him -- 11342490Sjkh I'll never defrost him! 11352490SjkhCold comfort, but cheap at the price." 11362490Sjkh% 11372490SjkhA wonderful bird is the pelican. 11382490SjkhHis mouth can hold more than his belican. 11392490Sjkh He can take in his beak 11402490Sjkh Enough food for a week. 11412490SjkhI'm darned if I know how the helican. 11422490Sjkh% 11432490SjkhA wonderful tribe are the Sweenies, 11442490SjkhRenowned for the length of their peenies. 11452490Sjkh The hair on their balls 11462490Sjkh Sweeps the floors of their halls, 11472490SjkhBut they don't look at women, the meanies. 11482490Sjkh% 11492490SjkhA wood-fetish busboy named Gable 11502490SjkhIs rapid, is thorough, is able; 11512490Sjkh But when everything's cleared, 11522490Sjkh He gives way to the weird, 11532490SjkhAs he lovingly busses each table. 11542490Sjkh% 11552490SjkhA worn-out young husband named Lehr 1156172849SdougbHeard daily his wife's plaintive prayer: 11572490Sjkh "Slip on a sheath, quick, 11582490Sjkh Then slip your big dick 11592490SjkhBetween these lips covered with hair." 11602490Sjkh% 11612490SjkhA worried young man from Stamboul 11622490SjkhDiscovered red spots on his tool. 11632490Sjkh Said the doctor, a cynic, 11642490Sjkh "Get out of my clinic 11652490SjkhJust wipe off the lipstick, you fool." 11662490Sjkh% 11672490SjkhA young bride and groom of Australia 1168150699SschweikhRemarked as they joined genitalia: 11692490Sjkh "Though the system seems odd, 11702490Sjkh We are thankful that God 11712490SjkhDeveloped the genus Mammalia." 11722490Sjkh% 11732490SjkhA young fellow discovered through Freud 11742490SjkhThat although of penis devoid, 11752490Sjkh He could practice coitus 11762490Sjkh By eating a foetus, 11772490SjkhAnd his parents were quite overjoyed. 11782490Sjkh% 11792490SjkhA young Juliet of St. Louis 11802490SjkhOn a balcony stood acting screwy. 11812490Sjkh Her Romeo climbed, 11822490Sjkh But he wasn't well timed, 11832490SjkhAnd half-way up, off he went -- blooey! 11842490Sjkh% 11852490SjkhA young lad named Lester McGraw 11862490SjkhCaught a stranger on top of his Maw. 11872490Sjkh As he watched him stick her 11882490Sjkh He said, with a snicker, 11892490Sjkh"You do it much faster than Paw." 11902490Sjkh% 11912490SjkhA young lady sat by the sea, 11922490SjkhJust as proper as proper could be. 11932490Sjkh A young fellow goosed her, 11942490Sjkh And roughly seduced her, 11952490SjkhSo she thanked him and went home to tea. 11962490Sjkh% 11972490SjkhA young lady who lived by the Usk 11982490SjkhSubsisted each day on a rusk; 11992490Sjkh She ate the first bite 12002490Sjkh Before it was light, 12012490SjkhAnd the last crumb sometime after dusk. 12022490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 12032490Sjkh% 12042490SjkhA young lass got married at Chester; 12052490SjkhHer mother she kissed and she blessed her. 12062490Sjkh Said she, "You're in luck -- 12072490Sjkh 'E's a stunning good fuck, 12082490SjkhFor I've 'ad 'im meself down in Leicester." 12092490Sjkh% 12102490SjkhA young maiden from France was no prude, 12112490SjkhShe decided to dive in the nude, 12122490Sjkh But her buddy, behind, 12132490Sjkh Went out of his mind, 1214174422SdougbWhen he noticed where she was tattooed. 12152490Sjkh% 12162490SjkhA young man by a girl was desired 12172490SjkhTo give her the thrills she required, 12182490Sjkh But he died of old age 12192490Sjkh Ere his cock could assuage 12202490SjkhThe volcanic desire it inspired. 12212490Sjkh% 12222490SjkhA young man from the banks of the Po 12232490SjkhFound his cock had elongated so, 12242490Sjkh That when he'd pee 12252490Sjkh It was never he 12262490SjkhBut only his neighbors who'd know. 12272490Sjkh% 12282490SjkhA young man grew increasingly peaky 12292490SjkhIn a house where the hinges were squeaky, 12302490Sjkh The ferns curled up brown, 12312490Sjkh The ceilings flaked down, 12322490SjkhAnd all of the faucets were leaky. 12332490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 12342490Sjkh% 12352490SjkhA young man maintained that his trigger 12362490SjkhWas so big that there weren't any bigger. 12372490Sjkh But this long and thick pud 12382490Sjkh Was so heavy it could 12392490SjkhScarcely lift up its head. It lacked vigor. 12402490Sjkh% 12412490SjkhA young man of acumen and daring, 12422490SjkhWho'd amassed a great fortune in herring, 12432490Sjkh Was left quite alone 12442490Sjkh When it soon became known 12452490SjkhThat their use at his board was unsparing. 12462490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 12472490Sjkh% 12482490SjkhA young man of Llanfairpwllgwyngyll 12492490SjkhWhile bent over plucking a dingle 12502490Sjkh Had the whole of Eisteddfod 12512490Sjkh Taking turns at his pod 12522490SjkhWhile they sang some impossible jingle. 12532490Sjkh% 12542490SjkhA young man with passions quite gingery 12552490SjkhTore a hole in his sister's best lingerie. 12562490Sjkh He slapped her behind 12572490Sjkh And made up his mind 12582490SjkhTo add incest to insult and injury. 12592490Sjkh% 12602490SjkhA young polo-player of Berkeley 1261174422SdougbMade love to his sweetheart berserkly. 12622490Sjkh In the midst of each chukker 12632490Sjkh He would break off and fuck her 12642490SjkhHorizontally, laterally and verkeley. 12652490Sjkh% 12662490SjkhA young wife in the outskirts of Reims 12672490SjkhPreferred frigging to going to mass. 12682490Sjkh Said her husband, "Take Jacques, 12692490Sjkh Or any young cock, 12702490SjkhFor I cannot live up to your ass." 12712490Sjkh% 12722490SjkhA young woman got married at Chester, 12732490SjkhHer mother she kissed her and blessed her. 12742490Sjkh Says she, "You're in luck, 12752490Sjkh He's a stunning good fuck, 12762490SjkhFor I've had him myself down in Leicester." 12772490Sjkh% 12782490SjkhAccording to experts, the oyster 12792490SjkhIn its shell - a crustacean cloister - 12802490Sjkh May frequently be 12812490Sjkh Either he or a she 12822490SjkhOr both, if it should be its choice ter. 12832490Sjkh% 12842490SjkhAlas for the Countess d'Isere, 12852490SjkhWhose muff wasn't furnished with hair. 12862490Sjkh Said the Count, "Quelle surprise!" 12872490Sjkh When he parted her thighs; 12882490Sjkh"Magnifique! Pourtant pas de la guerre." 12892490Sjkh% 12902490SjkhAll the female apes ran from King Kong 12912490SjkhFor his dong was unspeakably long. 12922490Sjkh But a friendly giraffe 12932490Sjkh Quaffed his yard and a half, 12942490SjkhAnd ecstatically burst into song. 12952490Sjkh% 12962490SjkhAn aesthete from South Carolina 12972490SjkhHad a cock that tickled like China, 12982490Sjkh But while shooting his load 12992490Sjkh It cracked like old Spode, 13002490SjkhSo he's bought him a Steuben vagina. 13012490Sjkh% 13022490SjkhAn agreeable girl named Miss Doves 13032490SjkhLikes to jack off the young men she loves. 13042490Sjkh She will use her bare fist 13052490Sjkh If the fellows insist 13062490SjkhBut she really prefers to wear gloves. 13072490Sjkh% 13082490SjkhAn AI researcher named Bluth 13092490SjkhWrote, to find out the sexual truth, 13102490Sjkh Eroticon VI, 13112490Sjkh Which he taught certain tricks 13122490SjkhWhich I'm sure can't be found in Knuth. 13132490Sjkh% 13142490SjkhAn amazon giantess named Dunne 13152490SjkhLet a midget screw her for fun. 13162490Sjkh But the poor little runt 13172490Sjkh Was engulfed in her cunt 13182490SjkhAnd re-born as the twin of his son. 13192490Sjkh% 13202490SjkhAn ambitious lady named Harriet 13212490SjkhOnce dreamed she was raped in a chariot 13222490Sjkh By seventeen sailors 13232490Sjkh A monk and three tailors, 13242490SjkhMohammed and Judas Iscariot. 13252490Sjkh% 13262490SjkhAn anonymous woman we knew 13272490SjkhWas dozing one day in her pew; 13282490Sjkh When the preacher yelled "Sin!" 13292490Sjkh She said, "Count me in 13302490SjkhAs soon as the service is through." 13312490Sjkh% 13322490SjkhAn architect fellow named Yoric 13332490SjkhCould, when feeling euphoric, 13342490Sjkh Display for selection 13352490Sjkh Three kinds of erection- 13362490SjkhCorinthian, ionic, and doric. 13372490Sjkh% 13382490SjkhAn ardent young man named Magruder 13392490SjkhOnce wooed a girl nude in Bermuda. 13402490Sjkh She thought it quite lewd 13412490Sjkh To be wooed in the nude, 1342174422SdougbBut Magruder was shrewder, he screwed her. 13432490Sjkh% 13442490SjkhAn Argentine gaucho named Bruno 13452490SjkhWho said, "Fucking is one thing I do know. 13462490Sjkh Women are fine 13472490Sjkh And sheep are divine 13482490SjkhBut llamas are numero uno." 13492490Sjkh% 13502490SjkhAn ARPAnaut name of Corvette 13512490SjkhHad a fetish involving the net. 13522490Sjkh As he fondled his IMP 13532490Sjkh His cock went from limp 13542490SjkhTo as hard as concrete which has set. 13552490Sjkh% 13562490SjkhAn arrogant wench from Salt Lake 13572490SjkhLiked to tease all the boys on the make. 13582490Sjkh She was finally the prize 13592490Sjkh Of a man twice her size 13602490SjkhAnd all she recalls is the ache. 13612490Sjkh% 13622490SjkhAn artist who lived in Australia 13632490SjkhOnce painted his ass like a Dahlia. 13642490Sjkh The drawing was fine, 13652490Sjkh The colour - divine, 13662490SjkhThe scent - ah, that was a failia. 13672490Sjkh% 13682490SjkhAn eager young hacker named Gus 13692490SjkhOnce buggered a VAX Unibus. 13702490Sjkh The hardware went bad, 13712490Sjkh But not the young lad 13722490Sjkh(Except for the toupee and truss). 13732490Sjkh% 1374174425SdougbAn earnest young woman in Thrace 1375174425SdougbSaid, "Darling, that's not the right place!" 1376174425Sdougb So he gave her a thwack, 1377174425Sdougb And did on her back, 1378174425SdougbWhat he couldn't have done face to face. 1379174425Sdougb% 13802490SjkhAn Edwardian father named Udgeon, 13812490SjkhWhose offspring provoked him to dudgeon, 13822490Sjkh Used on Saturday nights 13832490Sjkh To turn down the lights, 13842490SjkhAnd chase them around with a bludgeon. 13852490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 13862490Sjkh% 13872490SjkhAn envious girl named McMeanus 13882490SjkhWas jealous of her lover's big penis. 13892490Sjkh It was small consolation 13902490Sjkh That the rest of the nation 13912490SjkhOf women were with her in weeness. 13922490Sjkh% 13932490SjkhAn exotic young lady named Suki 13942490SjkhOnce danced in a troupe of kabuki 13952490Sjkh When asked for a fuck 13962490Sjkh She said, "Solly, no luck-- 13972490SjkhSee here: looky looky, no nuki " 13982490Sjkh% 13992490SjkhAn impish young fellow named James 14002490SjkhHad a passion for idiot games. 14012490Sjkh He lighted the hair 14022490Sjkh Of his lady's affair 14032490SjkhAnd laughed as she pissed through the flames. 14042490Sjkh% 14052490SjkhAn impotent Scot named MacDougall 14062490SjkhHad to husband his sperm and be frugal. 14072490Sjkh He was gathering semen 14082490Sjkh To gender a he-man, 14092490SjkhBy screwing his wife through a bugle. 14102490Sjkh% 14112490SjkhAn incautious young woman named Venn 14122490SjkhWas seen with the wrong sort of men; 14132490Sjkh She vanished one day, 14142490Sjkh But the following May 14152490SjkhHer legs were retrieved from a fen. 14162490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 14172490Sjkh% 14182490SjkhAn indefatigable woman named Bavel 14192490SjkhHad often occasion to travel; 14202490Sjkh On the way she would sit 14212490Sjkh And furiously knit, 14222490SjkhAnd on the way back she'd unravel. 14232490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 14242490Sjkh% 14252490SjkhAn ingenious young man in South Bend 14262490SjkhMade a synthetic ass for a friend, 14272490Sjkh But the friend shortly found 14282490Sjkh Its construction unsound, 14292490SjkhIt was simply a bother -- no end. 14302490Sjkh% 14312490SjkhAn innocent maiden named Herridge 1432174422SdougbWas cruelly tricked into marriage; 14332490Sjkh When she later found out 14342490Sjkh What her spouse was about, 14352490SjkhShe threw herself under a carriage. 14362490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 14372490Sjkh% 14382490SjkhAn inquisitive virgin named Dora 1439150699SschweikhAsked the man who started to bore 'er: 14402490Sjkh "Do you mean birds and bees 14412490Sjkh Go through antics like these, 1442162709SschweikhTo supply us our fauna and flora?" 14432490Sjkh% 14442490SjkhAn irate young lady named Booker 14452490SjkhTold her husband, "You beast, I'm no hooker! 14462490Sjkh If you want it queer ways, 14472490Sjkh Go to whores for your lays!" 14482490SjkhSo he packed up his tool and forsook 'er. 14492490Sjkh% 14502490SjkhAn octagenerian Jew 14512490SjkhTo his wife remained steadfastly true. 14522490Sjkh This was not from compunction, 14532490Sjkh But due to dysfunction 14542490SjkhOf his spermatic glands -- nuts to you. 14552490Sjkh% 14562490SjkhAn old couple just at Shrovetide 14572490SjkhWere having a piece -- when he died. 14582490Sjkh The wife for a week 14592490Sjkh Sat tight on his peak, 14602490SjkhAnd bounced up and down as she cried. 14612490Sjkh% 14622490SjkhAn old electronic designer 14632490SjkhHad designs on a minor named Dinah. 14642490Sjkh He couldn't carry them out 14652490Sjkh For his prick was too stout, 14662490SjkhAnd too small was the minor's vagina. 14672490Sjkh% 14682490SjkhAn old gentleman's crotchets and quibblings 14692490SjkhWere a terrible trial to his siblings, 14702490Sjkh But he was not removed 14712490Sjkh Till one day it was proved 14722490SjkhThat the bell-ropes were damp with his dribblings. 14732490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 14742490Sjkh% 14752490SjkhAn old maid who had a pet ape 14762490SjkhLived in fear of perpetual rape. 14772490Sjkh His red, hairy phallus 14782490Sjkh So filled her with malice 14792490SjkhThat she sealed up her snatch with Scotch tape. 14802490Sjkh% 14812490SjkhAn old man at the Folies Bergere 14822490SjkhHad a jock, a most wondrous affair: 14832490Sjkh It snipped off a twat-curl 14842490Sjkh From each new chorus girl, 14852490SjkhAnd he had a wig made of the hair. 14862490Sjkh% 14872490SjkhAn organist playing in York 14882490SjkhHad a prick that could hold a small fork, 14892490Sjkh And between obbligatos 14902490Sjkh He'd munch at tomatoes, 14912490SjkhTo keep up his strength while at work. 14922490Sjkh% 14932490SjkhAn orgasmic young sex star named Sue 14942490SjkhWas a hit as she writhed to a screw. 14952490Sjkh Her climatic fame spread 14962490Sjkh With an ad blitz that said: 14972490SjkhComing soon at a theater near you! 14982490Sjkh% 14992490SjkhAn uptight young lady named Breerley 15002490SjkhWho valued her morals too dearly 15012490Sjkh Had sex, so I hear, 15022490Sjkh Only once every year, 15032490SjkhAnd she strained her vagina severely. 15042490Sjkh% 15052490SjkhAnd then there's the story that's fraught 15062490SjkhWith disaster -- of balls that got caught, 15072490Sjkh When a chap took a crap 15082490Sjkh In the woods, and a trap 15092490SjkhUnderneath... Oh, I can't bear the thought! 15102490Sjkh% 15112490SjkhAs for weirdness, the guy who's the tops 15122490SjkhIs a kinky old butcher named Pops. 15132490Sjkh Since he thinks it's effete 15142490Sjkh To be beating his meat, 15152490SjkhWhat he's into is licking his chops. 15162490Sjkh% 15172490SjkhAs he came in his chubby choirboy, 15182490SjkhFather Burke said, "There's no greater joy! 15192490Sjkh If no sodomy levens 15202490Sjkh And possible heavens, 15212490SjkhExistence will merely annoy." 15222490Sjkh% 15232490SjkhAs the breeches-buoy swing towards the rocks, 15242490SjkhIts occupant cried, "Save my socks! 15252490Sjkh I could not bear the loss, 15262490Sjkh For with scarlet silk floss 15272490SjkhMy mama has embroidered their clocks." 15282490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 15292490Sjkh% 15302490SjkhAs tourists inspected the apse 15312490SjkhAn ominous series of raps 15322490Sjkh Came from under the altar, 15332490Sjkh Which caused some to falter 15342490SjkhAnd others to shriek and collapse. 15352490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 15362490Sjkh% 15372490SjkhAsked a supplicant priest of the pontiff, 15382490Sjkh"Do I sin if I do what I want, if 15392490Sjkh I screw a young nun 15402490Sjkh In the eastertide sun?" 15412490SjkhHis holiness murmured, "Gut yontiff." 15422490Sjkh% 15432490SjkhAt a contest for farting in Butte 1544150699SschweikhOne lady's exertion was cute: 15452490Sjkh It won the diploma 15462490Sjkh For fetid aroma, 15472490SjkhAnd three judges were felled by the brute. 15482490Sjkh% 15492490SjkhAt a dance, a girl from Connecticut 15502490SjkhShowed an absolute absence of etiquette 15512490Sjkh Letting all comers press 15522490Sjkh Through the skirt of her dress 15532490SjkhAnd wiping the mess with her petticoat. 15542490Sjkh% 15552490SjkhAt the end of all civilization 15562490SjkhIs the planet Terminus's location. 15572490Sjkh There's a girl there whose feat, 15582490Sjkh Without stone or concrete, 15592490SjkhNonetheless, was to lay the Foundation. 15602490Sjkh% 15612490SjkhAt the moment Japan declared war 15622490SjkhA sailor was fucking a whore. 15632490Sjkh He said, "After this poke 15642490Sjkh `Long and hard' ain't no joke; 15652490SjkhThis means months 'til I get back ashore." 15662490Sjkh% 15672490SjkhAt the Villa Nemetia the sleepers 15682490SjkhAre disturbed by a phantom in weepers; 15692490Sjkh It beats all night long 15702490Sjkh A dirge on a gong 15712490SjkhAs it staggers about in the creepers. 15722490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 15732490Sjkh% 15742490SjkhAt Vassar, sex isn't injurious, 15752490SjkhThough of love we are never penurious. 15762490Sjkh Thanks to vulcanized aids, 15772490Sjkh Though we may die old maids, 15782490SjkhAt least we shall never die curious. 15792490Sjkh% 15802490SjkhAt whist drives and strawberry teas 15812490SjkhFan would giggle and show off her knees; 15822490Sjkh But when she was alone 15832490Sjkh She'd drink eau de cologne, 15842490SjkhAnd weep from a sense of unease. 15852490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 15862490Sjkh% 15872490SjkhAugustus, for splashing his soup, 15882490SjkhWas put for the night on the stoop; 15892490Sjkh In the morning he'd not 15902490Sjkh Repented a jot, 15912490SjkhAnd next day he was dead of the croup. 