| fortunes (59055) | fortunes (60915) |
|---|---|
| 1This fortune brought to you by: | 1This fortune brought to you by: |
| 2$FreeBSD: head/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes 59055 2000-04-05 18:44:02Z jim $ | 2$FreeBSD: head/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes 60915 2000-05-25 04:38:47Z hoek $ |
| 3% 4!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH 5% 6(1) Alexander the Great was a great general. 7(2) Great generals are forewarned. 8(3) Forewarned is forearmed. 9(4) Four is an even number. 10(5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have. --- 702 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 713true," asked the student, "that PL-1 has many of the same data types as 714Lisp?" Almost before the student had finished his question, Greenblatt 715shouted, "FOO!", and hit the student with a stick. 716% 717A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something 718undreamed of by its author. 719 -- S. C. Johnson 720% | 3% 4!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH 5% 6(1) Alexander the Great was a great general. 7(2) Great generals are forewarned. 8(3) Forewarned is forearmed. 9(4) Four is an even number. 10(5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have. --- 702 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 713true," asked the student, "that PL-1 has many of the same data types as 714Lisp?" Almost before the student had finished his question, Greenblatt 715shouted, "FOO!", and hit the student with a stick. 716% 717A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something 718undreamed of by its author. 719 -- S. C. Johnson 720% |
| 721A system admin's life is a sorry one. The only advantage he has over 722Emergency Room doctors is that malpractice suits are rare. On the 723other hand, ER doctors never have to deal with patients installing 724new versions of their own innards!" 725 726 -- Michael O'Brien 727% |
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| 721A tautology is a thing which is tautological. 722% 723A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, 724and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. 725 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 726% 727A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by 728blowing first. --- 3050 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 3779% 3780Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, 3781no one we know belongs. 3782% 3783Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being 3784that a belch is more satisfying. 3785 -- Ingmar Bergman 3786% | 728A tautology is a thing which is tautological. 729% 730A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, 731and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. 732 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 733% 734A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by 735blowing first. --- 3050 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 3786% 3787Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, 3788no one we know belongs. 3789% 3790Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being 3791that a belch is more satisfying. 3792 -- Ingmar Bergman 3793% |
| 3794Everything journalists write is true, except when they write about 3795something you know. 3796 3797 -- Dag-Erling Smorgrav, June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List 3798% |
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| 3787Everything should be built top-down, except the first time. 3788% 3789Everything you know is wrong! 3790% 3791Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less 3792obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no 3793solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. 3794There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no --- 350 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 4145 4146See also "Idiot Lights". 4147% 4148Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. 4149 -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo" 4150% 4151For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ... 4152% | 3799Everything should be built top-down, except the first time. 3800% 3801Everything you know is wrong! 3802% 3803Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less 3804obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no 3805solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. 3806There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no --- 350 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 4157 4158See also "Idiot Lights". 4159% 4160Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. 4161 -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo" 4162% 4163For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ... 4164% |
| 4153For a good time, call (415) 642-9483 | 4165For a good time, call (510) 642-9483 |
| 4154% 4155For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a 4156cat. 4157% 4158"For an adequate time call 555-3321" 4159% 4160For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be 4161always old-fashioned. --- 7 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 4169% 4170 "For I perceive that behind this seemingly unrelated sequence 4171of events, there lurks a singular, sinister attitude of mind." 4172 4173 "Whose?" 4174 4175 "MINE! HA-HA!" 4176% | 4166% 4167For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a 4168cat. 4169% 4170"For an adequate time call 555-3321" 4171% 4172For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be 4173always old-fashioned. --- 7 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 4181% 4182 "For I perceive that behind this seemingly unrelated sequence 4183of events, there lurks a singular, sinister attitude of mind." 4184 4185 "Whose?" 4186 4187 "MINE! HA-HA!" 4188% |
| 4177For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two. | 4189For large values of one and small values of two, one equals two. |