15922490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 15932490Sjkh% 15942490SjkhBack in the days of old Adam 15952490SjkhThe grass served as mattress for madam, 15962490Sjkh And they spent the whole day 15972490Sjkh On the sex that today 15982490SjkhThey would bounce on box springs, if they had 'em. 15992490Sjkh% 16002490SjkhEach Friday his engines abort, 16012490SjkhBut Scotty is never caught short. 16022490Sjkh He fills his machines 16032490Sjkh With space-navy beans, 16042490SjkhAnd farts the ship back into port. 16052490Sjkh% 16062490SjkhEach night Father fills me with dread 16072490SjkhWhen he sits on the foot of my bed; 16082490Sjkh I'd not mind that he speaks 16092490Sjkh In gibbers and squeaks, 16102490SjkhBut for the seventeen years he's been dead. 16112490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 16122490Sjkh% 16132490SjkhFrom deep in the crypt at St. Giles 16142490SjkhCame a bellow that echoed for miles. 16152490Sjkh Said the rector, "My gracious, 16162490Sjkh Has Father Ignatius 16172490SjkhForgotten the Bishop has piles!?" 16182490Sjkh% 16192490SjkhFrom Number Nine, Penwiper Mews, 16202490SjkhThere is really abominable news; 16212490Sjkh They've discovered a head 16222490Sjkh In the box for the bread, 16232490SjkhBut nobody seems to know whose. 16242490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 16252490Sjkh% 16262490SjkhFrom the bathing machine came a din 16272490SjkhAs of jollification within; 16282490Sjkh It was heard far and wide, 16292490Sjkh And the incoming tide 16302490SjkhHad a definite flavour of gin. 16312490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 16322490Sjkh% 16332490Sjkh"Fucked by the finger of Fate!" 16342490SjkhBewailed a young fellow named Tate. 16352490Sjkh "Since dating Miss Baugh, 16362490Sjkh My whole tongue has been raw-- 16372490SjkhIt must have been something I ate." 16382490Sjkh% 16392490SjkhIn the case of a lady named Frost, 16402490SjkhWhose cunt's a good two feet acrost, 16412490Sjkh It's the best part of valor 16422490Sjkh To bugger the gal, or 16432490SjkhYou're apt to fall in and get lost. 16442490Sjkh% 16452490SjkhIn the Garden of Eden lay Adam, 16462490SjkhComplacently stroking his madam, 16472490Sjkh And loud was his mirth 16482490Sjkh For on all of the earth 16492490SjkhThere were only two balls -- and he had 'em. 16502490Sjkh% 16512490SjkhIt always delights me at Hank's 16522490SjkhTo walk up the old river banks. 16532490Sjkh One time in the grass 16542490Sjkh I stepped on an ass, 16552490SjkhAnd heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks." 16562490Sjkh% 16572490SjkhIt had snowed, and the man in the drift, 16582490SjkhFlagged her down and asked, "Give me a lift?" 16592490Sjkh They sat in her Bentley, 16602490Sjkh She fondled him gently, 16612490SjkhAnd the lift that he'd asked for was swift! 16622490Sjkh% 16632490SjkhThe late Brigham Young was no neuter -- 16642490SjkhNo faggot, no fairy, no fruiter. 16652490Sjkh Where ten thousand virgins 16662490Sjkh Succumbed to his urgin's 16672490SjkhThere now stands the great State of Utah. 16682490Sjkh% 16692490SjkhThe latest reports from Good Hope 16702490SjkhState that apes there have pricks thick as rope, 16712490Sjkh And fuck high, wide, and free, 16722490Sjkh From the top of one tree 16732490SjkhTo the top of the next -- what a scope! 16742490Sjkh% 16752490SjkhThe limerick, a verse form iniquitous, 16762490SjkhHas nonetheless been ubiquitous. 16772490Sjkh Once Congress in session, 16782490Sjkh Declared its suppression, 16792490SjkhBut people got around that by writing the last line with no rhyme or meter. 16802490Sjkh% 16812490SjkhThe limerick is furtive and mean; 16822490SjkhYou must keep her in close quarantine, 16832490Sjkh Or she sneaks to the slums 16842490Sjkh And promptly becomes 16852490SjkhDisorderly, drunk, and obscene. 16862490Sjkh -- Morris Bishop 16872490Sjkh% 16882490SjkhThe old archeologist, Throstle, 16892490SjkhDiscovered a marvelous fossil. 16902490Sjkh He knew from its bend 16912490Sjkh And the knot on the end, 16922490SjkhT'was the penis of Paul the Apostle. 16932490Sjkh% 16942490SjkhThere once was a bishop from Birmingham 16952490SjkhWho deflowered young girls while confirming 'em. 16962490Sjkh As they knelt on the hassock 16972490Sjkh He lifted his cassock 16982490SjkhAnd slipped his episcopal worm in 'em. 16992490Sjkh% 17002490SjkhThere once was a boy named Carruthers 17012490SjkhWho was busily fucking his mother 17022490Sjkh "I know it's a sin," 17032490Sjkh He said, shoving it in, 17042490Sjkh"But it's better than blowing my brother." 17052490Sjkh% 17062490SjkhThere once was a chick named Longet, 17072490SjkhWho went out to Aspen to play. 17082490Sjkh Along came a Spyder, 17092490Sjkh Who sat down beside her 17102490SjkhAnd she blew the poor bastard away. 17112490Sjkh% 17122490SjkhThere once was a clergyman's daughter 17132490SjkhWho detested the pony he bought her, 17142490Sjkh Till she found that its dong 17152490Sjkh Was as hard and as long 17162490SjkhAs the prayers her father had taught her. 17172490Sjkh 17182490SjkhShe married a fellow named Tony 17192490SjkhWho soon found her fucking the pony. 17202490Sjkh Said he, "What's it got, 17212490Sjkh My dear, that I've not?" 17222490SjkhSighed she, "Just a yard-long bologna." 17232490Sjkh% 17242490SjkhThere once was a couple named Kelley, 17252490SjkhWho lived their life belly to belly. 17262490Sjkh Because in their haste 17272490Sjkh They used library paste, 17282490SjkhInstead of petroleum jelly. 17292490Sjkh% 17302490SjkhThere once was a dentist named Stone 17312490SjkhWho saw all his patients alone. 17322490Sjkh In a fit of depravity 17332490Sjkh He filled the wrong cavity, 17342490SjkhAnd my, how his practice has grown! 17352490Sjkh% 17362490SjkhThere once was a Duchess of Beever 17372490SjkhWho slept with her golden retriever. 1738150699Sschweikh Said the potted old Duke: 17392490Sjkh "Such tricks make me puke! 17402490SjkhWere it not for her money, I'd leave her." 17412490Sjkh% 17422490SjkhThere once was a Duchess of Bruges 17432490SjkhWhose cunt was incredibly huge. 17442490Sjkh Said the king to this dame 17452490Sjkh As he thunderously came: 17462490Sjkh"Mon Dieu! Apres moi, le deluge!" 17472490Sjkh% 1748174422SdougbThere once was a fag of Khartoum 1749174422SdougbWho spent the night in a Lesbian's room. 17502490Sjkh They argued all night, 17512490Sjkh Over who had the right, 17522490SjkhTo do what, and with which, and to whom. 17532490Sjkh% 17542490SjkhThere once was a fairy named Avers 17552490SjkhWho encircled his cock with lifesavers. 17562490Sjkh Though buggers all claimed 17572490Sjkh That their asses were maimed, 1758174422SdougbSixty-niners all cheered the new flavors. 17592490Sjkh% 17602490SjkhThere once was a fellow named Bob 17612490SjkhWho in sexual ways was a snob. 17622490Sjkh One day he was swimmin' 17632490Sjkh With twelve naked women 17642490SjkhAnd deserted them all for a gob. 17652490Sjkh% 17662490SjkhThere once was a fellow named Brewster 17672490SjkhWho said to his wife, as he goosed her, 17682490Sjkh "It used to be grand 17692490Sjkh But look at my hand 17702490SjkhYou're not wiping as clean as ya uster." 17712490Sjkh% 17722490SjkhThere once was a fellow named Howard, 17732490SjkhWhose tool it was nuclear-powered, 17742490Sjkh While grabbing some ass, 17752490Sjkh He reached critical mass, 17762490SjkhBut think of the girl he deflowered! 17772490Sjkh% 17782490SjkhThere once was a fellow named Potts 17792490SjkhWho was prone to having the trots 17802490Sjkh But his humble abode 17812490Sjkh Was without a commode 17822490SjkhSo his carpet was covered with spots. 17832490Sjkh% 17842490SjkhThere once was a fellow named Siegel 17852490SjkhWho attempted to bugger a beagle, 17862490Sjkh But the mettlesome bitch 17872490Sjkh Turned and said with a twitch, 17882490Sjkh"It's fun, but you know it's illegal." 17892490Sjkh% 17902490SjkhThere once was a fencer named Fisk, 17912490SjkhWhose speed was incredibly brisk. 17922490Sjkh So fast was his action, 17932490Sjkh The Fitzgerald contraction, 1794174422SdougbForeshortened his foil to a disk. 17952490Sjkh% 17962490SjkhThere once was a fiesty young terrier 17972490SjkhWho liked to bite girls on the derriere. 17982490Sjkh He'd yip and he'd yap, 17992490Sjkh Then leap up and snap; 18002490SjkhAnd the fairer the derriere the merrier. 18012490Sjkh% 18022490SjkhThere once was a floozie named Annie 18032490SjkhWhose prices were cosy--but cannie: 18042490Sjkh A buck for a fuck, 18052490Sjkh Fifty cents for a suck, 18062490SjkhAnd a dime for a feel of her fanny. 18072490Sjkh% 18082490SjkhThere once was a freshman named Lin, 18092490SjkhWhose tool was as thin as a pin, 18102490Sjkh A virgin named Joan 18112490Sjkh From a bible belt home, 18122490SjkhSaid "This won't be much of a sin." 18132490Sjkh% 18142490SjkhThere once was a gangster named Brown 18152490Sjkh- the sneakiest bastard in town. 18162490Sjkh He was caught by G-men 18172490Sjkh Shooting his semen 18182490SjkhWhere the cops would slip and fall down. 18192490Sjkh% 18202490SjkhThere once was a gaucho named Bruno, 18212490SjkhWho said, "About sex, well, I do know, 18222490Sjkh Sheep are just fine, 18232490Sjkh Chickens, divine, 18242490SjkhBut iguanas are Numero Uno." 18252490Sjkh% 18262490SjkhThere once was a gay young Parisian 18272490SjkhWho screwed an appendix incision, 18282490Sjkh And the girl of his choice 18292490Sjkh Could hardly rejoice 18302490SjkhAt the horrible lack of precision. 18312490Sjkh% 18322490SjkhThere once was a girl from Cornell 18332490SjkhWhose teats were shaped like a bell. 18342490Sjkh When you touched them they shrunk, 18352490Sjkh Except when she was drunk, 18362490SjkhAnd then they got bigger than hell. 18372490Sjkh% 18382490SjkhThere once was a girl from Decatur, 18392490SjkhWho got laid by a big alligator. 18402490Sjkh Now nobody knew 18412490Sjkh The result of that screw, 18422490Sjkh'Cause after he laid her, he ate her. 18432490Sjkh% 18442490SjkhThere once was a girl from Madras 18452490SjkhWho had such a beautiful ass - 18462490Sjkh It was not round and pink 18472490Sjkh (As you bastards think) 18482490SjkhBut had two ears, a tail, and ate grass. 18492490Sjkh% 18502490SjkhThere once was a girl from Spokane, 18512490SjkhWent to bed with a one-legged man. 18522490Sjkh She said, "I know you-- 18532490Sjkh You've really got two! 18542490SjkhWhy didn't you say so when we began?" 18552490Sjkh% 18562490SjkhThere once was a girl named Irene 18572490SjkhWho lived on distilled kerosene 18582490Sjkh But she started absorbin' 18592490Sjkh A new hydrocarbon 18602490SjkhAnd since then has never benzene. 18612490Sjkh% 18622490SjkhThere once was a girl named Louise 18632490SjkhWho cunt hair hung down to her knees 18642490Sjkh The crabs in her twat 18652490Sjkh Tied the hairs in a knot 18662490SjkhAnd constructed a flying trapeze 18672490Sjkh% 18682490SjkhThere once was a girl named Mcgoffin 18692490SjkhWho was diddled amazingly often. 18702490Sjkh She was rogered by scores 18712490Sjkh Who'd been turned down by whores, 18722490SjkhAnd was finally screwed in her coffin. 18732490Sjkh% 18742490SjkhThere once was a girl named Priscilla 18752490SjkhWhose vagina was flavored vanilla. 18762490Sjkh The taste was so fine 18772490Sjkh Man and beast stood in line 18782490Sjkh(Including a stud armadilla). 18792490Sjkh% 18802490SjkhThere once was a girl so lovely, 18812490SjkhWho wanted to make love in the bubbly, 18822490Sjkh She strapped on her tanks, 18832490Sjkh And started her pranks, 18842490SjkhBut the lobsters all thought she was ugly. 18852490Sjkh% 18862490SjkhThere once was a golfer named Leer, 18872490SjkhWho got put in the clink for a year, 18882490Sjkh For an action obscene, 18892490Sjkh On the very first green. 18902490SjkhWhere the sign said "Enter course here." 18912490Sjkh% 18922490SjkhThere once was a gouty old colonel 18932490SjkhWho grew glum when the weather grew vernal, 18942490Sjkh And he cried in his tiffin 18952490Sjkh For his prick wouldn't stiffen, 18962490SjkhAnd the size of the thing was infernal. 18972490Sjkh% 18982490SjkhThere once was a guardsman from Buckingham 18992490SjkhWho said, "As for girls, I hate fucking 'em. 19002490Sjkh But when I meet boys, 19012490Sjkh God! how I enjoys 19022490SjkhJust licking their peckers and sucking 'em." 19032490Sjkh% 19042490SjkhThere once was a hacker named Ken 19052490SjkhWho inherited truckloads of Yen. 19062490Sjkh So he built him some chicks, 19072490Sjkh Of silicon chips, 19082490SjkhAnd hasn't been heard from since then. 19092490Sjkh% 19102490SjkhThere once was a handsome young seaman 19112490SjkhWho with ladies was really a demon. 19122490Sjkh In peace or in war, 19132490Sjkh At sea or on shore, 19142490SjkhHe could certainly dish out the semen. 19152490Sjkh% 19162490SjkhThere once was a horny old bitch 19172490SjkhWith a motorized self-frigger which 19182490Sjkh She would use with delight 19192490Sjkh All day long and all night - 19202490SjkhTwenty bucks: Abercrombie & Fitch. 19212490Sjkh% 19222490SjkhThere once was a horse named Lily 19232490SjkhWhose dingus was really a dilly. 19242490Sjkh It was vaginoid duply, 19252490Sjkh And labial quadruply -- 19262490SjkhIn fact, he was really a filly. 19272490Sjkh% 19282490SjkhThere once was a husky young Viking 19292490SjkhWhose sexual prowess was striking. 19302490Sjkh Every time he got hot 19312490Sjkh He would scour the twat 19322490SjkhOf some girl that might be to his liking. 19332490Sjkh% 19342490SjkhThere once was a jolly old bloke 19352490SjkhWho picked up a girl for a poke. 19362490Sjkh He took down her pants, 19372490Sjkh Fucked her into a trance, 19382490SjkhAnd then shit into her shoe for a joke. 19392490Sjkh% 19402490SjkhThere once was a kiddie named Carr 19412490SjkhCaught a man on top of his mar. 19422490Sjkh As he saw him stick 'er, 19432490Sjkh He said with a snicker, 19442490Sjkh"You do it much faster than par." 19452490Sjkh% 19462490SjkhThere once was a lady from Kansas 19472490SjkhWhose cunt was as big as Bonanzas. 19482490Sjkh It was nine inches deep 19492490Sjkh And the sides were quite steep -- 19502490SjkhIt had whiskers like General Carranza's. 19512490Sjkh% 19522490SjkhThere once was a lady named Carter, 19532490SjkhFell in love with a virile young Tartar. 19542490Sjkh She stripped off his pants, 19552490Sjkh At his prick quickly glanced, 19562490SjkhAnd cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!" 19572490Sjkh% 19582490SjkhThere once was a lady named Clair, 1959174422SdougbWho possessed a magnificent pair. 19602490Sjkh Or that's what I thought, 19612490Sjkh Till I saw one get caught, 19622490SjkhOn a thorn and begin losing air. 19632490Sjkh% 19642490SjkhThere once was a lady named Myrtle 19652490SjkhWho had an affair with a turtle. 19662490Sjkh She had crabs, so they say, 19672490Sjkh In a year and a day 19682490SjkhWhich proved that that turtle was fertile. 19692490Sjkh% 19702490SjkhThere once was a lawyer named Rex 19712490SjkhWith minuscule organs of sex. 19722490Sjkh Arraigned for exposure, 19732490Sjkh He maintained with composure, 19742490Sjkh"De minimis non curat lex." 19752490Sjkh 19762490Sjkh [Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things. Ed.] 19772490Sjkh% 19782490SjkhThere once was a lifeguard named Lee 19792490SjkhWho rescued a girl from the sea 19802490Sjkh She asked how to pay, 19812490Sjkh And he said "Try this way, 19822490SjkhGo down for the third time on me." 19832490Sjkh% 19842490SjkhThere once was a maid from Mobile 19852490SjkhWhose cunt was made of blue steel. 19862490Sjkh She only got thrills 19872490Sjkh From pneumatic drills 19882490SjkhAnd an off-centered emery wheel. 19892490Sjkh% 19902490SjkhThere once was a man from Bombay 19912490SjkhHe would do it all night and all day 19922490Sjkh He soon became sore 19932490Sjkh You shoulda' heard him roar 19942490SjkhWhen his wife rubbed his balls with Ben-Gay! 19952490Sjkh% 19962490SjkhThere once was a man from Calcutta 19972490SjkhWho used to beat off in the gutta 19982490Sjkh The heat of the sun 19992490Sjkh Affected his gun 20002490SjkhAnd turned all his cream into butta! 20012490Sjkh% 20022490SjkhThere once was a man from Dunoon, 20032490SjkhWho always ate soup with a fork. 20042490Sjkh He said "When I eat 20052490Sjkh Either fish, foul or flesh, 20062490SjkhI otherwise finish too quick." 20072490Sjkh% 20082490SjkhThere once was a man from Nantucket 20092490SjkhWho kept all his cash in a bucket. 20102490Sjkh His daughter, named Nan, 20112490Sjkh Ran away with a man, 20122490SjkhAnd as for the bucket, Nantucket. 20132490Sjkh 20142490SjkhThe pair of them went to Manhasset, 20152490Sjkh(Nan and the man with the asset.) 20162490Sjkh Pa followed them there, 20172490Sjkh But they left in a tear, 20182490SjkhAnd as for the asset, Manhasset. 20192490Sjkh 20202490SjkhPa followed the pair to Pawtucket, 20212490Sjkh(Nan and the man with the bucket.) 20222490Sjkh Pa said to the man, 20232490Sjkh "You're welcome to Nan." 20242490SjkhBut as for the bucket, Pawtucket. 20252490Sjkh% 20262490SjkhThere once was a man from Racine, 20272490SjkhWho invented a screwing machine. 20282490Sjkh Both concave and convex, 20292490Sjkh It could please either sex, 20302490SjkhBut, oh, what a bastard to clean! 20312490Sjkh% 20322490SjkhThere once was a man from Sandem 20332490SjkhWho was making his girl on a tandem. 20342490Sjkh At the peak of the make 20352490Sjkh She jammed on the brake 20362490SjkhAnd scattered his semen at random. 20372490Sjkh% 20382490SjkhThere once was a man from Sydney 20392490SjkhWho could put it up to her kidney. 20402490Sjkh But the man from Quebec 20412490Sjkh Put it up to her neck; 20422490SjkhHe had a big one, now didn't he? 20432490Sjkh% 20442490SjkhThere once was a man named McGruder, 20452490SjkhWho canoed with a girl in Bermuder. 20462490Sjkh But the girl thought it crude, 20472490Sjkh To be wooed in the nude, 20482490SjkhSo McGru took an oar and subduder. 20492490Sjkh% 20502490SjkhThere once was a man named McSweeny 2051205995SuqsWho spilled lots of gin on his weeney. 2052205995Suqs So just to be couth, 2053205995Suqs He added vermouth, 20542490SjkhAnd slipped his best girl a martini. 20552490Sjkh% 20562490SjkhThere once was a man named Parridge 20572490SjkhWith peculiar views on marriage. 20582490Sjkh He sucked off his brother, 20592490Sjkh Fucked his own mother, 20602490SjkhAnd gobbled his sister's miscarriage. 20612490Sjkh% 20622490SjkhThere once was a man with a hernia 20632490SjkhWho said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya, 20642490Sjkh When you work on my middle 20652490Sjkh Be sure you don't fiddle 20662490SjkhWith things that do not concern ya." 20672490Sjkh% 20682490SjkhThere once was a member of Mensa 20692490SjkhWho was a most excellent fencer. 20702490Sjkh The sword that he used 20712490Sjkh Was his -- (line is refused, 20722490SjkhAnd has now been removed by the censor). 20732490Sjkh% 20742490SjkhThere once was a miner named Dave, 20752490SjkhWho kept a dead whore in his cave. 20762490Sjkh She was ugly as shit, 20772490Sjkh And missing one tit, 20782490SjkhBut think of the money he saves. 20792490Sjkh% 20802490SjkhThere once was a monk of Camyre 20812490SjkhWho was seized with a carnal desire 20822490Sjkh And the primary cause 20832490Sjkh Was the abbess's drawers 20842490SjkhWhich were hung up to dry by the fire. 20852490Sjkh% 20862490SjkhThere once was a newspaper vendor, 20872490SjkhA person of dubious gender. 20882490Sjkh He would charge one-and-two 20892490Sjkh For permission to view 20902490SjkhHis remarkable double pudenda. 20912490Sjkh% 20922490SjkhThere once was a plumber from Leigh 20932490SjkhWho was plumbing his maid by the sea. 20942490Sjkh Said she, "Please stop plumbing, 20952490Sjkh I think someone's coming!" 20962490SjkhSaid he, "Yes, I know love, it's me." 20972490Sjkh% 20982490SjkhThere once was a pretty young Mrs. 20992490SjkhWhose tearful but short story thrs. 21002490Sjkh Her mind lost its grasp - 21012490Sjkh Now she thinks she's an asp 21022490SjkhAnd just sits in the corner and hrs. 21032490Sjkh% 21042490SjkhThere once was a queen of Bulgaria 21052490SjkhWhose bush had grown hairier and hairier, 21062490Sjkh Till a prince from Peru 21072490Sjkh Who came up for a screw 21082490SjkhHad to hunt for her cunt with a terrier. 21092490Sjkh% 21102490SjkhThere once was a reverend at Kings 21112490SjkhWhose mind 'twas on heavenly things. 21122490Sjkh But his heart was on fire 21132490Sjkh For a boy in the choir 21142490SjkhWhose buns were like jelly on springs. 21152490Sjkh% 21162490SjkhThere once was a sad Maitre d'hotel 21172490SjkhWho said, "They can all go to hell! 21182490Sjkh What they do to my wife -- 21192490Sjkh Why it ruins my life; 21202490SjkhAnd the worst is they all do it well." 21212490Sjkh% 21222490SjkhThere once was a sailor named Gasted, 21232490SjkhA swell guy, as long as he lasted, 21242490Sjkh He could jerk himself off 21252490Sjkh In a basket, aloft, 21262490SjkhOr a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead. 21272490Sjkh% 21282490SjkhThere once was a Scot named McAmeter 21292490SjkhWith a tool of prodigious diameter. 2130174422Sdougb But it wasn't the size 2131174422Sdougb That caused such surprise; 21322490Sjkh'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter. 21332490Sjkh% 21342490SjkhThere once was a son-of-a-bitch, 21352490SjkhNeither clever, nor handsome, nor rich, 21362490Sjkh Yet the girls he would dazzle, 21372490Sjkh And fuck to a frazzle, 21382490SjkhAnd then ditch them, the son-of-a-bitch! 21392490Sjkh% 21402490SjkhThere once was a spaceman named Spock 21412490SjkhWho had a huge Vulcanized cock. 21422490Sjkh A girl from Missouri 21432490Sjkh Whose name was Uhura 21442490SjkhJust fainted away from the shock. 21452490Sjkh% 21462490SjkhThere once was a Swede in Minneapolis, 21472490SjkhDiscovered his sex life was hapless: 21482490Sjkh The more he would screw 21492490Sjkh The more he'd want to, 21502490SjkhAnd he feared he would soon be quite sapless. 21512490Sjkh% 21522490SjkhThere once was a Usenetter named Mark, 21532490SjkhWhose gender was kept in the dark. 21542490Sjkh He/she/it said with a nod, 21552490Sjkh "My ancestors were odd!" 21562490SjkhDid Noah need two for the ark? 21572490Sjkh% 21582490SjkhThere once was a whore from Regina 21592490SjkhWho had a stupendous vagina. 21602490Sjkh To save herself time, 21612490Sjkh She had six at a time, 21622490SjkhAnd another one working behind her. 21632490Sjkh% 21642490SjkhThere once was a woman from Arden 21652490SjkhWho sucked off a man in a garden. 21662490Sjkh He said, "My dear Flo, 21672490Sjkh Where does all that stuff go?" 21682490SjkhAnd she said, "[Swallow hard] I beg pardon?" 21692490Sjkh% 21702490SjkhThere once was a yokel of Beaconsfield 21712490SjkhEngaged to look after the deacon's field, 21722490Sjkh But he lurked in the ditches 21732490Sjkh And diddled the bitches 21742490SjkhWho happened to cross that antique 'un's field. 21752490Sjkh% 21762490SjkhThere once was a young girl from Natches 21772490SjkhWho chanced to be born with two snatches 21782490Sjkh She often said, "Shit! 21792490Sjkh I'd give either tit 21802490SjkhFor a guy with equipment that matches." 21812490Sjkh% 21822490SjkhThere once was a young man from Boston 21832490SjkhWho drove around town in an Austin, 21842490Sjkh There was room for his ass, 21852490Sjkh And a gallon of gas, 21862490SjkhSo he hung out his balls and he lost 'em. 21872490Sjkh% 21882490SjkhThere once was a young man from France 21892490SjkhWho waited ten years for his chance; 21902490SjkhThen he muffed it... 21912490Sjkh% 21922490SjkhThere once was a young man from Yuma 21932490SjkhWho attempted sex with a puma 21942490Sjkh He gave up real quick 21952490Sjkh Minus nose, toes, and prick 21962490SjkhIn obvious pain and ill huma. 21972490Sjkh% 21982490SjkhThere once was a young man from Yuma, 21992490SjkhWho told an elephant joke to a puma. 22002490Sjkh Now his dry bleached bones lie, 22012490Sjkh Under hot Asian skies, 22022490Sjkh'Cause the puma had no sense of huma. 22032490Sjkh% 22042490SjkhThere once was a young man named Clyde 22052490SjkhWho fell in an outhouse, and died. 22062490Sjkh He had a twin brother 22072490Sjkh Who fell in another 22082490SjkhAnd now they're interred side by side. 22092490Sjkh% 22102490SjkhThere once was a young man named Lancelot 22112490SjkhWhom the townsfolk would look at askance a lot 22122490Sjkh For when he should pass 22132490Sjkh A desirable lass 22142490SjkhThe front of his pants would advance a lot. 22152490Sjkh% 22162490SjkhThere once was an Arpanet freak, 22172490SjkhWho better response-time did seek. 22182490Sjkh He searched coast to coast, 22192490Sjkh For a reliable host, 22202490SjkhWhose logger took less than a week. 22212490Sjkh% 22222490SjkhThere once was an old man from Esser, 22232490SjkhWho's knowledge grew lesser and lesser. 22242490Sjkh It at last grew so small, 22252490Sjkh He knew nothing at all, 22262490SjkhAnd now he's a College Professor. 22272490Sjkh% 22282490SjkhThere once were two brothers named Luntz 22292490SjkhWho buggered each other at once. 22302490Sjkh When asked to account 22312490Sjkh For this intricate mount, 22322490SjkhThey said, "Ass-holes are tighter than cunts." 22332490Sjkh% 22342490SjkhThere was a bluestocking in Florence 22352490SjkhWrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents, 22362490Sjkh Till a Spanish grandee, 22372490Sjkh Got her off with his knee, 22382490SjkhAnd she burned all her works with abhorrence. 22392490Sjkh% 22402490SjkhThere was a family named Doe, 22412490SjkhAn ideal family to know. 22422490Sjkh As father screwed mother, 22432490Sjkh She said, "You're heavier than brother." 22442490SjkhAnd he said, "Yes, Sis told me so!" 22452490Sjkh% 22462490SjkhThere was a fat lady of China 22472490SjkhWho'd a really enormous vagina, 22482490Sjkh And when she was dead 22492490Sjkh They painted it red, 22502490SjkhAnd used it for docking a liner. 22512490Sjkh% 22522490SjkhThere was a fat man from Rangoon 2253174422SdougbWhose prick was much like a balloon. 22542490Sjkh He tried hard to ride her 22552490Sjkh And when finally inside her 22562490SjkhShe thought she was pregnant too soon. 22572490Sjkh% 22582490SjkhThere was a gay countess of Bray, 22592490SjkhAnd you may think it odd when I say, 22602490Sjkh That in spite of high station, 22612490Sjkh Rank and education, 2262205995SuqsShe always spelled cunt with a "k." 22632490Sjkh% 22642490SjkhThere was a gay dog from Ontario 22652490SjkhWho fancied himself a Lothario. 22662490Sjkh At a wench's glance 22672490Sjkh He'd snatch off his pants 22682490SjkhAnd make for her Mons Venerio. 22692490Sjkh% 22702490SjkhThere was a gay parson of Norton 22712490SjkhWhose prick, although thick, was a short 'un. 22722490Sjkh To make up for this loss, 22732490Sjkh He had balls like a horse, 22742490SjkhAnd never spent less than a quartern. 22752490Sjkh% 22762490SjkhThere was a gay parson of Tooting 22772490SjkhWhose roe he was frequently shooting, 22782490Sjkh Till he married a lass 22792490Sjkh With a face like my arse, 22802490SjkhAnd a cunt you could put a top-boot in. 22812490Sjkh% 22822490SjkhThere was a lewd fellow named Duff 22832490SjkhWho loved to dive deep in the muff. 22842490Sjkh With his head in a whirl 22852490Sjkh He said, "Spread it, Pearl; 22862490SjkhI cunt get enough of the stuff!" 22872490Sjkh% 22882490SjkhThere was a man from Mich. 22892490SjkhWho used to wish and wich. 22902490Sjkh That spring would come 22912490Sjkh So he could bum 22922490SjkhAround and go out fich. 22932490Sjkh% 22942490SjkhThere was a pianist named Liszt 22952490SjkhWho played with one hand while he pissed, 22962490Sjkh But as he grew older 22972490Sjkh His technique grew bolder, 22982490SjkhAnd in concert jacked off with his fist. 22992490Sjkh% 23002490SjkhThere was a poor parson from Goring, 23012490SjkhWho made a small hole in his flooring, 23022490Sjkh Fur-lined it all round, 23032490Sjkh Then laid on the ground, 23042490SjkhAnd declared it was cheaper than whoring. 23052490Sjkh% 23062490SjkhThere was a strong man of Drumrig 23072490SjkhWho one day did seven times frig. 23082490Sjkh He buggered three sailors, 23092490Sjkh Four dogs and two tailors, 23102490SjkhAnd ended by fucking a pig. 23112490Sjkh% 23122490SjkhThere was a teenager named Donna 23132490SjkhWho never said, "No, I don't wanna." 23142490Sjkh Two days out of three 23152490Sjkh She would shoot LSD, 23162490SjkhAnd on weekends she smoked marijuana. 23172490Sjkh% 23182490SjkhThere was a young belle of old Natchez 23192490SjkhWhose garments were always in patchez. 23202490Sjkh When comment arose 23212490Sjkh On the state of her clothes 23222490SjkhShe, drawled, "When ah itchez, ah scratchez." 23232490Sjkh% 23242490SjkhThere was a young blade from South Greece 23252490SjkhWhose bush did so greatly increase 23262490Sjkh That before he could shack 23272490Sjkh He must hunt needle in stack. 23282490Sjkh'Twas as bad as being obese. 23292490Sjkh% 23302490SjkhThere was a young bride, a Canuck, 23312490SjkhTold her husband, "Let's do more than suck. 23322490Sjkh You say that I, maybe, 23332490Sjkh Can have my first baby-- 23342490SjkhLet's give up this Frenchin' and fuck!" 23352490Sjkh% 23362490SjkhThere was a young bride of Antigua 23372490SjkhWhose husband said, "Dear me, how big you are!" 23382490Sjkh Said the girl, "What damn'd rot! 23392490Sjkh Why, you've only felt my twot, 23402490SjkhMy legs and my arse and my figua!" 23412490Sjkh% 23422490SjkhThere was a young chap in Arabia 23432490SjkhWho courted a widow named Fabia. 23442490Sjkh "Yes, my tongue is as long 23452490Sjkh As the average man's dong," 23462490SjkhHe said, licking the lips of her labia. 23472490Sjkh% 23482490SjkhThere was a young cook with the art 23492490SjkhOf making a delicious tart 23502490Sjkh With a handful of shit, 23512490Sjkh Some snot and some spit, 23522490SjkhAnd he'd flavor the whole with a fart. 23532490Sjkh% 23542490SjkhThere was a young curate whose brain 23552490SjkhWas deranged from the use of cocaine; 23562490Sjkh He lured a small child 23572490Sjkh To a copse dark and wild, 23582490SjkhWhere he beat it to death with his cane. 23592490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 23602490Sjkh% 23612490SjkhThere was a young damsel named Baker 23622490SjkhWho was poked in a pew by a Quaker. 23632490Sjkh He yelled, "My God! what 23642490Sjkh Do you call this -- a twat? 23652490SjkhWhy, the entrance is more than an acre!" 23662490Sjkh% 23672490SjkhThere was a young dolly named Molly 23682490SjkhWho thought that to frig was a folly. 23692490Sjkh Said she, "Your pee-pee 23702490Sjkh Means nothing to me, 23712490SjkhBut I'll do it just to be jolly." 23722490Sjkh% 23732490SjkhThere was a young fellow from Cal., 23742490SjkhIn bed with a passionate gal. 23752490Sjkh He leapt from the bed, 23762490Sjkh To the toilet he sped; 23772490SjkhSaid the gal, "What about me, old pal?" 23782490Sjkh% 23792490SjkhThere was a young fellow from Florida 23802490SjkhWho liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her. 23812490Sjkh When they got into bed 23822490Sjkh He cried, "God strike me dead! 23832490SjkhThis ain't a cunt -- it's a corridor!" 23842490Sjkh% 23852490SjkhThere was a young fellow from Leeds 23862490SjkhWho swallowed a package of seeds. 23872490Sjkh Great tufts of grass 23882490Sjkh Sprouted out of his ass 23892490SjkhAnd his balls were all covered with weeds. 23902490Sjkh% 23912490SjkhThere was a young fellow from Parma 23922490SjkhWho was solemnly screwing his charmer. 23932490Sjkh Said the damsel demure, 23942490Sjkh "You'll excuse me, I'm sure, 23952490SjkhBut I must say you fuck like a farmer." 23962490Sjkh% 23972490SjkhThere was a young fellow name Tucker 23982490SjkhWho, instructing a novice cock-sucker, 23992490Sjkh Said, "Don't bow out your lips 24002490Sjkh Like an elephant's hips, 24012490SjkhThe boys like it best when they pucker." 24022490Sjkh% 24032490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Ades 24042490SjkhWhose favorite fruit was young maids. 24052490Sjkh But sheep, nigger boys, whores, 24062490Sjkh And the knot holes in doors 24072490SjkhWere by no means exempt from his raids. 24082490Sjkh% 24092490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Babbitt 24102490SjkhWho could screw nine times like a rabbit, 24112490Sjkh But a girl from Johore 24122490Sjkh Could do it twice more, 24132490SjkhWhich was just enough extra to crab it. 24142490Sjkh% 24152490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Bill, 24162490SjkhWho took an atomic pill, 24172490Sjkh His navel corroded, 24182490Sjkh His asshole exploded, 24192490SjkhAnd they found his nuts in Brazil. 24202490Sjkh% 24212490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Blaine, 24222490SjkhAnd he screwed some disgusting old jane. 24232490Sjkh She was ugly and smelly 24242490Sjkh With an awful pot-belly, 24252490SjkhBut... well, they were caught in the rain. 24262490Sjkh% 24272490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Bliss 24282490SjkhWhose sex life was strangely amiss, 24292490Sjkh For even with Venus 24302490Sjkh His recalcitrant penis 24312490SjkhWould never do better than t 24322490Sjkh h 24332490Sjkh i 24342490Sjkh s 24352490Sjkh . 24362490Sjkh% 24372490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Bowen 24382490SjkhWhose pecker kept growin' and growin'. 24392490Sjkh It grew so tremendous, 24402490Sjkh So long and so pendulous, 24412490Sjkh'Twas no good for fuckin' -- just showin'. 24422490Sjkh% 24432490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Brewer 24442490SjkhWhose girl made her home in a sewer. 24452490Sjkh Thus he, the poor soul, 24462490Sjkh Could get into her hole, 24472490SjkhAnd still not be able to screw her! 24482490Sjkh% 24492490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Case 24502490SjkhWho entered a cunt-lapping race. 24512490Sjkh He licked his way clean 24522490Sjkh Through Number thirteen, 24532490SjkhBut then slipped and got pissed in the face. 24542490Sjkh% 24552490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Charteris 24562490SjkhPut his hand where his young lady's garter is. 24572490Sjkh Said she, "I don't mind, 24582490Sjkh And higher up you'll find 24592490SjkhThe place where my fucker and farter is." 24602490Sjkh% 24612490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Cribbs 24622490SjkhWhose cock was so big it had ribs. 24632490Sjkh They were inches apart, 24642490Sjkh And to suck it took art, 24652490SjkhWhile to fuck it took forty-two trips. 24662490Sjkh% 24672490SjkhThere was a young fellow named dick 24682490SjkhWho had a magnificent prick. 24692490Sjkh It was shaped like a prism 24702490Sjkh And shot so much gism 24712490SjkhIt made every cocksucker sick. 24722490Sjkh% 24732490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Feeney 24742490SjkhWhose girl was a terrible meany. 24752490Sjkh The hatch of her snatch 24762490Sjkh Had a catch that would latch 24772490Sjkh- She could only be screwed by Houdini. 24782490Sjkh% 24792490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Fletcher, 24802490SjkhWas reputed an infamous lecher. 24812490Sjkh When he'd take on a whore 24822490Sjkh She'd need a rebore, 24832490SjkhAnd they'd carry him out on a stretcher. 24842490Sjkh% 24852490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Fyfe 24862490SjkhWhose marriage was ruined for life, 24872490Sjkh For he had an aversion 24882490Sjkh To every perversion, 24892490SjkhAnd only liked fucking his wife. 24902490Sjkh 24912490SjkhWell, one year the poor woman struck, 24922490SjkhAnd she wept, and she cursed at her luck, 24932490Sjkh And said, "Where have you gotten us 24942490Sjkh With your goddamn monotonous 24952490SjkhFuck after fuck after fuck? 24962490Sjkh 24972490Sjkh"I once knew a harlot named Lou -- 24982490SjkhAnd a versatile girl she was, too. 24992490Sjkh After ten years of whoredom 25002490Sjkh She perished of boredom 25012490SjkhWhen she married a jackass like you!" 25022490Sjkh% 25032490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Gene 25042490SjkhWho first picked his asshole quite clean. 25052490Sjkh He next picked his toes, 25062490Sjkh And lastly his nose, 25072490SjkhAnd he never did wash in between. 