| 4178% 4179For my son, Robert, this is proving to be the high-point of his entire 4180life to date. He has had his pajamas on for two, maybe three days 4181now. He has the sense of joyful independence a 5-year-old child gets 4182when he suddenly realizes that he could be operating an acetylene torch 4183in the coat closet and neither parent [because of the flu] would have 4184the strength to object. He has been foraging for his own food, which 4185means his diet consists entirely of "food" substances which are --- 192 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 4378% 4379Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not 4380almost one, it is damn near zero. 4381 -- David Ellis 4382% 4383Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a 4384policeman's tie. 4385% | 4190% 4191For my son, Robert, this is proving to be the high-point of his entire 4192life to date. He has had his pajamas on for two, maybe three days 4193now. He has the sense of joyful independence a 5-year-old child gets 4194when he suddenly realizes that he could be operating an acetylene torch 4195in the coat closet and neither parent [because of the flu] would have 4196the strength to object. He has been foraging for his own food, which 4197means his diet consists entirely of "food" substances which are --- 192 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 4390% 4391Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not 4392almost one, it is damn near zero. 4393 -- David Ellis 4394% 4395Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a 4396policeman's tie. 4397% |
| 4398FreeBSD: everything but the fairings 4399% 4400FreeBSD: Have you had your fairings today? 4401% 4402FreeBSD: It's 3am at night. Do you know where your fairings are? 4403% |
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| 4386Fresco's Discovery: 4387 If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored. 4388% 4389Friends, Romans, Hipsters, 4390Let me clue you in; 4391I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him. 4392The square kicks some cats are on stay with them; 4393The hip bits, like, go down under; so let it lay with Caesar. The cool Brutus --- 1216 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 5610I also believe that academic freedom should protect the right of a 5611professor or student to advocate Marxism, socialism, communism, or any 5612other minority viewpoint -- no matter how distasteful to the majority. 5613 -- Richard M. Nixon 5614 5615What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism? 5616 -- Richard M. Nixon 5617% | 4404Fresco's Discovery: 4405 If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored. 4406% 4407Friends, Romans, Hipsters, 4408Let me clue you in; 4409I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him. 4410The square kicks some cats are on stay with them; 4411The hip bits, like, go down under; so let it lay with Caesar. The cool Brutus --- 1216 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 5628I also believe that academic freedom should protect the right of a 5629professor or student to advocate Marxism, socialism, communism, or any 5630other minority viewpoint -- no matter how distasteful to the majority. 5631 -- Richard M. Nixon 5632 5633What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism? 5634 -- Richard M. Nixon 5635% |
| 5636"I am a PC technician - however, this has unfortunately caused my 5637computer to be running Win98." 5638 5639 -- seen on a FreeBSD mailing-list 5640% |
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| 5618"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder 5619have included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. 5620This technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's 5621reign. My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat. Better go | 5641"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder 5642have included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. 5643This technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's 5644reign. My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat. Better go |
| 5622by some more." | 5645buy some more." |
| 5623 -- timw@zeb.USWest.COM 5624% 5625I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work. 5626% 5627"I am not an Economist. I am an honest man!" 5628 -- Paul McCracken 5629% 5630"I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger." --- 3595 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 9226% 9227Necessity is a mother. 9228% 9229Neckties strangle clear thinking. 9230 -- Lin Yutang 9231% 9232Never be led astray onto the path of virtue. 9233% | 5646 -- timw@zeb.USWest.COM 5647% 5648I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work. 5649% 5650"I am not an Economist. I am an honest man!" 5651 -- Paul McCracken 5652% 5653"I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger." --- 3595 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 9249% 9250Necessity is a mother. 9251% 9252Neckties strangle clear thinking. 9253 -- Lin Yutang 9254% 9255Never be led astray onto the path of virtue. 9256% |
| 9234Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him. 9235% | |
| 9236Never call a man a fool; borrow from him. 9237% 9238Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you. 9239% 9240Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off 9241% 9242Never drink coke in a moving elevator. The elevator's motion coupled 9243with the chemicals in coke produce hallucinations. People tend to --- 1313 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 10557 encryption standard and they came up with ... 10558Student: EBCDIC! 10559% 10560Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem. 10561Eng. 130 midterm. Once again no student received a single point on 10562his exam. Newell has now tossed five shutouts this quarter. Newell's 10563earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30% 10564% | 9257Never call a man a fool; borrow from him. 9258% 9259Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you. 9260% 9261Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off 9262% 9263Never drink coke in a moving elevator. The elevator's motion coupled 9264with the chemicals in coke produce hallucinations. People tend to --- 1313 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 10578 encryption standard and they came up with ... 10579Student: EBCDIC! 10580% 10581Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem. 10582Eng. 130 midterm. Once again no student received a single point on 10583his exam. Newell has now tossed five shutouts this quarter. Newell's 10584earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30% 10585% |
| 10586Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to 10587build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying 10588to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. 10589 10590 -- Rich Cook 10591% |