25082490Sjkh% 25092490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Gluck 25102490SjkhWho found himself shit out of luck. 25112490Sjkh Though he petted and wooed, 25122490Sjkh When he tried to get screwed 25132490SjkhHe found virgins just don't give a fuck. 25142490Sjkh% 25152490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Goody 25162490SjkhWho claimed that he wouldn't, but would he? 25172490Sjkh If he found himself nude 25182490Sjkh With a gal in the mood 25192490SjkhThe question's not woody but could he? 25202490Sjkh% 25212490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Grant 25222490SjkhWho was made like the sensitive plant. 25232490Sjkh When they asked "Do you fuck?" 25242490Sjkh He replied, "No such luck. 25252490SjkhI would if I could, but I can't." 25262490Sjkh% 25272490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Grimes 25282490SjkhWho fucked his girl seventeen times 25292490Sjkh In the course of a week -- 25302490Sjkh And this isn't to speak 25312490SjkhOf assorted venereal crimes. 25322490Sjkh% 25332490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Harry, 25342490SjkhHad a joint that was long, huge and scary. 25352490Sjkh He grabbed him a virgin, 25362490Sjkh Who, without any urgin', 25372490SjkhImmediately spread like a fairy. 25382490Sjkh% 25392490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Hatch 25402490SjkhWho was fond of the music of Bach. 25412490Sjkh He said: "It's not fussy 25422490Sjkh Like Brahms and Debussy; 25432490SjkhSit down, and I'll play you a snatch." 25442490Sjkh% 25452490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Kimble 25462490SjkhWhose prick was exceedingly nimble, 25472490Sjkh But fragile and slender, 25482490Sjkh And dainty and tender, 25492490SjkhSo he kept it encased in a thimble. 25502490Sjkh% 25512490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Meek 25522490SjkhWho invented a lingual technique. 25532490Sjkh It drove women frantic, 25542490Sjkh And made them romantic, 25552490SjkhAnd wore all the hair off his cheek. 25562490Sjkh% 25572490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Morgan 25582490SjkhWho possessed an unusual organ: 25592490Sjkh The end of his dong, 25602490Sjkh Which was nine inches long, 25612490SjkhWas tipped with the head of a gorgon. 25622490Sjkh% 25632490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Paul 25642490SjkhWho confessed, "I have only one ball. 25652490Sjkh But the size of my prick 25662490Sjkh Is God's dirtiest trick, 2567205995SuqsFor my girls always ask, `Is that all?'" 25682490Sjkh% 25692490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Pell 25702490SjkhWho didn't like cunt very well. 25712490Sjkh He would finger or fuck one, 25722490Sjkh But never would suck one-- 25732490SjkhHe just couldn't get used to the smell. 25742490Sjkh% 25752490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Price 25762490SjkhWho dabbled in all sorts of vice. 25772490Sjkh He had virgins and boys 25782490Sjkh And mechanical toys, 25792490SjkhAnd on Mondays... he meddled with mice! 25802490Sjkh% 25812490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Prynne 25822490SjkhWhose prick was so short and so thin, 25832490Sjkh His wife found she needed 25842490Sjkh A Fuckoscope -- she did -- 25852490SjkhTo see if he'd gotten it in. 25862490Sjkh% 25872490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Skinner 25882490SjkhWho took a young lady to dinner 25892490Sjkh At a quarter to nine, 25902490Sjkh They sat down to dine, 25912490SjkhAt twenty to ten it was in her. 25922490SjkhThe dinner, not Skinner -- Skinner was in her before dinner. 25932490Sjkh 25942490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Tupper 25952490SjkhWho took a young lady to supper. 25962490Sjkh At a quarter to nine, 25972490Sjkh They sat down to dine, 25982490SjkhAnd at twenty to ten it was up her. 25992490SjkhNot the supper -- not Tupper -- It was some son-of-a-bitch named Skinner! 26002490Sjkh% 26012490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Sweeney, 26022490SjkhWhose girl was a terrible meanie, 26032490Sjkh The hatch of her snatch, 26042490Sjkh Had a catch that would latch, 26052490SjkhShe could only be screwed by Houdini. 26062490Sjkh% 26072490SjkhThere was a young fellow of Burma 26082490SjkhWhose betrothed had good reason to murmur. 26092490Sjkh But now that he's married he's 26102490Sjkh Been using cantharides 26112490SjkhAnd the root of their love is much firmer. 26122490Sjkh% 26132490SjkhThere was a young fellow of Greenwich 26142490SjkhWhose balls were all covered with spinach. 26152490Sjkh He had such a tool 26162490Sjkh It was wound on a spool, 26172490SjkhAnd he reeled it out inich by inich. 26182490Sjkh 26192490SjkhBut this tale has an unhappy finich, 26202490SjkhFor due to the sand in the spinach 26212490Sjkh His ballocks grew rough 26222490Sjkh And wrecked his wife's muff, 26232490SjkhAnd scratched up her thatch in the scrimmage. 26242490Sjkh% 26252490SjkhThere was a young fellow of Harrow 26262490SjkhWhose john was the size of a marrow. 26272490Sjkh He said to his tart, 26282490Sjkh "How's this for a start? 26292490SjkhMy balls are outside in a barrow." 26302490Sjkh% 26312490SjkhThere was a young fellow of Kent 26322490SjkhWhose prick was so long that it bent, 26332490Sjkh So to save himself trouble 26342490Sjkh He put it in double, 26352490SjkhAnd instead of coming he went. 26362490Sjkh% 26372490SjkhThere was a young fellow of Mayence 26382490SjkhWho fucked his own arse in defiance 26392490Sjkh Not only of custom 26402490Sjkh And morals, dad-bust him, 26412490SjkhBut of most of the known laws of science. 26422490Sjkh% 26432490SjkhThere was a young fellow of Perth 26442490SjkhWhose balls were the finest on earth. 26452490Sjkh They grew to such size 26462490Sjkh That one won a prize, 26472490SjkhAnd goodness knows what they were worth. 26482490Sjkh% 26492490SjkhThere was a young fellow of Strensall 26502490SjkhWhose prick was as sharp as a pencil. 26512490Sjkh On the night of his wedding 26522490Sjkh It went through the bedding, 26532490SjkhAnd shattered the chamber utensil. 26542490Sjkh% 26552490SjkhThere was a young fellow of Warwick 26562490SjkhWho had reason for feeling euphoric, 26572490Sjkh For he could by election 26582490Sjkh Have triune erection: 26592490SjkhIonic, Corinthian, and Doric. 26602490Sjkh% 26612490SjkhThere was a young fellow whose dong 26622490SjkhWas prodigiously massive and long. 26632490Sjkh On each side of his whang 26642490Sjkh Two testes did hang 26652490SjkhThat attracted a curious throng. 26662490Sjkh% 26672490SjkhThere was a young German named Ringer 26682490SjkhWho was screwing an opera singer. 26692490Sjkh Said he with a grin, 26702490Sjkh "Well, I've sure got it in!" 26712490SjkhSaid she, "You mean that ain't your finger?" 26722490Sjkh% 26732490SjkhThere was a young girl from Annista 26742490SjkhWho dated a lecherous mister. 26752490Sjkh He fondled her titty, 26762490Sjkh Got one finger shitty, 26772490SjkhThen screwed up his courage and kissed 'er. 26782490Sjkh% 26792490SjkhThere was a young girl from Decatur 26802490SjkhWho was raped by an alligator. 26812490Sjkh But no one quite knew 26822490Sjkh How she relished that screw, 26832490SjkhFor after he screwed her, he ate her. 26842490Sjkh% 26852490SjkhThere was a young girl from Dundee, 26862490SjkhFrom her fanny there grew a plum tree. 26872490Sjkh No one ate the nice fruit, 26882490Sjkh To tell you the truth, 26892490SjkhBecause they knew it came from her tooty-toot-toot. 26902490Sjkh% 26912490SjkhThere was a young girl from Hong Kong 26922490SjkhWho said, "You are utterly wrong 26932490Sjkh To say my vagina 26942490Sjkh Is the largest in China 26952490SjkhJust because of your mean little dong." 26962490Sjkh% 26972490SjkhThere was a young girl from Hong Kong 26982490SjkhWhose cervical cap was a gong. 26992490Sjkh She said with a yell, 27002490Sjkh As a shot rang her bell, 27012490Sjkh"I'll give you a ding for a dong!" 27022490Sjkh% 27032490SjkhThere was a young girl from Medina 27042490SjkhWho could completely control her vagina. 27052490Sjkh She could twist it around 27062490Sjkh Like the cunts that are found 27072490SjkhIn Japan, Manchukuo and China. 27082490Sjkh% 27092490SjkhThere was a young girl from New York 27102490SjkhWho plugged up her cunt with a cork. 27112490Sjkh A woodpecker or two 27122490Sjkh Made the grade it is true, 27132490SjkhBut it totally baffled the stork. 27142490Sjkh 27152490SjkhTill along came a man who presented 27162490SjkhA tool that was strangely indented. 27172490Sjkh With a dizzying twirl 27182490Sjkh He punctured that girl, 27192490SjkhAnd thus was the cork-screw invented. 27202490Sjkh% 27212490SjkhThere was a young girl from Peru, 27222490SjkhWho had nothing whatever to do. 27232490Sjkh So she sat on the stairs, 27242490Sjkh And counted cunt hairs, 27252490SjkhFour thousand, three hundred and two. 27262490Sjkh% 27272490SjkhThere was a young girl from Peru, 27282490SjkhWho noticed her lovers were few; 27292490Sjkh So she walked out her door 27302490Sjkh With a fig leaf, no more, 27312490SjkhAnd now she's in bed - with the flu. 27322490Sjkh% 27332490SjkhThere was a young girl from Samoa 27342490SjkhWho pledged that no man would know her. 27352490Sjkh One young fellow tried, 27362490Sjkh But she wriggled aside, 27372490SjkhAnd he spilled all his spermatozoa. 27382490Sjkh% 27392490SjkhThere was a young girl from Seattle, 27402490SjkhWhose hobby was sucking off cattle. 27412490Sjkh But a bull from the South 27422490Sjkh Shot a wad in her mouth 27432490SjkhThat made both her ovaries rattle. 27442490Sjkh% 27452490SjkhThere was a young girl from Siam 27462490SjkhWho said to her boyfriend Priam, 27472490Sjkh "To seduce me, of course, 27482490Sjkh You'll have to use force, 27492490SjkhAnd thank goodness you're stronger than I am. 27502490Sjkh% 27512490SjkhThere was a young girl from St. Cyr 27522490SjkhWhose reflex reactions were queer. 27532490Sjkh Her escort said, "Mable, 27542490Sjkh Get up off the table; 27552490SjkhThat money's to pay for the beer." 27562490Sjkh% 27572490SjkhThere was a young girl from St. Paul 27582490SjkhWho went to a newspaper ball. 27592490Sjkh Her dress caught on fire 27602490Sjkh And burnt her entire 27612490SjkhFront page and sport section and all. 27622490Sjkh% 27632490SjkhThere was a young girl from the Bronix 27642490SjkhWho had a vagina of onyx. 27652490Sjkh She had so much `tsoris' 27662490Sjkh With her clitoris, 27672490SjkhShe traded it in for a Packard. 27682490Sjkh% 27692490SjkhThere was a young girl from the coast 27702490SjkhWho, just when she needed it most, 27712490Sjkh Lost her Kotex and bled 27722490Sjkh All over the bed, 27732490SjkhAnd the head and the beard of her host. 27742490Sjkh% 27752490SjkhThere was a young girl in Berlin 27762490SjkhWho eked out a living through sin. 27772490Sjkh She didn't mind fucking, 27782490Sjkh But much preferred sucking, 27792490SjkhAnd she'd wipe off the pricks on her chin. 27802490Sjkh% 27812490SjkhThere was a young girl in Berlin 27822490SjkhWho was fucked by an elderly Finn. 27832490Sjkh Though he diddled his best, 27842490Sjkh And fucked her with zest, 27852490SjkhShe kept asking, "Hey, Pop, is it in?" 27862490Sjkh% 27872490SjkhThere was a young girl in Dakota 27882490SjkhHad a letter from Ickes; he wrote her: 27892490Sjkh "In addition to gas 27902490Sjkh We are rationing ass, 27912490SjkhAnd you've greatly exceeded your quota." 27922490Sjkh% 27932490SjkhThere was a young girl name McKnight 27942490SjkhWho got drunk with her boy-friend one night. 27952490Sjkh She came to in bed, 27962490Sjkh With a split maidenhead-- 27972490SjkhThat's the last time she ever was tight. 27982490Sjkh% 27992490SjkhThere was a young girl named Ann Heuser 28002490SjkhWho swore that no man could surprise her. 28012490Sjkh But Pabst took a chance, 28022490Sjkh Found a Schlitz in her pants, 28032490SjkhAnd now she is sadder Budweiser. 28042490Sjkh% 28052490SjkhThere was a young girl named Heather 28062490SjkhWhose twitcher was made out of leather. 28072490Sjkh She made a queer noise, 28082490Sjkh Which attracted the boys, 28092490SjkhBy flapping the edges together. 28102490Sjkh% 28112490SjkhThere was a young girl named McCall 28122490SjkhWhose cunt was exceedingly small, 28132490Sjkh But the size of her anus 28142490Sjkh Was something quite heinous -- 28152490SjkhIt could hold seven pricks and one ball. 28162490Sjkh% 28172490SjkhThere was a young girl named O'Clare 28182490SjkhWhose body was covered with hair. 28192490Sjkh It was really quite fun 28202490Sjkh To probe with one's gun, 28212490SjkhFor her quimmy might be anywhere. 28222490Sjkh% 28232490SjkhThere was a young girl named O'Malley 28242490SjkhWho wanted to dance in the ballet. 28252490Sjkh She got roars of applause 28262490Sjkh When she kicked off her drawers, 28272490SjkhBut her hair and her bush didn't tally. 28282490Sjkh% 28292490SjkhThere was a young girl named Sapphire 28302490SjkhWho succumbed to her lover's desire. 28312490Sjkh She said, "It's a sin, 28322490Sjkh But now that it's in, 28332490SjkhCould you shove it a few inches higher?" 28342490Sjkh% 28352490SjkhThere was a young girl of Aberystwyth 28362490SjkhWho screwed every man that she kissed with. 28372490Sjkh She tickled the balls 28382490Sjkh Of the men in the halls, 28392490SjkhAnd pulled on the prongs that they pissed with. 28402490Sjkh% 28412490SjkhThere was a young girl of Aberystwyth 28422490SjkhWho took grain to the mill to get grist with. 28432490Sjkh The miller's sun, Jack, 28442490Sjkh Laid her flat on her back, 28452490SjkhAnd united the organs they pissed with. 28462490Sjkh% 28472490SjkhThere was a young girl of Angina 28482490SjkhWho stretched catgut across her vagina. 28492490Sjkh From the love-making frock 28502490Sjkh (With the proper sized cock) 28512490SjkhCame Toccata and Fugue in D minor. 28522490Sjkh% 28532490SjkhThere was a young girl of Asturias 28542490SjkhWith a penchant for practices curious. 28552490Sjkh She loved to bat rocks 28562490Sjkh With her gentlemen's cocks -- 28572490SjkhA practice both rude and injurious. 28582490Sjkh% 28592490SjkhThere was a young girl of Batonger 28602490Sjkhwho diddled herself with a conger, 28612490Sjkh When asked how it feels 28622490Sjkh To be pleasured by eels 28632490SjkhShe said, "Just like a man, only longer. 28642490Sjkh% 28652490SjkhThere was a young girl of Cah'lina, 28662490SjkhHad a very capricious vagina: 28672490Sjkh To the shock of the fucker 28682490Sjkh "Twould suddenly pucker, 28692490SjkhAnd whistle the chorus of "Dinah." 28702490Sjkh% 28712490SjkhThere was a young girl of Cape Cod 28722490SjkhWho dreamt she'd been buggered by God. 28732490Sjkh But it wasn't Jehovah 28742490Sjkh That turned the girl over, 28752490Sjkh'Twas Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger, 28762490Sjkh the bugger, the bastard, the sod! 28772490Sjkh% 28782490SjkhThere was a young girl of Cape Town 28792490SjkhWho usually fucked with a clown. 28802490Sjkh He taught her the trick 28812490Sjkh Of sucking his prick, 28822490SjkhAnd when it went up -- she went down. 28832490Sjkh% 28842490SjkhThere was a young girl of Coxsaxie 28852490SjkhWhose skirt was more mini than maxi. 28862490Sjkh She was fucked at the show 28872490Sjkh In the twenty-third row, 28882490SjkhAnd once more going home in the taxi. 28892490Sjkh% 28902490SjkhThere was a young girl of Darjeeling 28912490SjkhWho could dance with such exquisite feeling 28922490Sjkh There was never a sound 28932490Sjkh For miles around 28942490SjkhSave of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling. 28952490Sjkh% 28962490SjkhThere was a young girl of Des Moines 28972490SjkhWhose cunt could be fitted with coins, 28982490Sjkh Till a guy from Hoboken 28992490Sjkh Went and dropped in a token, 29002490SjkhAnd now she rides free on the ferry. 29012490Sjkh% 29022490SjkhThere was a young girl of Detroit 29032490SjkhWho at fucking was very adroit: 29042490Sjkh She could squeeze her vagina 29052490Sjkh To a pin-point, or finer, 29062490SjkhOr open it out like a quoit. 29072490Sjkh 29082490SjkhAnd she had a friend named Durand 29092490SjkhWhose cock could contract or expand. 29102490Sjkh He could diddle a midge 29112490Sjkh Or the arch of a bridge -- 29122490SjkhTheir performance together was grand! 29132490Sjkh% 29142490SjkhThere was a young girl of East Lynne 29152490SjkhWhose mother, to save her from sin, 29162490Sjkh Had filled up her crack, 29172490Sjkh To the brim with shellac, 29182490SjkhBut the boys picked it out with a pin. 29192490Sjkh% 29202490SjkhThere was a young girl of Gibraltar 29212490SjkhWho was raped as she knelt at the altar. 29222490Sjkh It really seems odd 29232490Sjkh That a virtuous God 29242490SjkhShould answer her prayers and assault her. 29252490Sjkh% 29262490SjkhThere was a young girl of LLewellyn 29272490SjkhWhose breasts were as big as a melon. 29282490Sjkh They were big it is true, 29292490Sjkh But her cunt was big too, 29302490SjkhLike a bifocal, full-color, aerial view 29312490SjkhOf Cape Horn and the Straits of Magellan. 29322490Sjkh% 29332490SjkhThere was a young girl of Mobile, 29342490SjkhWho hymen was made of chilled steel, 29352490Sjkh To give her a thrill, 29362490Sjkh Took a rotary drill, 29372490SjkhOr a number nine emery wheel. 29382490Sjkh% 29392490SjkhThere was a young girl of Moline 29402490SjkhWhose fucking was sweet and obscene. 29412490Sjkh She would work on a prick 29422490Sjkh With every known trick, 29432490SjkhAnd finish by winking it clean. 29442490Sjkh% 29452490SjkhThere was a young girl of Newcastle 29462490SjkhWhose charms were declared universal. 29472490Sjkh While one man in front 29482490Sjkh Wired into her cunt, 29492490SjkhAnother was engaged at her arsehole. 29502490Sjkh% 29512490SjkhThere was a young girl of Pawtucket 29522490SjkhWhose box was as big as a bucket. 29532490Sjkh Her boy-friend said, "Toots, 29542490Sjkh I'll have to wear boots, 29552490SjkhFor I see I must muck it, not fuck it." 29562490Sjkh% 29572490SjkhThere was a young girl of Penzance 29582490SjkhWho boarded a bus in a trance. 29592490Sjkh The passengers fucked her, 29602490Sjkh Likewise the conductor, 29612490SjkhWhile the driver shot off in his pants. 29622490Sjkh% 29632490SjkhThere was a young girl of Pitlochry 29642490SjkhWho was had by a man in a rockery. 29652490Sjkh She said, "Oh! You've come 29662490Sjkh All over my bum; 29672490SjkhThis isn't a fuck -- it's a mockery." 29682490Sjkh% 29692490SjkhThere was a young girl of Rangoon 29702490SjkhWho was blocked by the Man in the Moon. 29712490Sjkh "Well, it has been great fun," 29722490Sjkh She remarked when he'd done, 29732490Sjkh"But I'm sorry you came quite so soon." 29742490Sjkh% 29752490SjkhThere was a young girl of Spitzbergen, 29762490SjkhWhose people all thought her a virgin, 29772490Sjkh Till they found her in bed 29782490Sjkh With her twat very red, 29792490SjkhAnd the head of a kid just emergin'. 29802490Sjkh% 29812490SjkhThere was a young girl, very sweet, 29822490SjkhWho thought sailors' meat quite a treat. 29832490Sjkh When she sat on their lap 29842490Sjkh She unbuttoned their flap, 29852490SjkhAnd always had plenty to eat. 29862490Sjkh% 29872490SjkhThere was a young girl who begat 29882490SjkhThree brats, by name Nat, Pat, and Tat. 29892490Sjkh It was fun in the breeding, 29902490Sjkh But hell in the feeding, 29912490SjkhWhen she found there was no tit for Tat. 29922490Sjkh% 29932490SjkhThere was a young harlot from Kew 29942490SjkhWho filled her vagina with glue. 29952490Sjkh She said with a grin, 29962490Sjkh "If they pay to get in, 29972490SjkhThey'll pay to get out of it too." 29982490Sjkh% 299995677SdougbThere was a young harlot named Schwartz 30002490SjkhWhose cock-pit was studded with warts, 30012490Sjkh And they tickled so nice 30022490Sjkh She drew a high price 30032490SjkhFrom the studs at the summer resorts. 30042490Sjkh 30052490SjkhHer pimp, a young fellow named Biddle, 30062490SjkhWas seldom hard up for a diddle, 30072490Sjkh For according to rumor 30082490Sjkh His tool had a tumor 30092490SjkhAnd a fine row of warts down the middle. 30102490Sjkh% 30112490SjkhThere was a young hayseed from Tiffan 30122490SjkhWhose cock would constantly stiffen. 30132490Sjkh The knob out in front 30142490Sjkh Attracted foul cunt 30152490SjkhWhich he greatly delighted in sniffin'. 30162490Sjkh% 30172490SjkhThere was a young idler named Blood, 30182490SjkhMade a fortune performing at stud, 30192490Sjkh With a fifteen-inch peter, 30202490Sjkh A double-beat metre, 30212490SjkhAnd a load like the Biblical Flood. 30222490Sjkh% 30232490SjkhThere was a young Jew of Far Rockaway 30242490SjkhWhose screams could be heard for a block away. 30252490Sjkh Perceiving his error, 30262490Sjkh The Rabbi in terror 30272490SjkhCried, "God! I have cut his whole cock away!" 30282490Sjkh% 30292490SjkhThere was a young lad from Siam, 3030174422SdougbWhose sex life was caught in a jam. 30312490Sjkh He loved them real small, 30322490Sjkh 'Cause they're funner to ball, 30332490SjkhSo he went out and bought him a lamb! 30342490Sjkh% 30352490SjkhThere was a young lad name of Durcan 30362490SjkhWho was always jerkin' his gherkin. 30372490Sjkh His father said, "Durcan! 30382490Sjkh Stop jerkin' your gherkin! 30392490SjkhYour gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'. 30402490Sjkh% 30412490SjkhThere was a young lad name of Ward 30422490SjkhWho strung himself up with a cord 30432490Sjkh Said he, of his work 30442490Sjkh (Ere the rope snapped with a jerk) 30452490Sjkh"I am leaving because I am bored." 3046205995Suqs -- E. A. Guest 30472490Sjkh% 30482490SjkhThere was a young lad named McFee 30492490SjkhWho was stung in the balls by a bee 30502490Sjkh He made oodles of money 30512490Sjkh By oozing pure honey 30522490SjkhEvery time he attempted to pee. 30532490Sjkh% 30542490SjkhThere was a young lady at sea 30552490SjkhWho complained that it hurt her to pee. 30562490Sjkh Said the brawny old mate, 30572490Sjkh "That accounts for the state 30582490SjkhOf the cook and the captain and me." 30592490Sjkh% 30602490SjkhThere was a young lady called Ciss 30612490SjkhWho went to the river to piss. 30622490Sjkh A young man in a punt 30632490Sjkh Put his hand on her cunt; 30642490SjkhNo wonder she thought it was bliss. 30652490Sjkh% 30662490SjkhThere was a young lady from Bangor 30672490SjkhWho slept while the ship lay at anchor 30682490Sjkh She woke in dismay 30692490Sjkh When she heard the mate say: 30702490Sjkh"Let's lift up the topsheet and spanker!" 30712490Sjkh% 30722490SjkhThere was a young lady from Bristol 30732490SjkhWho went to the Palace called Crystal. 30742490Sjkh Said she, "It's all glass, 30752490Sjkh And as round as my ass," 30762490SjkhAnd she farted as loud as a pistol. 30772490Sjkh% 30782490SjkhThere was a young lady from Brussels 30792490SjkhWho was proud of her vaginal muscles. 30802490Sjkh She could easily plex them 30812490Sjkh And so interflex them 30822490SjkhAs to whistle love songs through her bustles. 30832490Sjkh% 30842490SjkhThere was a young lady from Drew 30852490SjkhWho ended her verse at line two. 30862490Sjkh% 30872490SjkhThere was a young lady from Dumfries 30882490SjkhWho said to her boyfriend, "It's some freeze! 30892490Sjkh My navel's all bare, 30902490Sjkh So stick it in there, 30912490SjkhBefore both my legs and my bum freeze." 30922490Sjkh% 30932490SjkhThere was a young lady from Exeter, 30942490SjkhSo pretty that men craned their necks at her. 30952490Sjkh One was even so brave 30962490Sjkh As to take out and wave 30972490SjkhThe distinguishing mark of his sex at her. 30982490Sjkh% 30992490SjkhThere was a young lady from Hyde 31002490SjkhWho ate a green apple and died. 31012490Sjkh While her lover lamented 31022490Sjkh The apple fermented 31032490SjkhAnd made cider inside her inside. 31042490Sjkh% 31052490SjkhThere was a young lady from Maine 31062490SjkhWho claimed she had men on her brain. 31072490Sjkh But you knew from the view, 31082490Sjkh As her abdomen grew, 31092490SjkhIt was not on her brain that he'd lain. 31102490Sjkh% 31112490SjkhThere was a young lady from Munich 31122490SjkhWho had an affair with a eunuch. 31132490Sjkh At the height of their passion 31142490Sjkh He dealt her a ration 31152490SjkhFrom a squirt gun concealed in his tunic. 31162490Sjkh% 31172490SjkhThere was a young lady from Norway 31182490SjkhWho hung by her heels in a doorway. 31192490Sjkh She told her young man, 31202490Sjkh "Get off the divan, 3121145988SschweikhI think I've discovered one more way" 31222490Sjkh% 31232490SjkhThere was a young lady from Prentice 31242490SjkhWho had an affair with a dentist. 31252490Sjkh To make things easier 31262490Sjkh He used anesthesia, 31272490SjkhAnd diddled her, `non compos mentis'. 31282490Sjkh% 31292490SjkhThere was a young lady from Rheims 31302490SjkhWho amazingly pissed in four streams. 31312490Sjkh A friend poked around 31322490Sjkh And a fly-button found 31332490SjkhLodged tight in her hole so it seems. 31342490Sjkh% 3135174425SdougbThere was a young lady from Rio 3136174425SdougbWho slept with the Fornier trio. 3137174425Sdougb As she dropped her panties 3138174425Sdougb She said, "No andantes, 3139174425SdougbI want this allegro con brio!" 3140174425Sdougb% 31412490SjkhThere was a young lady from Siam 31422490SjkhWho said to her lover, one Kiam, 31432490Sjkh "You may kiss me of course, 31442490Sjkh But you'll have to use force. 31452490SjkhThough god knows you're stronger than I am." 31462490Sjkh% 31472490SjkhThere was a young lady from Spain 31482490SjkhWho demurely undressed on a train. 31492490Sjkh A helpful young porter 31502490Sjkh Helped more than he orter, 31512490SjkhAnd she promptly cried "Help me again" 31522490Sjkh% 31532490SjkhThere was a young lady from Spain 31542490SjkhWho got sick as she rode on a train; 31552490Sjkh Not once, but again, 31562490Sjkh And again, and again, 31572490SjkhAnd again, and again, and again. 31582490Sjkh% 31592490SjkhThere was a young lady from Spain 31602490SjkhWhose face was exceedingly plain, 31612490Sjkh But her cunt had a pucker 31622490Sjkh That made the men fuck her, 31632490SjkhAgain, and again, and again. 31642490Sjkh% 31652490SjkhThere was a young lady from Troy 31662490SjkhHad a moustache, just like a young boy 31672490Sjkh Though it tickled to kiss 31682490Sjkh 'Twas a source of much bliss 31692490SjkhWhen she used it to brush a man's toy. 31702490Sjkh% 31712490SjkhThere was a young lady from Wheeling 31722490SjkhWho claimed to lack sexual feeling. 31732490Sjkh But a cynic named Boris 31742490Sjkh Just touched her clitoris 31752490SjkhAnd she had to be scraped off the ceiling. 31762490Sjkh% 31772490SjkhThere was a young lady from Wheeling 31782490SjkhWho had a peculiar feeling. 31792490Sjkh She laid on her back 31802490Sjkh And tickled her crack 31812490SjkhAnd pissed all over the ceiling. 31822490Sjkh% 31832490SjkhThere was a young lady from Wooster 31842490SjkhWho complained that too many men gooster. 31852490Sjkh So she traded her scanties 31862490Sjkh For sandpaper panties, 31872490SjkhNow they goose her much less than they used 'ter. 31882490Sjkh% 31892490SjkhThere was a young lady in Reno, 31902490SjkhWho lost all her dough playing Keno. 31912490Sjkh But she lay on her back, 31922490Sjkh And opened her crack, 31932490SjkhSo now she owns the Casino! 31942490Sjkh% 31952490SjkhThere was a young lady named Alice 31962490SjkhWho was known to have peed in a chalice. 31972490Sjkh 'Twas the common belief 31982490Sjkh It was done for relief, 31992490SjkhAnd not out of protestant malice. 32002490Sjkh% 32012490SjkhThere was a young lady named Astor 32022490SjkhWho never let any get past her. 32032490Sjkh She finally got plenty 32042490Sjkh By stopping twenty, 32052490SjkhWhich certainly ought to last her. 32062490Sjkh% 32072490SjkhThere was a young lady named Banker, 32082490SjkhWho slept while the ship lay at anchor, 32092490Sjkh She woke in dismay, 32102490Sjkh When she heard the mate say, 32112490Sjkh"Now hoist up the topsheet and spanker." 32122490Sjkh% 32132490SjkhThere was a young lady named Blount 32142490SjkhWho had a rectangular cunt. 32152490Sjkh She learned for diversion 32162490Sjkh Posterior perversion, 32172490SjkhSince no one could fit here in front. 32182490Sjkh% 32192490SjkhThere was a young lady named Bower 32202490SjkhWho dwelt in an Ivory Tower. 32212490Sjkh But a poet from Perth 32222490Sjkh Laid her flat on the earth, 32232490SjkhAnd proceeded with penis to plough her. 32242490Sjkh% 32252490SjkhThere was a young lady named Brent 32262490SjkhWith a cunt of enormous extent, 32272490Sjkh And so deep and so wide, 32282490Sjkh The acoustics inside 32292490SjkhWere so good you could hear when you spent. 32302490Sjkh% 32312490SjkhThere was a young lady named Bright 32322490SjkhWho could travel much faster than light. 32332490Sjkh She took off one day, 32342490Sjkh In a relative way, 32352490SjkhAnd returned on the previous night. 32362490Sjkh% 32372490SjkhThere was a young lady named Brook 32382490SjkhWho never could learn how to cook. 32392490Sjkh But on a divan 32402490Sjkh She could please any man- 32412490SjkhShe knew every darn trick in the book! 32422490Sjkh% 32432490SjkhThere was a young lady named Cager 32442490SjkhWho, as the result of a wager, 32452490Sjkh Consented to fart 32462490Sjkh The entire oboe part 32472490SjkhOf Mozart's quartet in F major. 32482490Sjkh% 32492490SjkhThere was a young lady named Ciss 3250145988SschweikhWho said, "I think skating's a bliss" 32512490Sjkh But she'll never restate, 32522490Sjkh For a wheel off her skate 32532490Sjkh.siht ekil gnihtemos pu hsinif reh edaM 32542490Sjkh% 32552490SjkhThere was a young lady named Dot 32562490SjkhWhose cunt was so terribly hot 32572490Sjkh That ten bishops of Rome 32582490Sjkh And the Pope's private gnome 32592490SjkhFailed to quench her Vesuvial twat. 32602490Sjkh% 32612490SjkhThere was a young lady named Duff 32622490SjkhWith a lovely, luxuriant muff. 32632490Sjkh In his haste to get in her 32642490Sjkh One eager beginner 32652490SjkhLost both of his balls in the rough. 32662490Sjkh% 32672490SjkhThere was a young lady named Etta 32682490SjkhWho was constantly seen in a swetta. 32692490Sjkh Three reasons she had: 32702490Sjkh To keep warm wasn't bad, 32712490SjkhBut the other two reasons were betta. 32722490Sjkh% 32732490SjkhThere was a young lady named Fleager 32742490SjkhWho was terribly, terribly eager 32752490Sjkh To be all the rage 32762490Sjkh On the tragedy stage, 32772490SjkhThough her talents were pitifully meagre. 32782490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 32792490Sjkh% 32802490SjkhThere was a young lady named Flo 32812490SjkhWhose lover had pulled out too slow. 32822490Sjkh So they tried it all night, 32832490Sjkh Till he got it just right... 32842490SjkhWell, practice makes pregnant, you know. 32852490Sjkh% 32862490SjkhThere was a young lady named Flynn 32872490SjkhWho thought fornication a sin, 32882490Sjkh But when she was tight 32892490Sjkh It seemed quite all right, 32902490SjkhSo everyone filled her with gin. 32912490Sjkh% 32922490SjkhThere was a young lady named Gilda 32932490SjkhWho went on a date with a builder. 32942490Sjkh He said that he would, 32952490Sjkh And he could and he should, 32962490SjkhAnd he did and it damn well near killed her. 32972490Sjkh% 32982490SjkhThere was a young lady named Gloria, 32992490SjkhWhose boyfriend said, "May I explore ya?" 33002490Sjkh She replied to the chap, 33012490Sjkh "I'll draw you a map, 33022490SjkhOf where others have been to before ya." 33032490Sjkh% 33042490SjkhThere was a young lady named Grace 33052490SjkhWho would not take a prick in her "place." 33062490Sjkh Though she'd kiss it and suck it, 33072490Sjkh She never would fuck it-- 33082490SjkhShe just couldn't relax face-to-face. 33092490Sjkh% 33102490SjkhThere was a young lady named Hall, 33112490SjkhWore a newspaper dress to a ball. 33122490Sjkh The dress caught on fire 33132490Sjkh And burned her entire 33142490SjkhFront page, sporting section, and all. 33152490Sjkh% 33162490SjkhThere was a young lady named Hatch 33172490SjkhWho would always come through in a scratch. 33182490Sjkh If a guy wouldn't neck her, 33192490Sjkh She'd grab up his pecker 33202490SjkhAnd shove the damn thing up her snatch. 33212490Sjkh% 33222490SjkhThere was a young lady named Mable 33232490SjkhWho liked to sprawl out on the table, 33242490Sjkh Then cry to her man, 33252490Sjkh "Stuff in all you can -- 33262490SjkhGet your ballocks in, too, if you're able." 33272490Sjkh% 33282490SjkhThere was a young lady named Mandel 33292490SjkhWho caused quite a neighborhood scandal 33302490Sjkh By coming out bare 33312490Sjkh On the main village square 33322490SjkhAnd frigging herself with a candle. 33332490Sjkh% 33342490SjkhThere was a young lady named Maud, 33352490SjkhA terrible society fraud: 33362490Sjkh In company, I'm told, 33372490Sjkh She was distant and cold, 33382490SjkhBut if you got her alone, Oh God! 33392490Sjkh% 33402490SjkhThere was a young lady named May 33412490SjkhWho strolled in a park by the way, 3342174422Sdougb And she met a young man 33432490Sjkh Who fucked her and ran -- 33442490SjkhNow she goes to the park every day. 33452490Sjkh% 33462490SjkhThere was a young lady named Nance 33472490SjkhWho learned about fucking in France, 33482490Sjkh And when you'd insert it 33492490Sjkh She'd squeeze till she hurt it, 33502490SjkhAnd shoved it right back in your pants. 33512490Sjkh% 33522490SjkhThere was a young lady named Nelly 33532490SjkhWhose tits would jiggle like jelly. 33542490Sjkh They could tickle her twat 33552490Sjkh Or be tied in a knot, 33562490SjkhAnd could even swat flies on her belly. 33572490Sjkh% 33582490SjkhThere was a young lady named Ransom 33592490SjkhWho was rogered three times in a hansom. 33602490Sjkh When she cried out for more 33612490Sjkh A voice from the floor 33622490SjkhReplied, "My name is Simpson, not Samson." 33632490Sjkh% 33642490SjkhThere was a young lady named Riddle 33652490SjkhWho had an untouchable middle. 33662490Sjkh She had many friends 33672490Sjkh Because of her ends, 33682490SjkhSince it isn't the middle you diddle. 33692490Sjkh% 33702490SjkhThere was a young lady named Rose 33712490SjkhWho fainted whenever she chose; 33722490Sjkh She did so one day 33732490Sjkh While playing croquet, 33742490SjkhBut was quickly revived with a hose. 33752490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 33762490Sjkh% 33772490SjkhThere was a young lady named Rose 33782490SjkhWith erogenous zones in her toes. 33792490Sjkh She remained onanistic 33802490Sjkh Till a foot-fetishistic 33812490SjkhYoung man became one of her beaux. 33822490Sjkh% 33832490SjkhThere was a young lady named Schneider 33842490SjkhWho often kept trysts with a spider. 33852490Sjkh She found a strange bliss, 33862490Sjkh In the hiss of her piss, 33872490SjkhAs it strained through the cobwebs inside her. 33882490Sjkh% 33892490SjkhThere was a young lady named Smith 33902490SjkhWhose virtue was largely a myth. 33912490Sjkh She said, "Try as I can 33922490Sjkh I can't find a man 33932490SjkhWho it's fun to be virtuous with." 33942490Sjkh% 33952490SjkhThere was a young lady named Twiss 33962490SjkhWho said she thought fucking a bliss, 33972490Sjkh For it tickled her bum 33982490Sjkh And caused her to come 33992490Sjkh.siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW 34002490Sjkh% 34012490SjkhThere was a young lady named Wylde 34022490SjkhWho kept herself quite undefiled 34032490Sjkh By thinking of Jesus; 34042490Sjkh Contagious diseases; 34052490SjkhAnd the bother of having a child. 34062490Sjkh% 34072490SjkhThere was a young lady of Arden, 34082490SjkhThe tool of whose swain wouldn't harden. 34092490Sjkh Said she with a frown, 34102490Sjkh "I've been sadly let down 34112490SjkhBy the tool of a fool in a garden." 34122490Sjkh% 34132490SjkhThere was a young lady of Bicester 34142490SjkhWho was nicer by far than her sister: 34152490Sjkh The sister would giggle 34162490Sjkh And wiggle and jiggle, 34172490SjkhBut this one would come if you kissed her. 34182490Sjkh% 34192490SjkhThere was a young lady of Brabant 34202490SjkhWho slept with an impotent savant. 34212490Sjkh She admitted, "We shouldn't, 34222490Sjkh But it turned out he couldn't- 34232490SjkhSo you can't say we have when we haven't." 34242490Sjkh% 34252490SjkhThere was a young lady of Bude 34262490SjkhWho walked down the street in the nude. 34272490Sjkh A bobby said, "Whattum 34282490Sjkh Magnificent bottom!" 