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| 10565Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction. 10566 10567This technique is used on equations with "_n" in them. Induction 10568techniques are very popular, even the military used them. 10569 10570SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction. 10571 10572 We know it's true for _n equal to 1. Now assume that it's true --- 2674 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 13247The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much. 13248% 13249The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose", 13250which is also sometimes called "grape sugar", and also because "Grape 13251Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil 13252Food and Gravel", which is what it tastes like. 13253 -- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's" 13254% | 10592Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction. 10593 10594This technique is used on equations with "_n" in them. Induction 10595techniques are very popular, even the military used them. 10596 10597SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction. 10598 10599 We know it's true for _n equal to 1. Now assume that it's true --- 2674 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 13274The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much. 13275% 13276The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose", 13277which is also sometimes called "grape sugar", and also because "Grape 13278Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil 13279Food and Gravel", which is what it tastes like. 13280 -- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's" 13281% |
| 13255The reason we come up with new versions is not to fix bugs. It's | 13282The reason we come up with new versions is not to fix bugs. It's |
| 13256absolutely not. 13257 -- Bill Gates 13258% 13259The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one 13260persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all 13261progress depends on the unreasonable man. 13262 -- George Bernard Shaw 13263% --- 1194 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 14458% 14459Too much of everything is just enough. 14460 -- Bob Wier 14461% 14462Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available 14463briefcases. 14464 -- Governor Jerry Brown 14465% | 13283absolutely not. 13284 -- Bill Gates 13285% 13286The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one 13287persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all 13288progress depends on the unreasonable man. 13289 -- George Bernard Shaw 13290% --- 1194 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 14485% 14486Too much of everything is just enough. 14487 -- Bob Wier 14488% 14489Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available 14490briefcases. 14491 -- Governor Jerry Brown 14492% |
| 14493Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer: 14494 1449510) Specifications are for the weak and timid! 14496 9) You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand! 14497 8) Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull! 14498 7) What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. 14499 Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality 14500 assurance people in its wake. 14501 6) Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' 14502 - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM. 14503 5) Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. 14504 4) A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code! 14505 3) Klingon software does NOT have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features 14506 are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand. 14507 2) You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the 14508 original Klingon. 14509 1) Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship 14510 it and let them flee like the dogs they are! 14511% |
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| 14466Top scientists agree that with the present rate of consumption, the 14467earth's supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 24th century. 14468As man struggles to discover cheaper alternatives, we need your help. 14469Please... 14470 14471 CONSERVE GRAVITY 14472 14473Follow these simple suggestions: --- 4 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 14478 curling. 14479(4) Avoid showers .. take baths instead. 14480(5) Don't hang all your clothes in the closet ... Keep them in one big 14481 pile. 14482(6) Stop flipping pancakes 14483% 14484Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow. 14485% | 14512Top scientists agree that with the present rate of consumption, the 14513earth's supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 24th century. 14514As man struggles to discover cheaper alternatives, we need your help. 14515Please... 14516 14517 CONSERVE GRAVITY 14518 14519Follow these simple suggestions: --- 4 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 14524 curling. 14525(4) Avoid showers .. take baths instead. 14526(5) Don't hang all your clothes in the closet ... Keep them in one big 14527 pile. 14528(6) Stop flipping pancakes 14529% 14530Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow. 14531% |
| 14486Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live | 14532Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live |
| 14487in eucalyptus trees. 14488% 14489Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant 14490intelligence. 14491 -- Henrik Tikkanen 14492% 14493Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it. 14494 -- Mark Twain --- 1846 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 16341% 16342Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words 16343since I first called my brother's father dad. 16344 -- William Shakespeare, "King John" 16345% 16346Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: 16347 People are always available for work in the past tense. 16348% | 14533in eucalyptus trees. 14534% 14535Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant 14536intelligence. 14537 -- Henrik Tikkanen 14538% 14539Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it. 14540 -- Mark Twain --- 1846 unchanged lines hidden (view full) --- 16387% 16388Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words 16389since I first called my brother's father dad. 16390 -- William Shakespeare, "King John" 16391% 16392Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: 16393 People are always available for work in the past tense. 16394% |
| 16349"Just remember, It all started with a mouse." 16350 -Walt Disney | 16395"Just remember, it all started with a mouse." 16396 -- Walt Disney |
| 16351% 16352There's nothing so precious as a cafe full of Gap kiddies trying to 16353work out whether you're really wearing rubber pants. 16354 16355 -- Mike Smith | 16397% 16398There's nothing so precious as a cafe full of Gap kiddies trying to 16399work out whether you're really wearing rubber pants. 16400 16401 -- Mike Smith |