34292490SjkhAnd slapped it as hard as he could. 34302490Sjkh% 34312490SjkhThere was a young lady of Carmia 34322490SjkhWhose housekeeping ways would alarm ya. 34332490Sjkh At every cold snap 34342490Sjkh She would climb in your lab, 34352490SjkhSo her little base burner could warm ya. 34362490Sjkh% 34372490SjkhThere was a young lady of Dee 34382490SjkhWho went down to the river to pee. 34392490Sjkh A man in a punt 34402490Sjkh Put his hand on her cunt, 34412490SjkhAnd God! how I wish it were me. 34422490Sjkh% 34432490SjkhThere was a young lady of Dee 34442490SjkhWhose hymen was split into three. 34452490Sjkh And when she was diddled 3446150699Sschweikh The middle string fiddled: 34472490Sjkh"Nearer My God To Thee." 34482490Sjkh% 34492490SjkhThere was a young lady of Dexter 34502490SjkhWhose husband exceedingly vexed her, 34512490Sjkh For whenever they'd start 34522490Sjkh He'd unfailingly fart 34532490SjkhWith a blast that damn nearly unsexed her. 34542490Sjkh% 34552490SjkhThere was a young lady of Dover 34562490SjkhWhose passion was such that it drove her 34572490Sjkh To cry, when you came, 34582490Sjkh "Oh dear! What a shame! 34592490SjkhWell, now we shall have to start over." 34602490Sjkh% 34612490SjkhThere was a young lady of Ealing 34622490SjkhAnd her lover before her was kneeling. 34632490Sjkh Said she, "Dearest Jim, 34642490Sjkh Take your hands off my quim; 34652490SjkhI much prefer fucking to feeling." 34662490Sjkh% 34672490SjkhThere was a young lady of fashion 34682490SjkhWho had oodles and oodles of passion. 34692490Sjkh To her lover she said, 3470174422Sdougb As they climbed into bed, 34712490Sjkh"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!" 34722490Sjkh% 34732490SjkhThere was a young lady of Fez 34742490SjkhWho was known to the public as "Jez." 34752490Sjkh Jezebel was her name, 34762490Sjkh Sucking cocks was the game 34772490SjkhShe excelled at (so everyone says). 34782490Sjkh% 34792490SjkhThere was a young lady of Gaza 34802490SjkhWho shaved her cunt bare with a razor. 34812490Sjkh The crabs, in a lump, 34822490Sjkh Made tracks to her rump-- 34832490SjkhThis passing parade did amaze her. 34842490Sjkh% 34852490SjkhThere was a young lady of Gloucester, 34862490SjkhMet a passionate fellow who tossed her. 34872490Sjkh She wasn't much hurt, 34882490Sjkh But he dirtied her skirt, 34892490SjkhSo think of the anguish it cost her. 34902490Sjkh% 34912490SjkhThere was a young lady of Gloucester 34922490SjkhWhose friends they thought they had lost her 34932490Sjkh Till they found on the grass 34942490Sjkh The marks of her arse, 34952490SjkhAnd the knees of the man who had crossed her. 34962490Sjkh% 34972490SjkhThere was a young lady of Kent, 34982490SjkhWho admitted she knew what it meant 34992490Sjkh When men asked her to dine, 35002490Sjkh And plied her with wine, 35012490SjkhShe knew, oh she knew -- but she went! 35022490Sjkh% 35032490SjkhThere was a young lady of Lee 35042490SjkhWho scrambled up into a tree, 35052490Sjkh When she got there 35062490Sjkh Her arsehole was bare, 35072490SjkhAnd so was her C U N T. 35082490Sjkh% 35092490SjkhThere was a young lady of Lincoln 35102490SjkhWho said that her cunt was a pink'un, 35112490Sjkh So she had a prick lent her 35122490Sjkh Which turned it magenta, 35132490SjkhThis artful old lady of Lincoln. 35142490Sjkh% 35152490SjkhThere was a young lady of Natchez 35162490SjkhWho chanced to be born with two snatches, 35172490Sjkh And she often said, "Shit! 35182490Sjkh Why, I'd give either tit 35192490SjkhFor a man with equipment that matches." 35202490Sjkh 35212490SjkhThere was a young fellow named Locke 35222490SjkhWho was born with a two-headed cock. 35232490Sjkh When he'd fondle the thing 35242490Sjkh It would rise up and sing 35252490SjkhAn antiphonal chorus by Bach. 35262490Sjkh 35272490SjkhBut whether these two ever met 35282490SjkhHas not been recorded as yet, 35292490Sjkh Still, it would be diverting 35302490Sjkh To see him inserting 35312490SjkhHis whang while it sang a duet. 35322490Sjkh% 35332490SjkhThere was a young lady of Norway 35342490SjkhWho hung by her toes in a doorway. 35352490Sjkh She said to her beau 35362490Sjkh "Just look at me Joe 35372490SjkhI think I've discovered one more way." 35382490Sjkh% 35392490SjkhThere was a young lady of Rhyll 35402490SjkhIn an omnibus was taken ill, 35412490Sjkh So she called the conductor, 35422490Sjkh Who got in and fucked her, 35432490SjkhWhich did more good than a pill. 35442490Sjkh% 35452490SjkhThere was a young lady of Spain 35462490SjkhWho took down her pants on a train. 35472490Sjkh There was a young porter 35482490Sjkh Saw more than he orter, 35492490SjkhAnd asked her to do it again. 35502490Sjkh% 35512490SjkhThere was a young lady of Spain 35522490SjkhWho was fucked by a monk in a drain. 35532490Sjkh They did it again 35542490Sjkh And again and again, 35552490SjkhAnd again and again and again. 35562490Sjkh% 35572490SjkhThere was a young lady of Twickenham 35582490SjkhWho thought men had not enough prick in 'em. 35592490Sjkh On her knees every day 35602490Sjkh To God she would pray 35612490SjkhTo lengthen and strengthen and thicken 'em. 35622490Sjkh% 35632490SjkhThere was a young lady of Wheeling 35642490SjkhSaid to her beau, "I've a feeling 35652490Sjkh My little brown jug 35662490Sjkh Has need of a plug" -- 35672490SjkhAnd straightaway she started to peeling. 35682490Sjkh% 35692490SjkhThere was a young lady who said, 35702490SjkhAs her bridegroom got into the bed, 35712490Sjkh "I'm tired of this stunt, 35722490Sjkh That they do with one's cunt, 35732490SjkhYou can get up my bottom instead." 35742490Sjkh% 35752490SjkhThere was a young lady whose cunt 3576174422SdougbCould accommodate a small punt. 35772490Sjkh Her mother said, "Annie, 35782490Sjkh It matches your fanny, 35792490SjkhWhich never was that of a runt." 35802490Sjkh% 35812490SjkhThere was a young lady whose thighs, 35822490SjkhWhen spread showed a slit of such size, 35832490Sjkh And so deep and so wide, 35842490Sjkh You could play cards inside, 35852490SjkhMuch to her bridegroom's surprise. 35862490Sjkh% 35872490SjkhThere was a young lass from Surat. 35882490SjkhThe cheeks of her ass were so fat 35892490Sjkh That they had to be parted 35902490Sjkh Whenever she farted, 35912490SjkhAnd also whenever she shat. 35922490Sjkh% 35932490SjkhThere was a young laundress named Wrangle 35942490SjkhWhose tits tilted up at an angle. 35952490Sjkh "They may tickle my chin," 35962490Sjkh She said with a grin, 35972490Sjkh"But at least they keep out of the mangle." 35982490Sjkh% 35992490SjkhThere was a young maiden from Osset 36002490SjkhWhose quim was nine inches across it. 36012490Sjkh Said a young man named Tong, 36022490Sjkh With tool nine inches long, 36032490Sjkh"I'll put bugger-in if I loss it." 36042490Sjkh% 36052490SjkhThere was a young man from Bear Ridge 36062490SjkhWho had strange ideas about marriage. 36072490Sjkh He fucked his wife's mother 36082490Sjkh And sucked off her brother 36092490SjkhAnd ate up her sister's miscarriage. 36102490Sjkh% 36112490SjkhThere was a young man from Bel-Aire 36122490SjkhWho was screwing his girl on the stair. 36132490Sjkh But the banister broke 36142490Sjkh So he doubled his stroke 36152490SjkhAnd finished her off in mid-air. 36162490Sjkh% 36172490SjkhThere was a young man from Biloxi 36182490SjkhWhose bowels responded to Moxie. 36192490Sjkh Drinking glass after glass, 36202490Sjkh He would tune up his ass, 36212490SjkhTill he played like the band at the Roxy. 36222490Sjkh% 36232490SjkhThere was a young man from Bombay 36242490SjkhWho fashioned a cunt out of clay 36252490Sjkh But the heat of his prick 36262490Sjkh Turned it into a brick 36272490SjkhAnd rubbed all his foreskin away. 36282490Sjkh% 36292490SjkhThere was a young man from Calcutta 36302490SjkhWho was heard in his beard to mutter, 36312490Sjkh "If her Bartholin glands 36322490Sjkh Don't respond to my hands, 36332490SjkhI'm afraid I shall have to use butter." 36342490Sjkh% 36352490SjkhThere was a young man from Dallas 36362490SjkhWho had an exceptional phallus. 36372490Sjkh He couldn't find room 36382490Sjkh In any girl's womb 36392490SjkhWithout rubbing it first with Vitalis. 36402490Sjkh% 36412490SjkhThere was a young man from Dundee 36422490SjkhWho buggered an ape in a tree. 36432490Sjkh The results were quite horrid: 36442490Sjkh All ass and no forehead, 36452490SjkhThree balls and a purple goatee. 36462490Sjkh% 36472490SjkhThere was a young man from East Lizes 36482490SjkhWhose balls were of two different sizes 36492490Sjkh One was so small 36502490Sjkh It was no ball at all 36512490SjkhThe other was large and won prizes. 36522490Sjkh% 36532490SjkhThere was a young man from East Wubley 36542490SjkhWhose cock was bifurcated doubly. 36552490Sjkh Each quadruplicate shaft 36562490Sjkh Had two balls hanging aft, 36572490SjkhAnd the general effect was quite lovely. 36582490Sjkh 36592490SjkhThere was a young man from Hong Kong 36602490SjkhWho had a trifurcated prong: 36612490Sjkh A small one for sucking, 36622490Sjkh A large one for fucking, 36632490SjkhAnd a `boney' for beating a gong. 36642490Sjkh% 36652490SjkhThere was a young man from Glengozzle 36662490SjkhWho found a remarkable fossil. 36672490Sjkh He knew by the bend 36682490Sjkh And the wart on the end, 36692490Sjkh'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle. 36702490Sjkh% 36712490SjkhThere was a young man from Jodhpur 36722490SjkhWho found he could easily cure 36732490Sjkh His dread diabetes 36742490Sjkh By eating a foetus 36752490SjkhServed up in a sauce of manure. 36762490Sjkh% 36772490SjkhThere was a young man from Kent 36782490SjkhWhose tool was so long that it bent. 36792490Sjkh To save himself trouble 36802490Sjkh He put it in double 36812490SjkhAnd instead of coming, he went. 36822490Sjkh% 36832490SjkhThere was a young man from Lynn 36842490SjkhWhose cock was the size of a pin. 36852490Sjkh Said his girl with a laugh 36862490Sjkh As she felt his staff, 36872490Sjkh"This won't be much of a sin." 36882490Sjkh% 36892490SjkhThere was a young man from Maine 36902490SjkhWhose prick was as strong as a crane; 36912490Sjkh It was almost as long, 36922490Sjkh So he strolled with his dong 36932490SjkhExtended in sunshine and rain. 36942490Sjkh% 36952490SjkhThere was a young man from Nantucket 36962490SjkhWhose cock was so long he could suck it. 36972490Sjkh But he looked in the glass, 36982490Sjkh And saw his own ass, 36992490SjkhAnd broke his neck trying to fuck it. 37002490Sjkh% 37012490SjkhThere was a young man from Nantucket 37022490SjkhWhose cock was so long he could suck it. 37032490Sjkh He said with a grin, 37042490Sjkh While wiping his chin, 37052490Sjkh"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it." 37062490Sjkh% 37072490SjkhThere was a young man from New Haven 37082490SjkhWho had an affair with a raven. 37092490Sjkh He said with a grin 37102490Sjkh As he wiped off his chin, 37112490Sjkh"Nevermore!" 37122490Sjkh% 37132490SjkhThere was a young man from Peru, 37142490SjkhWho took a long trip by canoe. 37152490Sjkh While staring at Venus, 37162490Sjkh And rubbing his penis, 37172490SjkhHe wound up with a handful of goo. 37182490Sjkh% 37192490SjkhThere was a young man from Purdue 37202490SjkhWho was only just learning to screw, 37212490Sjkh But he hadn't the knack, 37222490Sjkh And he got too far back -- 37232490SjkhIn the right church, but in the wrong pew. 37242490Sjkh% 37252490SjkhThere was a young man from Racine 37262490SjkhWho invented a fucking machine. 37272490Sjkh Concave or convex, 37282490Sjkh It served either sex, 37292490SjkhBut oh what a bitch to keep clean. 37302490Sjkh% 37312490SjkhThere was a young man from Rangoon 37322490SjkhWho used to lament 'neath the moon 37332490Sjkh That he had the luck 37342490Sjkh To be born of a fuck 37352490SjkhThat was scraped off the sheets with a spoon. 37362490Sjkh% 37372490SjkhThere was a young man from Salinas 37382490SjkhWho had an extremely long penis: 37392490Sjkh Believe it or not, 37402490Sjkh When he lay on his cot 37412490SjkhIt reached from Marin to Martinez. 37422490Sjkh% 37432490SjkhThere was a young man from Seattle 37442490SjkhWhose testicles tended to rattle. 37452490Sjkh He said as he fuck-ed 37462490Sjkh Some stones in a bucket, 37472490Sjkh"If Stravinsky won't deafen you -- that'll." 37482490Sjkh% 37492490SjkhThere was a young man from Siam 37502490SjkhWho said, "I go in with a wham, 37512490Sjkh But I soon lose my starch 37522490Sjkh Like the mad month of March, 37532490SjkhAnd the lion comes out like a lamb." 37542490Sjkh% 37552490SjkhThere was a young man from St. Paul's 37562490SjkhWho read "Harper's Bazaar" and "McCall's" 37572490Sjkh Till he grew such a passion 37582490Sjkh For feminine fashion 37592490SjkhThat he knitted a snood for his balls. 37602490Sjkh% 37612490SjkhThere was a young man from Stamboul 37622490SjkhWho boasted so torrid a tool 37632490Sjkh That each female crater 37642490Sjkh Explored by this satyr 37652490SjkhSeemed almost unpleasantly cool. 37662490Sjkh% 3767174425SdougbThere was a young man from the Coast 3768174425SdougbWho had an affair with a ghost. 3769174425Sdougb At the height of orgasm 3770174425Sdougb Said the pallid phantasm, 3771174425Sdougb"I think I can feel it -- almost!" 3772174425Sdougb% 37732490SjkhThere was a young man from Tibet- 37742490SjkhAnd this is the strangest one yet- 37752490Sjkh Whose tool was so long, 37762490Sjkh So pointed and strong, 37772490SjkhHe could bugger six Greeks "en brochette". 37782490Sjkh% 37792490SjkhThere was a young man in Havana, 37802490SjkhBanged his girl on a player-piana. 37812490Sjkh At the height of their fever 37822490Sjkh Her ass hit the lever 37832490SjkhAnd: yes, he has no banana. 37842490Sjkh% 37852490SjkhThere was a young man in Norway, 37862490SjkhTried to jerk himself off in a sleigh, 37872490Sjkh But the air was so frigid 37882490Sjkh It froze his cock rigid, 37892490SjkhAnd all he could come was frappe. 37902490Sjkh% 37912490SjkhThere was a young man in the choir 37922490SjkhWhose penis rose higher and higher, 37932490Sjkh Till it reached such a height 37942490Sjkh It was quite out of sight -- 37952490SjkhBut of course you know I'm a liar. 37962490Sjkh% 37972490SjkhThere was a young man, name of Fred, 37982490SjkhWho spent every Thursday in bed; 37992490Sjkh He lay with his feet 38002490Sjkh Outside of the sheet, 38012490SjkhAnd the pillows on top of his head. 38022490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 38032490Sjkh% 38042490SjkhThere was a young man, name of Saul, 38052490SjkhWho was able to bounce either ball, 38062490Sjkh He could stretch them and snap them, 38072490Sjkh And juggle and clap them, 38082490SjkhWhich earned him the plaudits of all. 38092490Sjkh% 38102490SjkhThere was a young man named Crockett 38112490SjkhWhose balls got caught in a socket. 38122490Sjkh His wife was a bitch 38132490Sjkh So she threw the switch, 38142490SjkhAnd Crockett went off like a rocket. 38152490Sjkh% 38162490SjkhThere was a young man named Hughes 38172490SjkhWho swore off all kinds of booze. 38182490Sjkh He said, "When I'm muddled 38192490Sjkh My senses get fuddled, 38202490SjkhAnd I pass up too many screws." 38212490Sjkh% 38222490SjkhThere was a young man named Knute 38232490SjkhWho had warts all over his root. 38242490Sjkh He put acid on these 38252490Sjkh And now when he pees, 38262490SjkhHe fingers the thing like a flute. 38272490Sjkh% 38282490SjkhThere was a young man named Rex 38292490SjkhWho really was small for his sex. 38302490Sjkh When tried for exposure 38312490Sjkh The judge's disclosure 38322490SjkhWas "de minimus non curat lex." 38332490Sjkh% 38342490SjkhThere was a young man named Zerubbabel 38352490SjkhWho had only one real, and one rubber ball. 38362490Sjkh When they asked if his pleasure 38372490Sjkh Was only half measure, 38382490SjkhHe replied, "That is highly improbable." 38392490Sjkh% 38402490SjkhThere was a young man named Zerubbabub 38412490SjkhWho belonged to the Block, Fuck & Bugger Club 38422490Sjkh But the pride of his life 38432490Sjkh Were the tits of his wife -- 38442490SjkhOne real, and one India-rubber bub. 38452490Sjkh% 38462490SjkhThere was a young man of Arras 38472490SjkhWho stretched himself out on the grass, 38482490Sjkh And with no little trouble, 38492490Sjkh He bent himself double, 38502490SjkhAnd stuck his prick well up his ass. 38512490Sjkh% 38522490SjkhThere was a young man of Australia 38532490SjkhWho went on a wild bacchanalia. 38542490Sjkh He buggered a frog, 38552490Sjkh Two mice and a dog, 38562490SjkhAnd a bishop in fullest regalia. 38572490Sjkh% 38582490SjkhThere was a young man of Belgrade 38592490SjkhWho remarked, "I'm a queer piece of trade. 38602490Sjkh I will suck, without charge, 38612490Sjkh Any cock, if it's large. 38622490SjkhIf it's small, I expect to be paid." 38632490Sjkh% 38642490SjkhThere was a young man of Belgrade 38652490SjkhWho slept with a girl in the trade. 38662490Sjkh She said to him, "Jack, 38672490Sjkh Try the hole in the back; 38682490SjkhThe front one is badly decayed." 38692490Sjkh% 38702490SjkhThere was a young man of Bengal 38712490SjkhWho swore he had only one ball, 38722490Sjkh But two little bitches 38732490Sjkh Unbuttoned his britches, 38742490SjkhAnd found he had no balls at all. 38752490Sjkh% 38762490SjkhThere was a young man of Bombay 38772490SjkhWho buggered his dad once a day. 38782490Sjkh He said, "I like, rather, 38792490Sjkh Fucking my father -- 38802490SjkhHe's clean, and there's nothing to pay." 38812490Sjkh% 38822490SjkhThere was a young man of Calcutta, 38832490SjkhWho tried to write "cunt" on a shutter. 38842490Sjkh When he got to c-u, 38852490Sjkh A pious Hindoo 38862490SjkhKnocked him ass-over-head in the gutter. 38872490Sjkh% 38882490SjkhThere was a young man of Cape Horn 38892490SjkhWho wished he had never been born, 38902490Sjkh And he wouldn't have been 38912490Sjkh If his father had seen 38922490SjkhThat the end of the rubber was torn. 38932490Sjkh% 38942490SjkhThere was a young man of Coblenz 38952490SjkhWhose ballocks were simply immense: 38962490Sjkh It took forty-four draymen, 38972490Sjkh A priest and three laymen 38982490SjkhTo carry them thither and thence. 38992490Sjkh% 39002490SjkhThere was a young man of Darjeeling 39012490SjkhWhose cock reached up to the ceiling. 39022490Sjkh In the electric light socket, 39032490Sjkh He'd put it and rock it-- 39042490SjkhOh God! What a wonderful feeling! 39052490Sjkh% 39062490SjkhThere was a young man of Devizes, 39072490SjkhWhose balls were of different sizes. 39082490Sjkh One was so small, 39092490Sjkh It was nothing at all; 39102490SjkhThe other took numerous prizes. 39112490Sjkh% 39122490SjkhThere was a young man of Dumfries 39132490SjkhWho said to his girl, "If you please, 39142490Sjkh It would give me great bliss 39152490Sjkh If, while playing with this, 39162490SjkhYou would pay some attention to these!" 39172490Sjkh% 39182490SjkhThere was a young man of high station 39192490SjkhWho was found by a pious relation 39202490Sjkh Making love in a ditch 39212490Sjkh To -- I won't say a bitch -- 39222490SjkhBut a woman of no reputation. 39232490Sjkh% 39242490SjkhThere was a young man of Khartoum, 39252490SjkhThe strength of whose balls was his doom. 39262490Sjkh So strong was his shootin', 39272490Sjkh The third law of Newton 39282490SjkhPropelled the poor chap to the Moon. 39292490Sjkh% 39302490SjkhThere was a young man of Khartoum 39312490SjkhWho lured a poor girl to her doom. 39322490Sjkh He not only fucked her, 39332490Sjkh But buggered and sucked her-- 39342490SjkhAnd left her to pay for the room. 39352490Sjkh% 39362490SjkhThere was a young man of Kutki 39372490SjkhWho could blink himself off with one eye. 39382490Sjkh For a while though, he pined, 39392490Sjkh When his organ declined 39402490SjkhTo function, because of a stye. 39412490Sjkh% 39422490SjkhThere was a young man of Lahore 39432490SjkhWhose prick was one inch and no more. 39442490Sjkh It was all right for key-holes 39452490Sjkh And little girl's pee-holes, 39462490SjkhBut not worth a damn with a whore. 39472490Sjkh% 39482490SjkhThere was a young man of Lake Placid 39492490SjkhWhose prick was lethargic and flaccid. 39502490Sjkh When he wanted to sport 39512490Sjkh He would have to resort 39522490SjkhTo injections of sulphuric acid. 39532490Sjkh% 39542490SjkhThere was a young man of Madras 39552490SjkhWhose balls were constructed of brass. 39562490Sjkh When jangled together 39572490Sjkh They played "Stormy Weather", 39582490SjkhAnd lightning shot out of his ass. 39592490Sjkh% 39602490SjkhThere was a young man of Missouri 39612490SjkhWho fucked with a terrible fury. 39622490Sjkh Till hauled into court 39632490Sjkh For his beastial sport, 39642490SjkhAnd condemned by a poorly-hung jury. 39652490Sjkh% 39662490SjkhThere was a young man of Natal 39672490SjkhAnd Sue was the name of his gal. 39682490Sjkh One day, north of Aden, 39692490Sjkh He got his hard rod in, 39702490SjkhAnd came clear up Suez Canal. 39712490Sjkh% 39722490SjkhThere was a young man of Natal 39732490SjkhWho was fucking a Hottentot gal. 39742490Sjkh Said she, "You're a sluggard!" 39752490Sjkh Said he, "You be buggered! 39762490SjkhI like to fuck slow and I shall." 39772490Sjkh% 39782490SjkhThere was a young man of Ostend 39792490SjkhWho let a girl play with his end. 39802490Sjkh She took hold of Rover, 39812490Sjkh And felt it all over, 39822490SjkhAnd it did what she didn't intend. 39832490Sjkh% 39842490SjkhThere was a young man of Ostend 39852490SjkhWhose wife caught him fucking her friend. 39862490Sjkh "It's no use, my duck, 39872490Sjkh Interrupting our fuck, 39882490SjkhFor I'm damned if I draw till I spend." 39892490Sjkh% 39902490SjkhThere was a young man of Saskatchewan, 39912490SjkhWhose penis was truly gargantuan. 39922490Sjkh It was good for large whores, 39932490Sjkh And for small dinosaurs, 39942490SjkhAnd was rough enough to scratch a match upon. 39952490Sjkh% 39962490SjkhThere was a young man of Seattle 39972490SjkhWho bested a bull in a battle. 39982490Sjkh With fire and gumption 39992490Sjkh He assumed the bull's function, 40002490SjkhAnd deflowered a whole herd of cattle. 40012490Sjkh% 40022490SjkhThere was a young man of St. John's 40032490SjkhWho wanted to bugger the swans. 40042490Sjkh But the loyal hall porter 40052490Sjkh Said, "Pray take my daughter! 40062490SjkhThose birds are reserved for the dons." 40072490Sjkh% 40082490SjkhThere was a young man of Tibet 40092490Sjkh-- And this is the strangest one yet -- 40102490Sjkh His prick was so long, 40112490Sjkh And so pointed and strong, 40122490SjkhHe could bugger six sheep en brochette. 40132490Sjkh% 40142490SjkhThere was a young man of Toulouse 40152490SjkhWho had a deficient prepuce, 40162490Sjkh But the foreskin he lacked 40172490Sjkh He made up in his sac; 40182490SjkhThe result was, his balls were too loose. 40192490Sjkh% 40202490SjkhThere was a young man who appeared 40212490SjkhTo his friends with a full growth of beard; 40222490Sjkh They at once said, "Although 40232490Sjkh We can't say why it's so, 40242490SjkhThe effect is uncommonly weird." 40252490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 40262490Sjkh% 40272490SjkhThere was a young man who said "God, 40282490SjkhI find it exceedingly odd, 40292490Sjkh That the willow oak tree 40302490Sjkh Continues to be, 40312490SjkhWhen there's no one about in the Quad." 40322490Sjkh 40332490Sjkh"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd, 40342490SjkhFor I'm always about in the Quad; 40352490Sjkh And that's why the tree, 40362490Sjkh Continues to be," 40372490SjkhSigned "Yours faithfully, God." 40382490Sjkh% 40392490SjkhThere was a young man with a fiddle 40402490SjkhWho asked of his girl, "Do you diddle?" 40412490Sjkh She replied, "Yes, I do, 40422490Sjkh But prefer to with two -- 40432490SjkhIt's twice as much fun in the middle." 40442490Sjkh% 40452490SjkhThere was a young man with a prick 40462490SjkhWhich into his wife he would stick 40472490Sjkh Every morning and night 40482490Sjkh If it stood up all right -- 40492490SjkhNot a very remarkable trick. 40502490Sjkh 40512490SjkhHis wife had a nice little cunt: 40522490SjkhIt was hairy, and soft, and in front, 40532490Sjkh And with this she would fuck him, 40542490Sjkh Though sometimes she'd suck him -- 40552490SjkhA charming, if commonplace, stunt. 40562490Sjkh% 40572490SjkhThere was a young man with one foot 40582490SjkhWho had a very long root. 40592490Sjkh If he used this peg 40602490Sjkh As an extra leg 40612490SjkhIs a question exceedingly moot. 40622490Sjkh% 40632490SjkhThere was a young miss from Johore 40642490SjkhWho'd lie on a mat on the floor; 40652490Sjkh In a manner uncanny 40662490Sjkh She'd wobble her fanny, 40672490SjkhAnd drain your nuts dry to the core. 40682490Sjkh% 40692490SjkhThere was a young monk from Siberia 40702490SjkhWhose life got drearia' and drearia' 40712490Sjkh Till he did to a nun 40722490Sjkh What shouldn't be done 40732490SjkhAnd made her a mother superia'. 40742490Sjkh% 40752490SjkhThere was a young monk from Tibet 40762490SjkhAnd this is the damnedest one yet 40772490Sjkh His cock was so long 40782490Sjkh And incredibly strong 40792490SjkhThat he buggered six Greeks en brochette. 40802490Sjkh% 40812490SjkhThere was a young monk in Siberia, 40822490SjkhWhose morals were very inferior, 40832490Sjkh He jumped on a nun 40842490Sjkh Which he shouldn't have done, 40852490SjkhAnd now she's a Mother Superior. 40862490Sjkh% 40872490SjkhThere was a young monk of Dundee 40882490SjkhWho complained that it hurt him to pee, 40892490Sjkh He said, "Pax vobiscum, 40902490Sjkh Now why won't the piss come? 40912490SjkhI'm afraid I've the c-l-a-p." 40922490Sjkh% 40932490SjkhThere was a young parson of Harwich, 40942490SjkhTried to grind his betrothed in a carriage. 40952490Sjkh She said, "No, you young goose, 40962490Sjkh Just try self-abuse. 40972490SjkhAnd the other we'll try after marriage." 40982490Sjkh% 40992490SjkhThere was a young peasant named Gorse 41002490SjkhWho fell madly in love with his horse. 41012490Sjkh Said his wife, "You rapscallion, 41022490Sjkh That horse is a stallion -- 41032490SjkhThis constitutes grounds for divorce." 41042490Sjkh% 41052490SjkhThere was a young person of Kent 41062490SjkhWho was famous wherever he went. 41072490Sjkh All the way through a fuck, 41082490Sjkh He would quack like a duck, 41092490SjkhAnd he crowed like a cock when he spent. 41102490Sjkh% 41112490SjkhThere was a young physicist named Fisk 41122490SjkhWhose lovemaking was rather brisk. 41132490Sjkh So quick was his action, 41142490Sjkh The Lorentz Contraction 4115145988SschweikhShortened his rod to a disc! 41162490Sjkh% 41172490SjkhThere was a young plumber named Lee 41182490SjkhWho was plumbing his girl by the sea. 41192490Sjkh She said, "Stop your plumbing, 41202490Sjkh There's somebody coming" 41212490SjkhSaid the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me." 41222490Sjkh% 41232490SjkhThere was a young poet named Dan, 41242490SjkhWhose poetry never would scan. 41252490Sjkh When told this was so, 41262490Sjkh He said, "Yes, I know, 412726455SacheIt's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can." 41282490Sjkh% 41292490SjkhThere was a young royal marine, 41302490SjkhWho tried to fart "God Save the Queen". 41312490Sjkh When he reached the soprano 41322490Sjkh Out came only guano 41332490SjkhAnd his britches weren't fit to be seen. 41342490Sjkh% 41352490SjkhThere was a young sailor from Brighton, 41362490SjkhWho remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one." 41372490Sjkh She replied, "'Pon my soul, 41382490Sjkh You're in the wrong hole; 41392490SjkhThere's plenty of room in the right one." 41402490Sjkh% 41412490SjkhThere was a young sapphic named Anna 41422490SjkhWho stuffed her friend's cunt with banana, 41432490Sjkh Which she sucked, bit by bit, 41442490Sjkh From her partner's warm slit, 41452490SjkhIn the most approved lesbian manner. 41462490Sjkh% 41472490SjkhThere was a young Scot in Madrid 41482490SjkhWho got fifty-five fucks for a quid. 41492490Sjkh When they said, "Are you faint?" 41502490Sjkh He replied, "No, I ain't, 41512490SjkhBut I don't feel as good as I did." 41522490Sjkh% 41532490SjkhThere was a young soldier from Munich 41542490SjkhWhose penis hung down past his tunic, 41552490Sjkh And their chops girls would lick 41562490Sjkh When they thought of his prick, 41572490SjkhBut alas! he was only a eunuch. 41582490Sjkh% 41592490SjkhThere was a young sportsman named Peel 41602490SjkhWho went for a trip on his wheel; 4161174422Sdougb He pedaled for days 41622490Sjkh Through crepuscular haze, 41632490SjkhAnd returned feeling somewhat unreal. 41642490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 41652490Sjkh% 41662490SjkhThere was a young squaw of Wohunt 41672490SjkhWho possessed a collapsible cunt. 41682490Sjkh It had many odd uses, 41692490Sjkh Produced no papooses, 41702490SjkhAnd fitted both giant and runt. 41712490Sjkh% 41722490SjkhThere was a young student from Yale 41732490SjkhWho was getting his first piece of tail. 41742490Sjkh He shoved in his pole, 41752490Sjkh But in the wrong hole, 41762490SjkhAnd a voice from beneath yelled: "No sale!" 41772490Sjkh% 41782490SjkhThere was a young trollop at Yale, 41792490SjkhWho had verses tattooed on her tail, 41802490Sjkh And on her behind, 41812490Sjkh For the sake of the blind, 41822490SjkhA duplicate version in Braille. 41832490Sjkh% 41842490SjkhThere was a young woman called Pearl 41852490SjkhWho quite resembled a churl; 41862490Sjkh When she asked a young man named Tex 41872490Sjkh Whether he would like to have sex, 41882490Sjkh"Certainly," quoth he, "Who's the girl?" 41892490Sjkh% 41902490SjkhThere was a young woman from Bude, 41912490SjkhWho went for a swim in the nude, 41922490Sjkh But a man in a punt, 41932490Sjkh Grabbed at her elbow, 41942490SjkhAnd said "Hey, lady, you can't swim here, it's private property." 41952490Sjkh% 41962490SjkhThere was a young woman in Dee 41972490SjkhWho stayed with each man she did see. 41982490Sjkh When it came to a test 41992490Sjkh She wished to be best, 42002490SjkhAnd practice makes perfect, you see. 42012490Sjkh% 42022490SjkhThere was a young woman named Alice 42032490SjkhWho peed in a Catholic chalice. 42042490Sjkh She said, "I do this 42052490Sjkh From a great need to piss, 42062490SjkhAnd not from sectarian malice." 42072490Sjkh% 42082490SjkhThere was a young woman named Ells 42092490SjkhWho was subject to curious spells 42102490Sjkh When got up very oddly, 42112490Sjkh She'd cry out things ungodly 42122490Sjkhby the palms in expensive hotels. 42132490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 42142490Sjkh% 42152490SjkhThere was a young woman named Florence 42162490SjkhWho for fucking professed an abhorrence, 42172490Sjkh But they found her in bed 42182490Sjkh With her cunt flaming red, 42192490SjkhAnd her poodle-dog spending in torrents. 42202490Sjkh% 42212490SjkhThere was a young woman named Plunnery 42222490SjkhWho rejoiced in the practice of gunnery. 42232490Sjkh Till one day unobservant, 42242490Sjkh She blew up a servant, 42252490SjkhAnd was forced to retire to a nunnery. 42262490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 42272490Sjkh% 42282490SjkhThere was a young woman named Sutton 42292490SjkhWho said, as she carved up the mutton, 42302490Sjkh "My father preferred 42312490Sjkh The last sheep in the herd -- 42322490SjkhThis is one of his children I'm cuttin'." 42332490Sjkh% 42342490SjkhThere was a young woman of Cheadle, 42352490SjkhWho once gave the clap to a beadle. 42362490Sjkh Said she, "Does it itch?" 42372490Sjkh "It does, you damned bitch, 42382490SjkhAnd it burns like hell-fire when I peedle." 42392490Sjkh% 42402490SjkhThere was a young woman of Condover 42412490SjkhWhose husband had ceased to be fond of 'er. 42422490Sjkh Her pussy was juicy, 42432490Sjkh Her arse soft and goosey, 42442490SjkhBut peroxide had now made a blonde of 'er. 42452490Sjkh% 42462490SjkhThere was a young woman of Croft 42472490SjkhWho played with herself in a loft, 42482490Sjkh Having reasoned that candles 42492490Sjkh Could never cause scandals, 42502490SjkhBesides which they did not go soft. 42512490Sjkh 42522490SjkhSaid another young woman of Croft, 42532490SjkhAmusing herself in the loft, 42542490Sjkh "A salami or wurst 42552490Sjkh Is what I'd choose first -- 42562490SjkhWith bologna you know you've been boffed." 42572490Sjkh% 42582490SjkhThere was a young woman, quite handsome, 42592490SjkhWho got stuck in a sleeping room transom. 42602490Sjkh When she offered much gold 42612490Sjkh For release, she was told 42622490SjkhThat the view was worth more than the ransom. 42632490Sjkh% 42642490SjkhThere was a young woman whose stammer 42652490SjkhWas atrocious, and so was her grammar; 42662490Sjkh But they were not improved 42672490Sjkh When her husband was moved 42682490SjkhTo knock out her teeth with a hammer. 42692490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 42702490Sjkh% 42712490SjkhThere was an old abbess quite shocked 42722490SjkhTo find nuns where the candles were locked. 42732490Sjkh Said the abbess, "You nuns 42742490Sjkh Should behave more like guns, 42752490SjkhAnd never go off till you're cocked." 42762490Sjkh% 42772490SjkhThere was an old bishop from Buckingham 42782490SjkhWho fell in love with some oysters while shucking 'em. 42792490Sjkh His wife with distain 42802490Sjkh Could scarcely restrain 42812490SjkhThat sprightly old bishop from * * *. 42822490Sjkh% 42832490SjkhThere was an old count of Swoboda 42842490SjkhWho would not pay a whore what he owed her. 42852490Sjkh So, with great savoir-faire, 42862490Sjkh She stood on a chair 42872490SjkhAnd pissed in his whiskey-and-soda. 42882490Sjkh% 42892490SjkhThere was an old curate of Hestion 4290174422SdougbWho'd erect at the slightest suggestion. 42912490Sjkh But so small was his tool 42922490Sjkh He could scarce screw a spool, 42932490SjkhAnd a cunt was quite out of the question. 42942490Sjkh% 42952490SjkhThere was an old fellow named Art 42962490SjkhWho awoke with a horrible start, 42972490Sjkh For down by his rump 42982490Sjkh Was a generous lump 42992490SjkhOf what should have been just a fart. 43002490Sjkh% 43012490SjkhThere was an old fellow named Skinner 43022490SjkhWhose prick, his wife said, had grown thinner. 43032490Sjkh But still, by and large, 43042490Sjkh It would always discharge 43052490SjkhOnce he could just get it in her. 43062490Sjkh% 43072490SjkhThere was an old feminine blighter 43082490SjkhWho trained a Chow dog to delight her. 43092490Sjkh She would cream her own pool 43102490Sjkh While she sucked off his tool -- 43112490SjkhHow his cock in her cunt would excite her! 43122490Sjkh% 43132490SjkhThere was an old gent from Kentuck 43142490SjkhWho boasted a filigreed schmuck, 43152490Sjkh But he put it away 43162490Sjkh For fear that one day 43172490SjkhHe might put it in and get stuck. 43182490Sjkh% 43192490SjkhThere was an old girl of Kilkenny 43202490SjkhWhose usual charge was a penny. 43212490Sjkh For half of that sum 43222490Sjkh You could finger her bum-- 43232490SjkhA source of amusement to many. 43242490Sjkh% 43252490SjkhThere was an old harlot from Dijon 43262490SjkhWho in her old age got religion. 43272490Sjkh "When I'm dead & gone," 43282490Sjkh Said she, "I'll take on 43292490SjkhThe Father, the Son, and the Pigeon." 43302490Sjkh% 43312490SjkhThere was an old lady of Bingly 43322490SjkhWho wailed, "I do hate to sleep singly. 43332490Sjkh I thought I had got 43342490Sjkh A bloke for my twat, 43352490SjkhBut he seems rather queenly than kingly." 43362490Sjkh% 43372490SjkhThere was an old lady of Glascow, 43382490SjkhWhose party proved quite a fiasco. 43392490Sjkh At nine-thirty, about, 43402490Sjkh The lights all went out, 43412490SjkhThrough a lapse on the part of the Gas Co. 43422490Sjkh% 43432490SjkhThere was an old lady of Kewry 43442490SjkhWhose cunt was a `lusus naturae': 43452490Sjkh The `introitus vaginae', 43462490Sjkh Was unnaturally tiny, 43472490SjkhAnd the thought of it filled her with fury. 43482490Sjkh% 43492490SjkhThere was an old lady who lay 43502490SjkhWith her legs wide apart in the hay, 43512490Sjkh Then, calling the ploughman, 43522490Sjkh She said, "Do it now, man! 43532490SjkhDon't wait till your hair has turned gray." 43542490Sjkh% 43552490SjkhThere was an old maid from Cape Cod 43562490SjkhWho thought all good things came from god. 43572490Sjkh But it wasn't the almighty 43582490Sjkh Who lifted her nighty, 43592490SjkhIt was Roger, the lodger, by god. 43602490Sjkh% 43612490SjkhThere was an old man from Bengal 43622490SjkhWho liked to do tricks in the hall. 43632490Sjkh His favorite trick 43642490Sjkh Was to stand on his dick 43652490SjkhWhile he rolled around on one ball. 43662490Sjkh% 43672490SjkhThere was an old man from Fort Drum 43682490SjkhWhose son was incredibly dumb. 43692490Sjkh When he urged him ahead, 43702490Sjkh He went down instead, 43712490SjkhFor he thought to succeed meant succumb. 43722490Sjkh% 43732490SjkhThere was an old man of Alsace 43742490SjkhWho played the trombone with his ass. 43752490Sjkh He put in a trap 43762490Sjkh To take out the crap, 43772490SjkhBut the vapors corroded the brass. 43782490Sjkh% 43792490SjkhThere was an old man of Brienz 43802490SjkhThe length of whose cock was immense: 43812490Sjkh With one swerve he could plug 43822490Sjkh A boy's bottom in Zug, 43832490SjkhAnd a kitchen-maid's cunt in Coblenz. 43842490Sjkh% 43852490SjkhThere was an old man of Cajon 43862490SjkhWho never could get a good bone. 43872490Sjkh With the aid of a gland 43882490Sjkh It grew simply grand; 43892490SjkhNow his wife cannot leave it alone. 43902490Sjkh% 43912490SjkhThere was an old man of Calcutta 43922490SjkhWho spied through a chink in the shutter. 43932490Sjkh But all he could see 43942490Sjkh Was his wife's bare knee, 43952490SjkhAnd the back of the bloke who was up her. 43962490Sjkh% 43972490SjkhThere was an old man of Connaught 43982490SjkhWhose prick was remarkably short. 43992490Sjkh When he got into bed, 44002490Sjkh The old woman said, 44012490Sjkh"This isn't a prick, it's a wart." 44022490Sjkh% 44032490SjkhThere was an old man of Duddee 44042490SjkhWho came home as drunk as could be. 44052490Sjkh He wound up the clock 44062490Sjkh With the end of his cock, 44072490SjkhAnd buggered his wife with the key. 44082490Sjkh% 44092490SjkhThere was an old man of Duluth 44102490SjkhWhose cock was shot off in his youth. 44112490Sjkh He fucked with his nose 44122490Sjkh And with fingers and toes, 44132490SjkhAnd he came through a hole in his tooth. 44142490Sjkh% 44152490SjkhThere was an old man of Hong Kong 44162490SjkhWho never did anything wrong. 44172490Sjkh He would lie on his back 44182490Sjkh With his head in a sack 44192490SjkhAnd secretly finger his dong. 44202490Sjkh% 44212490SjkhThere was an old man of St. Bees, 44222490SjkhWho was stung in the arm by a wasp. 44232490Sjkh When asked, "Does it hurt?" 4424175129Sschweikh He replied, "No, it doesn't. 44252490SjkhI'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet." 4426205995Suqs -- W. S. Gilbert 44272490Sjkh% 44282490SjkhThere was an old man of Tagore 44292490SjkhWhose tool was a yard long or more, 44302490Sjkh So he wore the damn thing 44312490Sjkh In a surgical sling 44322490SjkhTo keep it from wiping the floor. 44332490Sjkh% 44342490SjkhThere was an Old Man of the Mountain 44352490SjkhWho frigged himself into a fountain 44362490Sjkh Fifteen times had he spent, 44372490Sjkh Still he wasn't content, 44382490SjkhHe simply got tired of the counting. 44392490Sjkh% 44402490SjkhThere was an old man who said, "Tush! 44412490SjkhMy balls always hang in the brush, 44422490Sjkh And I fumble about, 44432490Sjkh Half in and half out, 44442490SjkhWith a pecker as limber as mush." 44452490Sjkh% 44462490SjkhThere was an old man with a beard 44472490SjkhWho said, "It is just what I feared! 44482490Sjkh Two owls and a hen, 44492490Sjkh Four larks and a wren 445095677SdougbHave all built their nests in my beard!" 44512490Sjkh% 44522490SjkhThere was an old person of Ware 44532490SjkhWho had an affair with a bear. 44542490Sjkh He explained, "I don't mind, 44552490Sjkh For it's gentle and kind, 44562490SjkhBut I wish it had slightly less hair." 44572490Sjkh% 44582490SjkhThere was an old pirate named Bates 44592490SjkhWho was learning to rhumba on skates 44602490Sjkh He fell on his cutlass 44612490Sjkh Which rendered him nutless 44622490SjkhAnd practically useless on dates. 44632490Sjkh% 44642490SjkhThere was an old satyr named Mack 44652490SjkhWhose prick had a left handed tack. 44662490Sjkh If the ladies he loves 44672490Sjkh Don't spin when he shoves, 44682490SjkhTheir cervixes frequently crack. 44692490Sjkh% 44702490SjkhThere was an old Scot named McTavish 44712490SjkhWho attempted an anthropoid ravish. 44722490Sjkh The object of rape 44732490Sjkh Was the wrong sex of ape, 44742490SjkhAnd the anthropoid ravished McTavish. 44752490Sjkh% 44762490SjkhThere was an old whore from Silesia 4477174422SdougbWho'd croak: "If my box doesn't please ya, 44782490Sjkh For a slight extra sum 44792490Sjkh You can go up my bum 44802490SjkhBut watchout or my tapeworm'll seize ya." 44812490Sjkh% 44822490SjkhThere was an old whore in the Azores 44832490SjkhWhose body was covered with festers & sores. 44842490Sjkh Why the dogs in the street 44852490Sjkh Wouldn't eat the green meat 44862490SjkhThat hung in festoons from her drawers. 44872490Sjkh% 44882490SjkhThere was an old woman of Ghent 44892490SjkhWho swore that her cunt had no scent. 44902490Sjkh She got fucked so often 44912490Sjkh At last she got rotten, 44922490SjkhAnd didn't she stink when she spent. 44932490Sjkh% 44942490SjkhThere was once a mechanic named Bench 44952490SjkhWhose best tool was a sturdy gut-wrench. 44962490Sjkh With this vibrant device 44972490Sjkh He could reach, in a trice, 44982490SjkhThe innermost parts of a wench. 44992490Sjkh% 45002490SjkhThere were three ladies of Huxham, 45012490SjkhAnd whenever we meets 'em we fucks 'em, 45022490Sjkh And when that game grows stale 45032490Sjkh We sits on a rail, 45042490SjkhAnd pulls out our pricks and they sucks 'em. 45052490Sjkh% 45062490SjkhThere were three young ladies of Birmingham, 45072490SjkhAnd this is the scandal concerning 'em. 45082490Sjkh They lifted the frock 45092490Sjkh And tickled the cock 45102490SjkhOf the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em. 45112490Sjkh 45122490SjkhNow, the Bishop was nobody's fool, 45132490SjkhHe'd been to a good public school, 45142490Sjkh So he took down their britches 45152490Sjkh And buggered those bitches 45162490SjkhWith his ten-inch episcopal tool. 45172490Sjkh 45182490SjkhThen up spoke a lady from Kew, 45192490SjkhAnd said, as the Bishop withdrew, 45202490Sjkh "The vicar is quicker 45212490Sjkh And thicker and slicker, 45222490SjkhAnd longer and stronger than you." 45232490Sjkh -- Abuses of the Clergy 45242490Sjkh% 45252490SjkhThere's a charming young girl in Tobruk 45262490SjkhWho refers to her quiff as a nook. 45272490Sjkh It's deep and it's wide, 45282490Sjkh -- You can curl up inside 45292490SjkhWith a nice easy chair and a book. 45302490Sjkh% 45312490SjkhThere's a charming young lady named Beaulieu 45322490SjkhWho's often been screwed by yours truly, 45332490Sjkh But now--it's appallin'-- 45342490Sjkh My balls always fall in! 45352490SjkhI fear that I've fucked her unduly. 45362490Sjkh% 45372490SjkhThere's a dowager near Sweden Landing 45382490SjkhWhose manners are odd and demanding. 45392490Sjkh It's one of her jests 45402490Sjkh To suck off her guests -- 45412490SjkhShe hates to keep gentlemen standing. 45422490Sjkh% 45432490SjkhThere's a lovely young lady named Shittlecock 45442490SjkhWho loves to play diddle and fiddle-cock, 45452490Sjkh But her cunt's got a pucker 45462490Sjkh That's best not to fuck, or 45472490SjkhWhen least you expect it to, it'll lock. 45482490Sjkh% 45492490SjkhThere's a rather odd couple in Herts 45502490SjkhWho are cousins (or so each asserts); 45512490Sjkh Their sex is in doubt 45522490Sjkh For they're never without 45532490SjkhTheir moustaches and long, trailing skirts. 45542490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 45552490Sjkh% 45562490SjkhThere's a sports-minded coed named Sue, 45572490SjkhWho's been coxing the varsity crew. 45582490Sjkh In the shell Sue is great, 45592490Sjkh But her boyfriend's irate, 45602490SjkhWhen she calls out the stroke as they screw. 45612490Sjkh% 45622490SjkhThere's a tavern in London that's staffed, 45632490SjkhBy a barmaid who's tops at her craft: 45642490Sjkh In her striving to please, 45652490Sjkh She serves ale on her knees, 45662490SjkhSo the patrons get head with their draft. 45672490Sjkh% 45682490SjkhThere's a very hot babe at the Aggies 45692490SjkhWho's to men what to bulls a red rag is. 45702490Sjkh The seniors go round 45712490Sjkh Hanging down to the ground, 45722490SjkhAnd one extra-large Soph has to drag his. 45732490Sjkh% 45742490SjkhThere's a vicar who's classed as nefarious, 45752490SjkhSince his shocking perversions are various... 45762490Sjkh He will bugger some lad 45772490Sjkh With a dildo (the cad!) 45782490SjkhWhile exulting, "My pleasure's vicarious!" 45792490Sjkh% 45802490SjkhThere's a young Yiddish slut with two cunts, 45812490SjkhWhose pleasure in life is to pruntz. 45822490Sjkh When one pireg is shot, 45832490Sjkh There's that alternate twat, 45842490SjkhBut the ausgefuckt male merely grunts. 45852490Sjkh% 45862490SjkhThere's an oversexed lady named Whyte 45872490SjkhWho insists on a dozen a night. 45882490Sjkh A fellow named Cheddar 45892490Sjkh Had the brashness to wed her- 45902490SjkhHis chance of survival is slight. 45912490Sjkh% 45922490SjkhThere's an unbroken babe from Toronto, 45932490SjkhExceedingly hard to get onto, 45942490Sjkh But when you get there, 45952490Sjkh And have parted the hair, 45962490SjkhYou can fuck her as much as you want to. 45972490Sjkh% 45982490SjkhThey had come in the fugue to the stretto 45992490SjkhWhen a dark, bearded man from a ghetto 46002490Sjkh Slipped forward and grabbed 46012490Sjkh Her tresses and stabbed 460295677SdougbHer to death with a rusty stiletto. 46032490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 46042490Sjkh% 46052490SjkhThough his plan, when he gave her a buzz, 46062490SjkhWas to do what man normally does, 46072490Sjkh She declared, "I'm a Soul- 46082490Sjkh Not a sexual goal!" 46092490SjkhSo he shrugged and called someone who was. 46102490Sjkh% 46112490SjkhThough most of the crewmen are whites, 46122490SjkhUhura has full equal rights. 46132490Sjkh Her crewmates, you see, 46142490Sjkh Love De-mo-cra-cy, 46152490SjkhAnd the way that she fills out her tights. 46162490Sjkh% 46172490SjkhThough the invalid Saint of Brac 46182490SjkhLay all of his life on his back, 46192490Sjkh His wife got her share, 46202490Sjkh And the pilgrims now stare 46212490SjkhAt the scene, in his shrine, on a plaque. 46222490Sjkh% 46232490Sjkh'Tis a custom in Castellamare 46242490SjkhTo fuck in the back of a lorry. 46252490Sjkh The chassis and springs 46262490Sjkh Are like woodwinds and strings 46272490SjkhIn the midst of a musical soiree. 46282490Sjkh% 46292490SjkhTo a weepy young woman in Thrums 46302490SjkhHer betrothed remarked, "This is what comes 46312490Sjkh Of allowing your tears 46322490Sjkh To fall into my ears - 46332490SjkhI think they have rotted the drums." 46342490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 46352490Sjkh% 46362490SjkhTo bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable. 46372490SjkhTheir fertility was somewhat unstable. 463895677Sdougb He constructed a bed 46392490Sjkh Out of tree trunks and said, 46402490Sjkh"Even adders can multiply on a log table." 46412490Sjkh% 46422490SjkhTo his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish! 46432490SjkhYour cunt is as big as a dish!" 46442490Sjkh She replied, "Why, you fool, 46452490Sjkh With your limp little tool 46462490SjkhIt's like driving a nail with a fish!" 46472490Sjkh% 4648150699SschweikhTo his bride said a numskull named Clarence: 46492490Sjkh"I trust you will show some forbearance. 46502490Sjkh My sexual habits 46512490Sjkh I picked up from rabbits, 46522490SjkhAnd occasionally watching my parents." 46532490Sjkh% 4654150699SschweikhTo his bride said economist Fife: 46552490Sjkh"The semen you'll launch as my wife, 46562490Sjkh We will salvage and freeze 46572490Sjkh To resemble goat's cheese, 46582490SjkhAnd slice for hors d'oeuvres with a knife." 46592490Sjkh% 46602490SjkhTo his bride, said the sharp eyed detective, 46612490Sjkh"Can it be that my eyesight's defective? 46622490Sjkh Is your east tit the least bit 46632490Sjkh The best of your west tit, 46642490SjkhOr is it a trick of perspective?" 46652490Sjkh% 46662490SjkhTo his clubfooted child said Lord Stipple, 46672490SjkhAs he poured his post-prandial tipple, 46682490Sjkh "Your mother's behaviour 46692490Sjkh Gave pain to Our Saviour, 46702490SjkhAnd that's why He made you a cripple." 46712490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 46722490Sjkh% 46732490SjkhTwo anglers were fishing off Wight 46742490SjkhAnd his bobber was dipping all night. 46752490Sjkh Murmured she, with a laugh, 46762490Sjkh "It's ready to gaff, 46772490SjkhBut don't break your rod which is light." 46782490Sjkh 46792490SjkhA couple was fishing near Clombe 46802490SjkhWhen the maid began looking quite glum, 46812490Sjkh And said, "Bother the fish! 46822490Sjkh I'd rather coish!" 46832490SjkhWhich they did -- which was why they had come. 46842490Sjkh 46852490SjkhAs two consular clerks in Madras 46862490SjkhFished, hidden in deep shore-grass, 46872490Sjkh "What a marvelous pole," 46882490Sjkh Said she, "but control 46892490SjkhYour sinkers -- they're banging my ass." 46902490Sjkh% 46912490SjkhTwo eager young men from Cawnpore 4692174422SdougbOnce buggered and fucked the same whore. 46932490Sjkh But her partition split 46942490Sjkh And the blood and the shit 46952490SjkhRolled out in a mess on the floor. 46962490Sjkh% 46972490SjkhTwo roosters in one of our pens 46982490SjkhFound their pricks were no larger than wens. 46992490Sjkh As they looked at their foreskins 47002490Sjkh And wished they had more skins, 47012490SjkhThey discovered they'd both become hens. 47022490Sjkh% 47032490SjkhUnder the spreading chestnut tree 47042490SjkhThe village smith he sat, 47052490Sjkh Amusing himself 47062490Sjkh By abusing himself 47072490SjkhAnd catching the load in his hat. 47082490Sjkh% 47092490SjkhUne joile epousetta a Tours 47102490SjkhVoulait de gig-gig tous le jours. 47112490Sjkh Mais le mari disait, "Non! 47122490Sjkh De trop n'est pas bon! 47132490SjkhMon derriere exige du secours!" 47142490Sjkh% 47152490SjkhVisas erat: huic geminarum 47162490SjkhDispar modus testicularum: 47172490Sjkh Minor haec nihili, 47182490Sjkh Palma triplici, 47192490SjkhJam fecerat altera clarum. 47202490Sjkh% 47212490SjkhWe dedicate this to the cunt, 4722150699SschweikhThe kind the broad-minded guys hunt: 47232490Sjkh All hail to the twat, 47242490Sjkh Willing, thrilling, and hot, 47252490SjkhThat wears peckers down, limp and blunt! 47262490Sjkh% 47272490SjkhWhen I was a baby, my penis 47282490SjkhWas as white as the buttocks of Venus. 4729153734Sschweikh But now 'tis as red 47302490Sjkh As her nipples instead-- 4731153734SschweikhAll because of the feminine genus! 47322490Sjkh% 47332490SjkhWhen they asked a pert baggage name Alice, 47342490SjkhWho'd been bedded and banged in the palace, 47352490Sjkh "Was he modest or vain?" 47362490Sjkh "Was he regal or plain?" 47372490SjkhShe replied, "He's a jolly good phallus!" 47382490Sjkh% 47392490SjkhWhen you fuck little Annie in Anza 4740174422SdougbYou get a great bosom bonanza: 47412490Sjkh Sucking Annie's soft tits 47422490Sjkh Makes her throw fifty fits, 47432490SjkhAnd the fuck is a sextravaganza! 47442490Sjkh% 47452490SjkhWhile his duchess lay practically dead, 47462490SjkhThe Duke of Daguerrodargue said: 47472490Sjkh "Can it be this is all? 47482490Sjkh How puny! How small! 47492490SjkhHave destroyed this disgrace to my bed." 47502490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 47512490Sjkh% 47522490SjkhWhile I, with my usual enthusiasm, 47532490SjkhWas exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm, 47542490Sjkh She explained, "They are flat, 47552490Sjkh But think nothing of that -- 47562490SjkhYou will find that my sweet sister Susiasm." 47572490Sjkh% 47582490SjkhWhile out on a date in his Fiat, 47592490SjkhThe man exclaimed "Where's my key at?" 47602490Sjkh As he bent down to seek, 47612490Sjkh She let out a shriek: 47622490Sjkh"That's not where it's likely to be at." 47632490Sjkh% 47642490SjkhWhile spending the winter at Pau 47652490SjkhLady Pamela forgot to say "No." 47662490Sjkh So the head-porter made her 47672490Sjkh And the second-cook laid her; 47682490SjkhThe waiters were all hanging low. 47692490Sjkh% 47702490SjkhWhile Titian was mixing rose madder, 47712490SjkhHis model reclined on a ladder. 47722490Sjkh Her position to Titian 47732490Sjkh Suggested coition, 47742490SjkhSo he leapt up the ladder and had 'er. 47752490Sjkh% 4776174422SdougbWhile traveling in farthest Tibet, 47772490SjkhLord Irongate found cause to regret 47782490Sjkh The buttered-up tea, 47792490Sjkh A pain in his knee, 47802490SjkhAnd the frivolous tourists he met. 47812490Sjkh -- Edward Gorey 47822490Sjkh% 47832490SjkhWinter is here with his grouch, 47842490SjkhThe time when you sneeze and you slouch. 47852490Sjkh You can't take your women 47862490Sjkh Canoein' or swimmin', 47872490SjkhBut a lot can be done on a couch. 47882490Sjkh% 47892490SjkhWith his penis in turgid erection, 47902490SjkhAnd aimed at woman's mid-section, 47912490Sjkh Man looks most uncouth 47922490Sjkh In that Moment of Truth, 47932490SjkhBut she sheathes it with loving affection. 47942490Sjkh% 47952490SjkhYou Women's Lib gals won't agree, 47962490SjkhBut dependent on men you must be: 47972490Sjkh You'll need a him 47982490Sjkh With a rod firm and trim, 47992490SjkhTo puggle your water-drains free! 48002490Sjkh% 48012490SjkhYoung Frederick the great was a beaut. 48022490SjkhTo a guard he cried, "Hey, man, you're cute. 48032490Sjkh If you'll come to my palace, 48042490Sjkh I'll finger your phallus, 48052490SjkhAnd then I shall blow on your flute." 48062490Sjkh% 48072490SjkhYou've heard of the bishop of Birmingham, 4808150699SschweikhWell, here's the new story concerning 'im: 48092490Sjkh He buggers the choir 48102490Sjkh As they sing "Ave Maria," 48112490SjkhAnd fucks all the girls whilst confirming 'em. 48122490Sjkh% 4813